She wanted to get out of the spy business, and I wanted to stay a spy. In the end, we both got the fairytale we wanted…just not with each other. And I guess that's what hurt me the most. I had learned to love Sarah over the years, and when I realized she wasn't going to love me back, I learned to give it up or get over it and move on. Casey told me that me that sometimes it's easier to move on and just forget. How do you forget five years of contact?
"I feel like I'm broken," Sarah murmured quietly, sitting on the beach where she'd gone for the last week. Since Ellie and Awesome had left, I found it increasingly difficult to spend time away from Sarah while she healed. Morgan tried, but it wasn't going to work and he knew it. "I feel like I'm missing a vital piece of my life."
I looked to see if the ring was on her finger, somehow expecting it to be. Every day since I found her on the beach, it became commonplace to tell our story over and over again. She loved hearing it. With every complacent laugh, I realized that this was becoming real to her. I even acted the scenes out for her sometimes. It helped her to relate better. I smiled softly at her. "You're not broken; the parts aren't out of stock. It's okay, we can fix it."
She smiled carefully and watched me move around to cover her with a blanket. I think fear probably got the better of her, because she tensed significantly. "I can't help but wonder why you still care so much about someone who doesn't remember you."
I smiled and wrapped the blanket around her, praying she would learn to accept me. "Because you saw me when I was invisible. You know, for so long I wondered why a beautiful woman like you would love a nerdy guy like me, and I remembered something Awesome told me once about how you don't choose who you love. It just happens one day." I looked down at my hand where my ring finger still stayed. She may have forgotten me, but we were still married. I smiled casually to her, watching as her blonde locks were pushed about by the wind. "I will always care about you, Sarah Walker. You're my wife."
"What if I never remember these memories you're so fond of?" Sarah inquired softly.
"Then that's okay. We've got an entire lifetime to make new memories. In fact, look at this as a start to a very beautiful beginning. Just because the chapter is over, doesn't mean the book has ended, Sarah. We've got our whole lives to figure this out. And if you don't remember me, that's fine. I'll keep trying until you fall in love with me again," I murmured burying my toes in the sand. There was a shell on the sandy floor that I couldn't help but pick up and examine. "When you were kidnapped, I was sure I'd never see you again. I was positive you'd died. After a week with no contact, I was sure that was the case. But then you showed up again, it felt as though my whole life was brought to a grim close. I wanted to believe that our story wasn't over yet. And, to some extent, it still isn't over."
She looked at me with those soft green eyes, hoping for some reassurance that I could give in my kind words. I had no job. I had nowhere to go. I had no one to talk to. Essentially, all I had was Sarah right now. "We didn't draw to each other because of a job, but rather because we needed each other."
"Exactly," I whispered. "Because we still need each other."
She smiled that beautiful smile and I found it hard to not kiss her.
"Sarah, did I ever tell you about the time I lost my memories?" I inquired, pushing my finger around in the sand, building a small castle. She looked at me, her eyes searching for a tell. I looked back at her and handed her the beautiful pearl colored shell. "You came to the doctor's house and told him to help me remember, because you loved me and didn't want me to forget you."
There were times I felt like I was dealing with a child, and there were times when the patience paid off. Those times were far and few in between, but I remembered a scene from the Fantastic Four, when the Thing went to visit his wife for the first time since the accident. He didn't mean to startle her, but she called him a monster. For a while, that's how I felt about Sarah, as though she was a monster and it was her fault for forgetting. But in the end, I realized she did what she did to protect me.
Her eyes full of understanding, looked over at me again. "I did that for you?"
"You did a lot of things for me," I answered quietly. "That's why I took a bullet for you back at the house. Because I know you'd have done the same for me."
She smiled softly and looked out at the ocean, feeling the breeze run it's fingers through her hair playfully. I could tell she was thinking. She didn't speak for me to know she was thinking about the story. "Chuck, can you tell me the last part again?"
I blinked several times. "The last part?"
She nodded and I could tell she was thinking about this for some time. Her voice finally rose above a tiny whisper. "The train. I want to know about the train."
I started to tell her the story and reached into my pocket for my wallet. Inside it was a photograph that I pulled out and handed to her. It was scribbled hastily onto a brochure, a white picket fence with the nerd and the assassin holding a baby. She stared at it for an eternity before looking to me again. "What's wrong?"
She shook her head slowly. "I remember this."
I sat up quickly, looking to the photograph in her hand. "You remember the picture?"
"I told you on the train that I would never forget this." She told me, her voice filling with tears. I had never seen Sarah cry, except for the night that we found out she wasn't pregnant. While she felt relieved about that, I knew in the silence of the night, she was upset about it. "I told you that no matter what happened, I would always remember this."
My breath caught as she told me, in full detail, what happened on the train. That was when a small nagging voice in the back of my head decided it wasn't going to shut up. We're making progress.
"Slow progress is still progress," I commented, touching the picture in her hand. "You keep that for now, okay? I'm sure you'll want it later."
She looked up at me with tears in her eyes. "Chuck…where did Han Solo go?"
I blinked several times, wondering what on earth she was implying. "What are you talking about?"
"When Clara was born, you were trying to decide what to do with Han Solo and Chewbacca. So, you and Morgan decided to give them to Clara instead of split them up." She answered, looking me dead in the eye. "Did they go with Clara when Ellie and Awesome moved to Chicago?"
I blinked for what seemed like an eternity, my mouth agape at the thought. "They went with Clara, but how do you know that? It wasn't part of the story."
She gave me a shy smile and watched the sunset on the ocean. "Bits and pieces at a time, I remember." Her body fell backwards into the sand, where she stared up at the sky. "You've been telling me this story for five years now, you don't think I'll ever remember, do you?"
"I don't really know," I admitted, laying back with her. "But if you do, I'd be eternally happy."
"This is where we came on our first date," She commented, looking at the sky, her blue eyes watching the clouds move impatiently across the sky. "You were going to propose to me here."
I had left that part out of the story because I felt it was insignificant. I could tell that thinking about all of this was likely hurting her, so instead, I stood and went to leave. "Sarah, we've made great progress today, but I think we should stop for now."
"Chuck, wait," She jumped to her feet rather quickly and stared at me as I walked away. I didn't turn around. "I love you. I wanna spend the rest of my life with you." She paused and continued, replaying the moment in her mind. "Without you, I'm nothing but a spy. Come back to me, Chuck. I want to marry you."
Suddenly I flashbacked to Thailand when Sarah came and rescued me. I could feel every moment of my life stop right then and there. Such intimate memories and she could remember them. I turned to look at her, my eyes watching her move closer to me. "Do you remember me, Sarah?"
"Not enough to be your wife right now, but I promise I will remember one day. I will remember and be your wife again, so you can stop searching for her." She smiled and came closer until there was no space left between us. And then, out of nowhere, her blonde head lay against my chest, listening to my heartbeat.
In that moment, it all felt right in the world.
Author's Note
Someone explained to me that the series finale isn't so bad if you look at it from a certain point of view. Instead of looking at it as if she forgot everything, imagine if there was a voiceover in the beginning of the first episode ever, where Sarah says "Chuck, tell me our story", and it's actually five years later on the beach, where he had just finished telling the story. So, that's the idea I ran with. I plan on continuing this. =)
I remember watching a cast interview for the final episode when they asked where they saw Sarah and Chuck at the end of the series, and Yvonne answered with "pregnant", and Zachary said he'd liked to have remained a spy. He also mentioned something about one of the comic books, when Sarah calls him while he's out on a mission, to tell him something about their son losing his first tooth. He said that's how he envisioned the future for Chuck and Sarah. I like to hold onto that vision. =)
