I need a life. I know, after inspiration AND motivation from a very demented slash story (crude humor, by the way), I've decided to make another awesome parody because that's what good authors write. Right?

Wait, first, I have to think of a good plot.

...

Still thinking...

It's 10:30pm, and my ass hurts. Oh. Right. Story time cheesy grin:

Warnings: Strange pairings, demented slash, what else is there to say?

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Chapter One: The Maiden from Rohan

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Soft footsteps pattered the wooden stairs as a maiden (with no name, because its so mysterious!!! And this is NOT A MARY SUE BITCHES KEKEKE ok-) ran up the hollow stairs of an inn in Rohan. Of course, Rohan had no inn, but that was beside the point. She peeked into the keyhole of Room 101, in which interesting noises and grunts emitted into thuds.

"Oh Gimli," a voice cried, "stop! That tickles hehehe."

"My love, we are finally together after several long years," Gimli sighed as he gazed into his lover's eyes. Long strands of blonde hair hung out from the sheets. Gimli wanted nothing more than...his treasure after the ride of Edoras on in front of Legolas. He should have been behind...

Anyway, the party of Legolas, Aragorn, Gimli, and Gandalf arrived that day to the Golden Halls after Gandalf miraculously returned from the dead- somehow, Gimli didn't believe him when Gandalf said he killed the Balrog straight forth. Something told the stout dwarf that manly sex was involved, but who knows? Surely, fire and sparkly white clothes don't go together.

Gimli's attention returned to the Great Naked One in front of his eyes. Adorable blue eyes eagerly looked up at him, caressing his soul. He giggled. Before he could glomp his lover's arms off, a gasp outside the Room 101 door.

The maiden couldn't believe her beautiful eye. As Gimli turned over, staring straight towards the path of his partner, the girl could see that it was...

It was Theoden, the king, wearing strawberry sneakers and red bondage.

"TAKE MEEEEEEEE GIMLIIIIIII!!!" Theoden shouted in an un-kingly manner, "OMG THAT RHYMES!!! 'Mee' and "Gimli" hehehehehe."

It was going to be a long night.

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Oh my god. I should be shot for writing this.