A/N: Saiyuki isna mine! Nor is "This Side of Paradise" or any other of F. Scott Fitzgerald's works. I lament this with much of my heart.

Hello, welcome to this pointless and plotless little story. After writing that snippet of Sanzo/Goku fluffiness, I felt like doing a little Gojyo/Hakkai. It makes me giggle. This is a little look into the Gojyo/Hakkai dynamic, but in a roundabout and highly improbable way. But it makes me giggle. And yeah, I know it's kind of long, but I couldn't cut it up. Bear with me.

Warnings: Language, shounen-ai, youkai snot, probable OOC

Enjoy ^.^

***

Gojyo blinked muzzily, staring out the window at the foot of his bed. He could see nothing but dirt and desert sand, endless stretches of terrain that only seems flat until your guts are floating somewhere near your throat and Hakkai's apologizing for the sudden drop. The morning was cool, an indication that Gojyo was awake far earlier than was really necessary. The day wasn't worth getting up for until it was hot enough to make you kick the sheets away. He tried to roll over, and hissed as pain shot through his sore back.

"Everything alright?" Hakkai asked absently, making the bed out of habit. He always straightened the sheets before they left an inn, unable to let anybody else take care of it. It was one of his more compulsive endeavors to be unobtrusive.

Gojyo groaned in response. "Think I slept on it funny," he grunted, pushing himself up onto his elbows. He could feel the blood pulsing through every muscle, and it -hurt-. The area just behind his kidneys ached the worst, stiff and unyielding in making his legs stay straight and immobile. He couldn't help grunting again when an exploratory stretch sent fresh pain shooting up his spine.

"Probably pulled a few muscles lately, too," Hakkai commented, coming over to stand at Gojyo's bedside. He smiled down at his friend in a manner not vaguely disconcerting. "I think it might have been in that tug-of-war with Goku."

Gojyo snorted, dropping back onto the bed with a wince. "Hey, that was -my- damn' towel."

"Only because it was the last dry one for a good few yards," Hakkai shot back, genuine amusement on his face. "You ought to be glad it was only Sanzo and myself there to watch."

Gojyo laughed, cocking his head to stretch out his neck. "Wouldn't want the saru to be embarrassed, ne?"

"Of course not." Hakkai shook his head, a low chuckle rumbling in his throat. "Are you going to sit up without whining like a child?"

Gojyo frowned. "Just for that, no."

Hakkai looked down at him, an appraising quality to his gaze. "I suppose it can't hurt to stretch you out, then. You'll have to let me help."

"Fix it, mommy," Gojyo implored, a grin twinkling in his eyes. He lay nestled under rumpled, white sheets, pillowed by the brilliant splash of his hair. The teasing in his voice was evident on his face, managing to be patronizing even in a painfully prone position.

Hakkai rolled his eyes. "Bring your legs perpendicular to the ground. You can bend your knees if you want." Gojyo did as asked, and Hakkai pulled the sheets away from his legs. Gojyo wore the loose pants he slept in and little else. He wiggled his toes in the fresh air, bringing his knees up and sighing. Even in that state, the muscles in his back were pulling tight, relaxing with excruciating slowness. It was difficult just to breathe against the sensation.

"Now your back's straight. Stay like that a minute," Hakkai ordered, taking a seat on his freshly made bed. Outside the room, the town was awake and working, with vendors peddling and people talking. Outside the room, the world was busy and vibrantly alive. The sounds of it came through the window, blurring into white noise and the occasional sforzando of anomalous activity. Inside, however, Gojyo breathed deep and heavy, his eyes shut hard, and Hakkai silently waited for visible signs of relaxation. The redhead's face was flushed ever so slightly under his tan, and he had a habit of worrying at his lower lip. Soon, though, his features settled and Hakkai quickly commenced the next step of the process.

"Bring one of your knees to your chest and stretch your back out."

Gojyo nodded, wrapping his hands about one knee and gently pulling. His body rebelled, and rather adamantly. "Nn..nothing doing," he replied, quickly releasing his leg and letting it return to its position with the other one.

Hakkai sighed. "Must I do everything myself?" He got to his knees at the foot of Gojyo's bed, untangled the kappa's legs, and pushed his hip against Gojyo's right foot. The pressure steadily increased until Gojyo's knee nearly met his skin and Hakkai's face was over his. He linked his arm under Gojyo's other leg for support, and waited patiently as Gojyo relaxed. It was a surreal position, leaning as he was over his friend, the constant pressure of Gojyo's heel against his hip, Gojyo's shin against his chest, Gojyo's hands over his own. At some point in time, the redhead had brought his hands up over Hakkai's, intent upon holding him there.

Pain gave way to intense heat of returning blood flow. It spread in sharp ripples through his back, echoing down the corridors of his ribs and settling in a hot pool behind his kidneys. "Hurts," the redhead groaned, eyes closed tight. A few deep, desperate breaths later, he amended the statement. "Hurts good. Do the other one."

Hakkai slowly let Gojyo's right leg up, and started methodically on the left. Just he'd managed to get Gojyo in the same position as before, with his arm under Gojyo's other leg and his right hand on the bed for support, the door slammed open.

"Hakkai, Sanzo says...Hakkai?!"

Gojyo's eyes shot open. He glanced once at Hakkai, the movement saying 'Move, and I'll kill you.' "What's Sanzo say that's so important?" he growled, bringing a hand up to the brunette's back to keep Hakkai over his leg. The pressure was too much to willingly release just then.

Goku stammered for a moment, unable to fully process the vision before him. "Uh...that you've got five minutes to tell Gojyo we're leaving or we go without him. Eh..."

Hakkai nodded, secure in his innocence. "Well, thanks for delivering the message. We'll be down in five."

"Ten," Gojyo corrected. "Maybe fifteen." He couldn't keep from shaking in laughter, even as Goku hurriedly backed away. He took off down the hall, calling for Sanzo, leaving Gojyo and Hakkai to themselves.

Gojyo laughed, tossing his head back and throwing an arm over his eyes. Hakkai shook his head, but was chuckling as well. "He has -got- to learn to knock," the brunette murmured, slowly letting up on Gojyo's leg. When he let go, Gojyo lay his legs flat on the bed and slowly sat up.

"Thanks. Really." He had to look away before starting to laugh again. "Hakkai, you've got to stop blushing."

Hakkai's eyes widened. He reached up and realized his face was burning hot, and this realization only made the sensation intensify. "Oh, my."

Gojyo grinned over at him. "Sorry." But everything in his stance spoke to the contrary. He got up and raised his arms to the sky, stretching high over his head. "Mm. That was nice. You're good at that."

Hakkai rubbed the back of his head. "It's just something I picked up."

Gojyo rubbed his hands down his sides, scratching with open palms. "Hey, just in case that happens again, it's legs up straight, right?"

Hakkai nodded, trying not to flush again at the resurfacing of a recent memory. He nearly yelped when Gojyo pushed him over and pulled one of his legs over his shoulder. One of Gojyo's hands landed beside Hakkai's face, and the redhead leaned on it for balance as he gently brought Hakkai's leg up. "Knee to the chest, and hold it there," he murmured, leaving Hakkai's knee over his shoulder and letting his hand skim the fabric until his fingers found the upraised seam of Hakkai's back pocket. He traced it, then set about intensifying Hakkai's blush.

The brunette's neck was soft and warm, pulsing straight from his heart and tasting of sweat and skin. Gojyo nuzzled into it, opening his mouth against Hakkai in soft kisses until heavy hands on his shoulders drew his attentions away. Hakkai's face was flushed more than ever, burning pink in the cheeks and soft red in his lips. Even in admonition, the way he said Gojyo's name was husky and sweet.

"What do you think you're doing, Gojyo?" he asked softly, perfectly still and bent around his friend. His hands were on Gojyo's shoulders, and one leg was still hooked over his arm, though it had slipped down a little.

"What's it look like?" the redhead countered, trying to force some nonchalance into his voice.

Hakkai lay under Gojyo, breaths coming hard, just staring at him for a few heavy moments. Before he again drew breath to speak, they jumped at the sound of someone clearing his throat.

Sanzo leaned in the doorframe, looking rather irritatedly disaffected, irked only that Hakkai and Gojyo were late. "Get some clothes on and get moving. Do -that- on your own time."

Gojyo slowly disentangled himself from Hakkai, turning and grabbing up the clothes he wore in daytime. He shrugged into his shirt, cracking his shoulders with the movement. He didn't glance over his shoulder to see if Hakkai was around after he managed to get dressed, but shoved his feet into his boots and slid into the bathroom.

Hakkai let him go, sitting upright on Gojyo's bed and trying to regain control of himself. He hadn't the faintest idea as to why Gojyo would try such a thing with him. Yes, of course his unabashedly heterosexual persona suffered lapses from time to time if the ladies in town were less willing than the pretty, young boys. Yes, of course his drunkenness led to sexual passes of which Hakkai bore the brunt. Yes, of course Gojyo had repeatedly hinted at his aesthetic admirations. Yes, of course Gojyo was a deeply physical person. But that was why Hakkai had felt relatively comfortable helping him stretch in the first place.

But oh, that strangeness just then was so awkward, so frightening. And Hakkai was mildly appalled to realize Gojyo's attentions had left a hindrance to his walking until he managed to calm himself down. He was unable to face Sanzo or Goku, but called Hakuryuu into Jiipu form and climbed into the driver's seat, eyes firmly on his hands on the wheel.

*

Gojyo threw himself in the backseat, propping his legs against the driver's seat and stretching slow. Languid like a cat, he raised his arms and leaned back, grinning as an audible pop sounded.

Goku wrinkled his nose. "Would you stop doing that? The sound's gross."

Gojyo glared over at him. "Gotta do it or my back hurts."

"Just be careful or you could strain yourself again," Hakkai advised from the front seat, putting Jiipu in gear and tearing out of town. Hot wind tore into the open cabin, whipping Gojyo's hair back and knotting it around his neck. He tossed his head back and laughed.

"If I wake up stiff I'll have you help me again."

"That was a terrible joke," Hakkai muttered as Goku raised his voice to drown Gojyo out with insults.

"Calm down, saru," Gojyo said, waving a hand. "Hakkai was showing me how to stretch my back out. You ought to try it sometime." He settled back and grinned at Goku. "I personally didn't think you were old enough to jump to such conclusions."

Goku growled. "I'm not a little kid, you know! Five hundred plus eighteen is a lot of time! And it's not like it was only me, 'cause Sanzo's always saying..."

Retribution came swiftly and terribly, bashing Goku so hard the kid's eyes unfocused for a second. Sanzo settled down into the passenger seat, huffing once and stuffing the fan up his sleeve. "You're giving me a headache," he griped, staring resolutely out the windshield.

Goku rubbed at the melon-sized lump on his head, and Gojyo got to his knees, leaning between the seats. "What's Sanzo always saying, now?" When he got no answer, he added, "You know I'm going to pump the monkey for it later." This earned him a blast of cold to the forehead as the barrel of the shourejuu pressed between his eyes. He smiled into it and leaned back, effectively mollified.

Hakkai, always focusing totally on the road, drove on. After a few moments, he murmured, "What does it matter to him anyway?"

*

"Remind me again how we got ourselves into this one."

"We travel with Sanzo."

"Ah-ha, that's right." Gojyo stared down at himself, coated in mucous that was beginning to harden about him. And at the creature across the room, salivating in thick gobs at the prospect of getting its paws on the sutra, but only slightly more than usual. And back down to himself, where the viscous fluids had most certainly anchored him to the floor and rendered him, for the most part, immobile. He looked over to Hakkai. The brunette had the misfortune to be anchored from shoulders to waist, pinned to the wall a few feet off the ground. Gojyo had only been nailed from the hips down, though his hands were anchored at his sides the instant he tried to push on the stuff. Goku, however, was by far the worst off. By being first into the room, he'd gotten the first attack squarely on his head. It coated him from crown down his back, pinning his arms down, and he'd picked up a few leaves as well.

Sanzo, of course, was still pretty and clean, spitting heavy defiance at their captor in a streak that turned the air around him a royal shade of blue. After a few meaningless words and a righteous speech, he pulled out his gun and shot the thing. Owing to unspoken amendments to the laws of physics as applied to Sanzo, the recoil of the gun barely jolted his hand and blood gushed from the target in a devastating spray that completely missed him. It collapsed over itself in a heap of ragged, black fur, blood and drool pooling about its body. It dissolved into dust not long after. Sanzo gingerly stepped over the mess, lifting the hem of his robe to ensure his constant spotlessness.

"So we've survived. A little help, bouzu?" Gojyo complained, yanking ineffectually at his tethered hands. Pain shot from shoulders to neck and he decided it was against his best interest to repeat the motion.

Sanzo arched one delicate eyebrow. "What do you expect me to do?"

Goku grunted, breaking the hardened mucous off of his back. "When it's hard it's not so bad!" he cried, picking some of it off of his arms. "Ow! Sticks on your hair."

"Oi, saru, use that stick of yours and break me out, would you?"

"What if I don't want to?" Goku grinned at Gojyo, standing safely out of the kappa's reach. He openly relished this chance to have the better of his supposed elder, blowing a loud raspberry right in Gojyo's face.

"Excuse me, but could you possibly help -me- down, Goku?" Hakkai interrupted, before Gojyo had the chance to splutter a response. Sanzo was looking on with amusement thinly veiled in disgust. Goku nodded, smiling helpfully, and had Hakkai on his feet with a few well-aimed cracks. Hakkai then glanced at Gojyo, unable to keep from smiling.

"He looks comfortable like that. He could stand to stay here a while."

"Not you too!" Gojyo cried.

Hakkai grinned deviously. "Say, Goku, you know I've got to get this off of me before I can drive. That gives you a little time, and I know we've got markers in the back..."

"That's it!" Gojyo bellowed, standing at full height and wrapping his hands about Hakkai's collar. Then, he realized he was able to wrap his hands about Hakkai's collar. "Oh, hey..." The brunette merely smiled at him, disentangling his fingers and backing up to pick his own shining coating off.

Goku had returned with the markers. Seeing Gojyo's hands free, his face fell somewhat. But he glanced down to Gojyo's tethered feet and grinned madly. "Hakkai, how much time have I got?"

Hakkai didn't look up at him, but chuckled softly. "I'd say a good ten minutes. Sanzo, would you mind coming with me?"

"To get out of this din." The monk left with Hakkai, who shot him a conspiratorial glance.

"My thoughts exactly." Hakkai chipped dry monster-snot off of his chest as he walked, leaning against a nearby tree and focusing on his clothes.

Gojyo howled from inside the abandoned household, attached to the ground with one Son Goku given full permission to play with him. Sanzo leaned against the tree with Hakkai, looking to the horizon and the setting sun. "I'm unused to you devising such forms of payback."

"Is that what it is? I just love the gratitude on Goku's face," Hakkai answered, focusing only on his shirt. "This stuff is worse than superglue."

"Spit on it."

"Sound advice, I'm sure," Hakkai answered, "but rather undignified."

"Like revenge?"

Hakkai's smile reappeared, gentle and persuasive. He said nothing, but finished cleaning off his shirt and started on what little hit his pants. Goku came out, laughing under his breath.

"I'm sure as hell not letting him out." He grinned from ear to ear, twirling one of the markers between his fingers. "He's not gonna find any girls tonight, looking like he is."

Hakkai chuckled and brushed past Goku, saying, "Well, I may as well let him out then. He's suffered enough."

Goku laughed after him, and suddenly stopped. "Ne, Sanzo? What's that look on your face for? You look like you ate a bug or something! Sanzo? Ow!" As Sanzo secreted the harisen somewhere on his person, Goku rubbed the second lump he'd gotten that day and shrugged, following him toward Hakuryuu.

*

When Hakkai found him, Gojyo was coated from forehead to waistband in scrawling doodles. Goku had managed to flip the redhead's shirt over his head, leaving his abdomen free and effectively tying Gojyo's arms together at the elbows. Hakkai could see that, near the end of it, Gojyo had decided to grin and bear it, as Goku's drawings got progressively less smeared as they entered regions that Gojyo should have been able to fight him over. There was a target on his forehead, large circles around his eyes, a scribbled black moustache and goatee, and hot pink stripes running from his shoulders to his elbows. Those were the only drawings that exhibited any symmetry, as a rainbow of marks marred Gojyo's body in faces and squiggles and marks meant solely to tickle the kappa.

When he saw Gojyo, Hakkai couldn't help but laugh. Every time he looked at Gojyo, another bubble would rise to his throat and burst free, echoing in the silence until Gojyo began to laugh as well. The redhead wriggled until his arms were free of the shirt and he balled it up, tossing it over to where Goku had thrown his vest earlier. The effect was of a white bar on both of Gojyo's arms and his back where Goku had to avoid fabric when drawing upon them. This made Hakkai laugh harder. He put his hand on Gojyo's shoulder and found himself drawn to the redhead. Featherlight, Gojyo traced his tongue along the roof of Hakkai's surprised mouth before it clamped closed. The brunette shuddered at the sensation, feeling the jolt of the fresh touch race straight down his back and leave muscle spasms in its wake.

Gojyo held Hakkai to him with hands fisted in his shirt, staring as Hakkai sighed, and making a strained noise in the back of his throat. Hakkai blinked rapidly and tried to push away, but Gojyo made the noise again and caught Hakkai's mouth in a heady kiss. Gojyo's practiced, expert movements danced against Hakkai until the shorter man sighed and unclenched his jaw. The kiss deepened and Hakkai could fully taste Gojyo, the mix of salt and cigarettes and sweet skin that lay inside his mouth. One of Gojyo's hands untucked Hakkai's shirt in back and slid, open-palmed, to rest between skin and fabric. His hand was hot and callused, but not applying pressure or causing any sort of discomfort. The other remained fisted in the collar at Hakkai's neck.

Gojyo pulled away, smiling softly down at the bright pink face of his friend. "Just one," he murmured, calming his breathing and gently releasing Hakkai. "It's all I wanted."

Hakkai stepped back and focused on the first concrete thing that came to mind. "I do hope that ink's not permanent."

Gojyo grinned a little. "You've got some on your face." He held up his hands. "But my palms were the only bit Goku missed."

"Aside from that stripe on your back," Hakkai countered, curbing his blush and wiping at his upper lip. "Gone?"

"Good enough. Get me out." Hakkai planted a solid kick to Gojyo's bindings and the shell shattered, crackling over the floor and glittering like broken glass. Gojyo stepped out, shaking the shards from his legs and bending over to pick away the leftover pieces attached to his clothes. He reached down and grabbed his vest and shirt, deciding against pulling them over his head.

"So hard to keep clothes white, you know?" he said with an easy grin, shaking out his legs and sauntering outside. Hakkai was left to tuck in his shirt and stare after Gojyo.

Hakkai frowned slightly. "All you wanted?"

*

Gojyo dove for the first bath to present itself despite his nonchalance. Hakkai couldn't help but smile as passersby stared in wonder at the painted man and the boy beside him with a shining coating of hardened phlegm in his hair. Sanzo rather forcibly shoved Goku into the other basin, not allowing the boy to leave the room until he passed inspection.

Hakkai, on the other hand, was lucky enough to get his own bath in a clean tub, and the dirt off of him barely even clouded the water. He relaxed into the soothing heat, submerged in the hot water up to his chin, and closed his eyes. He could hear Sanzo yelling at Goku in the next room over, could hear his own breathing, could hear his heart amplified against the stifling weight of the water. In this environment, his mind was free to wander.

This series of events...was not unfamiliar. Hakkai exhaled long and low, remembering the days when his name was fresh. He grew used to spending most nights alone, as Gojyo went out to gamble for whatever income he could provide. As Gojyo slept off the inevitable hangover, Hakkai went to work. They might spend a few hours together before Gojyo went out again for the night. But some nights he'd take off, and they'd sit in companionable silence that only occasionally became awkward. Or some nights he'd go out and return early, citing the lack of players or a scratch in his streak of luck. Those nights he'd swing into the house, plant a kiss between Hakkai's eyes, and rub out his cigarette. He'd plop down into a chair and engage Hakkai in endless rounds of poker to pass the time. The first kiss had shocked the brunette to the core, but the physicality soon became commonplace. A gentle nudge on the shoulder when he was cooking, a kiss between the eyes in greeting, a bump of the hips, a hand in the small of his back. Little reassuring gestures, friendly motions, unspoken affections that came from Gojyo as comfortably as words. Hakkai didn't encourage the behavior, but he didn't discourage Gojyo either. As soon as they no longer had their comfortable private time, however, the gestures came to a screeching halt. He hadn't laid a hand on Gojyo except to heal him since they'd been alone in his house. Their house.

Hakkai leaned back to get the dirt out of his hair. Water droplets turned muddy when they came in contact, and the dust in his hair alone dirtied the water another fraction of a shade. And this. This, the changing of his mannerism so fast it made Hakkai's toes curl. Gojyo's kisses hadn't been friendly or gentle, but invasive and calculated, the sort that shot straight to the libido with no detours along the way. And he'd let him, standing there stupid as the muscles in his limbs spasmed helplessly against the onslaught.

Hakkai rose, shivering against the sudden and violent convection of water and air against his skin.

*

"Evening."

"Mm. See you've gotten the marker off."

Gojyo grinned. "As have you."

Hakkai let him take a seat on the bed opposite, returning his eyes to the book he'd picked up earlier that day. He'd leave it in the inn, as he always did, but skimming half-finished ideas and wrapping himself up in language itself was cathartic at the end of the long day. He normally did not find the time to lament the loss of not knowing the full story, because they all turned out the same anyway. But if the ending were the point, there wouldn't be any reason to have books in the first place.

"You were a little absent at dinner," Gojyo remarked, stretching out on the bed. "Everything okay?"

"You're an idiot." Hakkai hadn't meant to say it, but it came out anyway. Gojyo laughed.

"Stupid question, stupid answer." He stared up at the ceiling and lit a cigarette, planting it between his lips with none of the usual ceremony. He lay and smoked for a while, tipping ash onto the floor when it threatened to fall from the cigarette itself. Hakkai continued to read, turning the pages of the book in his lap at regular intervals. The pace was so measured that it was obvious he hadn't absorbed a single word.

"Know what I miss?" Gojyo asked out of the silence.

"Mm."

"The old comfort. You miss it, Hakkai?"

"I'd like to have regular showers again, if that's what you mean."

Gojyo was undaunted. "That too. You -know- what I mean, though."

Hakkai paused a moment, still looking down at the book. It was a foreign work by some author with more middle names than was really necessary. The first sentence to his eyes read, '...I'm a slave to my emotions, to my likes, to my hatred of boredom, to most of my desires...' Hakkai smiled softly. 'More of an indentured servant, really,' he thought.

"Yes, I suppose I miss it." He turned a page and glanced over to Gojyo. "Don't tell me you're trying to stage a reenactment."

"Oh, of course not." Gojyo looked slightly hurt at this accusation. "That's not what I want at all." He sat up and rubbed the cigarette out against the sole of his boot, tossing the butt into the garbage can by the door. "Not that this isn't tiring. It is, isn't it? Going from town to town, sure the fighting's good and the traveling's livable and every day we're somewhere new that doesn't know us yet." He grinned. "So long as the reputation we've got doesn't precede. But I admit it's tiring. Every once in a while a guy wants to go back home."

Hakkai sighed, the word 'home' bringing memories unbidden to the forefront of his brain. A cozy place with clean floors and white walls and books and the smell of clean clothes. Beautiful green eyes and a welcoming kiss when he came in. Endless hopes and dreams.

Suddenly, he understood.

Sanzo walked in, a scowl twisting his pretty features. "They made me preach."

"You didn't tell them to fuck off?"

"Not in so many words. Out, kappa, I'm going to sleep."

"Ch." Gojyo got up and left without another word. Hakkai glanced once at Sanzo and closed the book, rolling over and waiting for the blonde to turn out the light. Whether he anticipated the morning out of passion or dread, it was impossible to say.

*

"Nuh uh. He hit me last time."

"Yeah, but he's not here now. Come on, tell me."

"No. It's kinda obvious Sanzo doesn't want me to say."

"What he doesn't know won't hurt him."

"Could too."

"Bakasaru."

"Pervert cockroach."

"Monk's pet."

"Moron...wait, what?"

"You're his monkey on a leash. Sanzo this, Sanzo that, Sanzo wants a beer, Sanzo told me to jump off a bridge, watch me fly."

"Hey! It's not like you don't follow Hakkai around! He's just too nice to make you go away!"

"At least -he- doesn't hit me."

"Well maybe Sanzo wouldn't hit me if he was with me like you two are."

"Say that again with coherent grammar. I want to make sure I just heard what I thought I just heard out of your mouth."

"I don't think I should."

"Goku..."

"..."

"Goku, did Sanzo say that Hakkai and I are fooling around?"

"Uh. No. I forget the words he said."

"He can't know more than I do. Screwing? Banging? Doin' the old Bump-and-Grind? Polishing the torpedo, stuffing the turkey, hammering the nail, any of those?"

"Cripes, what the hell's your problem? No, none of those! Don't dare say any more."

"Well you're not being the most helpful in the world."

"I don't remember and I shouldn't be telling you anyway! I'm not even sure what some of those mean...what in the world is a torpedo?!"

"Ask Hakkai about the birds and the bees sometime."

"I know -that-. What's that got to do with a torpedo?"

"Ask Hakkai about the figurative terms associated with said birds and bees."

"Uh. Kay. But Sanzo didn't say anything about torpedoes. He was saying..."

"Yes?"

"No! He wasn't saying!"

"Damn. But I think I've figured out the general gist of what Sanzo said in the first place. And if that's what he believes, let him believe it."

"So are you? Doing the thing with the torpedo?"

"What the hell does a torpedo have to do with it?"

"It was your metaphor."

"Sleep, saru. Just shut the hell up and sleep."

"Screw you."

"Try Sanzo."

"...Gojyo! Shut up!"

"Sweet dreams."

*

Goku sat up that morning, stomach rumbling. In a soft sing-song, he said, "Hey, I remember what Sanzo said now."

"You gonna tell me?" Gojyo asked, his face crammed into his pillow.

"Nope!" Goku grinned maliciously at Gojyo, getting to his feet and pulling his jeans on. He hopped on one foot for a while, managing to get both legs into the pants after very few tries. "You really think he'd hit me less?"

Gojyo grinned into the pillow. He really was cute, sometimes. "Hard to say."

"'Cause, well, I kinda don't mind it sometimes. Don't tell him or I'll kill you."

Gojyo tried hard not to nosebleed all over the pillow at the images that statement brought to mind. As it was, he choked slightly before saying, "Well, he hits you when he's mad, right? But if you mean enough to make him mad now, then he'd probably still hit you."

"Hm."

"Hey, Goku?" Gojyo called, sitting up as Goku was about to leave for the kitchen.

"Wha?"

"You aren't really gonna ask Hakkai or Sanzo about torpedoes, are you? If you do I'll tell Sanzo you -like- his fan."

"Okay, I won't. Deal." Goku grinned and left Gojyo in an empty hotel room to laugh incredulously into his pillow.

"What's so funny?"

Gojyo giggled a little more, appalled at the thoughts in his head. When he pulled away from the pillow, Hakkai was watching him with confusion seeping into the corners of his familiar smile. He almost spilled the beans, knowing the look on Sanzo's face when torpedoes were brought up was well worth the talking-to he'd get from Hakkai. But inciting Goku to that retribution didn't seem worth it at that particular moment. It was a piece of blackmail too good to lose that quickly, he reassured himself. Yes, of course.

"Nothing at all. Sleep well?" Gojyo asked, getting up and pulling his shirt on. He was comfortable changing around Hakkai, having done so for nearly every day for at least three years when they were home alone. So he shrugged out of his pajamas and was shoving his legs into his pants when he realized Hakkai was watching him. Gojyo of all people knew the sexuality of Gojyo, and he grinned inwardly.

"Yes, thanks. You?"

"Of course." He ran a hand through his hair and grinned over to Hakkai. "You know Sanzo thinks we're veritable bunnies?"

"I'd suspected, ever since he was so calm upon catching us in the supposed act."

Gojyo's grin grew. "You're blushing again."

Hakkai put one hand up and felt the heat on his face. "You like it. Tell me, what is it that you want from me?"

Gojyo shrugged. "Everything. But that's me being greedy. We had years together and I never said it, but you're smart, ne? So I figure, what better time to make a move when we're on a suicidal mission with a monk and a monkey making sure we've got virtually no uninterrupted privacy?" He laughed a little. "I'm sure you're overawed by my powers of subtlety, too, huh?"

Hakkai smiled at him, as always. "I'm sure you plotted everything to the minutest detail."

Gojyo laughed, low and heavy and nervous. "That's me."

Hakkai crossed his arms over his stomach, fingers gripping at his elbows. He stared down at his hand, watching as the green fabric of his shirt raised from the dimples under his fingers. "It was easy," he said softly, watching his hand on his arm, "when you were with me only a few hours every day. A year then is a month now. It's impossible to get a moment alone, not even in my head. Up until recently, I could live with it. I can't any more." He looked up to Gojyo, smiling faintly. "Do you know how rude you are? How selfish and assuming and...greedy you are? You disrupted my thoughts. You made yourself the center."

Gojyo came to him, a hand outstretched. Hakkai didn't flinch away when it landed on his shoulder. "Sorry." His other hand gently traced Hakkai's jaw, tilting his face up. Between kisses to his forehead, his cheeks, his eyelids, Gojyo murmured, "Forgive me. So sorry. Forgive me, please."

Hakkai released his own arms and gripped Gojyo's wrists, holding him hard but not pulling him away. "No." He held Gojyo's hand to his face and grabbed a fistful of red hair with the other. "You're an utter asshole." And as Gojyo stared at him in shock, Hakkai pulled his head down and forced their lips together. After a few seconds, thick and heady laughter rumbled in Gojyo's throat. Just as he began to respond, Hakkai pulled away.

"Come on. You haven't eaten yet and I'm surprised you haven't started to complain." With that, Hakkai turned to walk down the hallway, and Gojyo couldn't do a thing but follow. The brunette gave himself a self-satisfied smile, wondering if homesickness wasn't such a terrible affliction.