Disclaimer: I don't own the characters.
What the Heart Wants
Dear Journal,
I'm not sure when it started. I don't know when I began trying to spend every spare moment with him. I don't know when thoughts of him crept into my waking hours and overtook my dreams. I can't recall when my affection for him became something . . . more. I have no clue when he stole my heart.
I watch him during missions. Watching him try to be stealthy or watching him fight. It doesn't matter if he's just joking around or being totally serious. I can't help it. I try not to be obvious about it but I can't seem to stop myself. It's like my eyes are drawn to him, and nothing else is capable of holding my attention. I don't know if I should feel disappointed or relieved that he never seems to notice.
I find every excuse to talk to or hang out with him, in and out of uniform. If I have free time I automatically wonder if he's doing anything. When did I memorize his schedule down to the times that he'll be free to talk or even awake? I only seem to turn to other activities of I know he's busy. If he is available I'll text or arrange to meet up. It doesn't matter what we do, being in his presence is enough for me. We could be hanging around the cave, playing around in the arcade, walking the mall or the streets, watching a movie together in my room at the manor, or even texting for hours about nothing important when we both have the night off from patrol. I just want to be around him. I realize it goes beyond wanting to simply spend time around your best bro but I can't seem to stop myself.
There's just one major problem. He likes someone, and it isn't me. I've seen the way he watches Artemis. He looks at her the same way that I look at him. And I do that enough to notice him looking at her and to see her return the look. When they argue you can feel the tension and attraction that underlies their bickering. When they are not around each other, all he can talk about is her. He's even told me that he's thought about asking her out but that he doesn't know how to go about it.
I've come to realize that I can never share my feelings. I've kept up the act this long that I wouldn't even know where to start in breaking it to Wally that I love him. The thought of rejection is worse than the thought of remaining where I am now. I'll just stay his friend. I only want to see him happy. As long as he keeps smiling I can be content to stay by his side. If she is the one who makes him happy then I'll support him and never bring up what's in my heart. I won't wish for anything to be different. I won't wish for his heart to be broken by rejection or a break up. I can't stand the thought of seeing those gorgeous green eyes marred by tears, pain, or anger. I have accepted that I love my best friend. I have accepted it and buried it in my heart where no one but me can dig it up. I'll simply ignore how my heart beats faster in his presence and focus on being his best friend. I'll ignore the ache in my chest at the thought of him with her. I'll stay with him for better or worse and that'll be okay. Right?
This is intended as a one shot but if I get enough feedback about wanting to see a follow up to this then I might write a second chapter. I had Teardrops on My Guitar playing while writing this and it helped me keep the mood. And I'm Not That Girl from Wicked. Ah the inspiration of music… not necessary to listen to the songs but it does create a good atmosphere for this fic. Feel free to tell me what you thought and if you think this needs a second part.
A quick thank you to my amazing beta Demoiselle Rouge for putting up with my erratic writing habits and always getting back to me quickly.
TTFN!
