(A/N: This is my lovely Voyager poem,
The characters, hopefully you know 'em!
So as you read, keep in mind,
Here lies humor you should find!
There's mild cursing, please beware,
But that's no reason for a scare!
Comments are really very nice...
Leave me some, I'll charge no price.
Now begins "a poem for this age"...
"VOYAGER FINALLY BEATS THE PHAGE"!)
'Twas a gloomy day at Paramount,
And many fears began to mount.
The ratings of Voyager began to fall,
And new ideas? They'd exhausted them all.
Berman, Braga, and Taylor were there,
With weary eyes and ruffled hair.
Each one of them had been up all night,
Thinking, "What will be Voyager's next great plight?"
"How 'bout something old?" Braga said.
But Berman simply shook his head.
"If we do old, they'll have my pup!"
Jeri Taylor now spoke up.
"The reset button might be nice,
The audience it should entice."
"No, no, no," poor Berman sighed.
"We need something we haven't tried!"
But Braga yelled, "They'll never know!
As Picard might say, let's 'make it so'!"
"Let's use the Borg!" Taylor said.
Berman's face, it did turn red.
"We've used the Borg way too much,
No one's scared of even their touch!"
But then Berman let out a gasp,
His voice became an excited rasp.
"I think I know what we can do!
What about the Vidiians, and their nasty Phage, too?"
Everyone's faces began to brighten,
And with their pens, they started writin'...
A few days later, shooting had begun,
The cast and crew were having so much fun!
Well, except for Beltran, he chose to complain,
On everyone's parade, he successfully rained.
But that didn't matter to anyone today,
They were too excited about the jump in their pay.
Janeway walked into the mess hall,
Where Neelix was having such a ball.
Cooking, cleaning, it didn't matter,
As long as something edible lay on the platter.
"Coffee! I WANT COFFEE NOW!"
"Oh, yes, dear Captain, just as soon as I check on the cow!"
"...the cow, Mr. Neelix? I don't know what you mean."
"Oh, I replicated him just today, he's very healthy, and very lean!
I'm using him for lunch today,
Seven's taking care of him in the cargo bay!"
But Janeway merely rolled her eyes,
She had no interest in Neelix's cow pies.
"All I want is coffee, is that so much to ask?"
"Oh, not at all, Captain, in coffee glory you shall bask!"
Neelix moved to the replicator,
And in coffee-making it did not waver.
Soon Janeway was very content indeed,
Now that she had her coffee, not a single crewman would bleed.
In Engineering we find B'Elanna and Tom,
And B'Elanna's ranting like a pissed off mom.
"The EPS manifolds need repairing,
The plasma coils are overbearing!"
"The warp core's efficiency is down,
There are so many problems, I feel like I'll drown!"
But Tom's reassurance poured out like a letter,
And then he kissed her, making it all better.
The Doctor can be found in Sickbay,
And with his program he can't wait to play!
"This is getting to be such a bear,
All I want is a little hair!"
And in his quarters, there's Tuvok,
Sitting silent, like a rock.
"I really miss my wife, and I can't show it,
The captain'll get us home, though, I just know it!"
This cancer called love needed remission,
And for Harry, that meant sex without permission.
Harry and some alien girl are in his room,
But then the ship is rocked by a terrible boom!
While Neelix crashed into the fridge,
The senior officers were called to the bridge.
"Red alert, battle stations!" came the captain's cry.
"We've got pesky aliens' butts to fry!"
"Fire phasers!" Janeway roared.
Chakotay's head slumped down as he snored.
The cast turned to Berman, thoroughly confused,
And in defense of Chakotay, they now mused,
"What are you smoking? Why is he snoring?"
"It's because we were idiots and made him so boring."
The understanding now dawned high,
At Berman's matter-of-fact reply.
"Chakotay, watch out! Here comes a deer!"
His head snapped up with a look of fear.
"Where, where!?" he hoarsely said.
Janeway whacked him upside the head.
"Stay awake, you dolt!"
The ship gave another tremendous jolt.
Throughout the bridge echoed Harry's tense cries,
Janeway's hands were on her hips as she rolled her eyes.
"We're being hailed, the connection might sever!"
"Well, I guess they're better late than never!"
A Vidiian face appeared on screen,
And on a railing Janeway did lean.
"What do you want? Just don't ask for much.
We're not in the mood to donate organs and such."
The Vidiian man flew into a fit of rage.
"Come on, we need them to cure our icky Phage!
All we want is some skin or a heart,
If we don't get 'em, we'll blow your ship apart!"
"The hell you will," Janeway's voice was stern.
"I've beaten you before, won't you ever learn?
Away from us you WILL set your course,
Or I'll kick your ass with the deadliest of force."
Suddenly, the Vidiian ship began to move,
They were strong, too, as they would soon prove!
Voyager was hit, the sparks flew high,
And Tom let out an anguished cry,
"They've taken out our starboard nacelle!
Isn't it time to blast 'em to hell?"
Janeway replied,
As Chakotay cried,
"Yes, indeed, the time is right!
Load torpedoes, we'll show them our might!"
The orange missiles flew through space,
And smacked the Vidiians in the face.
They screamed and yelled, fanning smoke away,
Janeway was really making them pay!
"Put them on screen," a smirking Janeway said.
"We should probably talk to them before they're good and dead."
And when she saw the Vidiians there,
She did throw them a vicious death glare!
"MY GOD! WHAT A SCARY ATTACK!
EVASIVE MANUEVERS! Get our ship going back!"
The Vidiians cowered in mortal fear,
And to the right their ship began to veer...
Now the spooky aliens were no more,
The Voyager crew had finally settled the score.
A tense situation it was not,
And no one had to fire another shot!
So with a smirk,
That would impress Captain Kirk,
Janeway sat in her chair,
Tossed back her auburn hair,
And gave the order to "Engage!"
For they had once again beaten the Phage!
The filming now, it sadly ends,
The cast must once more leave, dear friends.
Success has come; the staff's not poor,
Through this show, their ratings soar!
But now this poem, oh reading friend,
Has officially come to THE END!
