You never get you choose,

You live on what they send you,

And you know they're going to use,

The things you love against you.


"Seven... eight, that's it! Stop that's enough!" I heard Birkhoff say,

Everything went quiet.

I turned to see Alex holding her breath, silently waiting for any sign of vitality.

There was none.

"Se-Sean? Sean! Birkhoff it-its not working, it didn't work, what do I do? What can I do!" She said, frantically checking his pulse.

"Birkhoff he has no pulse, what do I do?!" She shouted,

"I-I don't know, I-I'm sorry that should've worked, Alex he must have been too far gone, I'm sorry, I-I..." Birkhoff sorrowfully replied,

"Wha-", she looked puzzled, like she didn't understand any of it. I could see her trying to make sense of it all, looking down at her hands then back up to his face.

She turned to me, with those big blue eyes, the same way she did three years ago when Thom died. My poor girl, she had been through too much, she didn't deserve this.

"Alex-" I began,

"No. No, no , no, no, no..." she started saying to herself, "this can't be happening, Sean, wake up... Sean! Wake up!" she screamed,

"We have to do something!" she frantically looked around for some sort of medical equipment that would bring him back.

"Honey-" I tried,

"No! Don't coddle me, just help-help me-just help me look for..." she trailed off,

"Look for what?" I gently replied,

"Anything!" She screamed, she began trying to resuscitate him as I slowly walked over to her.


ALEX POV

This couldn't be happening. No. He wasn't dead. I just needed to get his heart beating. I couldn't begin to fathom what would happen if I lost him, I had lost everyone and everything. My old life, my father, my childhood, Thom, Nathan, Yury, I couldn't see my mother anymore... No, he could not be gone too. He was not going to be added to that list.

"One, two three, four..." I began to count, pressing down on his chest.


NIKITA POV

I was a few feet from her, trying to give her distance to let her understand this on her own. But how could she when I was even having difficulty? It wasn't fair, there should be a limit to the amount of horrible things someone has to endure in their life. Some sort of list, hers would have been full the day she lost her father and consequently her entire life. I knew she could sense me approaching, but she refused to look up at me. Like the situation would be too similar to every other time she had lost someone, her father, her mother, Thom...

She had been resuscitating him for about four minutes and didn't seem to be any closer to facing reality. I took a step forward and put a hand on her shoulder.

"Nikita stop! Go-go and grab a defibrillator," she panicked,

"Sweetheart I don't think that's going to work." I tried,

"It has to work! Something has to work! He can't-I can't I-... I..." she trailed off. And then she suddenly jumped off him, like he was hot steel, I think it had hit her. She finally looked at me, tears pooling in her eyes, and tilted her head a little, reminding me of a tiny chid who had come to the realisation that the world was not such a happy and safe place.

"I-I-how? How can this even-I-I-I..." she started to become short of breath,

I walked over to her and took her in my arms. She started hyperventilating.

"I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry, I've got you, deep breaths Alex," I softly chanted. It wasn't working, she was becoming even more distraught, eventually her legs gave out and we sank to the floor.

"Alex, honey, look at me, right here, into my eyes." I put my hands on either side of her face, and looked into her eyes.

"I know it hurts," believe me I know "but I need you to breathe, slow deep breaths, I'm so sorry that I have to do this but we need to get out of here," I said,

"No! No! Nikita please, please don't make me leave him," she was crying now and tears were beginning to stream down my face but I needed to be strong for her.

"I'm so sorry baby, but that man will be back any minute, I need to get you out of here," I pleaded,

I tried to get her to stand but she wouldn't. she kept sobbing and holding onto me like I was her lifeline. I took her arms from around my stomach and put one around my shoulders and slowly lifted us.

"Birkhoff, I need an exit," I said,

"Yep, um, when you walk out take a right then a left at the elevators, you'll see a flight of stairs they'll eventually take you to a garage with a back exit, don't worry about anyone finding you once you hit the stairs, I've checked the cams it's under construction no one should be there," He sadly said.

We walked past the elevators, her arms had moved to back around my stomach. She wasn't crying anymore, just looking straight ahead while holding onto me. I put my arms around her and kissed the top of her head, chanting soothing words, hoping it might make some, minute difference.


Sorry Salex shippers, I just had this idea watching this episode and had to do it as I was going through lack of nikita/alex withdrawal! Hope you guys enjoyed, I don't know if I will make this a two shot, or leave it as a one shot, give me your thoughts!

Also, lyrics at the beginning:

Gary Jules - Falling Awake