Hey, people. Welcome to the first half of my new story.
I'm afraid this one will be the depressing kind again. The reason for that is that I am only motivated to write this whenever things are really bad in my life. And frankly, I'm very beat up right now. I've fallen sick again due to all the stress and I'm actually forced to drink coffee thanks to the blood pressure that has decided to just drop low. I hate coffee.
I'm leaving the country on Sunday for 10 days (returning on Tuesday). Maybe I'll have a nice bunch of reviews to reply to when I get back?
Btw sorry for any typos. I did go through this plenty of times, but it was written on my phone so I might've missed some.
Not strong enough
Part 1
The room is dark and quiet, a clock's silent ticking filling the space. In such silence, the clock's mechanical rhythm sounds much more intimidating than it would in different conditions; it is not loud, but thumps through your head like gun shots, should you listen too hard.
The sound of a boy's shallow breathing is mostly muted by the clicking. Not that there is anyone to witness it. The room is empty of people, save for the blond boy curled up in his bed.
There is a change in the rhythms that fill the silence. The clock is still ticking the same, but an additional beat has been added to it. They echo from outside the room and gain volume as they come closer. Footsteps.
The door is opened.
"Deidara!"
The blond teen bolts up in shock, his forehead covered in sweat and heart accelerating at an unhealthy pace.
He glances around himself until his eyes come to a stop on the woman with matching hair colour, standing in the doorway.
The woman is smiling. "Time for school, honey."
-x-
Deidara's eyes are still half-lidded and his head aching as he steps into the schoolhouse. His wish of the day is for it to pass by as quickly and silently as possible. For about ten minutes, he believes that it could actually come true. His faith only lasts until he has hung his coat and turns around.
"HEEEYYYY, DEI!" an overly pitched voice shouts right in his ear, making him cringe in pain and cover both of his ears in a flash.
"God DAMN IT, INO, I ALREADY HAVE A HEADACHE."
The mentioned girl hides her amused chuckle behind her hand as she looks over the male. "You're in a grumpy mood again, eh?" she says, patting the male's head in a mocking babysitter way. "Oh but don't you worry, aunty Ino will make your day better!" she says, pursing her lips in an obnoxious manner.
"Shut. UP!" Deidara yells, batting the hand away like a fly.
Ino rolls her eyes and crosses her hands over her chest. "Boo-hoo. Just because you're in a bad mood doesn't mean you should-"
Deidara is gritting his teeth and glaring at her throughout her speech. If he's going to make it through the day, it won't be with her and her loud mouth. But how to get rid of her? He isn't too keen on the idea of hitting a girl...
"Ino!" a deep voice bellows from behind them, shutting the girl up; she pales. So does Deidara. "Stop bothering my boyfriend!" A shiver slithers down the blond's back.
He knows he should turn around, but he doesn't; he can't. His feet feel rooted to the floor. No matter how much Ino annoyed him, he would have spent the entire day (and night, if necessary) with her, if it had meant being able to escape the person right behind him.
"Laters, Dei," Ino mutters and turns on her heel, taking her leave. Deidara is so close to reaching out and begging for her to stay, but knows it to be too late already once the firm hand wraps around his waist and pulls hik close.
"Hey, Itachi," Deidara whispers in a small voice and lets out a sigh of resignation.
-x-
Just to make everything clear from the start - it was never Deidara's wish to become Itachi's boyfriend. Frankly, he despises it, just as he despises Itachi and his whole existence. And fears. Oh yes, he also fears him.
Everybody at his school does. Only there aren't many people who would listen to you complain about being the boyfriend of the coolest, most popular guy in school whom no-one dared to talk back to. Which is why Deidara never gets a word out about it.
He once tried talking about it to Ino. The girl's reaction was the following: she rolled her eyes and said, "Oh poor you, Dei. Even with all your freaky being you're untouchable thanks to that guy. You do realize, if it wasn't for him, your days here would consist of people tripping you, throwing food at you and coughing 'freak' every time you pass?" Ino knew from personal experience.
Even though Ino is the only person at school Deidara could consider a friend (or something similar to it, at least), she is also very envious by nature and extremely jealous of Deidara's position.
Deidara cannot blame her. He knows how much she hates being an outcast. He merely wishes for a chance to explain to her - to anyone - how eagerly he would switch places with her, if he could.
-x-
Itachi escorts Deidara to his class and a cluster of their (read: Itachi's) friends escort the couple. Since Deidara is a sophomore and everyone else is a year or two older than him - Itachi's a senior - he enters the class alone.
He heads to his seat and throws his bag on the free seat next to him. Since Itachi came along, no-one's dared to sit next to him in fear the latter would see them as a possible threat and do away with them.
Deidara slams his head against the desk. Why me? he asks himself over and over again.
It all began a year back on Christmas when the annual Christmas dance was taking place. He was surrounded by his friends when walking down the hallway, excitedly discussing the matter - who was going to wear what, who wanted to ask whom and whom they were really going to ask (as they were freshmen, it was obvious not everyone they would have liked to ask was an option).
Deidara was the one to hesitate the longest. It was common knowledge that he was gay, but he was not too eager to go asking anyone, since he had to make up a convincing lie then.
His mother did not approve of gays. Still does not.
As they were walking, all lost in thought or chatter, none of them saw a dark haired teenager -obviously not a freshman - approach. But once one of them did and came to a sudden halt, the rest followed suit, jaws hanging loose.
"Deidara," Itachi said -everyone knew his name, but the blond was surprised to find out that the boy knew his, too.
His friends automatically pushed him forward to face the guy.
"Y-yes?" Deidara stammered.
"Will you go to the dance with me?"
It was already then that Deidara listed the first thing he did not like about Itachi - no sense of discreteness. Deidara felt utterly embarrassed standing there like that, everyone's attention on him while he was supposed to make his decision on second's notice.
Honestly, though, there was not much to think about. No-one said "No" to Itachi, especially not a lousy freshman.
So Deidara agreed.
After the dance, which went well enough, he was certain that he had seen the end of it. That thought only lasted until the following morning, when he found Itachi waiting for him in the foyer.
Rumours spread like wildfire and suddenly everyone was clustered around the blond, congratulating him and inviting him to places (in hope that he would bring Itachi along, too). Deidara was completely dumbfounded and stunned. He had no idea so many people even knew he existed.
His unexpected fan clubs only lasted as long as Itachi got sick of it and told everyone to cut it out. Deidara was slightly relieved and grateful, since he did not appreciate all that attention, but it also scared him how easily Itachi could make others do what he wanted.
Reason 2 why he does not like the guy. Not that anyone cares. Most would give their souls to trade places with him.
-x-
Deidara does not raise his head when the teacher walks into the classroom. The man does nothing about it. Deidara does not know whether he acts so of his own accord or if he, too, is being manipulated by Itachi.
Itachi waits for him after every class to usher him to the next. Deidara does not know how he manages to always get there on time. Does he leave class early for him? He does not ask.
Itachi is not exactly a rule abiding student - that much is clear - especially when it comes to the one restricting PDA.
There is not much Deidara can do to keep the other's lips off him. Although today he manages to limit them to pecks on cheek only by turning his head away, usually his only option is to give in. As said before, Itachi does not take no for an answer and already a part of Deidara fears what will be the consequences this time.
Art is the last period before lunch break and, as usual, Deidara's easel is set the farthest from everyone else's. This is the only class, however, where Deidara does not mind it. He has a passion for art and can enjoy painting all the more with no-one around.
He has just taken out all his paints and brushes when he notices the teacher walking straight towards him, a redhead Deidara has never seen before by his side. The blond pauses his actions for a while and politely waits for them to reach him.
"Deidara," Miss Yuno says, "meet Sasori. Sasori - this is Deidara." The following she says solely to the blond: "Sasori is new in this class, so he'll need some help. Since you did so well with the technique we learnt yesterday, I want you to teach it to him."
Deidara nods. Like he has a choice. He sets his brush down with a sigh and turns to the redhead busy setting up his canvas.
"Uhm, hey, uh," he says, feeling awkward to have the other's back on him. "I'm Deidara. Dei to friends."
"So I heard," the redhead replies. He whips around and Deidara is nearly charmed off his feet by the wicked smile he receives. "Do I need to repeat my name also or did you catch that already?"
Deidara is having trouble stopping himself from staring. "Y-yeah," he stutters, his eyes still glued to the guy. Thank God Itachi is not here.
Sasori is a few inches shorter, yet his spiky hair pointing in every direction greatly makes up for it and Deidara hardly notices it. His gaze is held captive by the other's set of dark brown eyes that look like they could see right through him.
As Deidara forces himself to blink and look away, Sasori chuckles, clearly aware of the effect he has on the blond. "You know, no offence or anything, but I don't really need help with the technique."
Deidara looks back at him, stunned. "Oh," he says, maybe a bit disappointed; so much for being able to talk more to him. "Alright. If you say so." He turns to regard his own work in-progress and picks up a brush. He starts off with a few soft strokes, growing stronger as he begins emphasizing details.
"How long have you been painting?" Deidara is surprised to hear the other ask. He glances at him briefly, then averts his gaze quickly to his painting before a blush can tint his cheeks red.
"Um, since kindergarten, I believe, uh. Why?"
Even though he strictly forbids himself from looking at the redhead in order to avoid further embarrassment, from the corner of his eye he can still see Sasori shrug his shoulders. He also notices that the other is not working at all.
"Skills like that can't be acquired in this shitty school program."
Deidara tries to hide the smile that has crawled onto his face at the compliment and attempts keeping his tone nonchalant as he says, "If you say so."
Deidara does not need anyone's assertion to know how much he failed at hiding anything. He quickly adds a question of his own in an attempt to draw attention away from the uneasiness of his tone in the previous sentence, "Are you new here? I don't think I've seen you around before, but people don't usually transfer in the middle of semester."
There is silence for a few minutes during which Deidara wonders if Sasori could be one of those I-ask-but-don't-give-answers kind of guys.
Finally, Sasori says, "Yeah, I'm new. Started this week. I fell sick unexpectedly at the end of summer and couldn't attend before."
"Oh" is the only thing Deidara says to that. He would like to know what kind of illness it was that lasted for a month and a half, but keeps his mouth shut, deeming the question rude. Instead, he says, "I'm glad you're okay now."
From the corner of his eye he catches Sasori raising an eyebrow, but does not elaborate. There was nothing wrong with that polite, friendly comment and he's certainly not going to feel embarrassed because of it.
Only that he does and his cheeks flush pink again. Mentally he groans and wonders just how much of a freak does Sasori already think he is.
"Did you know that Paradise Crew is giving a concert in town this weekend?"
Deidara is a bit stunned by the question, but collects himself quickly enough. "Um, no. Do you like them?"
"Don't you?"
Again, the Ask-questions-but-don't-answer stereotype goes through Deidara's head, but he decides to ignore it. Just this once.
"I actually do like them," he answers, a shiver running down his back when he realizes where the conversation is headed. Is it possible that Sasori is trying to ask him out?
Dridara cringes. Oh how much he wishes he could go there with him, but he can't. He's not available. Not on the weekend, not ever. Not until Itachi graduates at least.
"Shouldn't you be painting, too?" Deidara asks a bit too harshly, wishing he could take it back this instant. That was definitely not polite. But there is no way for him to take anything back, just as he cannot explain to Sasori why he is acting this way.
Sasori shows no signs of being offended. He glances at his empty canvas and gives a shrug, peeling himself off the wall he was leaning against.
Deidara turns back to his own painting and sighs silently. Just an additional reason to his list of 'Why I hate Itachi'.
The two do not talk until the end of the period, but as they start to pack up their stuff, Deidara cannot help noticing the redhead's work.
In the small amount of time he had, he has been able to accomplish as much as Deidara had in two classes. And it is true that he did not need any help with the technique, as his work is no less than perfect.
As they have made it through the mass of students and are strolling down the hallway towards the canteen, Deidara realizes that if they continue walking at a matching pace, they will end up at the same table in the canteen.
He sucks in a breath.
He halts swiftly and turns to Sasori, speaking hastily, "I'm so sorry, but I gotta go. See you around."
And just like that, without giving any further explanations, he takes off running, as though his life depends on it.
-x-
"Itachi," Deidara starts carefully, "would you like to come to the Paradise Crew concert with me this weekend?"
The two mentioned, plus three followers (that's what Deidara calls Itachi's friends) are sitting at the canteen table. Even though Deidara feels mildly uncomfortable making a suggestion like that in their presence - he always feel like they monitor his every move and he isn't wrong - he is certain of this being the best chance he will get to ask his, uh, boyfriend. Now that Sasori brought it up, Deidara really doesn't want to miss the show and there has always been like an unspoken rule between them that if Deidara wants to go out, he must ask Itachi to come along.
"No," Itachi says tersely, "I have other plans for the weekend."
Deidara nods, hiding his face behind his hair. He hopes Itachi will take it as a display of disappointment, while he is actually doing it to hide the relief on his face. Now he can go there alone.
Without his permission, his eyes start to wander about the canteen, until coming to a stop on a table where he spots familiar red hair. His eyes travel down to the person's face and find the dark eyes staring at him directly.
Deidara sucks in a silent breath. Will I see you there?
-x-
The next day, Deidara does his best to deny the disappointment he feels inside because of Sasori's absence in art class. Little did he know how much he had hoped for him to be there until he realizes he isn't.
Sighing, he resigns himself to painting alone. It was such a change to have someone talk to him so freely and casually, without fearing what Itachi might do, but Deidara was a fool to think it will last. One day was surely enough for someone to fill the redhead in on what kind of danger he was in for.
Maybe it scared him. Maybe he resigned from this class.
Accepting his cruel faith and wishing for Ino to be here, who would surely distract him from thinking about it by cracking a joke or blabbering about whatever was on her mind, he picks up a brush and dips it in paint. Unfortunately, Ino is as interested in art as she is in listening to him complain about Itachi.
"So that was your boyfriend," a lazy voice drawls from behind the blond, making him jump. "I was wondering why you seemed so tense."
Deidara instantly whips around, staring wide-eyed at the redhead, as though thinking him a ghost.
"How did you get here?" he blurts out his first reaction.
Sasori rolls his eyes. "Uhm, walk-ing?" he suggests in sarcasm, making walking motions with his index and middle finger.
Deidara is still too stunned to get out anything rational. "You weren't here a minute ago!" Out of which portal did he come from?
Sasori chuckles and brushes his scarlet red hair out of his face. "So I was late to class. Sorry, Teacher. Am I suspended now?"
Deidara realizes now how stupid he must sound and turns around in shame. "Sorry," he says, busying himself with brushes and paints. "To answer your question, yes, I'm Itachi's boyfriend." He raises his hand to continue working on the white dove he is painting.
"You know, there's a huge difference between saying 'I'm his boyfriend' and 'He is my boyfriend'," Sasori muses. Deidara freezes, his lifted hand starting to shake, so he lowers it.
Sasori doesn't seem to have noticed this as he continues, "The first option - the one you used - makes it sound like you're talking about your master, rather than your lover."
Deidara swallows hard. "And what does the second one sound like?" he inquires, trying to keep his voice from shaking.
Sasori shrugs casually, like he doesn't see it as important. "Like you're talking about someone you claim yours; someone you want others to stay away from, because you want them to belong solely to you. Like, possessive, y'know? Lovers. That's what it's all about, isn't it?"
"I see," Deidara whispers, neither arguing nor agreeing. It's not like I would know, he adds in his mind, not saying it out loud, though. He wishes they would change the topic.
Sasori isn't on the same page with him. "How did you two end up together, anyway? Must be a hell of a story."
"Wh-what do you mean?" Deidara's breath catches in his throat. No-one has ever asked him questions like this. To be precise, he has been asked how they got together, but not like this. Sasori is a whole different story; he is waiting for a whole different story than others have.
"You're, like, two completely different people."
Deidara has had enough of this investigation. "How would you know?" he snaps angrily, turning around to face the other as he is not capable of painting in a condition like this.
Sasori doesn't let Deidara's sudden burst of anger bother him. He keeps his cool, still surrounded by the it's-no-biggie aura.
"He is so... tense. Serious. He dresses like he's having an important appointment after school." Sasori hops down from the window-sill where he seated himself as Deidara stares at him, like the eighth world miracle.
He has never heard anyone speak like that of Itachi before. No words like intimidating or frightening were used.
Deidara whips around to hide his expression and asks prudishly, "And what am I like then that he and I are such a horrible match?"
Sasori smiles slyly and sneaks up behind him, catching the blond off guard with the closeness. "You're so... pure. Not a match for someone who looks like they practice S&M behind the closed doors."
If Sasori's goal was to embarrass the other, then he has definitely succeeded. Deidara flushes as red as a tomato and turns around with an expression like he's about to hit the redhead.
Sasori backs down a good few steps and raises his palms. "Honestly, you did ask for my opinion." He lets out a mischievous chuckle and lowers his hands, knowing Deidara won't hit him.
Deidara scoffs and turns back to his all but forgotten painting, intending to stay that way this time. "I'll try not to make the same mistake twice." Asshole, he adds in his mind.
He emits a sigh, collecting himself and getting refocused. Just as he's about to draw a line, he hears the voice from behind him say, "Sorry. I didn't mean to offend you."
And again Deidara freezes. Itachi never apologizes. The blond has to bite the inside of his cheek to stop himself from shrieking. Why can't he stop seeing every feature Itachi lacks yet he yearns for in this guy?!
He blows out a breath. "It's okay," he says, drawing the planned line, "I'm not angry."
There is a short silence and, since Deidara can't resist the urge, he finally peeks at Sasori, but then sees that he's about to open his mouth and averts his eyes back to the canvas quickly.
"It's just that you seem like a person who likes having fun," Sasori explains. "I can't imagine that guy ever doing anything for fun."
"You don't know him," Deidara whispers, although he knows the other is right. Truth is, Itachi never does do anything just for the fun of it, which makes him one of the most boring persons for Deidara.
"You're right-" Sasori admits, but is shortly cut off by Deidara saying, "I really wish we didn't discuss my relationship anymore."
Silence falls again, until Sasori says, "Alright. Whatever you say."
When the bell rings and everyone is packing up, Sasori - who is the only one with nothing to do as he did not do anything for the entire period - starts to leave. But before he does that, he stops by Deidara and asks him quietly, "Will I see you on the weekend?"
Deidara looks at him in confusion.
"The concert," Sasori explains.
"Oh," says Deidara. "Yeah, I'll try to make it."
Sasori nods and takes his leave.
-x-
Deidara lives in a small, two-storey house with his mother - Ms. Iwaga - and cat Mr. Bang. The story behind that eccentric name is pretty simple: When Deidara was 5 and his mother brought in a collarless stray cat she had found, Deidara was already in his explosion-adoring phase (one that he is still yet to get over) and since he thought the name funny sounding... the rest is history.
After school Deidara takes a bus home, glad to have Itachi busy and unable to drive him. He kicks off his shoes in the hallway and, knowing his mother to be at work, heads up to his room.
He tosses his backpack by his bed and switches on his laptop. While waiting for it to log on, he undresses and puts on a pair of more comfortable jeans and a loose, gray T-shirt. He slips on a pair of slippers and walks downstairs to fetch himself a drink.
When he returns, his laptop has finished loading and he moves behind his desk, sipping dr. Pepper from the can before setting it down so he can work with both hands.
He has just opened up his inbox when the mobile next to him vibrates, announcing a new text. This sound always sends a cold feeling through the blond, because the sender is generally Mom or Itachi and neither rarely sends him messages of good news.
Reluctantly, he picks up the phone and opens the text, surprised to find a message from a number he just recently saved on his phone. A number he thought he might need on Saturday. A number he received in art class. A number whose price was his own number.
The text reads: what will u wear 2morrow?
Deidara stares at the screen blankly, thinking what the hell?
He presses on reply and quickly types: is this y u wanted my number? For fashion tips? He hits send.
He has just set the phone back on the desk when it already starts vibrating and Deidara is all too eager to know what the new message says.
Probably not
Deidara stares blankly at the text, wondering if he should send a pointless reply, like 'lol', or just let it drop. To make the choice easier for him, the phone rings soon again.
u didn't answer the question
Deidara rolls his eyes. Like he would know what clothes he is going to wear the next evening!
He presses reply and types: ill make it a surprise.
When the mobile vibrates for the last time, it reads ill meet u at the front door.
Around 6 o'clock Deidara hears his mother's cooing voice as she greets (and possibly caresses Mr. Bang) in a tone she saves solely for cute animals and little children. How cute one considers the ripped-ear, one-eye, always cranky and with a face that warns you to either stay away or be prepared for some serious injuries cat depends on everyone's personal taste.
Deidara gets up from his seat and strolls downstairs with the intention of asking his mother for permission to go to the show on Saturday. He lingers on the staircase and waits for her to notice him. From her first expression upon seeing him it is always clear what mood she is in and whether it is a good idea to ask her right away.
When Ms. Iwaga does finally notice her son, a pleasant smile appears on her face and Deidara lets out a sigh of relief before advancing with a friendly smile of his own.
"Hey," he says as he reaches the end of he stairs.
"Hello, darling," the woman replies and pecks her son on the forehead. Deidara makes a face but does not show it to his mother.
The woman proceeds to the living room and the boy traces after her, hands in pockets, searching for the right words.
Ms. Iwaga sits down on the sofa and runs a hand through her hair. She blows out a breath. "Come on, I know that look. Tell me, what do you need this time?" she says, "I gave you money three days ago - don't tell me you've spent it already, I-"
"No, no," Deidara shakes his head hurriedly, "nothing like that."
"Then what is it?"
"I... just wanted to ask for permission."
The woman raises her eyebrows. They match her hair colour, which is blonde, just like her son's. "Go on," she encourages.
Deidara gives a nervous smile and scratches the back of his head. "Well... You see..." - he hesitates - "Paradise Crew is doing a gig this Saturday - tomorrow - and I-"
"You wanna go?"
Deidara pauses, then wordlessly nods his head.
"Who do you plan on going with?" his mother inquires.
"Uhm, alone," Deidara mumbles, looking away. Catching a glimpse of the woman's skeptical look, he adds, "well, I was supposed to catch up with Ino there." Smoothelie.
"Ino? The one you went to the prom with?" she recalls.
Another lie.
Deidara nods. "Yeah, her. She's a good friend."
The woman smirks. "Only a friend?"
Deidara rolls his eyes. Leave it up to his mother to make every girl he talks to his girlfriend. "Yes, only."
She gives him a long, level look until sighing and waving her hand. "Yeah, sure, go have fun." She turns back to him. "Do you need money for a ticket?"
Deidara shakes his head. "Nah, I got it."
She gives him a thumbs-up. "Good. Now get out of my sight, I'm tired!" she says half-jokingly.
With a broad smile, Deidara mumbles a 'love ya' and rushes back up to his room.
He texts Sasori back: see u there.
-x-
The next morning Deidara wakes up very early, even though the concert only starts at 8. He tries to go back to sleep, knowing he'll be dead tired otherwise, but fails. He feels so lively and energetic, even when still lying in bed.
At 15 past 6 he finally gives up and gets out of bed. It is cold in the room, especially in only the shorts he's wearing, yet even that doesn't lure him back to bed. He is full of will to do something.
Impatiently he gets on a shirt and pants and strolls downstairs. Mother is still asleep as expected and would probably be so for another three hours at least. Deidara takes advantage of it by cooking a breakfast of his own choice.
Pancakes!
His mother happens to hate them, so it is very rarely that Deidara gets a chance to eat them. He cannot remember the last time he got to taste them and is more than willing to make up for it.
After eating and cleaning up after himself, feeling happy and content, he plops down on the sofa and turns the TV on just in time for Sponge Bob.
Momentarily he frowns when thinking about his last memory related to the cartoon, which is Itachi telling him off and that he is acting too childish. He pushes the memory out of his head quickly, deciding not to let Itachi ruin another thing in his life, especially with the devil himself not present.
After a long while, he is finally having a good morning and he is not going to let that… asshole ruin it.
Around 10 o'clock Ms Iwaga sashays into the room, yawning behind her palm.
"Good morning!" Deidara chimes cheerfully, casting his mother a warm broad smile over his shoulder.
His mother halts on her way to the kitchen. "You seem oddly energetic. Did something happen?"
Deidara laughs and shrugs his shoulders. "Just excited about tonight, I guess."
"I see," the woman muses. "You really like that band?"
Deidara's face freezes for a moment. Is it because of the band? It takes so little for him to know the truth; he does like the band, but it has nothing to do with them. This is about a boy. And may God allow him to take that secret to the grave with him.
For a second paralyzing fear strikes through him and breath catches in his throat. A secret. It's a big secret. He can't tell anyone. Not only that, he can't let anybody find out.
Because if they do, the word will spread like wild fire. He bites his lip without realizing it himself when thinking about it. He can imagine the rumour all too well.
Deidara seen with another guy?! Is he CHEATING on Itachi?! Oh my fucking God, shit is about to get serious.
Deidara shivers. Silently he admits to himself that he is a coward. Because a brave person would have broken it off with Itachi a long time ago already. They would be in seventh heaven to have someone like Sasori show interest in them. They would not be sneaking to a concert with him, knowing nothing can ever come of it anyway.
What a coward.
"Deidara?" the woman reminds the teen of her existence. "I every-"
"Yeah, it's the band," Deidara cuts her off. So much for a good morning. Suddenly all the excitement inside him is dead and only anxiety and bitterness fills him. Why him?!
"Uhm, I'll be up in my room," he mutters as he turns the TV off and gets off the sofa. He gives his mother a peck on the cheek to not seem as a total douche and leaves for the stairs. He goes to his room and slams the door shut, throwing himself on the bed.
Sleep seems like the greatest thing on Earth now. A paradise. Please, shut my mind.
-x-
The clock is yet to strike 5 when Deidara is already going through the things in his closet. What should I wear? he asks himself over and over. Does it even matter? Will he notice?
Deidara wants to slap himself for the lovesick fool he sounded like; like a middle school girl with her first major crush. How can he be thinking of ways to draw the other's attention, if Sasori and he both know that there could nothing happen between them?! Regardless he is acting like he was dreaming of getting laid tonight.
Sighing, he slams his head against the door of the closet and closed his eyes. Where is he going with this; does he even know?
He reopens the doors and, without much more thought, digs out a pair of black jeans with knee holes and chains, a t-shirt and a leather jacket. Nothing fancy. If he really were going with Ino, he would probably wear these clothes, too.
So he brushes and does his hair, puts on some dark eyeliner and gets dressed.
He stuffs his wallet, mobile (after checking it) and keys in his pocket and jogs downstairs. The club is not too far from his home so he has decided to take his time and walk in order to save money for a cab later.
Saying goodbye to his mother who warns him not to stay out too late, he opens the front door and leaves the house.
-x-
There are guards waiting at the front door, asking for ID before letting people in. The show is 16+. Deidara sighs and shoves his hand in his pocket for his wallet, his eyes running over the crowd in search for a certain redhead. Instead of a wallet he pulls out his phone and quickly keys in a text: im here.
He hits send.
The phone vibrates in half a minute.
The new text reads i know. I can c u.
Deidara swirls around, scanning his surroundings. There are dozens of people but no one resembles the short redhead from his art class. Deidara heaves a sigh and gets his phone out again.
Where?
The reply is instant, Look harder.
Deidara's eyebrows furrow and he bites his lip. Does Sasori always play games like this? He gazes around again, trying harder. He can only see a group of leather-wearing guys, some teenage girls on heels, a few teens definitely under 16, some couples holding hands.
No sight of the redhead.
Deidara's eyebrows knit further in frustration. Giving up isn't his style. He eyes the group of leather-wearers more closely, wondering if Sasori could be with them. They are all pretty tall, though, and the one shorter than the others has dirty blonde hair.
Scanning the crowd once more to no avail, Deidara finally surrenders and gets his phone out.
"I'm disappointed, Deidara."
Deidara jumps at the sound and turns around in a flash, holding back a scream. Behind him, smiling a wickedly, stands Sasori, one hand in a pocket, the other holding a phone.
"I wasn't that hard to find."
Deidara looks like he just saw a ghost. He places his hand on his heart and lets out a breath. "Please," he says, "don't do that. Don't sneak up on me."
Sasori chuckles. "Sorry."
Deidara casts him a look. He doesn't look sorry at all. He decides to let it go and changes the topic. "Shall we go in?"
"I don't know," Sasori muses, "are you 16?" He casts the blond a mocking look.
Deidara casts a glare. "Going on 17," he snaps.
"Goodie," Sasori replies and motions with his hand for the other to lead the way.
The club is packed with teenagers and a warm-up band is playing on stage. Deidara deems their music cool, but nothing compared to the real thing. They have a long way to go.
Sasori grabs the blond's hand and drags him to the bar, ordering two drinks. He is asked for ID and, to Deidara's surprise, the bartender fills up two glasses after seeing the ID. Must be fake, Deidara thinks.
He frowns, since he didn't plan on drinking anything, even though he doesn't want to decline now that Sasori has already ordered. He gets out his wallet and starts to open it for cash, when Sasori notices it and shakes his head.
"I ordered, so it's on me," he says.
Deidara feels a pang of discomfort in the pit of his stomach. "Uhm, you do realize this can't be a date, right?" he says hesitantly, hoping to clarify things.
Sasori laughs. "Sure. Just wanted to thank you for coming. Here's a present to show my gratitude." He hands the blond a glass.
Deidara takes it reluctantly, his eyes on the redhead. The latter seems to be fooling around and doesn't seem to take any of this seriously, even when knowing what he's up against. So it probably isn't supposed to mean anything. And if he isn't worried, why should Deidara be?
Deidara takes a sip from the glass and feels himself relax a bit. I'm here to enjoy the night, he reminds himself and makes a promise, Tonight I won't worry about Itachi.
The band walks onto the stage and Deidara gasps at the sight. "Oh my God," he whispers, oblivious of Sasori's amused expression as he eyes the other's reaction. He follows the blond as he departs from the bar, heading towards the stage. Sasori keeps up, pressing through the crowd.
They start playing and Deidara is one of the overjoyed teens that starts singing along at the top of his lungs. Sasori keeps silent, appreciating the music and the cute guy next to him, enjoying himself to the fullest.
The crowd is loud and the artists love them. MAKE SOME NOISE the singer yells and his wish is granted. I CAN'T HEAR YOU. The volume rises over 90 db.
I know you shouldn't be here now
I know you do not care
Coz life's too short to waste it, babe
Hold on, we're almost there!
Over the mountain
And through the sea
We'll get to a place
Where we will be free
You'll forget about him
And you will see me
Finally
We'll get to a place
Where we'll be free
As the songs go on and on, and the random touches between Sasori and Deidara get more often as the crowd gets crazier, Sasori gets sick of waiting and grabs the blond. Confusion has yet to register on the latter's face when his lips are harshly kissed, pressed against Sasori's like there is no tomorrow.
Deidara's immediate reaction is to pull away. Like what the hell is happening?! He can't be doing this! He's Itachi's boyfriend! What would Itachi do, if he saw them like this?
Then he recalls his earlier promise to himself: to not worry about his official boyfriend for this single night. And his mind starts to wander and inquire as to what it is that he really wants. Does he want Sasori to stop?
The warmth that began where their lips connected and spread throughout his whole body argues against this. Oh no, he certainly does not want him to stop. Quite the contrary, he wants him to continue doing this and never stop, never let go. He wants Sasori to wrap his arms around him and help - make him forget about his life.
Because his life has been just so, so bad and here he is - with Sasori, who is just so, so good. How could he ever will him to stop, even when knowing that he is playing with fire and is putting his own life at stake?
Good. Let there be fire, Deidara has always been attracted to it. And let his life be at stake - he doesn't care much for it anyway. All he wants is Sasori, here and now.
Deidara responds to Sasori by moving his lips with his and opens them up to let the other's tongue in. Though in the noise the sound fades out, he emits a loud moan at the sensation that is Sasori wrapping his arms around him and pulling their bodies against each other tightly.
Please, do not stop, Deidara's mind whispers desperately and he wonders if this is what his first kiss would have been like, had he not been - captured - by Itachi. Because that is what Deidara thinks Itachi did. He captured him and is still holding him captive.
And this is the only way known to Deidara to escape the prison he was set in so long ago.
Sasori guides them through the crowd and away from the mass. In a side hallway where it is much quieter and there are no people around, Sasori finally releases him, only to make him back down against the wall and block his way out by capturing him between his arms.
Their eyes lock.
Deidara feels like he has to say something. His actions tonight might have been too confusing and misleading for the other. Truth is, the kiss does not mean that he is going to break it off with Itachi, no matter how hard he wishes he could. He can never be Sasori's and Sasori must know this.
But as Deidara starts to open his mouth, Sasori puts his index finger on his lips and shakes his head. "Don't say anything. I know." And the bitter look Deidara catches in Sasori's eyes makes him realize the other knows what he's talking about.
It disappears quickly, though, and is replaced by another, much more intimate emotion. And, without any further ado, he presses his lips against Deidara's again, letting them have their way with the other's.
"Don't worry, I won't hold you to it," Sasori whispers.
-x-
Deidara is incredibly nervous at school on Monday. He has dark circles below his eyes from lack of sleep and winces at even the smallest things. Which is why he nearly faints the moment Ino appears out of nowhere to shout "YO, DEIDARA" in his ear.
Once Deidara finally collects himself, he looks at Ino with a pale face and says in a weak, totally out-of-character tone, "Ino, please, I'm not feeling too well." Even Ino cannot ignore a plea as genuine as this.
"What's wrong?" she asks, the concern real in her voice. Despite everything that happens between her and Deidara, despite all the jealousy that hits her every single time she eyes the guy, she does consider Deidara one of her closest friends and what ever is off with the boy worries her.
"What?" Deidara says, as though he did not hear her properly. A half second later her words finally register in his brain. "Oh. Nothing. Nothing's wrong." He attempts a smile but fails miserably.
Ino shakes her head. "Cut the crap, boy. I'm not blind. It's so obvious you could have the words painted over your forehead."
"My forehead is covered," Deidara mutters, avoiding the question.
But Ino does not let him off that easy. "Is it Itachi?" she prompts. "Did he do something?"
Yes. Ruining lives. "No."
Ino eyes him skeptically. "Is it your mom then? Or did your fancy-named cat die? How long is he planning to live anyway? He's old as dirt."
Deidara rolls his eyes. Even when Ino is a failure when it comes to comforting, she makes up for it by doing a fairly good job at distracting him. "My cat is fine." He pauses, considering blaming his mood on mom, but thinks better of it. "Mom is, too."
Ino shakes her head. "Well, I'm out of ideas then."
They walk towards their classroom in silence. Something is tickling at Deidara's mind, he senses that something is out of the norm, but cannot place his finger on it. The worry lines between his eyebrows only deepen and he clutches his books tighter against his chest.
"Where's Itachi?" Ino broaches, gazing around at the masses of students hustling past them. "Haven't seen him around today. Did you spend the weekend together?"
Deidara shakes his head. "No."
Ino arches an eyebrow at him, as though the two guys spending time apart were the most extraordinary event of the year. "Who were you with then?"
Deidara's mind sets up a defensive role in an instant, making his answer far too quick, "No-one." His breath catches in his throat momentarily. Did he just lie? He exhales slowly, telling himself to chill and take it easy. He will get away with this. No-one saw them and Sasori will not rat on him. He repeats, slower this time, "I was with no-one. My head hurt and I felt sick. I stayed home."
"Oh," Ino mutters. "Too bad."
Deidara mumbles an agreeing sound. "What about you? What did you do?"
And Ino starts telling him all about how he had gone to a party with some biker boy she had met and how he had acted overly sweet and nice until it came down to the "do you want to come to my place? I've no-one home" sentence. At that point she had got fed up with him and told him off, walking off to find a new guy to hang with.
Deidara just nods along, glad that the girl doesn't need any encouragement to rant and that by doing so, spares him from having to tell more lies.
-x-
Art class is the period Deidara has been dreading the entire morning, but staring at the classroom door without entering and mumbling indistinct apologies to the people that push past to get in does not seem to be the solution to his problem. Sighing heavily, he pushes the handle down and opens the door.
Even from the doorway he notices the red mess of hair instantly at the back of the classroom and feels his heart sink a couple of miles. Why are his feet feeling so heavy all of a sudden, as though someone were holding them down? Why are his hands shaking and his whole body trembling, like he is running a fever? Deidara's hand wanders up to absent-mindedly touch his forehead just to check. Indeed, his face does feel hot.
Clutching the handle of his bag and averting his gaze to the floor, he gets moving and, maneuvering past the easels, makes his way to the redhead. Sasori can only give a welcoming Hi, before Deidara has already fished out his earphones and put them on. He nods vaguely at the other as a form of greeting and turns on his iPod, scrolling through his playlist fast to find a suitable song for blocking everything out. He puts the device in his back pocket and leaves to fetch his unfinished painting.
He returns shortly and, having prepared his tools in a record time, gets to work. He deems this to be the best way out of this mess. Ignore Sasori. Don't let him get inside your head again. He's trouble.
He is determined to paint the entire class non-stop, but what he accomplishes is lousy work. His hands are too tense and the lines he paints too rough. The more he tries to better them the worse they get. The harder he tries to focus, the more his mind begins to wander and after a while he catches himself holding back tears. He really feels like crying. This is too much for him, and the fact that he can almost feel the intensity of the gaze on him makes it no better.
Out of the blue it strikes him that he can't hear music from his earphones anymore. His hand reaches out for his pocket, only to find it empty. He swirls around, his eyes fixing on the redhead going through the contents of his device with significant interest.
After removing the earphones, Deidara can clearly hear the song he was currently listening to playing through the speakers. Fortunately, no-one is paying attention.
'…wanna die
I'll never be good enough
You make me wanna die
And everything you love
Will burn up in the light
Every time I look inside your eyes
You-'
"Do – you – mind?!" Deidara snaps with irritation, jerking the iPod out of Sasori's hand.
"No, I don't, actually," Sasori says, letting go of the music player and replacing his hands back in his pockets. Deidara glares at him, but it is disregarded. "Why're you listening to that kind of music?"
Deidara pauses the song and shoves the thing into his pocket. "What's wrong with my taste in music?" he snaps.
"So solemn," Sasori says. "You look more the kind to go for the cheerful stuff."
"Hey," Deidara stops him, "you think you know everyone so well, don't you? Well, guess what – you've-"
Sasori isn't paying attention. "Hey Monday, Metro Station, Sweetbox, Avril Lavigne – don't those sound good?"
Deidara growls, angered further by the other ignoring everything that he just said. He tries to push down his irritation and hopes that if he goes along with this, he'll eventually get his point across.
"In fact I do have Avril on my iPod, but seriously, you've no right to just-"
Sasori cuts him off once again, "Yeah, I can imagine. She's had her emo phase, too. 'My Happy Ending', right?"
That shuts the blond up. No way that was just a guess. He probably saw it on the playlist he was going through. Deidara has it there, there's no other way. Because, in all seriousness, that is the only song by Avril that Deidara has ever downloaded.
"You know, you really should break up with that dude," Sasori comments. "He is not making you happy."
That pops a vein on the blond's temple. "You know what? I don't give two damn fucks about what you think!"
"But I'm right, aren't I?" Sasori insists. "You've been tense ever since you got here and-"
"And how do you know that has anything to do with him? He's not here, is he? How do you know it's not you, being present and all?" Deidara cuts himself off with a startle. He had not meant to say that. He had not meant to reveal that Sasori can (and does) in any way affect him, no matter how obvious it might be.
Sasori cocks his head and smirks, fully aware of the other's slip. "Ah – but that's the thing! I don't make you miserable. I could see it at the concert. Bet you haven't had that much fun ever since you started dating that creep."
Another bull's eye.
Deidara swallows.
Sasori continues, "Yet you're always solemn with him. I've seen it."
Deidara turns his head away, rapidly blinking to hold the tears back. "So" - he coughs – "you're a stalker?" His voice is barely a whisper, even though he wished with all his might for it to come across as tough and mocking.
Sasori rolls his eyes. "If that makes me a stalker, then that's what the entire student body here is. Everyone can see it. I bet even the teachers, even though they choose not to say anything."
"Oh yeah?" Deidara turns to him sharply. "And how come you're always so sure? How do you know that it's not one of my friends I'm having trouble with?"
Sasori raises his eyebrows. "You mean those lapdogs Itachi hangs around with? Yeah, I'm sure you talk a lot with them."
"I do have friends of my own!" Deidara snaps, ready to say just about anything to get the other to shut up. Even though, after some serious mathematical calculations, a quiet voice inside his head informs him of his total number of friends being 1.
Ino.
And even she would not hesitate to sell his soul, if the price were acceptance among her peers.
This realization is too much for the blond and he bursts to tears right before Sasori's eyes.
Sasori is taken aback greatly and becomes quiet at once. Helplessly he gazes at the other weeping in front of him, finding himself at a total loss of words. "Deidara-" he tries and reaches out, only to have his hand batted away mercilessly.
"Stand back!" Deidara snarls. "Don't touch me! Just – go away! Leave!"
Sasori blinks, unsure of how to respond to this.
Deidara, seeing as he has shocked the other speechless, decides to follow his own advice. He packs up as quickly as possible and, as if on cue, the bell rings. He flees, leaving his still uncompleted painting behind. That, and a very perplexed Sasori.
-x-
Later on, Deidara is walking down the hallway with his earphones back in his ears. Itachi has still not yet shown and Ino has disappeared somewhere, which leaves the blond alone. Sasori was right – Deidara never does speak with the people that usually surround him and Itachi. Even the nickname 'lapdogs' was justified. Deidara sees them the same way, he just did not want to admit to the redhead being right.
Deidara turns up the volume, letting the acoustic music blast into his head from both his ears.
'…I've broken all my promises to you
Why do you do this to me?
Why do you do this so easily?
You make it hard to smile because you make it hard to breathe.
Why do you do this to me?'
Usually it would be Itachi's macho face that pops up in Deidara's mind at the lyrics, but this time there's another male to accompany him, dominate and finally push the senior out completely. The intruder has red hair.
Deidara sighs, hating himself for not being able to forget about him. His grip around the device tightens. This playlist was composed to help him cope with Itachi and all the stress and emotions that came with him. He is not prepared yet to deal with Sasori. He's not ready. He needs to get away.
He searches for a distraction and, as though to answer his prayer, his stomach growls in hunger. It is lunch break and he has not gone to the canteen yet, nor does he plan on doing it. Initially it was because he did not think he could stomach more than all the emotions that were already hogging the space. Now he has come up with a new purpose – focusing on the emptiness of his stomach is a great distractions from both guys.
He is just about to turn the corner when he notices the big group of students up ahead. How weird, he thinks, for they're two floors above the canteen and cafeteria. Curiosity gets the best of him and he decides to take a look.
Nearing the cluster, he sees that there is a loop that the crowd is surrounding and in the middle there are two figures, who appear to be enraged. Deidara removes an earphone to hear what they are saying, once he recognizes them.
"Areyou fucking BLIND, man?! Can't you see that he nearly despises you? He's just too scared to say it! You can't possibly be this full of yourself!"
Deidara feels his body starting to tremble as he takes in the words shouted by the redhead. For the moment he cannot fear the outcome of all this; he is too struck by amazement at how flawlessly the redhead reads him. And, unlike Deidara, he has the courage to say it all out loud.
But of course, a voice in Deidara's head says, it's not like he is the one to be affected by his words.
The fear catches up with Deidara's train of thought and he clasps his mouth as his eyes move to the other side of the argument. Never before has he seen Itachi so out of his own element. He is completely astonished, too taken aback by this short punk who shows the guts to stand up to him to use his usual methods.
He finally gets out, "Who the fuck are you?" Clearly Itachi is not as knowledgeable when it comes to the student body as the newcomer redhead is.
Before Sasori can reply, a voice hidden in the crowd shouts, "Hey, look! There's Deidara! Get him in there to see his two boyfriends fighting!"
TWO boyfriends…?
Deidara is given no time to respond. Hands grab him and push him out into the loop, almost tripping him. Eyes wide, he looks at the two guys, both staring at him. Itachi is undoubtedly startled to have someone claim ownership on the toy he has declared to be his for over a year. Sasori, on the other hand, seems quite pleased with the current of events.
"Deidara," Itachi is the first to speak, "do you know this guy?"
Deidara's eyes flicker to Sasori and he knows that lying would do him no good. "Yes," he all but whispers. "I'm in art class with Sasori."
"Is he your friend? Why have you never told me about him? What does he-?"
There he went with his control freak attitude again, the one that Deidara loathes so much. His fists curl up in fists as he listens on, clueless of what to tell him.
He is – more or less – saved from that by Sasori, for the latter takes the liberty to reply for him.
"We're friends," he says, disregarding the glare he receives from the senior. "Went to a concert together this weekend. Is there a problem with that? Is Deidara not allowed to do that?"
The emphasis he puts on his words indicate straight at what Deidara has always been thinking – Itachi is a control freak.
"Deidara?" Itachi bellows, demanding to get an answer from the blond himself. "Is all of this true?"
Deidara senses himself starting to snap. He has had it coming for so long and now, given the courage he has needed from Sasori, he is finally ready to say what is on his mind out loud.
"Yes!" he snaps loudly. "It is true."
Itachi's eyes narrow at him. "And why wasn't I-?"
"Why weren't you told?!" Deidara finishes the sentence for him, the words flowing out of his mouth on their own accord. For once he is not afraid; he finally feels like he can say what he wants and everything that has been stored in his mind is ready to come out. "Because you don't fucking own me! I'm not your property! And why did I go out with him? Because you wouldn't! Hell, all we ever do is what you want! You never even show interest in what I'd like to do! All you care about is having me around like a pet, - or an accessory to show off with! As a person I don't matter to you at all! And I'm so sick of it! I fucking HATE you, Itachi!"
And with those words, Deidara runs and, pushing through the crowd, flees the place before anyone can stop him. He leaves the schoolhouse and calls for a taxi to come pick him up.
Oh God, he does not want to go back there. Ever.
To be continued…
