A/N: What If belongs to Kate Winslet! Enjoy!
What If
Summary: This is in Pony's point of view on Johnny, Dally, and his parent's death. (I added his parents in)
I awoke in my bed in a cold sticky sweat. Another nightmare. I turned, but Soda was still asleep. Good, I hated waking him. It was only a week ago on Johnny and Dally's death, but this nightmare had my parents in it too surprisingly.
Here I stand alone
with this weight upon my heart
and it will not go away
It took forever to get over my parent's death. Hell, I still haven't gotten over it. Now adding Johnny and Dally to the list made it all worse. When will my life be right?
In my head I keep on looking back
Right back to the start
wondering what it was that made you change
I tried forgetting all this pain that I was going through right now and replaced it with memories. Like summers with my parents. Night outs with Johnny. Drive-in nights with Dally.
Well I tried
but I had to draw the line
and still this question keeps on spinning in my mind
I kept trying to keep the good thoughts, but then deaths came in. The train running over my parents. The fire that had took my best friends life with it. The bullets that stopped Dally's life before our eyes. The ride to the hospital to identify my parents. The visit to the hospital with Two-Bit seeing Johnny in such pain. The running to the park to see Dally pull a bluff. All horrible.
What if I had never let you go
Would you be the man I used to know
If I'd stayed
If you'd tried
If we could only turn back time
But I guess we'll never know
If my parents never left, things would be great. Hell, Johnny and I would never have run away. Darry would have never hit me. Darry would be at college. Soda wouldn't have dropped out. Everything would be so perfect it would be hard to believe.
Many roads to takesome to joy
Some to heart-ache
Greasers had such tough breaks. I hated it. Who's going to leave next? Soda? If Soda does, Darry will throw me in a boy's home maybe, even if we are getting along better. And if Darry left, Soda and I would get in a boy's home no matter what.
Anyone can lose their way
and if I said that we could turn it back
Right back to the start
would you take the chance and make the change
I made sure Soda was still asleep. I had shifted a bit in bed. I went to the bathroom and looked in the mirror. The usual, tear filled eyes and white face. "Why does everyone have to leave?" I asked myself. I looked up at the ceiling. I would give anything to bring them all back. Hell now that I thought about it, none of them had even had a peaceful death. Train wreck, burned, and shot. Just another way to say we have the tough breaks.
Do you think how it would have been sometimes
Do you pray that I'd never left your side
Did they even die happy? Is mom happy with her life? Did dad do enough in life? Did Johnny get enough love? Was Dally even ready? I would probably never get these answered, ever.
What if I had never let you go
Would you be the man I used to know
If I'd stayed
If you'd tried
If we could only turn back time
But I guess we'll never know
Johnny, if he never left I'd still have my best buddy. All that's left is me, Darry, Soda, Steve and Two-Bit. Sure Darry and I talked things then yelled, Soda was like my best friend but in brother form, Two-Bit and I weren't too bad, and Steve wasn't too mean to me and didn't think I was a "kid." But Johnny…golly, he was the bestest friend you could ask for. Well, I guess for me, but he was a real great friend.
And Dally. He was a great friend mostly to keep Socs away. He was so tough. I actually wanted to be as tough as him sometimes, but then remembered how much trouble he would get in. Still, a good friend to have.
If only we could turn the hands of time
if I could take you back would you still be mine
I started wondering if I was being selfish. Wanting to bring my best friends and parents back to life. How can that be selfish? I wasn't sure, I just felt it.
'Cause I tried
but I had to draw the line
and still this question keep on spinning in my mind
I shut the light off and tiptoed into my bedroom and into bed. I looked out the window through the shades at the moon shining in. The moon was so bright. I couldn't help but smile.
What if I had never let you go
Would you be the man I used to know
What if I had never walked away
'Cause I still love you more than I can say
If I'd stayed
If you'd tried
If we could only turn back time
But I guess we'll never know
I started thinking about the good things about all of them dying, if there were any. I went through everyone. Darry, well I guess we wouldn't be as close as we are now. For Soda, well not much has changed. We're still best brothers; best friends and I love him. Two-Bit, hmm, we seem to hang out more. My brothers work a lot and Darry doesn't like me walking alone. See, I use my head now. Steve and I just don't bug each other, I'm not sure how that happened, if the deaths had anything to do with it, ah well. I'll never know.
We'll never know
I started to relax and fall asleep. I decided to stop thinking so much about everything. Nothing will change the way things are and I have to accept that. I'll probably never know how things will turn out, and it might be better that way.
