Foobaloobayubikaland
Chapter One: Coffee Time
Disclaimer:
Spazz: Kairee, what do I own?
Kairee: A soggy cardboard box by the side of the road?
Spazz: True, but not the answer I was looking for. Any other guesses?
Hiei: Hn.
Spazz: No.
Kuwabara: Yu Yu Hakusho?
Spazz: WRONG.
Kurama: …NOT Yu Yu Hakusho?
Botan: Bingo!
Yusuke: ON TO THE MADNESS!
The characters from Yu Yu Hakusho were playing on a children's playground. Kurama pushed Kuwabara on the swings while Yusuke mastered the monkey bars enthusiastically. Botan could be seen flying gleefully down the slide in the background while Hiei sat in a tree nearby muttering about baka ningens and youkai.
Botan exclaimed "WHEEE!" as she flew off the slide and into the air.
Yusuke jumped off the jungle gym and yelled, "Yeah! Now that's what I'm talkin' 'bout! Whooz yo daddy!"
Everyone stared at Yusuke, and sweatdropped.
Yusuke sweatdropped courteously in response, then said in a menacing voice, "What are you all looking at?"
Kurama, Hiei, Botan, and that other thing looked away innocently.
Feeling triumphant, Yusuke said, "Yeah, that's right."
Botan sighed, tired of the idiot's antics. "That's enough, Yusuke."
"Okay, okay, sheesh!" Yusuke yelled loudly while sticking his tongue out.
The Reikai Tentai were returning to each of their prior activities when a random cat poked its head over the top of the slide.
Spotting it, Kuwabara shrieked "KITTY! KAWAII! KAWAII KITTY KITTY!"
The feline responded with a "Mrroww." Translation: Get away from me, you psychotic freak.
Hiei spared a glance toward the cat, then jumped out of his perch in the tree. Landing in front of the cat, he said "YOU! You are not a cat, cat!"
Seeming to roll its eyes, that cat gave another mrroww (Translation: Whatever.) and jumped down from the play slide. When its paws touched the ground, the small feline transformed into a young female neko youkai.
Hiei was surprised. "You're a cat demon!"
The young woman smirked. "Yeah, nice observation. And guess what: I'm Spazz, too. I just changed my appearance."
Hiei's impenetrable mask of stoic-ness cracked as he screamed "NOOO! You RUINED my dignity!"
Suddenly, all of the clueless members of the Rekai Tentai remember when Hiei was forced to stand on a McDonald's roof in his underwear while crowing like a rooster.
The newly renamed Spazz laughed. "Yeah, that was definitely a good one." She turned to Kurama with a wicked gleam in her eye. "Hey Kurama, look who I brought with me!"
Spazz's friend Kairee magically appeared next to her.
Kurama whimpered and tried to hide behind Kuwabara, who was still in his swing.
Kairee was silent for a moment, then informed the kitsune, "I can still see you."
Kurama could be heard muttering unintelligible things under his breath.
Yusuke was the only one excited about the appearance of the two girls. "Ooh, ooh, can we go shopping for my bras and undies again!"
Botan, looking confused, said "Hmm. I must have missed that one." Kuwabara chimed in, adding "Me too!"
Yusuke grinned and said, "Then you won't this time!"
Spazz sighed and said, "Yes Yusuke, I'm afraid they will."
Yusuke walked off a little ways, pouting. "Aww, man!"
Spazz said in a falsely comforting tone, "Yeah, I know."
Kairee broke in. "So….what do we do now?"
Spazz thought for about a millisecond, then announced "We get COFFEE!"
Everyone grinned like maniacs and screamed "YES! COFFEETIME! Coffeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffee…."
Five minutes later at the nearest coffee shop
Hiei strode up to the person currently at the counter and said, "I demand sweet snow."
The worker (one glance at the nametag identified him as Bucky) gave off a sweatdrop and said confused, "Eh? Sweet snow?"
Hiei glared at Bucky. "Yes! Give it to me!"
Bucky sweatdropped a little more and informed Hiei "Ummmm. There's an ice cream stand next door if that's what you mean," Bucky swallowed hard at Hiei's dagger-like stare. "But as a token of your disapproval, have a free coffee! Here!" Hiei took the brimming cup that Bucky had bestowed upon him while Bucky himself yelled rather desperately, " Um, um…NEXT PLEASE! PLEASE!"
Hiei stalked away with the coffee in hand muttering and sat down at a table with everyone else.
Spazz eyes were slightly glazed and she hiccupped at regular intervals. "Heh…hehhehhehhehhehhehhehhehhehhehhehheh…muff…"
Kairee looked over at Spazz in disgust. "Sheesh, what's your problem?"
Spazz looked dimly at her, then tried to speak. "Cof-…fee…cof-fee…coffeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffee!"
Kairee sighed, then gave a dreamy smile that was directed towards no one in particular- just the coffee. "Yeah, me too."
Kuwabara gave a sudden explanation, "Eh…HEE HEE!" and promptly fell backwards out of his chair with swirly eyes.
He was ignored as if this were a daily occurrence.
Yusuke downed the rest of his coffee, stood up, and walked out of the coffee shop. The Rekai Tentai, along with Spazz and Kairee, looked out the window to see Yusuke hugging a perfectly innocent tree as if it was his very best friend.
Kurama remained silent and shook his head sadly while Hiei remarked, "The side effects of too much caffeine, I suppose…"
Botan assumed a game show host voice and announced, "And there we have it, boys and girls! The side effects of Yusuke and Kuwabara drinking too much coffee!"
Kairee asserted monotonously, "Ding ding ding!"
Botan frowned and said, "HEY! I was going to say that!"
Kairee smirked and told her, "That's exactly why I said it."
Botan pouted silently.
Kurama, who had earlier seemed to not be affected by caffeine overdosage, began to sway from side to side while sitting in his chair.
Hiei groaned exasperatedly. "Not him, too!"
Botan smiled benevolently and stated, "Hee hee….don't forget about me!" and immediately sloshed coffee all over herself. "Ouch! That's hot!"
Hiei looked surprised for a nanosecond, then resumed his normal facial expression. "And I thought I wasn't the only sensible one here."
Kairee looked at him, surprised. "You know, Spazz and I are still sober-like."
Hiei gazed silently at her for a moment, then said "Yes. I do."
Kairee glared at Hiei. "HEY!"
Spazz stuck her tongue out at Hiei. "I have changed my mind. This fanfic was to redeem you for last time, but you don't seem to enjoy it, so…."
Hiei suddenly appeared on the coffee shop roof with nothing on this time and started to dance while a crowd gathered around.
A random child exclaimed, "Mommy, that dancing man is naked!"
His mother covered his eyes and yelled "DON'T LOOK, JOHNNY!"
Johnny squirmed and said, "HEY! LEMME GO! I WAS ENJOYING THE SHOW!
While the rest of the group looked on silently, Kurama remarked "Looks like someone has decided to be yaoi early in life…"
Kairee was staring incredulously after the child and couldn't help but agree. "Definitely."
Spazz was frowning. "Uh, I think this crowd is a little much…they're taking pictures…"
Hiei magically reappeared, fully dressed, inside the coffee shop. And immediately began screaming. "AHHH! THE CROWD! THE PAIN AND HUMILIATION! AHH!"
Seeing the crowd swarming into the coffee shop intent on getting autographs, Hiei fled.
Spazz shook her head and sighed. The crowd disappeared to wherever they came from with all memories of Hiei forgotten.
Hiei came out of his hiding place and stormed back towards the group. "Thanks dearly" he said to Spazz, sarcasm positively dripping off of every syllable.
"At least they don't remember," Spazz pointed out. Hiei muttered unintelligibly.
Botan decided to pipe up. "Well, do you think we should go get something to eat after waking Kuwabara up and prying Yusuke off the- OH, YUSUKE! DON'T DO THAT TO THE TREE!" Botan ran outside to save the innocent tree from Yusuke.
Hiei looked outside in the general direction of Yusuke, then stated, "Okay, I forgive you Spazz."
Spazz snorted. "Yeah, I bet….poor tree…."
Kairee also looked out the window. "…do you think Botan will make it back?"
Spazz assessed the situation. "No chance in Hell."
Kairee shrugged. "That's what I figured."
Hiei walked over to Kuwabara's prone form and proceeded to kick it several times. "Wake up, Kuwa-baka!"
The heap on the floor groaned and struggled to rise. "What did I miss?"
Spazz shook her head. "You don't want to know."
15 minutes later
Botan finally walked back in, dragging Yusuke after her.
Spazz had a faintly surprised expression. "Wow, she's better than I thought."
Suddenly, everyone's attention was drawn to Kuwabara by the loud noises he was emitting. He choked and died.
Kairee looked on, a bit perplexed. "He dies in just about all of your fanfics, doesn't he, Spazz?"
Spazz replied, "Yep."
Kairee nodded. "That's what I thought."
Hiei abruptly unsheathed his katana, walked over to Kuwabara's body, and proceeded to slit his throat.
Everyone spoke in unison. "Uh…what was that for?"
Hiei shrugged nonchalantly. "I wanted to make sure he was dead."
Spazz smiled approvingly. "Good plan."
Hiei looked at her. "I know; that's why I did it."
Spazz looked at him confused. "Did what?"
Hiei said slowly, "I just did it and you watched and commented."
Spazz gave Hiei the type of look you bestow upon a crazy person. "…No…I didn't…"
Kairee was standing off to the side, looking sad. "Sorry, Hiei, she doesn't have the best attention span in the world; sometimes she doesn't even listen to herself…"
Hiei said dryly, "I've noticed."
Yusuke suddenly regained the ability to maintain a thought. "Hey, we never got to go to Japanese food last time!"
Spazz gave him a disgusted look. "Stop being so whiney! We'll go if you are so much!"
Yusuke jumped into the air and exclaimed, "YES!"
A random girl deep into a coffee buzz decided to walk up to Hiei. "Hey cutie…"
Hiei looked at her with a thinly veiled look of contempt. "Do I know you?"
The girl ignored his question. "Did you know that you have three eyes?" she asked.
"…Yes, I do, you puny mortal."
The coffee buzz girl sighed in relief. "Okay. Good. You know, you're really hot."
Hiei stared at her. "So…your point is?"
The girl blinked in surprise. "Don't you want to take advantage of me so we can have a one-night stand?"
Hiei shuddered. "Really, REALLY not."
The girl began to sob. "You are SO mean!"
Hiei told her, "Demons like me usually aren't nice…"
The girl stopped her crying and stared at Hiei suspiciously. "…Are you drunk?"
"No. I am not." He said.
The girl seemed to have recovered from her fit of tears. "You're NOT a demon, sorry."
Hiei rolled his eyes. "Yes, actually, I am. Want proof?"
The girl looked at him. "Uhh…"
Hiei set the sleeve of the girl's shirt on fire.
She screamed, frustrated. "AHH! DAMMIT, NOT AGAIN!" She ran out of the coffee shop screaming with her sleeve still on fire.
The people in the coffee shop began looking around for the source of the fire.
A chick from the back of the room yelled, "HEY! THAT'S HIEI!" and proceeded to glomp Hiei. "HIEI! I LOVE YOU, HIEI!"
Hiei sweatdropped as he discreetly reached for his katana. Spazz beat him to the punch- literally- and grabbed the chick by that back of the shirt, dragging her off of Hiei. She shrieked at the chick, "DO NOT GLOMP HIEI! THAT'S MY JOB!" and then kicked the holy-living-mother-fucking-shit outta the chick.
Kairee sweatdropped. "Not again!"
Spazz finished up her ass-kicking and walked back over to the group. "So how 'bout that Japanese food?"
Yusuke grinned triumphantly. "TO THE NEAREST JAPANESE FOOD RESTAURANT!"
To Be Continued
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