Heys Guys ,So this story is very personal , it the only way I can cope and as some of you may know that this is my story my life. This all happened last october so its still fresh. Some of you know the details some of you may not. If you want the story of my miscarriage with Ben check out my story My Little Rookie.

Special thank you to Bailey bhargrovee who has been my wall of strengh through this time and who proof read this chapter, Natasha natasha_mary1 who was the first person I told she calmed me down enough so I didn't crash and crumble. And a special thank you to You for reading this story , such as life - this story isn't finished hoping to finish up the second and third chapter within this month

I hope you like it and please review

Time- They say time and space can heal everything. Maybe , Maybe not , it helps but you will always know that it happen or that they're gone.

My world ended only 6 months after we lost our son Ben, it was 2 days before my 29th birthday, 18 weeks into my third pregnancy. Sam and I had gotten engaged the day before Sam's 37 birthday and our daughter Stella had only turned 2 in July, I was on bed rest after having a stressful week at work, Nick made me lunch as he had the day off all week ; I had felt something wasn't right. Even from the early days before I was rookie, I was told to trust my gut. Stella was over at Sarah's while Sam was at work and he would pick her up when he was done. I had told Sam during the week something was off and wasn't right. He told me he would be ok and safe ,but we still watched each other while we worked so we could make sure we were both safe, but today I couldn't sit still. I never really could but Nick put it down to me going crazy on bedrest. It had been 4 days and I just wanted to get out and work again but I knew it wouldn't happen anytime soon. We spent the day talking about my upcoming wedding. Nick was my best mate, after Traci and Sam that is. After the 6 months undercover together everyone knew we were close. Nick was just about to go to get food for dinner as he because in this big house with us , so did Gail, Chris, Dov, and now even Traci and Leo do now since the loss of Jerry; she couldn't keep living in the house herself and Jerry bought. Sam offer her a room because with 16 bedrooms and 7 bathrooms over 4.5 floors there was more then enough room. Its like the Brady Bunch, but we couldn't have it another way anymore.

Sam had just sent me a text , " Hey A just on my way to pick up stel be home in 20 mins. , S."

I didn't bother to reply as I knew he was driving and he had a long shift. It was 4pm now so I yelled out to Nick that Sam and Stel will be home in 20mins. He said he would wait until they got home and then head out.

Waiting for them to get home time slowed down, right down.

4.05, I yelled out for Nick as I throw up for the 3rd time today

4.10, Nick helped me get changed and sat me on the deck to get fresh air before he cleaned up the living room

4.15 My heart dropped, I knew something wasn't right. Everything in my world stopped moving, even Baby Rookie.

4.45 I realized Sam wasn't home yet. I got up to get a class of water and phone to call him.

Yeah I know okay, I wasn't supposed to be up but I'm not one to always follow rules so what...

4.50 I called Sarah to see if Sam was there. She said no and that he had left a while back and that he should be home by now.

5pm I saw red and blue lights in the driveway.

I walked to the door and saw Oliver and frank standing there.

At that point, with the look on their faces, I knew; my worst fear had actually come true...

My entire world had come crashing down. I was in such a shock that no tears even fell. Without even thinking I switched into cop mod; I started firing off question after question not really waiting for an answer. All I could think was, "How did it happen? Did they feel anything? Were they killed on impact? Where did it happen? Was it both of them? Can I see them?" My next thought was, "Why didn't I reply to Sam's last text and tell him how much I loved him?" They were my whole world after my dad passed 2 weeks after I had Stella. I stopped talking and looked at Oliver's eyes and felt nick hold me as I realized I was swaying. Ollie was crying. Deep down I knew I didn't need any of my questions answered because that was enough, the look in Oliver's eyes told me everything.