A personal fear, easily relatable.
Don't Leave
BPOV
I hugged pulled my knees up under my chin, hugging them closely, a poor attempt to feel like someone's arms were around me. It didn't work, I knew I was alone. Right now, in the literal sense, generally in a metaphorical sense. I had Charlie, I had Angela trying to still be my friend, and I had Jacob, but I still felt alone. Jacob was the only person who ever made me feel slightly less alone.
He had promised me that he would never leave me, he promised he would always protect me and take care of me. He promised he'd always be there. But he wasn't here now, he hadn't been here for the passed 5 months and 3 days. I couldn't help but take note of the time passing, it still felt like an impossible thing, but time still moved on, while I was still here waiting for him.
Every time I closed my eyes I saw him, but the image was tainted. He used to be this beautiful perfect guy, now I saw the guy who had ruined my life. I still loved him with all my heart, ever bone in my body ached for his touch, but I hated him, I hated him for doing this to me. He promised. And I just wanted him back.
A stone hitting the window caused me to physically jolt. I stood up slowly, walking towards the window like a ghost - no meaning, no feeling, a bad reflection of Bella Swan. I looked out of the window and saw Jacob sitting in the tree, smiling and waiting for me to open the window to let him in.
I did so, opening the window slowly. It was only as I shivered that I realised how cold I had been even before the window was open. I was freezing cold and yet I hadn't even noticed. It hadn't bothered me, until right now.
Jacob jumped in, smiling sweetly at me. My expression didn't change, I couldn't smile. It was too much of an effort, a hard attempt to do something with no meaning behind it. A smile suggested happiness, I wasn't happy. I was glad to see him, but I couldn't smile. He noticed this, he always noticed, and pulled me into a hug. Close. Safe. Warm. He held me closely and I felt the warmth of his body slowly warming me up. If only me as a whole could be fixed as easily as the coldness could be.
I rested my head on his bare chest, and looked up at him. A sudden fear hit me, overwhelming me with complete terror. What if Jacob left me? Tears formed in my eyes as I tried to imagine not having Jacob. He was the only one who could make be feel better. Without Jacob I would still be nothing, still a lifeless soul, doing nothing and going nowhere. The tears spilled out of my eyes and I felt myself shaking. Jacob wrapped his arms even tighter around me.
'Bella, honey, what's wrong?' he asked, worry filling his voice.
'Jake' I said, I wanted to look at him properly, but I couldn't without moving out of his hold and I couldn't do that. I needed to feel him there. 'Promise-- promise me, you'll never leave me.'
'Bells' Jake moved his arms from around me and cupped my face, using his thumbs to wipe my tears. 'I'm here for you. That is unconditional, that is forever' He realised he wasn't saying what I was asking for 'I promise you, Bella, I will never leave. I'll be here, always. Nothing will tear me away from you. And I will never ever hurt you. I promise'
I knew he meant everything he was saying, but I had thought Edward meant it when he said it, so it didn't reassure me much. I wrapped my arms around him, putting my head back on his head, trying to get him as close as possible. I didn't want to let go. If I let go he could go home, and if he went home I'm be alone again. If he went home I'd never know if I'd see him again. So I stayed there in his arms, too scared to move. Too scared of losing him. He was all I had, he was what I needed.
