Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto. I just own my ocs.
Taking a holiday from Pisses Me Off, I decided to do a little holiday crack-fic with the Akatsuki. Fun fun fun…
A Very Akatsuki Christmas
The first thing Uchiha Itachi noticed when he woke that morning was that it was cold. Very cold. He silently cursed and burrowed back under the covers, the older teen not wanting to get up. But he ventured a peak outside of his warm blankets to see why his room was so cold. He twitched and nearly screamed in confusion when he saw his room was snowing. Yes, snowing. "Kisame!" He yelled, retreating under his covers once more.
But it was not just Itachi's room that was snowing you see, it was the entire building. Fi, one of the older teenaged maids, was late for helping Keiko with breakfast. The woman would kill her if she was late. Without paying attention to her surroundings, she ran down the hall in her yukata covered with a long coat. But she didn't get very far without slipping on a patch of ice on the floor. She yelled and flailed her arms as her feet went out from under her. She tried to break her fall with her hand but instead heard a nasty crack, felt immediate intense pain in her wrist and she let out a very loud yelp. She felt mortified as she looked at the door to her right which was opening to reveal Hidan.
"What the hell are you doing? I'm praying!" He made to grab her but instead he too slipped and fell on the ice. "WHAT THE -Censor monkey!- IS THIS SHIT?" He yelled.
"I'm sorry Hidan-sama, but I fell on the ice." Fi stuttered. "I-I think I broke m-my wrist."
"Well then what are you sitting here for? Go get it healed by Konan!" He snarled. She quickly got up and carefully hurried to the kitchen where hopefully Keiko had some bandages to hold her until she could find Konan-sama. Hidan tried to get up, but was unsuccessful and fell back down. He cursed loudly and he kept trying and failing.
The noise had aroused another member close by. Deidara sat up and shook his head to get the snow off. Wait, snow? What the hell? He angrily looked around to room hoping to see an orange swirled mask that he could beat the shit out of. Yes this was definitely Tobi's handiwork. But then again as he thought about it, Kisame was really one of the only ones who had water jutsu in his arsenal. He looked at the calendar next to his bed to read December 25th. Great, Christmas. He thought remorsefully, thinking of the family the Akatsuki had ripped him away from. His parents, his siblings…But then again, Christmas also meant food. Good food. His stomach let loose a terrific roar. He reluctantly got up and dressed in a warm cloak before walking out to find Hidan struggling with a patch of ice. He paused to laugh before continuing on his way. Deidara noticed that the snow was coming from tiny little clouds floating lazily along the ceiling.
As he walked into the dining room, he was met with the sight of a pissed off Pein scowling while clutching his precious hot chocolate as a tiny cloud innocently hovered directly over his head showering him with snow. He got up and moved, but the little cloud followed him. Deidara tried desperately not to laugh and could tell the other members there were trying hard to not do the same. His expression clearly said 'Not. One. Word.' The door banged open as Itachi trudged in, not looking happy.
"Kisame. What. Is. This?" He growled at the Shark man.
"Don't ask me, I don't know." Kisame threw his hands up in defense. Keiko brought out the food by herself.
"Where's your help?" Sasori asked suspiciously. It wasn't like the maids to skip out on this.
"My help, Fi, slipped on some ice this morning and broke her wrist Sasori-sama. Where is Hidan-sama? He requested some of this food." Keiko's eyes narrowed. Deidara snorted.
"He's fallen and he can't get up."
"Shut the –censor ahoy!- up!" The door slammed open once more and a bruised Hidan threw himself down and briefly muttered a prayer to Jashin before shoving food in his mouth.
"Tell her to come see me." Konan said steadily while looking at Keiko. Keiko nodded and the Angel of God turned her attention back to Hidan. Keiko bowed and left the room.
"By the way who the hell is responsible for this –censored!- snow?"
"Probably Tobi." Deidara growled. The hyperactive member was curiously absent from the table.
"I don't care. I want it out of here." Pein snarled, slamming his fist down on the table. The little cloud began snowing more furiously.
"Hey, when are we getting our Christmas bonus?" Hidan completely ignored their leader and turned his attention to Kakuzu.
"You're not. We're spending them to clean up the snow." Kazuku answered dully.
"WHAT?" Everyone yelled simultaneously except for Kakuzu, Pein and Itachi.
Kisame threw down his chopsticks. "We need that money for supplies and weapons!" He exclaimed angrily.
"Don't complain to me, complain to whoever made the snow." Kakuzu continued eating.
"Tobi!" Deidara yelled. "You are DEAD!" Damn it! He need that money for clay!
Back in the kitchen, the maids froze in fear. The members yelling was never a good sign. At the mention of his name, Tobi looked up from the refrigerator where he was helping put stuff away. "Uh-oh." He dashed away. He needed to fix this and fast! Tobi was a good boy! All he ha wanted to do was create some festive spirits. But all he'd done was break someone's wrist and cause his comrades' Christmas bonuses to be lost.
"Tobi." Tobi froze and saw Zetsu come out of the Wall. "What did you do this time?" The plant asked dully. Tobi explained the situation to him tearfully. "Tobi, you have not been a good boy."
"But, but Zetsu-sempai!" He whined. Zetsu blinked.
"JUST FIX IT." The Black side rumbled. Tobi sniffed. He wandered off, trying desperately to remember how to stop the jutsu. But alas, he could not.
"Kai!" No success. So instead he tried to remember where he'd even gotten the jutsu. He'd stolen it from Kisame's room. Perhaps there was a counter jutsu in there.
After a half hour, he finally found it. But the problem was that it was soaking wet from the snow. He tried desperately to read it and tried out what he thought was the correct hand seals. It immediately stopped snowing and Tobi beamed under his mask and skipped away. Yay! Now Tobi was once more a good boy!
"Hey, it stopped snowing." Itachi commented as he sipped his green tea. The tiny cloud above the leader dissipated. Tobi skipped in. Deidara snarled as he lunged for the masked member and began strangling him.
"SEMPAI!!!!!"
"Tobi! You've cost us our bonuses!" He snarled. Keiko gathered up dishes and Konan instructed her to bring her Fi to heal. Keiko nodded and walked back into the kitchens.
"Deidara." Sasori said lazily.
"And you've injured someone!" Deidara continued. Keiko returned with Fi, whose wrist was severely swollen. Konan held out her hand covered in green healing chakra. Fi winced as God's Angel healed her. She looked worriedly at Deidara.
"K-konan-sama, should we be worried?" She asked meekly.
"No. Hold still." Konan finished.
"Arigato Konan-sama." Fi bowed. "If there's anything I can do for you…?"
"No. Here. Don't tell Koko." Konan slipped the maid a piece of candy, knowing the ancient head maid did not allow the servants much sugar. "Now, go."
"Deidara. Enough." Sasori continued dully.
"Grrr!" Deidara shook Tobi by the neck.
"I'll clean it all up! I promise!" Tobi choked.
"YOU BETTER! I WANT THAT –censored!- BONUS!" Hidan yelled. Deidara threw the masked boy out the door. Tobi got up and hurried away before remembering one lat thing. They still didn't know about the enchanted mistletoe. Uh-oh. He'd leave that until the damned things showed up.
Bwhahaha and so ends the first chapter of this little story. There's three chapters total, so short little thing. I'll update tomorrow….
