All his, life, Zuko had always struggled to find his peace with his mother's words, no her last words, but a phrase she used to tell him when he was feeling inferior to Azula. "No matter how hard it is, always keep your head up darling, you're a human being bestowed with dignity and honor, and no one but you can take that away."
He'd never understood the true meaning of her words until that moment he'd truly lost his honor, the moment he'd helped Azula kill the avatar.
He'd been horrified. True, he'd been in many fights with the avatar and his friends, but he'd never seriously tried to kill them, just capture them. And then Azula had gone and murdered the 12 year old boy in cold blood, on her face a smirk of victory. It was enough to make him sick.
That was the wretched moment he'd realized that his father had never taken away his honor, he had thrown it away. The shame he felt was enough to cause him to deny his discovery. He felt more frustrated then he'd ever felt before. More angry and ferocious then he'd ever thought himself possible of. It was like in finding his true self he'd lost a part of himself in this old yet new life of being a prince.
Even being an outcast had felt more wholesome then that parody of a life he'd inflicted upon himself.
So he'd left. He wasn't about to walk around empty inside for the rest of his life. Mai, wasn't enough of a reason to stay. She should have been, but the part of him she'd filled up wasn't enough to leave him even content. He was sorrowful, as he'd followed the avatar and his friends, thinking of how Mai would react when she found his scroll, but as he soared forward, he felt relief and freedom wash over him. The confinement and mundane being washed away by the wind.
This was what felt right. The freedom was nothing in comparison with being the prince of the fire nation. Nothing in comparison with what his father thought his destiny was. What he wanted Zuko to be, what Zuko knew he could never be but tried anyway.
He was lucky to be born, to experience his first flame, his mother's love and his uncle's guidance. To experience THIS, this LIFE. To experience the open ocean, the endless sky, and the rolling mountains.
In his travel's he'd had a goal, he'd never thought of looking at LIFE. But he was now. And he understood what his uncle had been telling him for the past three years of his life.
In that instant, he was no longer fettered to his past expectations. He'd transcended that, he would keep his head up, just like his mother had said. To rule his own destiny and do what made him happy. He was going to follow his heart and, he wouldn't regret anymore. He would live free.
AN: hmm…in case you're wondering, this was influenced by a song "Keep your head up" by Girls can'c catch. I hope you enjoyed it. Heh. And this will be a slash fic eventually. And it will also be M…in the last chapter. =D
-newmoongirl
