Dear Reader,
After having followed the unfortunate chronicles of the Baudelaire orphans in the previous twelve volumes, I see no understandable reason why you should read the thirteenth and final tale. I urge you to immediately unplug your computer or laptop from wherever it is that it's plugged, and to throw in your living room fireplace (assuming you have a fireplace in your living room). If that is not the case, go buy the Hannah Montana Season 1 DVD box set, and throw it multiple times at the screen until it crashes. Either that, or jump and stomp on your computer or laptop until it breaks. That way, you will not be tempted to finish reading the misfortunes Violet, Klaus, and Sunny go throw in this novel.
However, if you are both brave enough and foolish enough to read this online fan fiction, The Final Fire, let me warn you that this story contains a number of highly unpleasant things that most people are better off not reading. But if you think you will be able to stand reading about a shipwreck, a kidnapping, a mysterious jungle, an unexpected reappearance, a possibly poisoned meal, betrayal, a really pointy knife, murder, a helicopter fight, a final fire, and an unhappy ending, then all I can say is to prepare yourself for the worst.
It is my duty to immortalize the life of the three Baudelaire orphans in ink so that the world will never forget those three unfortunate children who unjustly suffered tragedy after tragedy, and also so that any secret spies out there who enjoy reading will one day stumble across my books and realize the true identity of a man called Count Olaf and the cruelty he made one particular family go through. To you, Olaf's evil is clear, but to others many years ago, Olaf was just an innocent man. (And it is with that phony angel disguise that he got away with his crimes). Anyway, you have been warned. At this point, do as you please.
Read at your own risk… Remember, you have been warned…
With all due respect,
Lemony Snicket
P.S. The world is quiet here.
