Disclaimer: Veronica Mars and all recognizable characters belong to Rob Thomas.
Author's Notes: So here is the newly revised and edited Resurrection and Redemption. I've gone through and corrected a few things, and major editing of the punctuation and grammar variety is, as always, handled by my lovely sisters Lissa and Jesse.
Resurrection and Redemption
By C.K. Blake
One:
It's just a single step. He looks at Logan Echolls with Veronica Mars in his arms, and he knows it's time to let go of everything, all the lies he's ever lived. There is pain and regret swimming in the dark pools of his eyes as they lock with Logan's unforgiving gaze, and at the sound of Logan's silence, he gives a little nod and says, "That's what I thought."
He takes that single step, like it's a dance, and it goes over smooth, though he almost misses the ledge of the floor below. He makes a mad grab for it, because he really isn't ready to die. He struggles to get over the edge as something is shoved off right beside him. He winces as that something brushes him, and then a pair of surprisingly strong arms are hauling him over the ledge and he falls back into the room, his breathing is hard as he looks up into the smirking eyes of his stepmother.
"Just one of the ways cheerleading has saved your little ass, Beav," she says with that seductively winning smile of hers.
He doesn't really know what to say to that, so he moves to the window and stares down at the horrific tableau below. There is a body dressed in clothes just like his, and in the pockets of those pants are his wallet full of his credit cards, his ID, everything. He smiles, knowing that Beaver is finally dead. He turns around and narrows his eyes on Kendall, and for once his smile is peaceful as the flashing blue and red lights of police cars and ambulances draw nearer to the hotel.
"My name is Cassidy. Beaver is dead," he says, and Kendall shakes her head and gives a small snort of laughter.
"Yeah, I remember that feeling too. So what are you going to do Cassidy Banks?" and she can't help wondering why he chose her real original last name.
He smiles, looking like a regular kid, like he always has before, but he's not as weighed down as he used to be, and his eyes are sparkling with life, and Kendall is surprised, to say the least, by the way this seemingly quiet, brilliant mastermind has just changed before her very eyes. If she had a heart she is sure it would be warmed by the Kodak moment.
"Today is my birthday. I'll do whatever I want. I've got that new apartment to move into, so I'll probably be maxing out that card you gave me. You'll see that it's paid off right?" he says with a smirk.
"That insurance on your ass better cover it if you're maxing THAT card out," she warns, and then she shakes her head. "And I can't believe you're staying in Neptune. Even your father had the sense to get out when he could. I thought I was dealing with the smart brother."
He shrugs. "I am the smart one. Let's see, I'm the only child of Priscilla Banks, father unknown, I've been living in L.A. up until a few days ago, and I'm being put up in a nice little apartment, since your house isn't all that safe with private detectives breaking in and all. It's a weird coincidence that I have the same first name and look like that kid that blew up the bus and a private plane, and I'll be starting school at Pan High, the un-Neptune this year in the fall. It's seems like everything is covered. Gotta love a man who knows what he's doing. So how did you get someone like Clarence Wiedman to pull this kind of job? Did he do it for a quick roll in the sack? Really I don't see much in your charms, but I guess I don't have an Oedipal complex, Mom."
She shudders at the term of not so endearing affection. "You better not need me for any parent-teacher conferences. Keep up your grades and no fighting. Besides I did a little favor for Wiedman. I'm sure you'll see it all played out before we leave. Speaking of, you need to change out of those clothes. I packed the hoodie for you so wear the hood part of it."
"Wow, it's almost like you really care, Mom," he says sarcastically, enjoying the way he's making her squirm.
She rolls her eyes and glares at him. "And stop calling me that. It's like really creepy, and how did you figure out my real age and name anyway?"
"I used to know this really great computer hacker who is friends with a certain detective's daughter," he says, and there is a note of wistful regret in his voice as his mind swirls with images of Cindy "Mac" Mackenzie, with her big smile, her bright blue eyes, and those two streaks of vibrant red in her hair. The year before it had been blue. She is the only one who's ever treated him like a person, and he knows he hurt her beyond anything, and the regret is running deep, but that life is gone, with one step off the Neptune Grand's roof it's over, and he's sad that he can't go back to at least apologize, explain, anything. He sighs, because he's never really been good with genuine apologies anyway. He wouldn't know where to begin.
"And just where did you zone off to? Still harboring that little crush on the computer geek?"
"Don't call her that," he says defensively.
"Fine," she says and tosses him the clothes that she packed him earlier. "Now get dressed so we can leave already, you know before the cops storm the building and I stuff your little ass into an air vent or something, because I'm so not getting busted for this."
Once he's dressed he follows Kendall out of the room. His eyes widen at the blood-spattered television and Aaron Echolls's dead body slumped over with two fresh bullet holes in it. He's more than a little disgusted over the fact that the body is naked and the room reeks of sex. He decides not to bring that up with Kendall, for his own sanity rather than her comfort, not that she would make any apologies for being exactly what she is.
He pulls the hood tighter around his face and ducks his head once they are out of the room. She hands him a set of keys, points him in the direction of the stairs, and tells him the floor in the garage that the car is on. He doesn't waste any time. He's out in the parking garage a few minutes later, looking around, wondering which car she's gotten him. He pushes the button on the remote on the key ring and looks up when he hears the alarm go off. He sees it at the end, parked next to one of the cement pillars holding up the roof.
It's a new dark blue KIA Sportage LX-I4 four-wheel drive, and he sighs. So much for inconspicuous when he starts school in the fall. He unlocks the door, gets in the car, fastens the seatbelt, cranks it up, and pulls out of the space. Soon he's driving out of the garage and past the flashing lights of the police cars and ambulance. He doesn't spare a glance in the direction of where the body crushed a car. He really doesn't care…much. That life is over now, and he's starting a new one, though he can't help wondering about Mac, and how his brother will take this. Maybe it'll be a party in true Dick fashion, or maybe it will be swept under the rug with lots of booze and fucking around, either way, he won't be the one carting Dick's drunk ass up the stairs and into bed. Dick is someone else's mess to look after now.
He closes his eyes and lets his head fall forward on his steering wheel. He wonders what he's even doing here, not that there is much of a crowd. It's been a week, and he's got his new apartment fully furnished with his simplistic taste, he's bought new clothes, escaped in setting up a new life. He's got a fully stocked kitchen, and a whole new life. He's avoided watching the news, knowing what he'll see.
He'll see his face splashed across the screen with the list of all the horrible things he's done, but he's not that person anymore. At least that is what he's telling himself. The nightmares are saying otherwise, because now he's haunted by the faces of the kids on the bus. He slowly opens his eyes and nervously runs his hand through his dark hair. He glances at his reflection in the driver's side mirror in the sun visor and he smiles at the blue streaks that he's added to his hair. It's a little touch of Mac, a reminder of his biggest regret.
He looks up across the grass and various slabs of marble, and takes in a deep breath. He doesn't dare leave his car. That would be tempting fate too much, especially since Veronica Mars is actually present. Mac is there as well and he finds that more surprising than Mars showing up. He wants to be closer to hear what is being said, to get good close up looks at the faces of the people who've actually shown up for his funeral.
There is the scattering of board members from his father's belly-up company, there's Kendall dressed to kill in a simple black dress that she manages to look slinky in with the short skirt and plunging neckline of the garment. Dick is also there, looking out of place in his suit. Cassidy wishes that his brother looks like he always does, in a vulgar t-shirt, a pair of jeans, and tennis shoes, but Dick is dressed in a stiff black suit.
He sees Logan Echolls, standing next to Veronica Mars, with his arm protectively covering her shoulders. Veronica is dressed in a simple black pants suit, and Logan looks more accustomed to his suit than Dick does. Last his eyes are drawn to Mac. She is dressed in a long black dress, and her hair is pulled back in a clip, the two red streaks clearly visible in her dark hair. He's not so far away that he can't make out her expression. His heart aches at the sight of her. She looks as though she's torn between wanting to hate him, and wanting to know why. Why he's done the things he's done.
He wants to get out of his car, go up to her, explain everything. Tell her all about those nights after little league practice, about the nightmares he's had almost every night since. He wants to confess to her, if only to give her some excuse, some way of understanding how he's become what he is, but it's over now. Everything is over now and it's time to move on, but he knows he can't forget.
It kills him that he won't be able to forget, because he remembers how her hair feels silky between his fingers, how her smile is so bright, and her eyes light up when she looks at him. He remembers feeling loved and special around her. He remembers being almost vulnerable and human around her, and how her laugh always made his heart do this funny little leap every time he heard it. His hands are reaching to unbuckle his seatbelt when he suddenly looks up at the sound of this inhuman wail.
His eyes widen and he's breathless as he sees his older brother, the hard partying, laid back, self-centered, self-absorbed Dick Casablancas collapse to his knees. He doesn't know what's worse, watching his brother breaking down, or seeing that no one is there to comfort him, help him stand up and shake him until he gets a hold of himself. He wonders what is holding everyone back, not even Logan, Dick's supposed friend, is making a move to do anything.
He is reminded then of just what he loves most about Mac as she goes over to Dick and does what he would have done, crouches next to him, talks him into getting up and rubbing him on the back. Surprisingly Dick listens to her, and Cassidy almost smiles at the thought of what Dick's probably muttering under his breath about letting Ghost World help him.
He's still reaching to unbuckle his seatbelt when he sees Kendall looking up at his car. She lowers her sunglasses and sends an intense glare in his direction. He quits trying to undo his seatbelt, turns the key in the ignition and leaves the cemetery and his funeral far behind.
It doesn't take him long to return to his apartment. Once he's there he goes to his fridge, pulls out a diet soda, pops the top on it and gulps it down. He leans back on his kitchen counter, his head tilted back, struggling to breathe. He knows it's a bad idea to linger, and he feels stupid for having gone to his own funeral, but he couldn't resist. He's still trying to wrap his mind around the show of Dick's grief and Mac comforting his brother.
He doesn't even dwell on the fact that his mother wasn't there. It's not like he mattered much to his parents. Dick was always the favored one. Beaver was the one in the background who made good grades, kept his head down, hardly ever spoke up, and turned into a suicidal killer. Well he's not suicidal, but there's no sense in sharing that one with the world. He's happy that it's over, he's sure of it, because maybe now he can live a somewhat normal life.
His past is dead, he's seen to that, and he'd really only gone to the funeral for closure, but why does it feel like there's this huge empty space in him when he thinks of how his brother is actually grieving for him, and he chokes every time he sees Mac in his mind's eye? He is coming to the conclusion that closure is an illusion that really sucks.
He goes into his room and pulls a book down from one of the bookcases that line the far wall of his new bedroom. He realizes that it is Dumas's Count of Monte Cristo, and he smiles at the irony, because he has a little in common with Edmond Dontes. He's acted on revenge and finds that he's still searching for peace, because it seems that there will always be nightmares of what was before.
He's into the second page of the third chapter when there is a sharp knock on his door. With a sigh he marks his place, gets up from the couch, and pulls open the door. He's hardly surprised to see Kendall checking her nails and tapping her foot in annoyance. He opens the door wider and she strides into his apartment. She looks around, and he sees that she looks kind of impressed with how he's got everything set up.
"Tasteful," she says offhandedly before she gets right down to business. "So your insurance policy is a bust, because they've labeled you a suicide."
"I thought they might," he replies with a smirk, and then continues, "But what have you found out about our little business venture?"
Kendall actually smiles at him. "8.2 million and still bringing in the dollar signs, so I'll handle your bills and call you up for investment advice. Now mind telling me what you think you were doing at your funeral today? Do you have any idea what would have happened if that nosey little blonde Nancy Drew wannabe saw you?"
"I wanted to see who would be there, if anybody," he answers with a shrug.
She rolls her eyes. "Like anyone would actually miss a suicidal murderer! Hello! Although I was surprised to actually see some depth in your brother. I mean wow, he actually has emotions. But crying like that. What a spectacle, and your little girlfriend, she saw that he made it home, if you're actually concerned. She didn't stay long, just made sure he made it inside all right."
"That was pretty decent of her. I'm kinda shocked she showed up at all," he says, a longing lilt in his voice.
"Well you know how to pick em. She's one of those decent, genuine people. You know the kind that people like us exploit and totally screw over."
"Don't say that about her. She's been through a lot because of me. Through all of this I didn't want her to get hurt," he says.
"Oh come on Junior! Look at you, talk about a screw up much, but you're a sneaky one. I have to admit I kind of admire that about you kid. So what's the game plan for you this summer? Any major plans for taking off, preferably out of the country, or are you still planning on sticking around?" she asks, and he can tell that she's hoping he'll heed her advice and scram.
He looks at her with a cocky smile. "I'm staying to look after my investments. I mean my guilt-ridden, adoring mother did give me a majority stake in her new company. Once I come of age I'll have control of the Phoenix Land Trust again. Oh and as I'm still kind of your boss I want you to do me a favor. Go to Mac and see if she'll still handle the website for us. She's the best, and she could probably use the money, for college or whatever."
She groaned. "You're new to this, so let me explain. You don't help the people you screw over, especially when you are supposed to be cutting all of your ties."
"Thanks for the advice, Priscilla," he replies, and holds back the chuckle as her dark eyes narrow on him in annoyance.
A few minutes later she is agreeing to offer Mac the job and then she's stalking out of his apartment, firmly slamming the door shut behind her.
He's walking into Java the Hut, and he feels the eyes of people on him. He almost smirks as he faces Veronica Mars, her eyes widen as her mouth falls open. He has to remember that he doesn't know these people and they don't know him.
"Hi," he says, confidence in his tone. "Mind showing me to a table?"
She closes her mouth and gives her head a shake. "I'm sorry," she says and still she looks at him suspiciously. "You just look so much like someone I use to know."
"Yeah, I've gotten that a lot lately," he says as he sits at the table she's led him to, and puts his messenger bag down on the floor. "I've been getting that ever since I moved here from LA. People kind of stare at me like I'm the boogieman or something. So who was he?"
She shrugs and avoids meeting his gaze. "Just a really messed up kid that found a way to make the news one night. He blew up a bus and a plane, and then he jumped off of the tallest building in Neptune. It's kind of the most recent tragedy that's happened around here lately."
"Sounds like a real winner," he pauses and makes a show of looking at her nametag. "Veronica."
"Yeah, he had everyone fooled," she says and then she takes out a pad and changes her tone to a more chipper one, "So what can I get for you?"
"A mocha latte and a croissant," he replies, and he notices as she shakes her head. She'd probably been expecting him to order coffee black and a Danish the way he once would have. But he's not Beaver anymore. Beaver is dead and he's Cass Banks now.
A few minutes later he's sipping his mocha latte and nibbling at his croissant as he looks over the latest figures of the Phoenix Land Trust on his laptop. He's surprised when someone closes the screen on his laptop, almost catching his fingers. He takes in an annoyed breath and his eyes widen as he's faced with his older brother for the first time in over a month.
"Beaver?" Dick asks, as he stares at him.
"What the hell? Is that supposed to be someone's name, asshole?" Cassidy asks, trying to act nonchalant, like he doesn't know the guy that is staring him down with an almost smile on his face.
Dick looks heartbroken, as he drops his gaze to the table. "I guess not. He's gone. But dude, you look so much like him, with a little bit of Ghost World, with the blue streaks in your hair. Sorry I bothered you."
"Hey, Dick, man, what are you…?" Logan Echolls pauses as he stares past Dick and looks at a very familiar face, and he can't help it as he says, "Shit man, Beaver? That's it, no more drinking if it leads to seeing ghosts."
"My name is Cassidy," he says, and then, at the startled looks of his older brother and his brother's new best friend he says, "Cassidy Banks. I moved here from LA. So who is this Beaver guy and why in the hell did you fuck with my computer?"
Veronica wanders back over to the table to check up on him and see what's going on with Dick and Logan at his table. Dick stumbles into the seat across from him and Logan remains standing. Veronica comes up behind Logan and slips her arm around his waist and mentions that it's almost time for her to get off. She doesn't know what his name is yet.
"So, Cassidy where were you living before you checked into LA and then moved on to Neptune?" Logan asks, his voice full of suspicion, and he can't seem to get over the feeling that he is staring at Beaver. He spares a glance at Dick and knows that Dick is probably thinking the same thing, that's if he's capable of thought at this point. Or maybe Dick is just considering his next drink.
He shrugs. "I've been almost everywhere. I was kind of pushed off from relative to relative, until my mom heard that I was living in LA. I've lived in Dallas, Phoenix, Seattle, San Francisco, and LA before good old Neptune. I've got a pretty sweet set up right now. My mom's renting an apartment for me, got me a cool new ride, a credit card, and I'm starting Pan High in the fall. Gotta love guilt tripping a dead beat mom who's suckered some rich asshole into marrying her, right?"
"And who's your mom and why don't you live with her?" Veronica asks.
"I guess she doesn't want me around because she's not really used to me or something, but she's got a stepson, go figure?" Cassidy says with a shrug and decides to add the icing to the cake. "Her name's Priscilla Banks."
"Kendall," Veronica blurts out in disbelief before she can stop herself and both Logan and Dick turn to her in shock. Cassidy simply smirks at the reaction.
"So that's the name she goes by. Funny, she never told me," he replies, and then Dick's staring at him again.
"Dude, that makes us like brothers or something. She's my step mom," Dick says, and there's hope sparking in those guileless blue eyes.
Cassidy shrugs. "Or something."
"That's kind of cool. I mean I lost my kid brother recently, so if you like want to hang out or something, and dude, Pan High totally sucks. You should so try to get into Neptune man," Dick says, and Cassidy can't help feeling sympathy for his brother, because he really has missed him, even if they've never had much in common.
"What do you mean, lost? Did he runaway or was he misplaced in the mansion you probably live in?" Cassidy asks, his tone acidic.
Dick looks crushed, and Cassidy feels somewhat guilty. He doesn't know where this bitterness is coming from.
"Hey asshole, his brother died," Logan spits out, and he shifts from Veronica's hold on him and gives Dick a pat on the back in support, and Veronica seems to understand the loss that Dick's feeling, though she will never sympathize with Cassidy, how can she after what he's done to her.
"It's funny. You look so much like Beaver," Dick says, a note of sorrow sounding out of place in his voice as he looks at Cassidy. "But you don't really act like him. I mean he was always quiet. Getting him to talk was like pulling teeth or something. And he was always so damn polite, and kind of scared all the time. He wouldn't take a chance on anything."
"Sorry man," Cassidy says, and he reaches across the table, puts his hand on Dick's arm and gives it a light squeeze. "Must be hard losing a kid brother. I wouldn't know. I'm an only child."
"Not anymore," Dick says, a little smile playing across his mouth. "If you're Kendall's kid, then you're my new kid brother. It's not like you're replacing Beav, no one can, but you can party with us, if you want."
"I don't know if that would be a good idea," Veronica says as she looks suspiciously at Cassidy.
Cassidy takes in a deep breath and says, "Maybe Blondie has a point. It could stir up too many memories."
"Aww, come on, we're headed to a party right now man, you totally have to come," Dick pleads, and Cassidy can't resist.
"All right," he gives in and than he just has to ask, "So what was Beaver's real name, anyway?"
Dick sucks in a deep breath, and lets it out slowly in a hiss as they stand up and Cassidy shuts his laptop down and puts it away. He settles the shoulder strap of his messenger bag on his left shoulder before Dick settles his arm around his shoulder the way he use to, and as they leave the café behind while Veronica clocks out, Dick says softly, "His name was Cassidy."
Cassidy's heart skips a beat; because he can't recall the last time that Dick ever called him Cassidy. He takes a sharp breath, and feels that familiar relief that Beaver is dead, and Cassidy is allowed to breathe, exist, live again. He just wonders what tomorrow is going to be like when he wakes up from this dream and faces Kendall's wrath for finding his way back into Dick's circle of friends.
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