He had left me. That was the only thought coursing through my mind as I sat in the front seat of my car driving to the one place I thought I'd never go back to; Forks. Turns out it would only take me a century to run out of options. My coven needed to come here, as we didn't have anywhere else. They could tell how much this hurt me but they knew I knew it was necessary. Besides I'd felt worse pain before. The thought was oddly claming. I could get through this. It wouldn't be pleasant but it couldn't be as bad as that I though to myself. Nothing in my life had ever been as bad as that. Not even the fire that came with the change or the thirst of my new life compared to the pain Id felt when he left.

"Izzy? You ok? You've gone off into Izzy-land again." Max said looking at me with worry in his honey-brown eyes.

"I'm ok. It's just weird. I never thought I'd come back here." I replied in my monotone voice, which was all I had spoken in for the past few days when I knew where we were headed.

"Were sorry Izz. We wish we didn't have to come here. We know this isn't going to be easy on you. Is there anything we can do to help?" Sarah asked, always worried about me.

"I'm ok Sarah and don't you dare blame yourself. It's ok. It's not ideal but I'll live, right?" I said trying to lighten the mood.

"You're right. If we're talking about blame then that lies with a certain person who is very lucky he hasn't met me or he'd be burning in seconds" she said her eyes alight with the protective fire she had whenever she spoke of anyone who dared cross her or any of us.

"No he wouldn't because I wouldn't let you get yourself in trouble over him. Besides it's not like Ill ever see him again." I said hoping the longing I felt was detectable only to me.

I had never told my coven, my family, just how much I missed him, how I could still remember each and every moment we'd spent together in perfect clarity, how some nights the pain of his loss got so bad sometimes I had to run away for the night and just find somewhere I could scream and sob and let myself feel it. I was thankful for these nights because no matter how much they hurt they reminded me that he had existed , that we had been together if only for a short time. As it was I always returned, I couldn't leave my family, they meant too much to me. So here I was on my way to my personal hell where I knew I wouldn't be able to escape thoughts of him and what had happened all those years ago. Oh well at least it cant get any worse I thought. Oh how wrong I was.

As we pulled into town, the crippling pain that came with a thousand memories of places we'd gone, roads we'd travelled, hit me. I tried to maintain my composure but I knew Sarah and Max could tell I was in pain. The look in their eyes told me they truly were sorry for the pain I felt. I never blamed them. I never blamed anyone for what had happened. Well I blamed no one but myself. It was my fault. I was the one that had been stupid enough to believe that someone like me could ever deserve someone like him. I knew it in my heart but I never voiced this, as I knew Sarah would go off on one and try to convince me it was his fault not mine. Part of me saw her reasoning but the other, bigger, part knew that no matter what anyone said I would always blame myself. As we drove passed my old house I couldn't take it anymore. I needed to get out. I needed to break down and I didn't want Sarah and Max to have to see me like that. I asked Max to take over as I pulled over. I said, "I'm sorry. I just need some alone time. Ill catch up with you soon. Don't worry about me. Ill be ok." trying to put a smile on my face to try to ease any worry they might have had. I don't think I did a very good job but I had to try.

Once I got out of the car I turned and saw the house, which used to belong to my the thought of my dad I was momentarily distracted from the pain of him and a new pain crept into me: the loss of my father. It had been half a century since he had died and I could still remember the day I found out. I hadn't been able to come to the funeral as I was a vampire and had not aged. I felt enormously guilty that I had not been there when he died, had not been able to grieve with the others who loved my father. I decided to pay him a visit and I ran to Forks cemetery. It was dark so I was able to go without fear of being discovered. I slowed when I saw my fathers grave and I knelt down and sobbed, wishing for tears that would never fall. I sat there remembering how we never told each other how we felt but that we both knew we were loved. "I'm sorry Dad. I love you. I always will." I said standing not able to bear it any longer. I ran back to the house and my eyes settled on the entrance to the wood, in which my life as I knew it had been ended. I walked towards it and began to remember just what happened that fateful day when my heart broke into a thousand pieces: pieces I would never find. I walked the familiar path and it was as if I was travelling back in time. The feelings just as strong as they had been then, to the point I had to stop and lie down on the ground and scream. I knew my voice was too high for any human to hear when I screamed and I hope my family was too far away to hear. I got up then did what I always did after I broke down. I ran. I just gave myself over to my instincts; just let myself go where I wanted. I didn't know at the time but that was possibly the worst or best thing I could have done.

I ran and felt so free as I always did when I ran. Running was one of the best things my new life offered. I could forget everything else and simply focus on the wind rushing by me, playing with my hair. I remembered being scared of the speed when I was human but now I craved it, running was my release, the one time I could make sense of things and collect my thoughts. I suddenly stopped when I realised where I'd ran. The meadow; our meadow. I stood still, as all the memories of that wonderful day in which Edward revealed himself in the sunlight came flooding back with the force of a fleet of tankers. I had been told by others of my kind it was unusual to remember your human life so clearly and I figured it was just another Bella thing. I found that being in the meadow I'd been in more than a century ago too much to bear so soon after my first breakdown. I had intended to run back to Sarah and Max, sure that if I didn't Sarah would start to worry. However, I had not counted on this happening. I fell to the forest floor and the irony of the situation did not escape me ; yes since Edwards departure I had become a vampire , stronger that what I had been, but he was still able to effect me like no other, not even needing to be anywhere near me. I heard a faint rustling of leaves, too quite to be made by a human. I stood up ready to defend myself if needed. I was totally unprepared for what I was about to face. It can't be. It's not possible. I thought. I must be loosing my mind. Then just as I feared for my sanity I heard a sound more beautiful than any bird song. Opera singers would trade anything to have the same musical voice as the one now currently travelling to my ears , the sweetest sound I had heard in a century coming from an angel I had long since given up on seeing again. I concluded that if my mind was indeed going through a breakdown I may as well enjoy the side effects.

"Bella" he said and then it became too real to be good, too dangerous so as usual I ran. I bolted out of there as fast as my legs would carry me.