Shepard shifted uncomfortably for the third time in the ten minutes since she had arrived. How she had been talked into wearing a dress, much less a dress like this, for the one-year anniversary of the end of the Reaper War remained a mystery to her. Okay, maybe not a complete mystery. So she had been a bit absent minded when it came to preparing for the get together and had at last minute asked for something to be sent to her apartment. Just as she had expected, this morning a much too pricey looking box tied with a black silk ribbon was waiting for her outside her door. Liara really had adopted a sense of flair and theatricality since becoming the Shadow Broker.

What her friend had been thinking was the true mystery. Liara must have chosen something with her eyes closed but there wasn't time to get something else. It was amazing that she had found something at all and had it delivered in less than twenty-four hours. Even more impressive since the Mass Relays were still in a state of emergency only use and the dress obviously wasn't Earth-made.

This whole 'celebration' made her stomach churn if she was totally honest. The idea of celebrating after so many had died still didn't sit right with her. So many people she had known – gone. So many people she had loved wouldn't be in attendance tonight. Ashley, Thane, Mordin, Legion, Anderson… the countless others she had heard of since her second return from the land of the dead. How had she survived the Crucible while so many others hadn't made it to see this peace? Perhaps it was the guilt that made her feel sick, and not the smiling faces and laughter around her.

Deep breaths she reminded herself. There isn't anything you can change about what happened. You're alive. Cherish the time you have. The Reapers were gone. She'd made sure of that. Destroyed in a flash of red light that had traveled through the galaxy. Now life flourished in the absence of their destruction. It had been fascinating to see how close all the races remained even after the fighting had ended; how many different scientists had banded together to make sure the Geth and other AIs had recovered from the blast. Every choice had consequences, Shepard remembered, but she didn't believe that the Catalyst had ever estimated them correctly. By the time she had been rescued from the rubble and awoken from her coma, EDI had been operational and at her side with that gentle and non-judgmental smile.

She could hear and see evidence of the ties all around her in the Alliance headquarters banquet hall. A krogan laughing at a quarians's joke, a turian holding close to his human mate, a batarian and an asari discussing battle tactics. Vancouver had been one of the first cities to claw itself out of the rubble and the building she had witnessed a Reaper beam tear through was restored and running in less than five months. Now it stood ready to welcome dignitaries and soldiers, survivors from the fighting, into the lavish and bright celebration of life.

Again, Shepard shifted in the dress and pulled at the sweetheart neckline. This strapless bra business wasn't worth the pain in the ass it was causing. She shook her head, cursing Hackett's message of 'dress blues are not an option, Shepard' but was thankful she was hiding behind a large enough pillar to conceal her ministrations. She'd been here for some time, avoiding setting foot into the spotlight. It had been over a year, over a year of little contact with the outside world.

Waking up from the coma wasn't pleasant. She'd never been in so much pain. Even being spaced wasn't as bad as what she'd felt. It was even worse when she'd looked down to see her left arm in its entirety was missing. A missing left arm, structural damage to her left eye, third degree burns to forty percent of her body, half of her hair singed away, countless other conditions that put her in a state of pure shock. Never before had her injuries been so horrible, so hard to come to terms with. She hadn't even heard the nurse trying to calm her down with the information of a 'top of the line, cybernetic, titanium-alloy prosthetic'.

It had taken her a few days to come to grips with the idea of the prosthetic, a few hours of discussion with her doctors, and a several more hours she had no memory of to attach the metal replacement. Now she couldn't imagine living without it. Cosmetically, the fusion sites of skin to metal plating weren't attractive but it gave her an arm that was just as useful as the last one. Now, it was completely on display for anyone that looked her way. Liara could have planned this all along, a sort of immersion therapy. As uncomfortable as she was, Shepard filed away a reminder to thank Liara as soon as she saw her tonight.

Shepard sighed and rested her head against the pillar. There was only so much time she could take to herself and she'd already heard several parties asking about her as they walked by. The Alliance had wanted her to give some sort of speech but she'd flat-out denied the request. She was just a soldier doing her job, she didn't want to be up in front of all these people, and it was enough for her to simply attend. She ran her right hand through the remnants of her long, honey blonde hair. The damage had been mostly to her left side and after some persuasion from Jack, she'd shaved the left side of her head, leaving the right long. It was a bit extreme but it had become a part of her now.

Never in her life had Shepard truly felt self-conscious. She'd always owned her scars, the parts of her that weren't perfect, and never apologized for them. But now as she forced herself to take step after step in the jet-black stilettos, she ran her hands over the form-fitting dress like a nervous teenager. The fabric was cool and smooth to the touch and the hemline ended mid-thigh, not leaving her much room to move easily. The garment vaguely reminded her of the one she'd worn years ago on the greybox mission with Kasumi, only this time she didn't have anything covering her neck or shoulders. As someone who was used to practically living inside a suit of armor, this felt like she was wearing nothing.

"Shepard?" A warm voice called from her side and she whipped around to find the owner. "Spirits it is you!"

"Garrus!" She moved as fast as the dress would allow to meet her best friend. "It's been too long!"

He held open his arms to her and pulled her in close as soon as she fell into him. It was much easier to hug him when he was in dress civvies. He was still all weird angles and hard plates but it was Garrus. How long had it been? Almost ten months, before the prosthetic and eye reconstruction surgery. They'd been able to communicate via messages but never vid comm, the same with the rest of her old team and friends that had to leave Earth for their own home worlds. She was grateful they even got what they had.

"It's good to see you. We were worried you wouldn't show."

"Why wouldn't I?"

He let her go and patted her metal shoulder. "You? A giant room full of politicians? People making speeches? The only alcohol being served barely makes you dizzy. This get together is practically made of Shepard repellant."

She laughed for what felt like the first time in ages. "Well I knew you couldn't resist coming just to ruffle some feathers, Vakarian. Like I'm going to miss out on that?"

"Garrus is that? Shepard! Keelah!"

Shepard wrapped her arms around Tali and laughed more. This party wasn't such a bad idea after all. She could feel her discomfort melting away. "Hey Tali."

"You said a prosthetic arm but Keelah, Shepard this is amazing!"

"It really is something," Garrus nodded in agreement. "Like they took off EDI's arm and shoulder then stuck them on you."

"Pretty sure she would have noticed if they'd gone missing," a cocky voice responded.

"Joker!"

Okay. Yes. This party was worth it. Shepard hadn't seen her friends in so long and now here they were. EDI approached moments later, handing Joker a champagne flute, continuing an easy conversation with Cortez and Traynor. She could feel the stupid grin on her face getting wider with each member of her crew that joined them. These people were her family and they were together again, perhaps a little worse for wear but together nonetheless. They were all here, everyone from the SR-1 and SR-2, chatting like no time had passed at all. It was a strange feeling that she found settling in the middle of her chest, as if she was not looking only at her best friends but the only people in the universe that could have ever gotten her though the past four years.

There hadn't been any need for her to be self-conscious. These people didn't care that one of her arms wasn't the original, that there was a strange reflective metal embedded into her left iris, that only half of her head had hair. They loved her no matter what she looked like. How could she be so lucky? How could she have ever thought they'd ever think less of her because of her appearance? The mind was as strange thing.

As she counted the numbers of their small group her stomach flopped. She had thought everyone was here. She could have sworn that she'd seen him somewhere. He had to be here somewhere, there was no way that he'd ever miss this. She scooted a bit further away from where she had been listening to Miranda and Liara to get a better view. Maybe she had just missed him as he weaved to another conversation.

"Shepard?" Miranda caught her sweeping gaze. "Everything alright?"

She pulled her lips into a tight line, fighting the disappointment she felt in her chest. "Yeah I just thought that-"

Suddenly, behind her, she heard the approach of heavy footsteps and felt the presence of someone she'd arguably missed the most. She turned slowly, hoping her sixth sense hadn't been toying with her.

"Hey Lola."