I killed someone today. It was a young man about my age. He had brown hair and brown eyes.
I nearly couldn't do it. I tried to pretend it was Potter or Black or Lupin, even Pettigrew. No such luck. Or maybe that was luck.
I finally remembered every person who'd ever hurt or humiliated me.
The combined emotions were barely enough.

She's gone. Dead. He killed her.
It took me a total of two weeks to stop denying it. She's a great hero now but she's dead.
And I'm still here trying very hard not to feel. I don't think I'm very successful. On the other hand, the Dementors aren't exactly helping.
My trial is tomorrow. I hope I'll be Kissed. At least I wouldn't have to feel anymore.

Dumbledore saved me. I wish he hadn't. I wish the old man would just stop meddling in other peoples' lives.
He wants me to be a teacher at Hogwarts in September. I wish I could decline but the only thing keeping me from Azkaban is his protection. And I never want to go back to that place.

Harry Potter has started school.
He looks so wrong. Lily's eyes in Potter's face. But I'm lying to him. He's not like his father. He's quiet and somewhat timid. There's that childlike curiosity and wonder that reminds me of Lily.
He's made friends with the youngest Weasley boy and that Granger know-it-all.
I hope they're tough. They'll have to be as Harry Potter's best friends.

He's bleeding. The water is turning pink with his blood. I recognize that curse. I invented it myself after all. James Potter was my first test subject. And now his son used it on Draco Malfoy. Now I'd just like to know where he got my old Potions textbook.

Potter's lying. I know he is. He couldn't have found that spell anywhere else and I certainly didn't teach him. I think I'll have to look through the school's potions textbooks. And by god, I hope it's still there.

Potter has vanished. Well, I know what he's doing I just don't know where. I don't think I've ever been so glad to have these portraits around. Not that I'd tell them that.
And then there's my other big worry. The Carrows. I don't particularly like children. Never have even when I was one myself. But the things these people are doing to them are horrible and disgusting. And there's something I thought I'd never see. Longbottom organising the resistance. The Lovegood girl helping him. I almost admire them if I didn't know that war brings out the best and the worst in people.

I know he's going to kill me. He only makes speeches like that when he plans to kill the person he's talking to or about. I hope it'll be over fast.

Hope disappointed. But there's someone there. Looks like Potter and I'm not sure which one until he looks me in the eye.
Lily's eyes. There. I pushed the memories out. Now just let me look at Lily's eyes. I want them to be the last thing I'll ever see in this world.
Maybe she'll forgive me when I see her next.
See you soon, Lily.