Harry Pothead and the Chamber of Secrets

by Prathdrake
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Okay all you happy people! These next few fics I'm gonna write are sequels to Aurora Lynn Rose's "Harry Pothead: The Sorceror's Stoned!" In addition to this fic, I will be writing:
-Harry Pothead and the Scent Dogs of Azkaban.
-Harry Pothead and the Goblet of... Ahem...
Looking forward to those? Good. Oh! And another thing! A few random ideas in the story were thought up by my brother, Draco Malfoy.
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Legal Stuff: All Harry Potter characters and terms belong to Warner Bros. The character Harry Pothead belongs to Aurora Lynn Rose. And yes I did ask her permission to write this fic.
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A new year at Hogwarts. Harry had left the feast early and headed straight to his bed in the boy's dorm.

"Pot-pot! Po't Pot. P-p-p-pot. Pot," spoke Harry. His bed suddenly turned over on its side. It uncovered a small tunnel. Harry climbed into the passage and fell into a pile of white powder.

He threw the tons of powder into the air and laughed insanely.

You see, last year, Neville had "accidentally" gotten Harry hooked on the powder. Pot. Over the summer, Harry learned the language of pot. This was called POTseltongue.

Harry had bought tons of pot using all the money in his account. He hid it in the secret cavern under his bed. The only way anyone could access the pot was to speak in POTseltongue.

****

Harry was now smoking a joint on his bed. How had he managed to roll one? He used parchment and Spell-o-tape.

Suddenly Harry heard a thump on the stairs leading to the boy's dorm. Someone was coming. Harry hid the joint under his pillow just as Neville came bounding into the room.

"Hi, Harry!" shouted Neville, "What's the rad smell?" Harry thought up a lie and he thought it up quick (A/N: Bonus points to anyone who can tell me what movie that's from).

"Um... It must be Hagrid's new fertilizer," fibbed Harry.

"Oh," said Neville, "Well, do you mind if I talk to you then?" He sat down on Harry's pillow, right where Harry had hidden the smoking joint.

"So... What's shaking?" asked Neville. Suddenly the pillow went up in flames, as did Neville. In a few moments, Neville was burnt to a crisp. Harry had forgotten that Neville was extremely flammable. Now what would he do with the body?

He tossed it out the window.

It landed on Hagrid who thought it was the body of a dead animal and used it for fertilizer. As Harry was putting out the fire, Dean Thomas came up the stairs.

"Where were you Harry?" asked Dean, "We missed you at the feast and sorting ceremony."

"I was..uh...here," answered Harry, "For no pot-ticular...er...I mean PARticular reason at all."

"Is something wrong Harry? Your eyes are all red," commented Dean. Harry didn't say anything, but kept staring at Dean. Dean was turning into a giant carrot.

"Y-you're a v-v-vegetable!" Harry finally managed to squeal.

"What? How rude of you!" shouted Dean, "I'm not a nerd!" Harry blinked his eyes and saw that Dean really wasn't a carrot. It was just a hallucination. From the pot.

"Oh sorry, Dean," apologized Harry, "I didn't mean it that way. It was just..."

"Sure, Harry, sure," said Dean sarcastically, "Just be quiet!"

So Harry did.

"I don't need him," thought Harry, "I've got my other friends. I've got my pot..." Harry dozed away in a dream about ice-cream flavored tulips and pink, polka-dotted clouds (?).

****

"Where's Neville?" asked Ron when he came into the room.

"Um... I don't know," lied Harry, "Why do you want to know?"

"Madame Pomfrey is looking for him," answered Ron, "He was supposed to get his anti-flammable shot."

"Oh really?" said Harry nervously, "Well, I didn't burn...er...I mean see him. Nope. Not a chance. Neville didn't come up here. Why would he come up here? And if he did come up, which he didn't, I didn't do anything to him. Hehe."

"You seem nervous," said Ron, "Is anything wrong?"

"No!" yelled Harry, "Er...I mean no, of course not. Hehe."

"Something is wrong, Harry," said Ron, "And I intend to find out!"

****

"Um... Harry," said Hermione, "It's nice to know you respect me, but isn't this going a little too far?"

Harry opened his eyes and found he was lying on the ground, kissing Hermione's feet. He looked up and saw Hermione looking down at him, confused. He looked around and saw everybody else looking down at him, confused.

He really needed to lay off the pot.

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A/N: Hooray! I thought I might never get the first chapter done! Be good, and you'll get the next chapter. Be bad, and you'll probably get it anyway. In the next chapter, find out who else is a "pot-head".
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