Chapter One: The letter

It was raining extremely hard as I sit in my car. The engine was blaring in my ears and all the thoughts of what I had just done were spiraling in my mind, each time becoming more and more unclear. What have I done, oh no. I didn't, I didn't, I didn't do it. I pressed my head against the steering wheel and started to cry. Images, blurry and unclear were floating around my head, coming and going. My heart stopped beating nonstop, a sharp pain pierced my head, and then I saw it. A familiar room, a woman lying on a bed, pillow over her face, a cold lifeless hand extending out towards me. Thud thud thud thud, I heard the rain beating down on the hood of the car. I lifted my head up in confusion. " What am I doing here?" I asked myself. I looked around. It's my car, this is strange. I turned the car off and rubbed my head. Dammit, what happened. I opened the car door and stepped out. The rain poured all over me soaking me wet. I ran up the stairs to my apartment and inside, closing the door behind me.

I was at a lake, it was blurry but I could make out the surroundings. It was Mary, she was waving me down towards the waterside. She had a pink blouse on and her hair up, she was really pretty. It was sunny out, the scent of flowers, absolutely beautiful. I got up and walked toward her, but the closer I got, the farther she seemed to be. I frantically started running towards her, but everything was changing. The lake was warping and swirling as was the trees and the ground. A thick heavy fog spread across my eyes and left me in a hospital room. I was sitting in a chair next to a bed. I looked at the ugly woman lying in the bed staring up without purpose at the ceiling with an expressionless face. "Mary", the words barely left my mouth before I was pulled out of the daze with a quick snap of my head.

The phone was ringing, unstopping, it kept ringing as I gradually realized where I was. I was in my room, everything looked the same as it always had. I haven't changed it since Mary died. Everything was exactly the same, the blue curtains, the white bed sheets and white blanket. Even everything on the nightstand was unchanged, everything Mary left there before she got ill. An assortment of change and a book she was reading. I rubbed my eyes just as I remembered, the phone, it was still ringing, whoever it was really wanted to talk to me.

I climbed out of bed and left the room. The phone was just down the hall in the living room. "Dammit", I said as I looked at the clock on the wall, it was 7:00 a.m. Who the hell could this be.

"Hello." I said as I picked up the phone.

" James, aren't you coming into work today." A rough voice said to me.

Damn, I just remembered, work.

" Um, no, sorry Andy, but I'm not feeling too well today." I lied.

" James, is something wrong, you haven't been coming in lately and when you do it's as if your mind is someplace else. Your doing poor with your work and I've had to keep others overtime to finish your job, James." He said to me calmly.

" I can't do this anymore, Andy. Everything's terrible. I have to get out of this." I said quickly and wearily.

" James you have to move on, your behavior is destroying your life." I didn't care what he was saying. He doesn't know what's going on.

'' James, are you there." He asked.

" Yea, I'm here."

" James, it's all right, she'll be fine. Now get ready and come in, if you don't come today I'll have to fire you James."

" Alright." I said as I hung up the phone.

I went over to the couch and turned on the TV. Nothing good was on so I got up and went to take a shower. I stood there with the water pouring over me. Mary, why did you go, I loved you so much, so why did you go. Lately I've been having trouble remembering her. How could that be, how could I forget my Mary. Some days I just can't even recognize her photo.

Everything's just been a mess since it happened. It's like I've fallen down a deep hole with no possible way to get back up. I've stopped going places, stopped talking with people, stopped everything. My parents came over the day to comfort me, but to hell with them, they weren't even helping me, they were helping themselves, the bastards.

The only person I can find comfort in is my brother, Andy. But now that's over. He fired, me, my own brother. He doesn't care anyway, no one does. They all point at me and talk behind my back. How could they be so goddamn cruel. But to hell with them.

I turned the shower off and stepped out. Everything looked exactly the same. I grabbed a white towel and started to dry myself. I went to the mirror and looked at myself. It's all over I said, I got dressed and left.

Today, I will go down to the park, I said to myself as I started up the car. The neighbors were just coming out and I wanted to avoid them. I pulled away from the curb quickly and drove down the street. I pulled in at a local gas station and just sat in the car, my head in my hands when I saw it. The was a white envelope on the floor of the passenger seat. I pulled it up and looked at it. It said 'Mary' on the front. Mary, how could that be. Mary, but no Mary's dead. The envelope was brand new as if it had just been bought. No, it can't be, this is a joke. But no it can't be a joke, this is definitely her handwriting.

I instantly threw it down onto the seat next to me and pulled out of the gas station extremely fast nearly causing an accident. I drove home, jumped out of the car envelope in hand and ran inside. I went into my room, threw myself on the bed and started crying.

Who would do this. Why would someone do this to me. It had to be a joke, it was a joke, but no, I couldn't accept that. I sat up and opened the door to the nightstand beside me and pulled out an old photographed. It was an old picture of Mary, back when she was still healthy. She was standing in front of a lake, she was smiling, she was happy. I just sat there for God knows how much time just staring at the letter, tears pouring down my face. I looked down at the letter and then back up to the picture. Oh Mary, I miss you so much.

Mary, don't worry I'm coming. I'll leave this place and I'll be with you, don't worry.. I went into the room across the hallway. It was a closet. All my clothes were inside it. I pulled down a box from the top shelf and took out an old hunting knife. I stood there for a few minutes, the knife at my neck, in a daze. Then soon I lowered the knife, '' I'm sorry Mary. I just can't do it."

I went back in my room and opened the letter. Seconds later, I sit there tears streaming down my face. My head was in a daze as old memories were coming back to me, Mary, a lake, a peaceful little town, a hotel.

My God, she's alive, Mary's alive, and I will find her. These were the words I kept saying to myself as I was getting dressed. I put on a black t-shirt and a gray shirt on over it. I looked in the mirror and smiled. This is the first time I've been happy in such a long time.