A/N: Okay, first things first, disclaimer. I DO NOT own Castle. If I did, there would be none of this clichéd avoidance dance, Beckett would have said yes instantly last summer and Doctor Motorcycle Boy would not even be a problem stomping on our poor Castle's heart. Not that he didn't do the exact same thing to her with Gina… Anyway, I know the proposal stories have been done, but I was thinking about it, and couldn't get the idea out of my head. So I wrote it. Who knows why I can only write proposal type fan fictions recently…Please read and review. Thanks!
Always. It was amazing how a single word could turn her whole world on its ear.
The day started off normally enough. They had just closed a case, an investment banker killed by his wife after she caught him cheating on her with his secretary. Castle thought it was the oldest story in the book, but stuck with her throughout all the tedious little details. They finally managed to get the wife to confess, and had the initial report out of the way. Castle had gone home to have dinner with his mother and Alexis. Beckett was on her way to a restaurant with Josh, who, for once, was off shift at the same time that she was. He would have had to cancel their reservation had they not closed the case that night. So she put on her favorite black dress, and they drove to this nice Italian place they had been meaning to try for months.
They stopped at the front of the restaurant by the hostess, by a tall blonde woman in a slimming red dress that put all the other workers of the restaurant to shame. She smiled warmly upon their entrance, captivated by Josh and his obvious good looks. Beckett was used to this. It never really bothered her either, especially since Josh's eyes rarely strayed from her. Except for now. His eyes were not on the bombshell of a hostess, even as he told her the name on the reservation, but they were not on her either. Instead, he was looking at the floor. He continued to do so as the hostess led them to their table, him with his hand at the small of her back. He then sat across from her, occasionally looking up over his menu.
Soon they ordered their entrées, talking about random topics of no real importance. She told him a story about work, one that didn't involve Castle, since he always seemed to tense up at the mention of her partner's name. He laughed and smiled, but soon conversation topics became scarce. Luckily, that was exactly when the food arrived.
Josh was quiet again, and it was starting to unnerve her. She would ask a question, and he would answer, but his replies were short, too short for what he usually responded like. Finally, she asked.
"Okay, what's going on?"
"What do you mean?" Josh asked, startled.
"You're twitchy," she answered him, brow furrowing as she studied him further. It was true. His hands were shaking and he was fidgety.
"I am not," he said quietly. Then, he sighed, and reached out to take her hand. The corners of her mouth turned up a bit.
"Trained detective here, Josh," she told him playfully, earning a smile, "So, what's up?"
Josh was hesitating, she realized. And it had her worried. She ran the tip of her index finger lightly over his knuckles, eyes trained on him. Josh took a deep breath.
"Kate, we've been dating for a while now…" he started.
"Don't tell me you've brought me to a fancy restaurant to break up with me…" she said, watching his expression carefully as she asked this. It could be what he was doing, after all.
"No, no, nothing like that," he said, shaking his head at her. He reached out and cupped the side of her face tenderly, watching her with a peculiar intensity she didn't understand, "Actually quite the opposite.
Trained detective or not, Kate Beckett had not seen where this was going to go at all. There had been no hints, no warning signs. The entire state of her thought process right now could be summed up in two words: HOLY CRAP. This could not possibly mean what she thought it could mean.
"I love you, Kate. I love your brilliance and passion. I love your dedication to your work and the fact that you get so caught up you forget to feed yourself…"
Yeah, this was definitely going where she thought it was. She stared at him, as he shifted from his seat and dropped to one knee, fishing through the pockets of his coat for what she assumed was a little velvet box. He finally found it, cracking it open and holding it out for her.
"I want to spend the rest of my life with you, Kate. Will you marry me?"
"Josh-I—"
"I know, what with our crazy schedules, it seems like it would be impossible. It's not. Katie, we can do this. Because there's nowhere in the world I'd rather be than with you. You and me, we could make it work. We always make it work."
Always.
And there it was. The word that changed everything. The word that brought her focus in an entirely different direction as sure as if the man who'd originally promised it was standing beside her. A man unlike any other she'd ever known. A man of impulsivity and recklessness, but of love and loyalty as well as hope and light. The man who understood her beyond words, thought enough to bring her coffee and a bear claw every morning. A man who'd run into a burning building to get her out, screaming out her name in pure terror as he darted through the inferno of an apartment.
Her mind flashed back to dozens of different memories…of Castle and his shenanigans that annoyed the hell out of her at first, but slowly grew on her. His writer vest, his unfailing knack to pull a conspiracy theory out of his ass at any moment. How he could make her laugh even when she felt like the world was coming down around her ears. They'd chased murderers and faced death more times than she could count, and not one of those times did he back down and run away. In the face of a dirty bomb, he stood at her side, holding her hand, and did the most Castle-like thing he could: used dumb luck to save her life. The man she'd finally been able to kiss, but had not pushed her afterwards, no matter how much he may have felt. She knew what she felt.
Love. That kiss, born of fear and desperation, sprouted passion and fire no one had ever sparked in her before. Not that this was a remarkable event for Castle. He was always doing that, pushing boundaries, pulling out the bricks of her emotional walls one by one until they could never be built against him again. When was it that she decided she was in love with Castle?
If she was being truly honest, it was probably the day she opened up to him about her mother's case. Her greatest weakness, her Achilles heel…and he'd never once used it against her. Instead, he went out of his way to give her closure.
The proposal of one man should not spark the revelation of love for another, at least not under normal circumstances, but it didn't seem to matter. Kate Beckett had found her one and done. Her always. And she was not planning on giving it up.
Fresh in the eyes of hope and peace, she looked back down at Josh. Reality was back, and it wasn't pleasant. To win the man she truly loved, she had to break the heart of this man. A man who was good and kind and compassionate. For this, she was truly sorry.
"I can't," she whispered, "I'm sorry." She was telling the truth. She did regret hurting him. But, in the end, she was setting him free. "I can't."
A/N: Just for the record, Josh is blah personality in the show, so I had no clue how to write him. Sorry. Next chapter will be up very soon. This is where I'm going to end with Josh. Don't feel like making a scene out of it. Possibly later today or tomorrow is when I'll be posting the next part. CASKETT forever…no matter how demented that pairing name makes them sound.
