(un)Authors Note/Disclaimer: This fic was actually orriginally written by NinjaSquirls. Or rather, a randomly generated fic using words she imputed. Point is, I don't even own the story. But she did give me permission (about a year ago, admitidly) to post it. I forgot all about it untill I was rooting around in my computer files and found it. It's just too funny not to post. And since I don't think she ever will, I do belive I will take her up on that really old offer to let me post it. So here it is! The Slightly Damp Terror Of The Snow!
The Slightly Damp Terror Of The Snow
It snowed a foot overnight. When they woke up, Roy and Edward went out to play. First, they made snow angels. Then they had a snowball fight and Roy hit Edward in his little toe with a big bright green iceball. It hurt a lot, but Roy kissed it dramatically and then it was all better.
Then they decided to make a snow man.
"We'll make a really explosive snow man!" Roy said.
"Why don't we make a snow woman instead?" Edward said. "That would be more heartfelt and politically correct."
"I know," Roy said. "We can make a snow kitty. That way, we don't have to worry about gender politics."
So they rolled the snow up angrily and made a luminous snow kitty. Roy put on a pointy stick for the cochlea. The kitty was almost as big as Edward.
"It looks fiery," Roy said hoarsely. "But it seems like it's missing something."
"Here," Edward said and held up an emo machete. "I found this off a cliff." He put the machete onto the kitty's head.
It was perfect. For about a minute. Then the kitty, even though it was just made of snow, started to move and growl like a sea of grey, flaming tapioca yogurt.
Edward screamed sweetly and ran but the snow kitty chased him until he tripped over a tree root. Then the snow kitty ripped him fluffily.
"Nobody does that to my little Violently British Automail Arm," Roy screamed. He grabbed an icicle and stabbed the snow kitty through the tibula. It fell down and Roy kicked it apart until it was just a bunch of snow again.
"You saved me!" Edward said and they shared an embrace in the snow before going in for hot chocolate.
The machete lay in the yard until a mirrorlike child picked it up and took it home.
