Blue Like You
Ch1 Deleted Scenes: Raven discovers one of Erik's dark secrets and tries to ease his shame, but the two of them struggle to keep the true nature of their friendship hidden from Charles.
Ch2 Divisions: Raven is captured by a mysterious anti-mutant army, and Erik must team up with Charles in order to save her. (Introduces an OC.)
Ch3 New Lives: Raven becomes pregnant and goes into labor at a rather inconvenient time, leaving her in desperate need of her friends' protection.
Ch4 Pulse: After Beast goes missing, Charles calls on the help of Erik and Raven, but the situation quickly becomes much more dangerous than anyone expects.
Chapter 1: Deleted Scenes
Note: The events of this chapter take place AFTER Raven shows up in Erik's bed, but BEFORE Hank injects his foot. In the film, Hank's scene occurs before Raven's, and both happen in the same night, but this chapter presupposes that the two events occurred in reverse order with lots of time in between.
Being kissed by Erik – on her real, blue lips – sent both butterflies and courage through Raven's body. She leaned in and kissed him again, touching his neck as she did, showing him she wanted more.
"Come on, now," he said, pulling away, "It was only meant to be one kiss."
"Please," she responded, instantly regretting how pathetic it sounded. "No one's ever wanted to do it when I looked like this."
"It's not that I don't want to…"
"Then what? Don't you think I'm old enough to know what I want?"
Erik sighed, "Alright. But this is a one-time thing, understand?"
She nodded.
"And I don't want to hear the L-word come out of you or any of that nonsense."
"Don't talk to me like I'm a child," Raven shot back, "I know what a one-night-stand is, and that's what I want."
And with that, she pulled off his shirt and resumed kissing him. He kissed down her neck to the side of her breast, fondling the soft tissue. She let out a blissful sigh.
"God, I'd never felt that on my real skin…"
He looked up at her. "Feels good, doesn't it?"
"It feels…real."
Erik positioned himself on top of her, kissed her, then moved down to her waist with a smirk. Raven's eyes widened as she watched him. He kissed her hip, another new sensation for her blue skin, and then moved farther down. Suddenly, he let out a low, soft laugh.
Raven opened her eyes and looked down at him. He was looking directly at her crotch. Suddenly nervous, her heart raced.
"What is it?" she asked.
"You're so…blue," he said, staring up at her with bold eyes.
She laughed a little, "Well, I guess that makes sense…"
"It's magnificent," he said, moving toward her sensitive area with his mouth, sending waves of ecstasy through her as he made contact.
"Oh my god," she said after he'd been pleasuring her for a few moments, "Erik…" she sat up to look at him, "I think it's time to get you out of those pants."
He smirked at her boldness and quickly stood to undo his belt. Naked, he again crawled on top of her and gave her the most pleasurable, passionate night of her life so far, which included her first sex-induced orgasm in her true skin.
Lying in bed afterward, Raven couldn't help but smile. "Thank you," she said, looking over at him.
He leaned over toward her, cupped the back of her head to pull her closer, and kissed her forehead. "My pleasure."
"I love-"
"Hey," he said, removing his hand, "What did I tell you-"
"Relax! I was going to say I loved it," she laughed. "But you know," she said as she stood and moved toward the door, "since I broke that rule, feel free to break the one about this being a one-time thing." She winked at him from the threshold.
"Did you want your robe?"
"Nope," she said with a smirk, and left.
In the week that followed, the two of them routinely met at night. During the day, he'd shoot her a knowing glance and she'd take it as an invitation, or she'd just pop in when she felt like it. They managed to keep it a secret from Charles, since Raven wasn't worried about him reading her mind, and Erik had a technique of forcing his thoughts in another direction when Charles was around. It seemed to be working, too, because Charles never acted differently around either of them.
One night, after another passionate session, as they lay partially dosing off, Raven rolled onto her side, propping her head up with her hand to look at him. She had an idea.
"I don't always have to be me, you know."
"What do you mean?" he asked, studying her face. He couldn't be sure what she was implying.
"I can be anyone you want," she said, moving closer to him, "Look like anyone you've ever fantasized about."
"Why would you want to do that?" he said softly, running a hand over her smooth hair.
"Because you've done so much for me. You've been so kind…"
"Don't mistake lust for kindness, love. That's that teenage-thinking."
"But you are kind. You've given me courage and self-confidence I had almost given up on finding… You gave me my fantasy."
He smiled and rolled over. "Go to sleep, Raven."
"Just think about it," she said.
A few nights later, heading to Erik's room, Raven was hoping he'd thought about it and would be ready to open up to her about someone he'd like her to look like. She really couldn't guess who he'd pick; would it be someone from his past? Some celebrity? Someone they knew? Her curiosity burning, she opened his door and peeked in.
"Knock, knock."
He looked up from a newspaper he'd been reading and seemed genuinely happy to see her.
She closed the door behind her and walked toward him, moving the paper and straddling him in his chair. He kissed her, but her curiosity overflowed and she broke it off after a few seconds.
"So," she said, stroking his cheek, "Did you think about my idea? Who you might want me to be?"
He sighed, slouching back in the chair. "Are you still going on about that?"
"Come on," she said, "Why wouldn't you want to? If you just tell me, I can change right now. It'll be so fun!"
He scooted her off of his lap so he could stand. He walked over to his table and lifted a cigar to his lips.
"Raven, you really need to stop this. This isn't a game. You need to drop it." He lit the cigar.
"What are you so afraid of," she asked, walking toward him. "I don't care who you pick. It can be anyone. I don't see the big deal. It's easy." She quickly transformed through a series of outrageously attractive women, landing back on herself.
"I asked you to drop it."
"Wow, I really thought I could do something nice for you, here," she threw out her arms and let her eyes dart around the room. "I didn't think you'd be so ridiculous about this," she shook her head.
He smoked and said nothing.
Her curiosity had given way to anger. "If you would just fucking tell me –"
"Charles," he snapped, cutting her off.
She blinked, stunned at what she thought she'd heard. "What?"
"Fantasies aren't so fun when you know the reality of them, are they?" he bitterly quipped.
"Erik…I…He's my…."
"Get out."
Still utterly shocked and uncomfortable, Raven obeyed and left the room. Erik figured she wouldn't be returning anymore after that exchange. In a way, he thought it served her right for pressing the issue so much.
Back in her own room, she sat on the edge of her bed and replayed the scene in her head in disbelief. Charles? Had he really said that? She had to admit, when she'd said "anyone," she hadn't even considered for a second that he might not choose a woman. She felt stupid; what had she expected? To transform into a model and scatter rose petals and candles? More of that teenage-thinking, she thought, sighing. She turned off her lamp and slid into her sheets. She realized how much she didn't want her friendship with Erik to end and cried into her pillow.
The next day, with a clear head, she gave more thought to the idea while exercising. It seemed crazy to think of transforming into a man she considered her brother, but where was the real harm? She wouldn't be watching herself, only Erik would. And after all his kindness, and all the hardships he'd been through, she felt she might regret it forever if she refused him. She knew how much it hurt when people had rejected her in the past, and she could only imagine how much courage it had taken for him to tell her the truth in that moment. She finished her bench-press and smirked, shaking her head. Am I really going to do this?
That night, Erik sat in his room with a cigar and scotch, unable to concentrate on his newspaper. Suddenly, the door opened. He set the paper down, surprised, genuinely not expecting Raven to show up. But then, Charles entered his room. He thought for a moment that it might be Raven, but Charles was still wearing the same clothes he'd seen him in earlier, and he gave no indication of not being himself. Erik felt sure he was looking at Charles.
"What brings you here so late?" Erik asked, puffing his cigar.
"Care for a game of chess?" asked Charles, who grabbed a small stool and scooted it up to the table so he could sit across from Erik.
"I suppose," Erik rose and grabbed another glass from the metal tray in his bookcase. "Scotch?"
Instead of responding, Charles erupted in laughter, cupping his hand over his mouth.
"What on Earth is so amusing?" Erik asked, looking over at him.
Still holding in more laugher, Charles's eyes flashed bright yellow for a moment.
Erik's eyes widened in shock, "Jesus Christ… Raven! You look just like him!"
"Shhh-hhh-hhh," she said, fighting her laugher, standing and walking over to him.
She placed a finger over his lips. "I wanted to give you your fantasy," she whispered. "Just enjoy it."
Erik stared at her – at Charles's face – in disbelief. He ran a hand over Charles's hair, still feeling uncomfortably surreal. "You…God, you even sound just like him."
Raven smiled. She could tell he was hesitant to get things started, but that he had wanted this for a long time. She placed her hands on the sides of his face and pulled him in for a passionate kiss. The whole situation was surreal for her, too, but she could already tell how badly Erik wanted it. She found it exhilarating to be helping him realize his ultimate fantasy.
The feeling of Charles's lips on his sent a wave of previously forbidden excitement through Erik's body. He gasped as he pulled out of the kiss to look at Charles's face again.
"Raven…this is insane." He shook his head and looked down for a moment.
"You don't have to call me that. Erik." She had guessed that hearing his name in her flawless copy of Charles's accent would make him unable to resist. She was right.
Erik grabbed her shoulders and pinned her against the bookshelf, kissing her passionately once again, allowing himself to get lost in the moment. The two of them moved toward the bed, with Raven removing her Charles-jacket and shirt, while Erik hastily undid the belt. As they lied down, he slipped his hand into her pants, unsure of what to expect.
"My God…you really transform completely, don't you?"
She looked at him and gave a bold little smirk. "Wouldn't be as convincing if I didn't. Haa-ahh…" She gasped at his touch.
"I take it that feels good," he said, sliding her pants off.
"Are you kidding? In high school I used to transform into a guy just to jack off," she said as she pulled off Erik's shirt. "Now, how about you stop talking to Raven and enjoy this," she said, leaning forward to kiss him.
Erik received the kiss but hesitated again, pausing to look "her" body over now that she was fully naked. He ran his hand along the side of Charles's abdomen down to the hip, feeling a small sting of reality at the thought that none of it would ever really happen.
Raven could detect some small amount of sadness in his face. She wrapped her arm around his back, pulling him closer, and said, "You have nothing to be ashamed of, Erik." It occurred to both of them that it sounded exactly like something Charles would say in a different context.
With that, he moved on top of her and deeply kissed her, moving down to kiss Charles's neck, then his waist. He looked up at Charles's face the same way he had on their first night together before he had pleasured Raven.
"Do it," she insisted.
He did with a gasp, embracing the surreal feeling washing over him as he pleasured a man for the first time.
"Oh god, Erik," Raven gasped, "I've wanted this so long." She thought it might be something he'd like to hear. Again, she was right. She would've been lying to say that seeing the guy she'd been sleeping with for nearly a month enjoying pleasuring a man wasn't pretty fucking weird, but she was still relishing watching him act out his fantasy. Plus, it helped that it felt as least as good as when she'd been herself.
Erik was no stranger to blow jobs, so he knew what usually felt good, but he was surprised at how different it was to be on the giving end; his mouth was already getting tired. By the sounds Raven was making, though, he could tell he wasn't awful. In that moment, he was actually relieved that it wasn't really Charles there beneath him, and instead, someone he'd already intimately trusted. And he had to admit…he was enjoying it.
Raven ran her hands through his hair as she moaned and gasped in pleasure. "Oh god, Erik," she said again, "I'm so close."
Hearing that phrase in Charles's voice nearly sent Erik over the edge. He paused and moved up to Raven's chest – Charles's chest – and lifted her to move her to a more accessible position, gave her a quick kiss, then continued with full enthusiasm and speed.
"Oh god, fuck, yes," Raven gasped out in Charles's voice just before she came, "Haaaaa-aaaah-ugh." She was a bit surprised that Erik had no qualms about swallowing, but there he was, smiling at her, like it didn't bother him at all.
Erik crawled up next to her as she let herself sink into a pillow, panting. He lied close, putting an arm around her chest.
"I told you it would be fun," she said, smiling. "Should I return the favor?" she asked, feeling his bulge pressing into her thigh.
He ran his hand through Charles's hair again and kissed her forehead. "How about you go back to being Raven so I can give you a proper fuck?"
"Are you sure?" she asked, her smile fading a bit.
Erik gave her another passionate kiss. "I'm sure," he whispered.
And just like that, her blue scales and auburn hair returned. She let out a sigh and smiled at Erik, who removed his pants and moved on top of her, running a hand up her thigh. After everything they'd already done, he didn't last long, but he made sure the next several minutes were more passionate and enthusiastic than ever, to thank her for the amazing night she'd given him.
Later, spent and sweaty with a cigar in his mouth, he glanced over at her. She was somewhere between smiling dreamily and actually dreaming. He removed his cigar, leaned over and kissed her forehead.
"Thank you," he said genuinely.
She smiled up at him. "Anytime."
He sighed and let out a tiny, breathy laugh. "How the hell did I end up with you as my closest friend?"
She laughed, too, sat up, and hugged him. She'd never felt more appreciated. Lying back down, she decided to toss some humor into the moment.
"Just don't let me hear that L-word come out of you," she said.
He scoffed in amusement. "Goodnight, Raven."
The next morning, Raven stepped out of Erik's shower and wrapped herself in a towel. She cracked the door so he could hear her from the bed.
"Do you think you're going to have any trouble keeping that from Charles?" she asked, praying the answer was going to be a firm "no."
"I'm not worried," he said, "I've kept those ridiculous thoughts from him this long, anyway."
"How exactly do you do that, again?" she asked, toothbrush in her mouth.
"I just find a way of pushing another, distracting thought to the front of my mind when I'm around him. It could be anything. An image of breasts, deciding what I want to eat, looking forward to my next cigar, you know. Just long enough to get myself thinking of something else. It's either worked so far, or he hasn't said anything," he shrugged. He had lied, though; he was somewhat worried about all these new images floating around in his head. It wasn't like Charles couldn't dig all the way to his sub-conscious if he wanted to.
"You getting in?" Raven asked, referring to the shower.
"No," he said, standing and grabbing his sweat clothes. "I'm going for a run."
Later, after his jog, he stopped at the kitchen for a quick bite, having successfully avoided Charles all morning. But then, as he headed for his room, ready for a shower, Charles suddenly approached him, looking angry. Erik immediately felt a wave of panic course through him. He tried to clear his head, but was afraid his racing heart would reveal his anxiety.
"Erik, a word," he said sternly as he passed him, heading down the hall to a lounge room.
Erik reluctantly followed, resolving that he could just bolt if everything blew up in his face, even though doing so would upset Raven.
Charles paced the room as he spoke. "Am I to understand," he began, "that while I've accepted you as an equal, a friend, and a person I can trust…"
Erik felt like he was sweating more now than during his jog. He tried to clear his mind and focus on what Charles was saying, even though he had a swelling fear of what was coming.
"Am I to understand," he repeated himself, "that you've been sleeping with my sister?"
Erik blinked. Is that what he's so angry about? He couldn't be sure if that was all Charles knew, but he figured he could play it like it was all that had happened.
"What's the big deal?" he shrugged, "We're enjoying each other's company."
"She's eighteen!" Charles snapped.
"And bloody well old enough to know what she wants!" Erik shouted back. "Christ, Charles, she's not a child. Do you think you can shield her from sex at that age? Or forever?" He grabbed a cigar from the room's coffee table and lit it at his lips.
Charles stared at him angrily and moved his finger up to his temple like he did when preparing to read someone's thoughts. "I want to know how this started," he said, matter-of-factly.
"You don't want to read my thoughts right now, Charles," Erik said, meaning to imply that Charles might be wise to avoid witnessing the image of him banging away at Raven.
Charles instantly reconsidered and withdrew his hand. "You're right. I don't," he said, and left in a haste.
Raven was in the kitchen having lunch with Hank, who still couldn't empathize with her newfound call to nudity or her "mutant pride." A very serious-looking Charles entered suddenly, and she thought he might join them.
"Raven, can I have a word with you in private?"
She gulped. "Uh, sure," she said, getting up to follow him out into the hall.
"I want to know how this started," he said in a stern but hushed voice. "Between you and Erik. I want to know if he took advantage of you in any way—"
"What? No! And how do you know about this, anyway? Did you read my mind?"
"No, I didn't," he said with a sigh.
"Then how? And why is this your business?"
"Raven, as always, I only have your best interests in mind, and as for how, a student told me he saw you go to Erik's room several nights within the past week. I read his mind to see what he saw. I didn't read yours or Erik's, and frankly, I'd rather not."
"Who told you?" She glanced back at the kitchen for a moment. "It was Hank, wasn't it? God, I knew he was jealous."
"Raven, just tell me how this started. I think when I find out that my oldest friend and little sister has been staying with a man more than twice her age, I have reason to be concerned."
"I started it," she said with a shrug. "I wanted to. He's the only person who's ever preferred me like this. The real me."
"Is that why you've been going around like this all the time now?"
She considered the tone of his question and gave a slight scoff. "That's what this is really about, isn't it? You're still not comfortable seeing me like this. Even after all these years."
"Raven, that's not what this is about—"
"Goddamnit, Charles," she shook her head. "You just can't understand. You'll never understand! You pick up girls all the time. You can't imagine what it's like...to know that if you show your true self to someone, they'll most likely reject you? That you have to lie just so someone will think you're pretty? Can you even empathize with that?"
"Raven! Listen! I want to make sure Erik isn't taking advantage of you by playing off of that same vulnerability you're talking about. It's fine for him to be attracted to you, but to carry on like this? Does that make it appropriate? Does that give him sound reason to woo a teenage girl?"
"Don't talk to me like I'm a child. I'm not in love with him or some bullshit like that. And I'm allowed to enjoy myself."
"Can you at least see why I'm concerned?"
She sighed. "Yeah. But you don't have to be. Erik has given me more self-confidence and courage than I thought I'd ever have. He's doing the opposite of taking advantage. I feel like my whole outlook on life has changed. I feel…beautiful. In my skin," she smiled, "Mutant and proud."
Charles smiled back, satisfied, and touched her shoulder. "Thank you, Raven." He turned to leave, and added, "This is why I never need to read your mind!"
After he'd gone, Raven hurried over to Erik's room, wondering if Charles had confronted him as well. When she stepped inside, his bathroom door was closed with the light on, and she thought she'd try again later, but then he stepped out with a towel around his waist. She closed the door behind her.
"That was close…" she said.
"Tell me about it."
"I don't think he'll bother us again, though. And it sounded like he won't be reading our minds anytime soon," she said, trying to put a positive spin on the encounter.
The next few days were busy in the mansion, so later that week, Raven was craving another rendezvous with Erik, but she could still feel some slight tension between them now that their activities weren't a secret. She'd been trying to come up with something new and exciting that would help break the ice and amp up the sexy again. Fortunately, though, an encounter with Hank had given her an idea. (She was still angry at Hank for various reasons, but still wandered through his lab on occasion out of boredom and curiosity.)
So, that evening, she headed for Erik's room. It was earlier than usual, but most of the house was empty, giving her the perfect opportunity. Since it had been a while, she knocked instead of just peeking in. She heard the rustling of paper and then a shirtless Erik opened the door.
"Hello there," he said, stepping aside to let her in.
"You read a lot, don't you?" she asked awkwardly, trying to fill the silence.
"I suppose I do. I prefer to stay informed."
"I have a surprise for you," she said, smiling mischievously.
"Oh? The nice kind?" he asked, quoting her from that first night.
"I hope so," she said. "Close your eyes."
He raised a brow as if to say "really?" She could tell he thought it was a childish request.
"Come on, just do it!"
He shook his head and obeyed.
"Alright," came Charles's voice, "Ta-da!"
"What the fuck is that?" Erik said upon opening his eyes, observing the strange suit she'd morphed into Charles wearing.
"I saw Hank working on them earlier. They're going to be really high-tech for fighting and stuff. I thought you might like a preview of what Charles will look like in his," she said, turning so he could see how form-fitting the suit was.
Erik just laughed, shaking his head. "We're all going to be dressed like that?" He rubbed his temples.
"You don't like the surprise, do you?" she said, smile fading, sounding defeated.
He quickly moved closer to her. "I didn't say that," he said, grabbing Charles's ass with both hands in a loud clap against the smooth suit, pulling their bodies closer together.
She laughed with delight. "You know…we could even go all the way tonight. If you wanted," she offered, smiling up at him.
Erik withdrew his grasp. "I've actually never been interested in doing that," he said, clearly referring to anal sex. "With anyone, really. Male or female. It doesn't appeal to me at all, and I hope you won't press the issue." His tone was stern but not harsh.
"Oh," came her response. "Well, what should we do this time?" she asked happily, trying to hint that they could be more adventurous than the first time she looked like Charles.
Then, he did something she wasn't expecting. Instead of responding, he stared into Charles's eyes for a moment, embraced her, and held her against his chest. At first, she was confused, not knowing what to say or do. He'd never behaved that way before; there had been small romantic moments between them, but no sudden, wordless hugs. She could feel his breath on top of her head. Then, something occurred to her: Is he in love with Charles? The thought shocked her at first, and for a moment, she felt very uncomfortable. But, after further consideration, she realized how difficult it would be for a man to love another man and not be able to act upon it. She was suddenly flooded with so much pity for Erik she thought she might cry, and wrapped her arms around his back, holding him tight.
Pulling out of the hug, he kissed her forehead. "You've been so generous, Raven."
She still couldn't be sure of the true meaning behind that hug, but she didn't want to turn it into a mushy, soul-searching moment.
"What can I say?" She kissed him. "I'm a charitable person."
He smiled, amused, and kissed her. He removed his arms from her abdomen, and began unbuckling his belt, stepping out of his pants as they fell to the floor.
"Care to prove it?" he asked, his eyes bold, staring straight into hers.
She smirked back at him, kneeling on command. "Should I stay in the suit?"
"Why not?" he said, cocking an eyebrow.
She smiled wickedly and moved closer. It was the first time she'd ever given him oral – the first time he'd requested it – and she loved that her surprise had lead to trying something new.
As for Erik, seeing Charles in a skin-tight suit, kneeling and sucking him off like his dick contained a special substance that would make mutants and humans get a long happily forever – if only – was both insane and insanely hot, to the point that he wasn't sure how long he would actually last. His instincts told him to let his eyelids drop and enjoy the feeling, but he just couldn't get enough of that sight, and kept re-opening them. To steady himself, he reached over and let his hand rest on a bedpost.
"Good fucking lord, Raven, that's…that's, god, that's it…"
She looked up at him playfully, and keeping a hand on him, freed her mouth to speak. "I told you, you don't have to call me that. What do you really want to call me, Erik?" She resumed pleasuring him, her eyes still open.
He didn't respond, instead running a hand through Charles's hair.
Meanwhile, the real Charles had headed for the newly relocated and reconstructed Cerebro. Hank had just finished repairing it and had requested that Charles give it a test drive to make sure it still functioned properly. On the way out the door, Moira spotted him.
"Ah, off to search the globe? This late?"
"It's more of just a test," he said. "Care to join me?"
"Sure!" she said, following him out the door.
Whenever he used Cerebro, it always began by scanning the area closest to him. So, when the machine started up and he got brief images of each of the mutants in his home, he was glad to see that it appeared to be working normally. Quick, half-second glimpses of someone jogging, reading, or working flashed through his mind. Suddenly, one of the images was of Erik clearly having sex with someone. Disgusted, he was going to quickly move his mind away from the area of his house, when something caught his "eye," and reluctantly, he re-focused his attention on Erik. His partner was…male. Looking more closely, he gasped as he recognized himself giving Erik oral sex!
Noting the look of pain and disgust on Charles's face, Moira called out, "Is everything okay, Professor?"
"It's fine – fine – just give me a second."
Something clearly must be wrong with Cerebro, he thought. It is displaying an event that has not taken place. Just as the thought occurred to him, though, it became very apparent that he was, indeed, observing two mutants, and with a brief tap into Raven's mind, he confirmed what he feared was actually happening.
Bewildered and mortified, he tore himself away from the metal helmet, taking a few steps and nearly collapsing forward as he steadied himself on the railing.
"Charles!" Moira said, concerned, approaching him.
"I'm fine, Moira, I've just," unable to calm his gut reaction, he vomited on the floor. "I've just witnessed something very terrible."
At his side, Moira placed a hand on his shoulder. "Is it the Russians?" she gasped. "Has war already begun?"
"No, no," he said, taking a breath and standing up straight. "That's not the nature of this machine. I really can't discuss what I saw, I'm sorry. I think it would be best if you left."
"But Charles, you're ill. Let me help you."
"I assure you, I'll be fine. Though I suppose I could do with a mint, if you happen to have one," he tried smiling to lighten the mood, but she wasn't convinced. Then again, neither was he.
"Here," she said, finding an Altoid in her pocket.
"Ah, thank you."
"I'll step out, but please don't hesitate to let me know if something's wrong."
After she'd gone, he stood collecting his thoughts. What the fuck did I just witness? Why would she...? Why would he…? It was too much to comprehend; he couldn't make sense of it. Then, something occurred to him. Perhaps they knew I was coming to Cerebro and they're playing a trick on me! Revenge for my intrusion! He had to admit, the thought calmed him. It was a pretty extreme trick, certainly, but it made more sense than anything else he had come up with. But then, an unsettling thought crept over him: the only way to be sure of what was going on would be to "look" again. He gulped, knowing there was no way he could walk back into the mansion without an answer. He stepped back into Cerebro, cringing at the thought of what he'd see next. When he again had a clear image of what was happening in Erik's bedroom, he took a breath and let the scene play out.
"Oh god," Erik gasped, "that's it…"
Raven increased her speed, knowing he was close.
"Oh fuck me," he gasped again, "Fuck! Charles!" he cried, finally saying his name as he finished.
Watching, the actual Charles felt his stomach churning again, in utter disbelief of what he was seeing. He was ready to tear himself away from Cerebro, but the next thing he saw surprised him.
Panting, Erik placed his hand on Raven's arm, encouraging her to stand. As she did, he met her lips with a passionate kiss and embraced her as he had before.
Breaking his promise, Charles read both of their minds within the hug and was stunned at what he found. Both of them had clearly sexually enjoyed the activity; that much was obvious. He could see clearly now that this was their genuine choice and not some trick or illusion. For Erik, it was a moment of satisfaction and serenity. He felt immense happiness over what had just occurred. There was still an underlying guilt about the scenario being taboo and forbidden in reality, but Charles could tell Erik was pushing those thoughts away in favor of enjoying the moment. Raven's thoughts were happy as well, and he could sense how appreciated she felt, and while she admired and adored Erik, she too still felt a hint of pity for him.
"Why don't we lie down?" Raven suggested, still hugging Erik.
He pulled back to look down at her, and stroked her face. Charles's face. "Come back to me," he said.
She gave a small smile, kissed him, and let herself un-transform within the kiss. When she pulled away, smiling, she was Raven again. Erik smiled back and kissed her forehead.
Charles had seen enough, and disconnected from Cerebro, not sure what to think. He'd been tempted to probe Erik's mind further, to discover the true nature of his attraction to him, but he felt it would be too invasive of his privacy. Not to mention, he wasn't sure he really wanted to know. Maybe I should be flattered, he reasoned half-heartedly. Even my male friend has a crush on me! He rolled his eyes at his internal sarcasm. And maybe I should be glad I didn't see them together with Raven intact…though I'm not sure which image would be more scarring. He rubbed his temples. He couldn't help re-examining his previous interactions with Erik in a whole new light. When he'd helped him discover his ability to rotate the satellite dish… He figured that moment probably meant more to Erik than it did for him. Unsure of how to proceed with this new knowledge, he headed inside and poured himself a stiff drink.
Back in Erik's room, the two of them were sitting in bed, Erik back in his snug black boxers, a scotch in his hand.
"You must be thinking it's your turn," he said, leaning over and kissing her.
"Mmm, not necessarily," she smiled and caressed his cheek. "I enjoyed it, too."
There was a silent moment between them as they looked into each other's eyes.
"Have I told you," he started, setting his scotch on his bedside table, "that you have the most gorgeous eyes I've ever seen?"
She smiled, surprised at his compliment.
"So bright," he continued, "like looking at the sun."
She laughed a little. "Thank you," she said. "You seem different tonight."
"Raven, I have to tell you something," he said, taking a sip of his drink and returning it to the stand.
His tone made her nervous. "What is it?"
"The thing is, Charles and I don't see eye-to-eye on lots of things. Lots of the things he's doing…I don't think they're going to work. There may come a time when we part ways – when we'll no longer work together."
"You mean…you'll leave," she said.
"Yes."
She considered the information, wondering if that was the reason he kept hugging her. She was trying to figure out what to say when he spoke again.
"I want you to think about coming with me," he said.
Raven hadn't guessed he would say something like that. She scooted closer to him and kissed him, embracing him again.
"I'll come with you," she whispered.
He returned the hug. "Just think about it," he said. "I know it would be hard for you to leave him."
"It would be hard to see you go," she replied. She kissed him again and the two of them lied there silently for a few minutes. After a while, she spoke again.
"Can I ask you something?"
He nodded.
"Have you been attracted to other men besides Charles?"
He shifted his weight so he was better facing her. "Yes," he responded. "There was another boy in Auschwitz, but that's not something I talk about. And one in college. But neither of them ever knew…" He glanced at her face. "Only you know."
She nodded, silently processing what he'd said. If none of them had known, then her illusion of Charles was the only man he'd actually been with. It really was his ultimate fantasy… she thought.
"Of course," he continued, "most of the time, it's women," he smirked. "There's been no shortage of women."
"I'm sure," she said in mock-annoyance.
"It seems like every now and then I just meet a man I can't get out of my head. I think it won't happen again, but someone like Charles comes along…literally saves my life," he said, shaking his head a little. "I used to think I was fucked in the head. That maybe something the Nazis did to me made me this way."
Raven looked concerned, and was about to react to that alarming notion, but Erik continued.
"But then I realized it's just who I am. Just like my mutation isn't something someone did to me; it's part of me, it's always been there… But for a long time, I did think I was the only one, in both regards."
Raven touched his arm affectionately. "I don't want you to feel alone anymore."
"I've never talked about this," he admitted with a small puff of a laugh.
"Thank you for telling me," she said.
"Thanks for not bailing when I told you," he said, referring to his reveal of his crush on Charles. "I was sure you would."
"Erik," she shook her head slightly in sincerity, "I'm so glad I could do that for you… I'm so glad I know you." She touched his cheek.
He leaned in and kissed her, and after a while, the two of them drifted off to sleep.
The next day, Erik and Charles had to travel into the city with Moira. Charles had resolved to keep a professional demeanor, and was actually a little curious to see if the way Erik behaved toward him would reveal anything he would've missed before having discovered his secret.
The whole day was uncomfortable for both of them. Erik felt a slight panic every time he looked at Charles's face, as imagines of the things he'd done with Raven-Charles flashed through his mind. Charles could sense his discomfort, but was more distracted by his own. In previous outings, he'd felt very at ease with Erik, as if they were brothers. Now, though, he couldn't shake the tension. The stress was taking so much out of him, he wasn't sure if he'd be able to resist reading Erik's mind.
That night, they both returned home weary. As they stepped into the house, Charles considered whether or not he should suggest a game of chess. In the past, he wouldn't have given it a second thought, but now, he wasn't sure if spending more time with Erik was an appealing idea. Still, it would be nice to sit down to a scotch and a game, he thought. And maybe it will ease the tension between us.
"Care for some Chess?" he offered friendlily.
"Why not?" Erik responded, surprised and relieved by the offer.
They headed to the lounge and enjoyed cigars and drinks while they played. After several drinks and some laughs, they both felt they were back in their comfort zone. Then, as Charles was leaning over the board, reaching to move his piece, something came over Erik. He found himself studying Charles's hand, glancing up his arm, looking over his tired face, his blue eyes, his lips… He found himself lingering on his lips. He'd genuinely never been compelled to behave that way before – he'd had his attractions, but he'd never just sat down and admired another man. And he had absolutely never been distracted by a man's lips. He had to snap himself out of it when Charles looked up at him, proud of his move.
"Sorry," he said, "I think the scotch caught up with me. Maybe we can finish this game another night?"
"Sure," Charles yawned. It occurred to him that it was unlike Erik to end a game so abruptly, but he was almost too tired and drunk to care. "I'm ready to retire, myself."
The two of them headed for their rooms. After Charles had washed up, he had an idea. He knew that if he read Erik's mind while he was sleeping, it would be easier to prevent Erik from knowing it had happened. His mind-reading would push Erik's thoughts in certain directions, but for him, it would be nothing more than a dream. He was simply too curious and confused not to try. He waited until he could tell for sure that Erik was in deep sleep, and quietly crept to his room. There, he discovered the door knob locked, and decided that he'd have to do it from another location. He chose an empty room directly above Erik's on the next floor, sat on the bed, took a breath, and concentrated. He probed Erik's mind, pushing it in the direction of himself, then in the direction of Erik's first attraction to him.
Charles was surprised to find images of their first meeting flooding his mind, this time, from Erik's perspective. There he'd been, underwater, using all his strength for an impossible task, when another man's arms had suddenly embraced him from behind. When he'd heard Charles's voice in his mind, he'd been confused, but he could tell Charles was trying to help him. Next, when they'd come up for air and Erik learned that he was not alone in being a mutant, Charles felt how overwhelmingly profound and touching that knowledge had been for Erik, having gone his whole life thinking otherwise. When he'd spoken the words, "You're not alone, Erik," to him, it had changed his whole world. He could've kissed Charles in that moment, he was so happy. But it wasn't really out of genuine sexual attraction…yet. His brain jumped to another moment, of the two of them playing Chess, laughing, and Erik thinking he hadn't had such a good friend in a long time. A very brief moment from the time they'd recruited Angel in her strip club came up next, with the two of them sitting in the bed together, where Erik had realized he'd rather share the bed with Charles than one of the strippers. Then, there was the moment when Charles refused to shoot Erik in the head and called him a friend. Hearing that word had meant a lot to Erik; Charles would have never guessed. Several more memories of the two of them passed by, each with the same undertone: Erik felt a connection to Charles he hadn't felt to another person in a long time. Then, suddenly, an image of the two of them kissing emerged, and he quickly pushed it away. Since it was clearly a genuine memory and not a dream, he knew it must have been him with Raven. But the next moment was even more surprising: Raven and Erik were standing in his room, arguing. She was pressuring him to tell her something – to tell him who she should turn into. He saw the moment Erik had admitted Charles was his fantasy, and felt the deep shame and bitterness that had accompanied saying it aloud. Next, Erik and Raven were lying in bed together, and she was saying something. "I'm so glad I could do that for you, Erik…" she had said, touching his arm. Charles felt he'd seen enough, and gently exited Erik's mind, letting him resume dreamless deep sleep.
He came away from the encounter with no regrets. Understanding why Erik felt that way about him had certainly put his mind at ease. Like Raven, he felt a swell of pity for Erik, whose life had seemingly been one hardship after another. He even felt a little sorry he wouldn't ever be able to feel the way Erik did, but he resolved to continue being his best friend. The last thing this man needs, he thought, is to lose another friend. While he was still very uncomfortable with what Erik and Raven had done together, he could now at least clearly grasp the reasons behind it, and he could admit that he was glad Raven had brought some comfort to Erik in a way he couldn't. I will never give up on my friendship with Erik, he promised himself as he drifted off to sleep that night.
The next morning, Erik awoke to knocking on his door. He could vaguely remember dreaming about Charles, which made him groan in annoyance as he stood. He found Raven at the door.
"I never saw you yesterday when you got back," she said, entering. "I tried to come by last night, but your door was locked."
"I didn't want to be bothered," he said.
"Oh. Well, I get it," she said. "So, how did it go yesterday?"
"Fine," he said.
"That's good," she said. "I hoped it wouldn't be too different - being around him all day."
"Look, Raven," he said with a sigh, "I don't think you and I can continue this."
"What?" she asked, somewhat shocked. "What do you mean? You don't want to see me anymore?"
"No, I don't mean you. I mean this ridiculous thing we've done. You turning into Charles. It has to stop. It's wrong."
"You seemed to enjoy it at the time," she said with a little scoff.
"Godamnit, you talked me into it!" he said, raising his voice. "It's your fault," he pointed at her. "Your stupid idea. Disgusting idea. I should've never agreed to it."
"Erik, why are you saying this?" she could feel tears forming in her eyes. "The other night, everything was fine…"
"It wasn't meant to come true," he said. "They were just thoughts. But now? Now that I've experienced it? I can't stop thinking about him, Raven. It's a huge distraction. It was a huge mistake to agree to that with you. I don't know what I was thinking."
"It's okay to have a crush on someone," she offered, not sure what else to say. "I just wanted to be your outlet. I thought I was helping…"
"Well, it ends now!" he shouted.
Hurt by his tone, she instinctively cupped a hand over her mouth, her eyes tearing up.
"Get the fuck out," he said, clearly annoyed by her display of weakness.
She ran from his room crying and nearly bumped into Charles in the hallway.
"Raven!" he said, concerned. "What is it?"
At first, she thought she'd continue to her room, but instantly realized she didn't want to be alone and let herself collapse onto him.
"He got mad at me," she sobbed.
Charles put an arm around her, patting her back. "Tell me what happened."
"He just…got mad at something I did," she said. "He yelled at me."
"This is what I've been afraid of, Raven. I can't stand to see you get hurt."
She pulled back to wipe her eyes. "I know," she said. "He's never acted like this before."
"Why don't we have a seat?" Charles suggested, and the two of them rested on a nearby couch, his arm around Raven, who had gone back to the blond version of herself for the first time in weeks.
Charles wouldn't break his promise to Raven again, so he probed Erik's mind, searching his thoughts to see what had made him so angry. He wasn't surprised he'd snapped at Raven, as his mind was hot mix of conflicting thoughts and furiousness directed mostly at himself…but that he had tried to pin onto Raven. Charles didn't have to probe longer to ascertain what had occurred between them.
"I'm going to go talk to him," he said gently to Raven, leaving her on the sofa.
"No! Please don't!" she called to him.
"Raven, I'm sorry, but if someone hurts you this much, it's my business," his voice was still gentle but unrelenting.
She sunk into the couch, defeated, and said nothing.
When Charles entered Erik's room, he saw him in his gray sweatpants, putting on the matching sweater.
"Erik, what on Earth has happened?" he asked.
"Relax, Charles, my temper just got out of hand."
"You've genuinely hurt her," Charles said angrily. "I value our friendship, but I will not tolerate you throwing my sister aside like a piece of garbage. Especially not after how the two of you have carried on. That's just cruel, Erik. Just days ago she was speaking of you like her closest friend."
"She means a lot to me, Charles. I'll apologize to her later," he said. "You have my word. But I've got to go clear my head."
Charles nodded and Erik headed out for a jog. Charles felt he had handled the situation well, and while he was still angry at Erik, he knew he was a complex man. He went to return to Raven's side, but found an empty sofa. He headed up to her room, where he found her sitting on her bed, no longer crying, but still in her old blond disguise.
"Raven," he said softly. "Are you alright?"
"I'll be fine," she said. "I feel stupid for letting myself get so comfortable with him. I think you were right about the age difference… What did he say to you?"
Charles sat on the bed next to her and placed a hand on her back. "He regrets it, but you need to hear that from him. I believe you will."
She scoffed through a clogged nose.
"Raven," Charles began again, "I'm sorry if I was part of the reason you didn't feel comfortable in your real skin. I know I've been dismissive of your insecurities in the past, and I shouldn't have been. I saw you like this so much, I let myself forget it wasn't the real you."
Raven slightly smiled and hugged him. Due to her relationship with Erik, it had been a while since she felt close to Charles. She was glad he was still there for her.
Later that evening, Raven was in her room when there was a knock on the door. Before answering, she quickly morphed back into her clothed, blond self, and then found Erik at the door. She said nothing upon seeing him, simply crossing her arms.
"Raven…" he said, surprised at her appearance. "What's this about?" He gestured at all of her.
"What do you want?" she asked.
"May I?"
She stepped aside to let him in, and he closed the door behind him.
"I need to apologize for the way I spoke to you earlier. I had no right to treat you that way."
Her arms were still crossed. "Did Charles tell you to say that?"
"No. Listen, Raven," he stepped closer to her. "I am truly sorry." He reached out to touch a lock of her blond hair. "Can't I see those beautiful eyes of yours?"
"No," she said coldly, swatting his hand away. There was a silent moment, and she spoke again. "Don't you get it, Erik? You broke my heart this morning. The way you exploded at me…blamed me, called me stupid…" a tear rolled down her cheek. "I don't know how to trust you again."
"I got scared," he admitted softly after a moment. "Scared of the way I was feeling…about Charles…about you. It's been a very long time since I cared about someone so much."
"Me too," she replied. "I let myself care about you, feel comfortable with you."
"I'm sorry…" he said, shaking his head slightly.
"Me too," she said again, coldly this time.
"I'm so sorry I hurt you, Raven," he said, making eye-contact. "I don't know what else to say."
"Well," she said, sitting in her chair, "Thanks for saying so." Her tone made the words feel empty. She looked down.
Erik opened the door to go. "You really do mean a lot to me," he offered, closing it behind him.
Raven cried herself to sleep that night. The next morning, she awoke starving, probably due to not having eaten much the day before. She headed to the kitchen for breakfast. While she was eating, Charles suddenly appeared looking anxious.
"Want some cereal?" she asked.
"Raven, what happened?" he asked, concerned.
"What do you mean?"
"Why is Erik leaving?"
Her eyes widened as she stood. "He's leaving?"
"You don't know why?"
"I... I'm not sure. He apologized to me last night…but I… I just didn't know if I could believe him."
"We don't have much time," Charles said. "I'll get to the bottom of this."
With that, he placed a finger on his temple and read Erik's thoughts.
"His apology was sincere," he said, "He cares about you a great deal, but…he fears he's lost you. He believes it's best for him to leave without further damage."
Upon hearing that, Raven pushed her chair out of the way and dashed for the door.
"He's in the drive!" Charles called to her, following with a brisk walk.
As she exited the mansion, she turned the corner and saw Erik loading a final bag into the trunk of a black car.
"Wait! Erik! Please!" she called to him.
He turned just in time to see her return to her blue skin as she ran.
"Erik!" she said, panting as she caught up to him, grasping his arms. "Please don't go. Don't leave."
"Raven," he said softly, wiping the wetness from her cheek, "You deserve better than me."
"I love you," she blurted out. "I know I promised not to say it, but it's true. I love you!"
He swallowed. "I'm not the man you think I am," he said in a choked whisper.
"Please…" she said again, her lip quivering. "This isn't what I wanted..."
Erik, don't leave her, came Charles's voice, suddenly inside his head. He looked around and noticed him standing near the side of the house, watching them.
"Please stay, Erik. We need you," Charles said aloud.
Raven and Erik had both turned to look at him, then turned back to each other. He placed his hands on the back of her head and kissed her. Charles realized it was the first time he'd seen them kiss, and was struck by their passion and how much they clearly meant to each other. On the one hand, there was Raven, who'd never been kissed in her true skin before meeting Erik. On the other, there was Erik, who'd gone most of his life feeling totally alone with no significant personal connections in years. Charles found himself swallowing a lump in his throat as well.
"Want to help me carry these bags back inside?" Erik said to Raven, touching her hair.
A wide smile spread across her face, and she laughed in happiness and relief. She jumped up to hug him, and he held her there, her feet off the ground.
Charles gave a small, genuine smile and went back inside.
Raven and Erik removed his bags from the trunk and carried them back to his room, where the two of them embraced again.
Later that night, they lied in bed, Raven with her head on her arms as Erik ran his finger tips across her back, eliciting sighs of delight from her.
"I love these patterns on your skin," he said, his finger tips grazing the scales near her hip.
"Hmmm," she murmured in acknowledgement and slight amusement. "I used to hate them. I thought they were ugly, like a disease."
"No," he said firmly, letting the full palm of his hand caress the textured skin. "You're a work of art. Meant to be admired."
She twisted her head around, resting the opposite cheek against her forearm so she could look at him, and gave a flattered, bashful smile. She knew Erik realized that he was the first person to ever say that to her.
He ran his hand up her spine and let it rest on the back of her neck, sighing and looking at her as if he was silently saying "thank you" for asking him to stay.
"Erik…" she began, "Can you promise me you'll never leave without me?"
He moved his hand down to the small of her back, resting it there. "I'm not really a fan of that word," he said, scooting his face closer to hers. "I'm not certain anyone can actually promise anything… But I can tell you this: as long as you want to be by my side, you'll have a place there."
She leaned in and kissed him, and they fell asleep with his arm still draped across her.
