Got the idea by listening to "Silent Screams" covered by Damien Dawn and Anna Blue.
Consider it 1 out of 2 of my 1. person stories, but since this was a pretty spontaneous idea, I have no idea how long I can keep it going.
.
Imagine this: you are only months away from graduation from your last year of high school, and there is pressure on you from every angle. Pressure because of studies, finals, and by finding what university or college, or whatever you call it, you want to attend after you graduate or maybe you don't know what the hell you want to do with your life. Pressure by balancing school, work, and whatever you might have going on in your spare time. And last, but not least, pressure from all the expectations everyone had for you.
Do you understand where I'm going with this? Good. Well, this is how I felt it at the time: I had homework and studies up to my neck and about eight finals to look forward to while also trying to get my driver license and having my job in a grocery store. Trying to organize this without getting left behind in anything was almost impossible, but I managed, even though I had days where it felt like I didn't have any time to waste, which resulted in some very long nights with very little sleep.
These were my problem, yes, but, they weren't the worst. I had no fucking idea what to do when I graduated. My school-time from first grade and up to that point had been planned out for me. Attend this school, have this as an average grade, attend this high school, finish in the top of the class, and then… well, this was where the problem arose. I got accepted into a university, but it wasn't my decision, hell, I couldn't even get to choose my high school.
You see, it was because of my brother. He had always been better than me and when one brother was perfect in every way imaginable, people expect the other brother to be the same. When the first brother decided to attend these learning institutions, then the other must do the same. When the first brother got nothing besides A's in his classes, then the other must get the same, and when the first did this, the other must do the same. You could put anything in that sentence, and it would still be like that. Instead of letting me be me and let me do things my way, our family treated me exactly like my brother and expected me to be exactly like him.
That was why they made me attend the same schools and classes my brother had chosen and signed me up for the same university, without asking me. In fact, I tried to tell my parents I wanted have biology, but they signed me up for computer science instead, because "That was what your brother chose." Later I said I wanted to use a year on working different jobs, so I could find out what I wanted to do, but all they said was, "What are you talking about?", followed up by "You are going to work in a big firm like your brother." Give me a break.
They didn't want me, to become my own man, they wanted a copy of my brother. Why want something different when you already created something perfect, I suppose.
Unfortunately, I'm not my brother. I had to get an assisting teacher to help me with math, nearly flunked physics and chemistry, and don't even get me started on the language classes. The highest grade I ever got was B, otherwise, all I got C's with the occasional D, depending on how much I had studied or if I felt like giving the test or assignment my all. I didn't get my driver's license on the first try, but on the third which was why I had the job. It was expensive as hell. I wasn't interested in the economy of some boring company or the state like he was. I wanted to do something else… just not sure what, though.
Some of this may not sound like a big deal, but when you are told this every single day of your entire life, you'll snap at some point. Every day was like this. Our parents and family would say I lacked ambitions and should be more like my brother, but how can you have any "ambitions" or "dreams" when they are forced upon you and are not your own?
I want to be me. My dreams, my ambitions, my choices, was that too much to ask for? To be me and not an enforced copy? I didn't think so, and that was why I did what I did.
.
It was in the middle of the night when I woke up and decided to put my plan into action. I waited in my bed for everyone in the house had gone to sleep and listened for any indication the others were still awake.
"…"
Nothing. Perfect. But just to be sure I waited about 20 minutes more to let all of them fall into a deep sleep, making it easier for me to get my stuff together.
I stood up as quietly as possible after the 20 minutes and made my way through the darkness to the closet where I pulled out my bag to make sure everything was there.
It was a traveling backpack with all the most important items I had collected even before I got the idea for this trip. My wallet, a fake passport, a disposable phone, a solar recharger, my iPod, some packed clothes, a blanket, a jacket, a utility knife, and a map of every country on the continent. I had packed provision in the form of water bottles and energy bars, but besides that, the bag also contained notebooks, writing tools, and a flashlight that was also a stun gun as a weapon for self-defense. Plus, I made sure to withdraw some money for the first few days to make sure I wouldn't get traced right away, while also transporting the rest to another bank.
Checking it again just to be sure nothing was looked over, I nodded in acknowledgment and walked over to my desk and placed a blank piece of paper in front of me to write a goodbye letter. This letter was not any simple, I had rewritten it a hundred times before but always ended up burning it or throwing it out in secret.
My mind was made up, and there was no going back. If I, really wanted to find out who I was without people around me keep trying to decide it for me, I had to do something drastic. My future was planned out for me, but it wasn't me who decided it.
It took four attempts, but after what felt like an hour, the letter was done. I opened a drawer and picked up a wooden box that was under some books and loose papers and stuffed it down into my bag. The box was where I had hidden my money, so it would have been unbelievably stupid to leave it behind.
I walked over to the door, picking up the backpack as I went and glanced at my room for the last time before leaving it. The room with the bare walls with an unmade bed and a letter on the desktop for my family to find.
I left my room and closed the door on the way out and listened for any signs of movement. When there was nothing to hear I quietly sneaked through the black hall to the staircase, passing my brother's and parent's rooms in the process.
While going down the stairs, something hit me. The sound of my family's breathing while they slept, could be heard through the doors, but only three of them. I recognized the sounds of my parents and brother but couldn't detect my brother's boyfriend who was supposed to be sleeping here too, so why was there only three breathings?
"Shit," if that guy wasn't sleeping on the first floor then he would be either on the couch in the living room, or he would have driven home, although that was highly unlikely. That freeloader was slowly moving all his crap into my brother's room, so of course, he would still be here. "Should I do this another night? No, I'll just have to be more careful."
When reaching the end of the stairs, I made my way to the living room, no longer fumbling my way since my eyes had adjusted to the darkness. Next thing to do was to get the car key from the coffee table and do that without alerting anyone.
"A bit late for a walk, don't ya think?" a voice from behind me said as a lamp turned on and lit up the room.
I span around from my spot, taken aback. "Shit! Why is he here... and awake? It's almost 02.30, shouldn't he at least be asleep?" I thought. There on the couch, my brother's boyfriend sat and stared at me as if I was a little kid taught with my hands in the cookie jar.
The guy stood up from his place and stretched. "That's a big bag you got there. Going to be a long trip?"
I began glaring at him. He might have caught me, but I wasn't going to tell him anything.
He sighed and ran a hand through his hair. "You have been acting weird the whole day… the whole week actually, but even more today, and then there was the whole thing at dinner. What's going on?"
Still glaring I made up some dumb excuse, "I'm just feeling under the weather is all."
He looked at me skeptically, "Riiiiight, so, how long are you planning to be away?" he said almost nonchalantly.
Of all the times he could choose to be observant, he picked that moment. "I have no idea what you are talking about."
"So that bag is just for show, and you were totally not looking for this?" he asked, presenting to me my key in his hand.
My eyes widened in shock, "Fuck."
He smirked at me and walked closer, "Now, before I give you this, could you at least tell me when you think you'll be back?"
"I'm not sure- wait, you won't stop me?"
He just shrugged, "As much as I find what you are about to do stupid, and that's coming from me, I know you are a clever boy with what I hope is a bulletproof plan. No matter what I say, I probably can't convince you to stay, so why even bother?"
I stared at him dumbfounded, "What? Where's the logic in that?" I could have called him out on what he meant with the "what-you-are-about-to-do" part, but there weren't that many ways to take it when you capture some teen with a big traveling bag and who's on their way out the door before the sun was even up.
He gave me a look that said the answer was obvious. "Buddy, how long have we known each other?"
Without having any idea where he was going with this, I answered, "Well, the two of you started dating when I was 13, so about five years. Why?"
"Because in those five years you have shown more maturity, determination, and resourcefulness than any kid your age would normally possess. I think you know what you're doing, just get back one day, and another thing," he took my hands in his and looked at me seriously, pressing the car key into my palm, "if you need anything, no matter what, just give us a call, okay?"
He believed me. His reasons were kind of dumb, but he still believed in me. "I'll remember... thank you," I said before exclaiming, "Wait a sec; my brother! If he finds out you let me go, he will kill you!"
The taller man smiled down at me and turned around towards the stairs and sing-song, "I haven't seen a thing. I was just on the toilet, and now I'm on my way back to sleep next to my boyfriend. Didn't see anything interesting down here."
I stood still, looking in his direction for a while before I started chuckling lowly, "What an idiot,"
I walked out the front door for the last time in a long time and unlocked my car. I threw my bag onto the passenger seat and made the car growl when it came to life.
This whole process was most likely easier than it should have been, but nothing about it felt wrong. In fact, it felt right, as if I was destined to go out and journey on my own.
As the car rolled out of the driveway and onto the road, my mind was drowning with worries about the letter I had left behind. Would they read it? Would they follow my wishes or at least respect them? Would they be sad or scared? Probably yes for the last one, but still. They were my family, hell, even THAT guy, was as good as my brother in law by that point.
When I passed the city sign, everything became clear again. I was on my way to a new life. It was going to lonely at first, but something told me that it would change, and it would be worth it.
.
Dear mom, dad, and brother.
If you read this, it means you are looking around in my room to find a clue to my whereabouts. Unfortunately, since I'm not even sure myself, I can't tell you and if I knew, I wouldn't. I have to discover this on my own. Without you breathing down my neck and trying to fit me into a special box that has always suffocated me.
You want a smart son, who knows, exactly, who he is and what he wants to do? Fine, you have him, now can I please decide who I am? What you expect me to be and what I want to be are completely different, so stop filling my head with all your plans for MY future.
Don't look for me and don't even try contacting me. Left both phone, computer, and everything else here.
I'll return after I have figured a couple of things out and found out who I am when I'm not standing in someone else's shadow.
May we meet again, someday.
Love, your failure of a son and brother.
.
Sooo... that happened.
Quick heads-ups:
I'm probably going to change the title at some point. "Note this" was just the best name I could think of at the moment.
No, the characters are not OC's or anything like that.
Thank you for reading... whatever this story is, please let me know what you think and have nice day :)
.
Bulletproof. Buuuullet-proooof. Bullet... In Danish, we would say "rock/stone solid" or "rock/stone-proof" (although, we do use "bulletproof" as well), like the plan is secured against natural disasters or something, but leave it to the English language to shoot the plan instead XD
