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Remus Lupin pushed his hair out of his face and fought off sea sickness as the black rock loomed ominously into view. Azkaban. The Wizard Prison. Lupin still didn't know what convinced him to do this. He still didn't know what gave him the courage to say yes when Dumbledore asked him to come here. Was it curiosity? To see if he really did it? Or was it that tiny glimmer of hope he still had buried deep down in his chest that his best friend was innocent. Or was it to convince himself that Sirius really was the murderer that everyone thought he was? That Sirius really did betray James and Lily, and killed all those people. because a small part of Lupin still wouldn't believe that it had been Sirius who had done it. Lupin still remembered the last time he had seen Sirius, just three days before Voldemort had murdered James. Sirius had been worried—of course, they all had been—but he had managed to keep up his good spirits. They had sat on his roof and talked deep into the night, about everything; what they were going to do when Voldement was defeated, what to get Harry for his birthday, how to convince James to make Lupin co-godfather, tricks to play on Snape when he wasn't looked and reminiscing about their earlier years at Hogwarts. It had just seemed so normal. Lupin really had no idea that Sirius was about to double cross them.
Lupin was jolted out of his memories when he felt the boat hit the dark black rocks of the prison. slowly, he filed out with the other visitors, shuddering as he felt the cold wave of dread that the dementors radiated as he walked past them. He followed the tired look witch in front of him as he checked his wand in with the sullen wizard at the front desk, and then he took a seat in the cold drafty waiting room. The guards at Azkaban weren't keen on visitors. Dumbledore had granted him this special visiting right for this month, usually it was Dumbledore who visited Black but something had come up. Lupin had a sneaking suspicion that Dumbledore had booked tea with the minister purposefully so Lupin could see his old friend again, but he never voiced his opinion out loud. Infact, Lupin had very mixed feelings about seeing Sirius. A good part of him wanted to turn around, jump back on the boat and never come back to this dark place, but another part of him—the part of him that wanted to believe that Sirius was innocent—wanted to see if there was even an ounce left of the boy he had met at Hogwarts all those years ago, and to make sure that he was doing okay.
Lupin fiddled with a stray piece of string on his brown sweater and tried to think of what he was going to say when he finally saw Sirius. His mind kept drawing a blank. Should he be blunt and to the point? Should he wait for Sirius to speak to him first? Should he ask how he was doing? He just didn't know.
"Remus Lupin to see Sirius Black." a voice announced, making Lupin jump. He immediately stood up and quietly followed the battered prison guard down the hallway. They arrived at a solid, dark wood door, and Lupin shivered as he saw not one, but two dementors floating on either side of it.
"You have 30 minutes. I'll knock when it's time." the guard said shortly, and then he took his keys and opened up the door.
Lupin nodded and walked through, wincing when he heard the door shut firmly behind him. The room was dimly lit by several candles attached to the wall and on the table. Lupin didn't see any windows. He turned his attention to the man at the table, and was taken aback by how just three months had change him so much. Sirius was sitting in a chair, and his hands were chained on top of the table with thick, black manacles. The dark grey prison robes he wore billowed against his thin frame, and his face was sunken in dark shadows. Brown eyes stared hollowly through dark, wavy hair as the man previously known to him as Padfoot stared up at him with a blank look in his eyes.
"Sirius?" Lupin asked quietly, looking at his friend. Sirius looked at him, and then he started laughing; an unhinged sound that pierced the walls of the tiny room like sharp daggers.
"Is that really you, Remus? Come to gawk at the prisoner of Azkaban?" he asked in a bewildered, half mad voice. He raised his manacled wrists and pulled at them, making the chains clink together.
"I don't know why I'm here." Lupin stated quietly.
Sirius said nothing, just continued to laugh at Lupin, as if he couldn't actually believe that he was here right now.
But it was the eyes that did it for Lupin, the dark brown eyes that had once been filled with warmth and life were now cold and empty. That blank look in Black's eyes that—-a look that said that he didn't care about anything, that arrogant blank stare that meant that Lupin's friend Sirius was truly gone that did it. Lupin felt a rage build up in him that he couldn't control. Lupin looked at Black…this husk of a man sitting in front of him and he realized that Black was everything that they had said he was; a traitor who had sold his soul to the enemy, who had betrayed James and lily, who was not his friend could Black just sit there, with that blank look on his face? Did he not care about what he did? Did he truly not care that he betrayed his best friend, killed all those people? And suddenly this monstrous, angry rage was upon him with lighting speed. Lupin fumed, and then slammed his hand down on the table, making Black jump back in his seat.
"How dare you. How dare you! I cannot even look at you right now. What the hell happened to you, Sirius? I thought you were my friend, I thought I trusted you with my life! Did all those years of friendship at Hogwarts mean nothing to you? Was it all a lie? Were you working for him all that time? I can't believe I trusted you. I cant believe I actually called you my friend. How dare you. You…you killed Lily and James. You left Harry without any parents. I—-I—just—."
Words could not convey how angry he felt, no words could describe the intense rage he was feeling at this very moment. He stood up and angrily knocked over one of the candle sticks. The clanging and clattering as the candles fell to the ground satisfied his rage just slightly, and Lupin realized his whole body was shaking.
"You killed them. You killed them."
Sirius had let him ramble on, let him scream and yell at him for those 15 minutes without saying a word, his smile slowly fading away. Now that Lupin had paused to take a breath, he saw that Black was looking up at him, a dim glitter of new awareness in his eyes.
"I don't deny that I did, but you have to listen to me. I am innocent." he said, so softly that Lupin could have imagined it.
"No. No. No. No. There were witnesses that saw what you did. Innocent people died because of you—."
"No. Wait…you must believe me. Peter—-t." Black interrupted, his voice a thin whisper.
"And why should I believe you?"
"Remus, he is…was my best friend. Why would I betray him?"
"Because you were working for HIM all along! Because you were a snitch. we trusted you! We all trusted you! Dumbledore—James—-Lily—-Peter. We trusted you and you LIED!" Lupin said, feeling his voice and temper rising again. Sirius visibly flinched, then he stood up out of his chair and lunged for Lupin. He made a quick grab for Lupin's hand, his movements jerky and angular, and Lupin pulled it away from his touch, flinching backwards so hard his chair almost tipped.
'Don't touch me. Don't you dare touch me. Ever." Lupin heard his voice snarl.
"You're not listening. Listen to me! God damn it!", Black suddenly shouted. He slammed his fists against the table in frustration. Standing up to full height he loomed menacingly in the dark room, the manacles clinked in the heavy silence as he pulled against them, trying to get closer to him. Lupin back away, was Black going to strangle him? Was he really the mad man everyone thought him to be? It certainly looked like it. The doors banged open, and two guards came in pointing their wands at Black.
"This visit is over. You, sit." he commanded to the prisoner.
The guard turned to Lupin, "Did he hurt you?"
Black continued to stand, panting heavily and staring at Lupin, a brittle sense of urgency radiating through him as he continued to struggled against the chains that held him to the desk. He ignored the guards as they approached him, still staring intently at Lupin.
"I've got to ex—-." Black started but then there was a loud bang as ropes came shooting out of the guards wand, wrapping themselves tightly around Black's torso, legs and mouth. Black fell against the table, shouting and struggling against the gag.
Lupin backed away from the estranged man he once thought was his friend and shook his head. Whatever glimmer of humanity Lupin had thought Black had possessed was gone. Lupin allowed the second guard to escort him out, the muffled shoutings of Black berating his ears the whole way. Lupin's whole body was shaking, had Black tried to kill him? If it hadn't been for the restraints, would he be dead right now? Yes. Yes, he would have done it. He had killed before, hadn't he? The friend Lupin had come to know and love was gone forever.
They were right, Lupin had been wrong; Sirius was the madman everyone thought he was and Padfoot was gone for good
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