Summary: Katara is married, not to Aang, but with Jet? She doubts if she has made the right choice as her love. [Kataang romance] This story is a little bit different than the ending of the cartoon. Inspired after the episode, "Jet"
Right Choice
Last night neither of us slept well. I had nightmares all the time, which made me toss and turn in bed and I kicked him a couple of times in my sleep. I must have kept him awake through the night.
It is some time now that I have been like this. I cannot sleep in the night, and when I do, I have nightmares. In the nightmares, I find myself alone in a completely dark desert. I am scared and cry for help, but there is no one in that desert to help me. He tries to sooth me after waking me up. But it doesn't help. I do not know why but I do not like it when he touches me. I prefer to turn my back to him, curl up in bed, and go to sleep as if no one is there.
I just cannot stand him any more. God, what is wrong with me? It was just four months ago that we got married, and when we did I thought I loved him. I thought he was the one for me. He kept admiring my bending skills. I was not the type of girl to receive admiration from men everyday, so I was so excited about it. Maybe that is what made me think I loved him and made me rush into marriage.
But for me, it only lasted about two weeks. Just two weeks. I began to understand my mistake, my biggest mistake. How wrong I was. He is not for me, this Jet. I watch him in his sleep. He has not hurt my feelings. That is true. I feel no love for him. I have never had. He is just too…too ordinary, too boring. He doesn't satisfy me, neither physically nor spiritually. Every day he calls me 'baby' or 'honey'. He kisses me. We make love. But I am enjoying none of these. Why does he look so empty and fake? I know he is a faithful man, but that is all he is, nothing more. He is a stranger to me. What made me think I loved him? 'Had you lost your mind, Katara?' I talk to myself. Life is terrible now.
The depressing sunlight is shining on the sheet of our bed, and I know it is time to get up. I frown and get out of the bed, trying to be as quiet and slow as possible. It seems that I was not quiet and slow enough. He groans and wakes up. I sit at the edge of the bed with my back turned to him.
"Good morning, Katara." He yawns.
"Good morning." I close my eyes as he kisses me on the cheek. 'God, I don't love him.' A shiver goes up my spine. I feel so miserable, scared, and depressed. I really want to ignore this feeling, but it lingers. I cannot help it. I have always managed to hold my feelings in leash. But this time it's different. I cannot help feeling betrayed. No. Jet didn't betray me. I do know he is not the only reason for the way I feel. I betrayed myself. Yes. I betrayed myself by depending on logic when it was time to depend on emotions, when it was time to listen to my heart. I betrayed myself when I ignored the one and only true love of my life.
I have to talk to him. I heard that he is visiting Sokka and Suki.
As I arrived, no one is there. I walk up the short wooden ladder, and now I am on top of the roof of their home. I lie down, cross my arms, and stretch my legs apart and wait for them. It is not typical of me to lie down with my legs apart, but I feel like doing it and it is relaxing. I still feel dizzy and I feel a weight on my brain and on my heart. I watch the beautiful orange sunset over the lake and I feel terrible again. Can life be worse?
God knows what I would give to have him back. He is the one I love and need. He is the one I have always loved and needed. I was just too stupid to admit it.
Suddenly I feel a presence. There is no noise. I just feel a presence, and without changing my position, I turn my head to see who it is.
It is him. My heartbeat gets faster with excitement. I have not seen much of Aang lately. But the strange thing is that I'm not surprised to see him here. I was actually expecting him. For no good reason, I knew he would feel the energy calling him from this hut in this beautiful spring evening.
"Hi Katara." He says while sitting down beside me.
"Hi." I say quietly and look at him with half-open eyes.
"What a nice coincidence. I didn't know you were here." He says slowly without looking at me. We are silent and the sunlight is shining on us. I do not know what but something is different about the sunlight this evening. There is a long silence between us.
"The sunlight reminds me of our childhood." He is the one to break the silence. Can he read my mind? I was about to say that.
"So does the breeze." I say and he nods in agreement.
We silently watch the sunset. We both know what makes us feel childhood and innocence all around us. I turn my head to watch him. I feel I have known him all my life. As a matter of fact, I have. But this feeling is different. I feel I have known him for centuries, from past lives, from other worlds.
God, how I want him! I want him more than ever. I want him with every single cell in my body. I remind myself that I have wanted him for the longest time. What on earth made me deny it? Why didn't I listen to my heart? Why did I ignore him? There are certain stupid things you sometimes do in your life and you just cannot explain why you did them. That is the case with me.
"How are you doing?" He breaks the silence for the second time.
I know by 'you' he means Jet and me. I did not say anything. Sometimes silence is the best of answers. I look at his sad glittering eyes fixed on the sunset. It makes me remember my wedding ceremony at church. He was dressed up, he smiled, and he shook hands with Jet, kissed me on the cheek, and wished us the best. But during the ceremony, whenever I looked at him, he had the same sad eyes he has now, and he looked at me as if asking me 'why?'
That is what I am asking myself now. Why didn't I ever express my love for him? Well, he did not express his for me either, or is it just me? I was the one who rushed into marriage like that. I left him no choice. He is considerate enough to control his feelings now that I am married. But God knows I wish he didn't. I desperately need his love, and I am sure he needs mine. I can read it in his silence and in his eyes. What have I done to us? Neither of us used to be depressed and sad.
I love him, this familiar boy. The only man I have always felt comfortable with, the man who has always been kind and gentle to me, the man who has fascinated me with his loving heart, his innocence, and his honesty.
He is trying to avoid my eyes by watching the lake and the sunset, but I keep watching him. I watch his pale skin, his skinny body, his slender, and his gray eyes. Ah, I am crazy about him. I love every thing about him.
My heartbeat is even faster and I breathe heavily. I am generally an introvert girl. Showing emotions is not typical of me, but tonight everything is different. I know the powerful love we have for each other has to be expressed. It has to be revealed. This lovebird can die in a cage. We should let it fly. We both know it is there. We should just let it free.
I cannot hold it anymore. I reach for his hand and take it. His hand is cold as ice. He finally turns his head to look at me with expecting eyes. I look back into his eyes. It seems to us that we have said many things in the silent moments on the top of this hut. We both know what is going on. We have known it for a long time. Maybe we thought our love was so obvious. That is why we took it for granted, but not any more. All of my existence is telling me to do it, to do what I should have done long time ago.
I get closer to him; put my hands on his cheek. In my mind, I search for words, but my heart is telling me to say what is best to say. I want to listen to my heart this time.
"I love you, Aang." I slowly whisper these four words.
In his eyes, I see a mixture of happiness and sadness. I know he is happy because he is hearing the words he has always wanted to hear from me, and he is sad because he wants to know why I was so late. But he doesn't say any of the emotions his eyes are expressing. He also listens to his heart and says what really has to be said.
"I love you too, Katara. I have always had. I should have let you know much earlier. Sorry I didn't."
His arms go around me and we kiss each other hungrily. I don't want to break from this kiss, the kiss I have always longed for. We are hugging and kissing and we are doing it in a way two lovers do after a long time being apart. I never felt like this in Jet's arms. Jet's touch sent shivers up my spine, but now I badly want Aang to touch me. By the way, he is holding me and kissing me, I can see he feels the same. I am so happy. I feel like I was lost and now I am found. I want us to remain this way forever.
As we are kissing, we hear a noise, which makes us startle and look at the direction. There stands Jet at the foot of the ladder, watching us with wide-open eyes. Obviously, he is shocked and cannot believe his eyes. Aang and I exchange glances. Aang is embarrassed. I don't know why I feel good. Actually, I am feeling happy. I don't know how Jet knew I was here. And he has seen us kissing. Isn't it great? How else could I tell him I didn't love him? How easy is that for me.
Jet runs away. I must have broken his heart. Maybe I will explain to him later. Well, that is if he needs any explanations. But at the moment, I owe explanations to the man sitting beside me. I broke his heart when I got married, and I care about his heart more than I do care about Jet's or any body else's heart.
Aang looks at me worriedly. "Katara, maybe we should…"
I put my finger on his lips. "Don't worry." I assure him. "I think that ends our marriage. That is what should have happened long time ago. Now, let's stop talking."
Aang smiles. I can see he is still a little embarrassed, though. I smile back at him, and the orange sunlight and the spring breeze envelop us as we embrace each other tightly and initiate another sweet kiss. Now we both know deep down inside that we will be true lovers for eternity, and I know that I will not have nightmares any more.
