Flag Burning Guide: A Liberal Crime Squad Fanfic

By David Weltner

Chapter 1

No one payed much attention to the two suave-looking men who walked into the Cable News Station that Thursday morning. It was January 22, 2009, just 2 days after the inauguration of the young Arch-Conservative President Joseph Ford. With a quick flash of a security pass and a PR smile, they walked through the doors and headed back to the studio. The two men walked into the room marked "TV STUDIO A: ON AIR" and proceeded to watch this segment of the news.

When commercials began, the two men made their move. They both pulled out .45 pistols and moved the camera operators and director to the wall. One of the camera operators flashed an odd-looking hand signal and ran up to the director's booth, put a CD in, and get ready for the return of the show. One of the suave-looking men walked up and sat down behind the news table. With the camera operators and director now silent, and the commercials ending, the Cable News' normal talk show was interrupted for a "Special LCS Report."

"Good Morning people of Philadelphia," Thomas Green said to begin his speech, "I am the one they call Mr. Anderson, the spokesman of the progressive Liberal Crime Squad. Now you Conservatives may be scratching you heads right now and wondering what's going on, but I am here to tell you about gun control..." The speech went on, and it was actually good TV! Then, as Green signed off, he said, "Oh and by the way; We Need a Slogan!" With that, he got up and collected his papers. Then, a lone security guard burst in the room. He was greeted by two .45 rounds to the chest, and the three men walked out of the station, ready to continue fighting the Conservative menace.

The newspapers picked up the story and ran it for weeks.