A/N: Ashley and Toby's stepsibling relationship had so much unexplored potential and I seized the opportunity to write about this. Hopefully this isn't too OOC. Any feedback is welcomed and encouraged!
"I still can't believe how badly our relationship turned out," Ashley mused out loud as she entered the kitchen to find something to snack on. Her new status as a single girl made her hungry.
"I still can't believe how long you were in that relationship," Toby remarked as he raided the pantry. Ashley glared at him for the comment, but she couldn't keep it up because Toby pulled a funny face that made her laugh. It was times like this where she couldn't get over how different she was from sweet, nerdy Toby.
Sure, they've lived together since they were preteens, which felt like an eternity in and of itself. Ashley was sure she knew more about Toby than she cared to know. She probably knew more about Toby's strange quirks than she did about Craig's. But at other times, it felt like they only occupied the same space at similar intervals in time, making it seem like they hardly knew each other on an intimate, emotional level.
She hated to admit this, but she was higher than he was on the hierarchy of high school popularity list. Ashley didn't care to see much of Toby outside of the home because of this. She always wondered what could she say to him, anyway. They were in different grades, too. Ashley thought too highly of keeping the status quo to really consider mingling with someone like Toby. The cruel mistress, the status quo and the social hierarchy, put a damper on furthering their stepsibling relationship. How could you be close to someone you live in the same house with but know more about their living habits and not their personality? It was a conundrum, to say the least.
"That was a rhetorical question. Plus Craig was a sweetheart...when he wanted to be," Ashley said, as if she talking of a long-distant nostalgic memory. Dating Craig did feel like a memory, even though they've only been broken up for less than twenty-four hours. She had a very…tumultuous relationship with Craig; calling it tumultuous probably sounded like a vast understatement. His bipolar diagnosis took its justifiable toll on both Ashley and Craig. The relationship simultaneously lasted for long enough and not long at all. She loved when he bought her flowers and showered her with affection and held her hand as if she was the only girl who mattered and they laughed at each other's silly jokes while they wrote songs and sung to each other. Her heart fluttered at those memories.
But the bad times were pretty horrendous. He didn't seem to comprehend that Ashley had feelings and he'd sometimes try to make up with her without sounding genuine at all. Ashley feared that Craig's band meant more to him than she did, and she didn't want to stay with a guy who married his band before he could fix his problems with his living, breathing girlfriend. She wished to forget the memories that haunted her like this.
"Why is there no emphasis on was and when he wanted to be?" Toby remarked as he chewed thoughtfully on an apple he grabbed from the refrigerator. Ashley wasn't sure if she appreciated Toby's sarcastic view of her relationship; she also wasn't sure if she should be offended that he currently treated her break up like some kind of joke.
"Because!" Ashley didn't want to justify his sarcasm with a more articulate response. Toby had a great sense of humor, but it always seemed to come out at the worst times.
Grudgingly, Ashley noted that he had a point. She couldn't help but talk of him as if Craig was right here in the present, listening to her conversations, thinking of ways to make the conversation more like him; the other part of Ashley talked of Craig as if he disappeared into the night like some sort of sly but attractive creature who could fly in and out of her life with creepy amounts of ease. Was that indicative of their relationship as a whole? He left her life quickly, but he always managed to charm his way back.
"I have a point and you know it." Toby's smug smirk made Ashley's blood boil. The fact that he had to be lounging in a comfortable wicker chair that he had somehow carried from the dining room, eating saltine crackers as if he weren't bickering with his stepsister made matters worse.
"Don't act like you know everything about relationships. You've never even been in one!" Ashley's words to Toby sounded much harsher than she intended, but she couldn't take it back now. Besides, toby needed to know his place. He couldn't dictate how she felt about her relationship status, and she happened to need time to process the whole thing. Her way of coping was letting herself feel lost and then letting the tears flow freely and then finally writing songs about him that would probably never see the light of day.
"My relationship status isn't relevant," there was a small flicker of emotion in his voice that sounded like he was upset but he gathered his composure as quickly as he lost it. "What I'm saying is that you have to get over him. You broke up with him for a reason, if I'm correct."
Ashley scowled. She knew this Toby had a point, and even better was the fact that it wasn't wrapped in heavy sarcasm. Craig wasn't in her life for a valid reason, and he wasn't going to be back in her life anytime soon, if she could help it.
"Did I really let Craig in and out of my life too easily?" Ashley asked nobody in particular, but she secretly hoped that Toby had an answer. He was a nerd and a voracious reader despite his lack of tact, so Toby was bound to have an answer. Her heart skipped a beat at the thought of letting Craig in and out of her life so easily. She imagined herself to be more independent than that. But one of Ashley's weaknesses was Craig's smile and charm.
"That's for you to decide, really. I can't tell you how to feel about leading your life, as much as I wish I could. What I could accomplish if I could manipulate emotions…" Toby said, and this was the most profound thing that came out of his mouth. Except for the wistful wish of emotion manipulation, that was kind of creepy and proof he needed to stop obsessively reading comic books.
A tear ran down her cheek. Her answer finally came.
"It's okay to cry," Toby said, his voice soft and understanding. She didn't expect this sense of maturity from him; maybe Ashley underestimated him too often.
"Tears confuse me," Ashley stated, her voice thick with emotion. She couldn't explain why she was suddenly so weepy. She hated to think that she was crying over a guy. But it was Craig, and it made sense but still…he was a guy. Guys weren't worth the tears, even ones as wonderfully flawed as Craig fucking Manning.
"I don't get them either. Once I began crying over a tv show character's death and I didn't stop for twenty minutes," Toby explained in an attempt to make Ashley feel better. It worked, because, despite the tears flowing down her cheeks, Ashley couldn't help but manage a weak smile.
"I wish I could make the status quo just disappear. I wish I didn't so much faith in the arbitrary social hierarchy of high school. I wish…" She was blubbering now, and she was pretty sure she was nearly incoherent.
Ashley gave Toby credit for understanding her garbled speech because he responded with: "I'm sorry to say but that's how high school works. It's a fickle, arbitrary creature that has a structured mind of its own." He awkwardly patted her on the back; she understood why he was so hesitant to touch her in an assuring, familial way. They lived in the same house, and they were so vastly different…but somehow, Toby understood it. He understood things in ways Ashley thought he wouldn't.
"You're so wise, Toby," Ashley sputtered out as she wiped her tears away. Toby handed her a tissue so she could blow her nose.
"I try," Toby smiled.
"But don't let it get to your head. I wouldn't want you getting all egotistical on me."
"Can't go changing the status quo on me, now can you?" This earned Toby a playful punch in the arm.
"If only," Ashley said wistfully, "if only."
"Well, if you ever need anything I'm around." Toby said, his voice suddenly more somber than his previous joking tone.
"Thank for the offer. I'll definitely take it up if I need it," Ashley responded. Toby turned on his heel and left the kitchen, leaving Ashley alone with her racing thoughts. She felt a little more confident about her perspective on her breakup with Craig. Maybe asking help from an unexpected person wasn't as bad as Ashley expected it, maybe she was putting too much stock in something that wasn't tangible. Maybe, she'd rise out of this situation like a phoenix. Only time would tell.
