Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.
I first and foremost want to Thank SilverLuna for her endless help on my fic and being the most amazing Beta ever. She has helped make it even better and more interesting for you guys to read Lol! I love all of her input and pushing my story along, to draw it out into something worth reading. Thanks again! :D
Thank You Psychrulz for creating Amelia. You named her and helped me pick a name that would draw out her personality and strong demeanor of her mother. Also, for coming up with the poster idea and Logo.
Thanks Texasartchick for lending some of your police knowledge & anticipating to read it.
Can't forget Egorstandish for dreading my WIP and evil cliffhanger! :P
And of course, Winky_Cutto. Even though she helped me on another story, she showed me how to find my way of writing to make it clearer. And how to use comma's Hahaha!
You Can Sit Beside Me When The World Comes Down...
Today was just a normal working day of one Head Detective Carlton Lassiter. The annoying fake psychic had already made his rounds of being a nuisance for the day, and Juliet had been her same sweet sun-shiny self. How could a person be so damn happy all the time? Lassiter thought idly. Today was a light day; cases solved, paperwork done, by 5 o'clock in the afternoon and now was a great time to head home. For once, Lassiter wanted to take it easy.
If someone told Lassiter that today he would get the surprise of his life, that today he should have never left work early or hell, not have gotten up in the morning, Lassiter would tell them that they were full of shit! He would have asked who this person had been talking to and probably would have even arrested him or her on suspicion of stalking. But in reality, it wouldn't matter if it happened or not, because he still wouldn't have believed a damn thing about it!
So in accordance, he headed home to his apartment, deciding to make some dinner. Smiling to himself, he was sure nothing could ruin his day or get in the way. Lassiter was lost in thoughts from earlier today when a loud knock echoed throughout his home. He put his sandwich on the counter and led his way towards the door. Still smiling he pulled it open only to have his smile falter. He was slightly surprised to find an old stocky looking woman with short brown hair standing outside that he most definitely did not recognize. His eyes skimmed down to the badge she was wearing. Her ID read 'Gertrude Caulkin'. It seemed to be government issued but he had no idea what this visit was about.
"Are you Detective Carlton Lassiter?" she immediately asked.
"Umm, yes I am," he replied, unsure.
"Great. I'm Gertrude Caulkin with Children's Services. May I come in please?"
She smiled warmly up at him as Lassiter invited her in suspiciously. He glanced at his kitchen table to still see his gun and holster right where he left it. "I guess so. Is this about a case or something? You could have just come by the Precinct."
"Maybe you should sit down, sir," Gertrude muttered anxiously.
"I think I'll just stand," Lassiter stated sternly glaring. "Now what is so important that you had to come to my house and bother me on my night off?" he exclaimed, eyeing the old woman, hoping it was nothing too serious.
"Well, Mr. Lassiter . . ."
"Detective," Lassiter interrupted irritated.
". . . Detective Lassiter," she carried on, "it has come to my attention that you may be significantly essential towards one of my clients." Gertrude's nose wrinkled taking note of the décor. Papers and boxes were scattered everywhere. The walls were a plain dark color, setting a drab feeling in the home. There weren't many pictures on his shelves and she saw his gun lying on the kitchen table; definitely not child friendly. Lassiter's only response was a grunt and a glower back. "Is it possible that you may have known someone by the name of Amy Miles?"
Lassiter scrunched his eyebrows in deep concentration, normally used for Spencer when he couldn't figure out what the hell he was talking about with his harebrained theories and multiple 80's references. Searching through his memory, after a beat, he quickly recalled the sweet innocent face gazing up at him. Instantly he was reliving the moment; tender hands on his skin, soft touches and caresses, warm lips on his own and the ever soothing whispered, "I can't be with you anymore." Long fingers went to his ear as the hushed breathing still lingered on his skin. "Um, yeah, I dated her a few years back, but I don't see what this has to do with . . ."
"She died last week in a car accident," Gertrude interjected. "It was a head on collision and she died instantly. Thankfully she didn't have to suffer."
"Oh." Lassiter looked like a gaping fish, but quickly recoiled back to his normal state of mind before any sort of emotion was shown. "I'm sorry to hear that, but I still don't see what any of this has to do with me."
"Sir . . . ." Gertrude hesitantly paused but continued, "Detective, are you sure you don't want to sit down?"
Lassiter was seriously getting frustrated with this beating around the bush nonsense. His face grew red and he tried to hold back his annoyance. This was like Spencer baiting him first in one of his jokes, and once he struck a nerve, Shawn would go in for the kill. Instantly giving up his inner struggle Lassiter started fuming, "Just spit it out already! I really don't have time for this crap, so if you don't have anything important to say then just get out of my damn house!"
Taken aback, the old woman actually glared in return. Clearing her throat Gertrude then spoke up in a solemn voice, "Ahem . . . Detective Lassiter, Amy died in a car crash. What you need to understand is that when Amy passed the only significant piece of her life she left behind was her daughter. She did not have many close friends, was not married, or have any close relatives that would be willing to take the child. The girl was already in the system for a couple of days, with our operatives searching every possible database and came to the only conclusion that she in fact has a biological father still alive. Taken from evidence at Amy's apartment and that it's stated on the child's birth certificate, we clearly didn't think to check the most simplest place first. Detective Lassiter, if it is possible . . ." Gertrude began to falter her speech before she found the appropriate wording. ". . . I would really like you to come down to the department and meet your daughter Amelia."
That was about the time Lassiter's world seemed to fall apart. Time slowed down as his breath caught in his throat; he felt dismayed. His legs felt like Jell-O as he teetered on his heels. His knees buckled beneath him as he collapsed landing rather harshly onto the couch cushions. A loud gasp escaped his lips as all this was thrown at him. "Amelia?" he all but whispered in disbelief. "My . . . daughter?" Maybe today he really should have never left work early.
"She really is a sweet little girl. She is all but seven years old, very smart and creative. Amelia loves to draw and is incredibly responsible for a girl her age." Carlton was unresponsive and stiff, staring straight ahead at nothing in particular. His eyes just seemed lost like they were searching for a meaning.
She carried as he still didn't reply, "I think you should at least come down to my office and we can set up a meeting with her. You two can sit and talk privately and if you both get along, I'm sure there will be no problems."
Speechless he sat there for a couple minutes with Gertrude ogling him like he had grown a third eye or something. "Are . . . are you sure?" he suddenly voiced in soft tones, feeling quite small at the moment. He was dazed not sure what the old bat was telling him. His reasoning was in and out, full of confusion. He felt misplaced in the events recently unfolded. It was all so surreal and unclear. How could something like this happen? Carlton reflected with a sudden qualm.
"Well, sir, we will need a paternity test to make a positive confirmation . . . if that is OK with you?" This time Lassiter didn't have the nerve to correct her for calling him sir.
"Are you . . ." He glanced at the floor as his head swam. He was getting dizzy and his mind felt disorientated. His brain was in a fog like he was in some sort of dream. Bile rose up in his throat, feeling an abrupt onset of nausea but swallowed the lump back down. "Are you sure . . . I really don't get along well with kids . . . . They just don't seem to like me much."
Lassiter frustratingly threw his head in his hands. Wallowing in his self-induced aggravation, a thought suddenly became clear. "How in the hell did you even know to contact me in the first place?"
"As I had said, we found proof at Amy's apartment. There were letters she never sent out, about you being Amelia's father. Your name and address were on all of them."
"There has to be some mistake! Yeah, we dated, but the letters . . . maybe she just wanted me back and wrote them to spite me." He shook his head in disagreement. "It's just not right.
Groaning, he let his thoughts wander further. "She just can't be my daughter. I don't remember . . . I don't know how it could've happened. Amy didn't even want to be with me, why would she want a child with me? Why would she keep her?! . . . Amelia is not mine; this has got to be a joke! You know what? OK! Let's take a paternity test, that'll confirm everything because I know Amy couldn't . . . she just . . ." He breathed in through his nose. ". . . Forget it! I don't want the test! I know for a fact that the girl is not mine!"
Gertrude sighed, "Detective, we really don't have many options. It's either here or she'll be lost in the system going from one house to another. There is no telling what would happen to her. There are always chances of abusive parents, her becoming depressed, or worst of all she'll run away. Being a police officer by profession, I'm sure you have seen cases like these, Detective. She needs to be with someone who knows her mother personally and was close to her. It's not easy for a child to lose one of their parents. Now that she knows she still has one left I'm sure she can't wait to get to know you. She even has your blue eyes."
At that Lassiter actually looked up defiance written all over his face. He glimpsed into Gertrude's eyes trying to find some form of dishonesty. Like maybe it could all be a joke. She was really starting to get to him. She was toying with his feelings and doing a damn good job at it too. Using his interrogation skills staring her down, he couldn't find anything, couldn't break her or find some type of falsehood in her tone. Feeling defeated, Carlton's body slumped over as his eyes and face softened. Distressed, he frowned. "She has my eyes?" he all but questioned in awe.
Gertrude gave the distraught man in front of her a sad look, "Yes, Detective." Briefly halting she studied his face. There was calm to his expression as he settled over the information, but deep down she could see the stress lines that creased his face with worry.
"Now, if you meet with Amelia I am almost positive that everything will go quite well. This involves a lot of paperwork before she can be properly adopted. If you come to Children's Services tonight, talk with her, and fill out some papers you can take her home by tomorrow afternoon. The papers will take some time to process, but we'll have your information on record and we could do a paternity test to confirm any suspicions. They have tests that get results within 3 days but vary in costs. Also, I would like to go over some rules and guidelines to make your home more child friendly."
He almost got the sense that he was buying a new car. Gertrude spoke as if she were trying to sell the little girl to him. What the hell kind of social worker was this? Carlton's thoughts swarmed. Or maybe she was just trying to convince him that he was the best solution for the child. 'You're a cop, Carlton. You've seen what horrible things people have done to foster children.' Maybe she was telling the truth. He was confused and scared; more like terrified.
He was now in denial. Carlton just couldn't get it through his head that this was all too real. He refused to believe any of the gibberish this old hag was feeding him. Amelia didn't exist; this was all just some horrible joke on his part. His feelings were on overdrive, about to crash into the brick wall before him. Speeding and swerving, his mind skidded across the pavement of his brain as everything went black before impact. His vision turned red as anger soon took over his body.
Fear overran denial, but anger is what kept him on his toes. Filled with apprehension, he was too alarmed of what would happen. He was not ready for this, at all. His instincts told him to run. Run very far away from here, and just like that he flipped a switch.
"Is this some sort of sick joke?!" He sprang up, pointing an accusing finger, "Did Spencer put you up to this?!"
Gertrude shrank back a little nervous, "Detective, I can confirm that this is most definitely not a joke. You need to calm down. Anger is not going to get you anywhere."
"I knew it, Spencer is behind this! You're lying! Amelia she isn't real, she doesn't exist!" Lassiter was baffled why his mind was playing tricks on him. No, actually Spencer was playing tricks on him! he mused.
"See here, Detective Lassiter, I have no idea who this Spencer is. I know you're afraid of what's going to happen next but you really don't . . ."
Gertrude was cut off by Lassiter's fierce yell. "You have no right to speak to me like that! I'm not scared of anything. You're just trying to get inside my head and mess with me just like Spencer. Well you know what, I'm not going to have it. I'm not going to play your foolish little game!"
He didn't know what to believe, causing alarm bells to go off inside his head. Carlton never was the type to deal with these kinds of situations, especially when there was a child involved, his no less. But if he didn't meet her, she would never know the truth. Now that Carlton knew she existed he couldn't back down. It was this miniscule thought that gnawed at the back of his brain, like a flesh eating virus.
"Detective, just come down to the department, please!" she stressed. "Once you see her and talk with her, your doubts will be gone."
"Doubts?! Pshh! You've got to be kidding me! You don't know what I'm thinking or even going through!"
"I'm telling you, Detective . . ." Taking a breather, Gertrude chose a different approach. "Carlton, she would really like to meet you. Amelia is very much real as you and me. I'm not lying or joking. I wouldn't do that, this is my job. All I'm asking is that you at least come down to Children's Services and see her. I want you to see that she exists, that she's just a little girl wanting a home with a family who can show her some love and endearment. Even if that family is only you, I believe she will be happiest this way."
Carlton actually paused for a second. Through his fury filled eyes he studied Gertrude's façade, though she was being sincere and honest. But he just couldn't take the trepidation building up, filling the empty space and blinding him. So Carlton huffed and puffed and blew his only chance down.
"Get out of my house!"
"Excuse me?" The stocky woman asked, stunned by his words. She actually thought she had gotten through to him.
"You heard me, I said, get out of my damn house! I don't want any of your bullshit here! Just leave me alone! I have nothing to do with this child. She is not mine and I think you're following false leads! You have the wrong person! Just leave, OK!"
Sighing with great frustration, Gertrude looked straight into Carlton's soul. She sent daggers that would have had his hard headed mother staggering away with her tail between her legs. Her revolting words latched onto his brain like a fly clinging to a wall. "You're making the wrong choice, Detective. I hope you're happy here with your sorry, lonely self." With that, she hastily walked out, slamming the door behind and leaving nothing but cold silence in her wake.
* * *
Shocked, Carlton breathed in deep, running his hands across his tired face and through his hair, then sagged down roughly onto the couch. The springs retracted as he bounced back softly. Leaning against the sofa cushions he scrubbed his eyes, staring up at the ceiling. The anger drained his wits leaving him dazed. His mind was a haze, and he felt misplaced---lost, confused and terrified. Nothing could fill the empty silence that surrounded him. An uneasy feeling knotted his stomach as Gertrude's words, 'You're making the wrong choice Detective,' echoed endlessly in his ears. God! Is it really that bad that I don't want to meet her, so I don't have to deal with the responsibility?
This was a lifelong decision, but the thought of having to know she existed was haunting him already. He knew if he didn't go see her, the nagging thought, much like Spencer's irritating antics, would invade his space, sit there and only rot until it worsened. "Damn it!"he screamed rather loudly in the small space of his living room, not caring if any of the neighbors heard him. He really didn't have a choice in the matter.
* * *
Gertrude was devastated. She really thought the hardheaded detective would come to meet his daughter. With many years of experience dealing with people just like him, she truly hoped he would give up his stubbornness. Pulling on her seatbelt, she proceeded to pull out of her parking space. Slowly driving away she took one last glance at his house, looking in her rear-view mirror, and sighing in distress. From her peripheral vision she caught someone running after her car. Stunned, she slammed on her brakes, realizing it was Detective Lassiter. She gave herself a small triumphant smile before she put back on a serious face.
Lassiter rushed up, breathing heavily while Gertrude rolled down her window. Taking some deep breathes he finally peered at Gertrude. His eyebrows scrunched in sorrow and confusion.
Lassiter began to stammer out an apology, "Hey, um . . . I'm sorry. I didn't mean what I said . . . I . . . I'm just . . . I'm scared . . ." he paused afraid of what to say next. ". . . I'm scared of what's going to happen next, after I meet her. How the hell do I take care of a child? . . . What if she doesn't like me? What if I'm not a good enough dad?" Lassiter gulped and softly spoke his last thought. This one being the most excruciating, "What if I fail?" He lowered his eyes as his body tensed. Gertrude had the feeling that this was a touchy subject with him, so she chose not to speak at first, instead putting her hand sympathetically on his arm.
"I know this can be hard and there are many thoughts going through your head right now. But you have to understand as a new parent everyone feels these things. It is normal, Detective, and it'll only get better as time goes on. Taking care of a child does not come with an owner's manual. There are no instructions to tell if you're doing it right, and there is no right or wrong. You will learn and gain experience from your time spent with your child. But every moment is worthwhile, whether it's good or bad, you will be savoring the memories. You will want to be there for her every moment of the day, but you can't because that's just impossible. And when she's not there, you'll be waiting for her to be because you can't wait to see that huge grin that always lights up her face when you're around. She'll make you happy, frustrated, angry, excited, comforted, upset, overjoyed, and a huge array of many different emotions. But most importantly she'll make you feel loved, and that she will know you love her back. You'll care for her no matter what, give her encouragement, and watch her grow to become the person that you helped to create. No matter what, caring for a child is a lifelong journey that opens your eyes to new possibilities. I really believe that when you finally meet her, as your relationship grows and your bond gets stronger you will unquestionably, without a doubt never, ever, want to give her up."
After taking this in, Lassiter lifted his head during Gertrude's speech, giving a slight smile in return. Speaking in a low tone, he murmured a small, "Thank you."
"I'm glad you came through, Detective." She grinned back, removing her hand from his arm. "Now go get your things. I'll be waiting for you outside and if you'd like, you can follow me there."
With that Lassiter rushed back inside, grabbing his keys. The entire ride there was the most unbearable ride of his life.
* * *
"She's so adorable. She said she had always wanted to meet you, and what a great opportunity this had turned out to be for the both of you." Gertrude was speaking as she and Lassiter entered the building to Children's Services.
"Right this way." She motioned for him to follow down the corridors, turning left and right, and finally coming to a door that led to the main office. She told Lassiter to wait there as she headed out the door. "I'll be right back to set up a room, make yourself comfortable, it won't take too long."
For the most part Lassiter was quiet. He hadn't said a word the entire walk through the building, only to have insane thoughts invading his head. Instead of a reply, he gave a nod in return. As she left he glanced around the room cautiously, his eyes rolling over every piece of interior.
Tick! Tick! Tick!
His shoulders were stiff; his hands fidgeted, playing with the lapels of his coat; he wore a somber expression, with his eyebrows scrunching in uncertainty; his jaw was slack as his breathing was hushed, and the growing anxiety in his gut didn't help the situation either.
Tick! Tick! Tick!
Glimpsing at a sign, it was a picture of a child sitting on a father's shoulders. They were both smiling and happy with each other. Underneath it read: 'Don't underestimate the importance of a Daddy.' Lassiter shuddered. Glancing around, he noted a couple more random posters and signs hinting the same thing. This time he let out a nervous laugh, taking a deep breath in and finally deciding to sit down. Taking the weight of the situation right along with him, he fell rather forcefully into the chair.
Tick! Tick! Tick!
Sitting there, Lassiter rubbed at his forehead, feeling the beginning onset of a headache. He briefly closed his eyes and, taking another deep breath, put a closed hand up to his lips. Lightly brushing his fingers along his mouth he proceeded to bite at his nails, his way of dealing with nervous energy.
Tick! Tick! Tick!
His foot started tapping, hands fidgeting, and taking easy exhales every once in a while. His thoughts were running a marathon, while he questioned his to ability to care for a child. What were his family and friends going to say? Was he really about to meet his daughter? Is she going to even like me? Should I at least tell O'Hara about her? Lassiter was beginning to panic as the foot tapping became more constant, creating a rhythm along with the clock on the wall:
Tick! Tick! Tick!
"OK! We're ready for you now!" Gertrude burst through the doors with a huge grin on her face, alarming Lassiter. Jumping upright from his chair as if on cue, he unconsciously went for a grab at his holster, noting he didn't bring it. His face was pale, his expression full of horror, and his mouth hung open in mock surprise.
"Uh . . . OK," he swallowed harshly. His surroundings melded together as he began the blurry walk through the halls. His equilibrium felt off as his body followed Gertrude down a maze of hallways. As her pace slowed, he started to get panicky. Lassiter's heart stuttered erratically in his chest. Knowing they were getting closer, his hands began to shake a little from the uneasy feeling. Coming to a complete stop in front of their final journey in the course of the-long-and-never-ending-maze-of-doom as Lassiter had named it, his shoulders tensed in anticipation of catastrophe.
Gertrude noticed his change in behavior and spoke up, "If you want I can go in first? So that'll give you some time to mentally prepare yourself, and when you're ready just come on in."
Lassiter nodded taking a deep steadying breath as Gertrude closed the door behind. You can do this, Carlton. You're a highly trained police officer, insanely talented sharpshooter, and can scare the pants off of any rookie in the building. But you can't face a little seven year old child, a girl no less. Just grow a pair already and move your ass!
Carlton slowly made a grab for the door handle. Thump! Thump! Thump! His heart was now beating out of his chest and his hands were trembling. He had the door handle in a white knuckled grip, squeezing menacingly. A strong roaring started up in his ears, at first not being able to register his settings. Clenching his jaw tightly, Carlton battled down his nerves, slowly turning the handle in a hold that would've rubbed off the silver chrome polish by now. His fears' intensity doubled.
The door creaked resoundingly throughout the room, with both heads turning towards Carlton. The little girl, Amelia, sitting at a table, paused in her conversation with Gertrude, smiling shyly in his direction. He glanced at a couple drawings laid out on the table top, but his eyes returned quickly to Amelia. Her deep blue eyes were just like his! He got an irrational urge to dart, his already dry mouth drying further, his already racing heart threatening to explode. He hadn't fathomed how much harder to breathe it would be, now that he was in the room with her.
Swallowing roughly again, he licked at his lips. Amelia now before him, Carlton could see Amy in her: in posture and face. Her hair was brown and wavy, reaching all the way to her neck line. She wore butterfly clips in her hair to keep her bangs out of her beautiful eyes. Her clothing consisted of a purple t-shirt with a logo from the children's cartoon "Powerpuff Girls", along with a pair of faded jeans and a pair of sneakers as her shoe of choice. Thank god she wasn't a girly girl! Carlton happily thought, because then he really wouldn't know what to do.
Walking deeper into this life changing death trap of a room, Carlton was still rendered speechless. Amelia giggled and smirked at his odd behavior, but he could tell she was extremely excited to be meeting him.
"Carlton, take a seat," Gertrude insisted. Still in a trance he sat down without any delay, obeying her every word. "This here is Amelia, and Amelia this is your father, Carlton," she gestured.
They both peered across the table at each other awkwardly while Lassiter, slowly coming out of his daze, tried on a smile. Amelia matched his attempt with one that reached up to her eyes. Carlton remembered the tenderness of his time with Amy in Amelia's smile. Now invited, a memory appeared.
* * *
Red, orange, yellow, and brown leaves sputtered to the ground, washed away in the dawdling current. The water streaming down a path creates a sweet symphonic sound rushing into a small river basin. The air begins to feel thick and warm as the sunshine rests along the side of Carlton's face. In between ripples the sun glitters brightly like a glass of sparkling champagne.
The sun peaks over the horizon, just gazing below at Earth's existence. Lying atop a checkered sheet, Carlton and Amy gaze above. An intense red and orange hue set the tone of the morning sky. Like white foam from breaking waves the clouds blow in streaks across the atmosphere. They are thin and wispy as if someone took a paintbrush and stroked it through the air. Carlton can hear the tender whisper of the wind in his ears, as a slight breeze flows past his face. He glances over to see an angel, glowing in the morning ambiance. Her face tender and soft as her fingers caress his arms, reaching over to place delicate kisses along his jaw line. She works her way up to his ever willing warm lips. They meet in a sweet compassionate kiss. Pulling apart Carlton smiles without any effort, as it just comes naturally, with Amy. She returns a gentle yet amiable grin that forever brightens up his day. "I love you, Amy," he whispers in her ear. This time she giggles, kissing his lips and echoing, "I love you too, Carlton."
* * *
"Well, I think I'll just leave you two alone for a while so you can get to know each other a little better. I'll be back in a bit," Gertrude stated, startling Carlton out of his daydream. With that she left, the door clicking shut behind.
Silence filled the room instantly. Lassiter for once in his life actually looked terrified; his eyes wide in shock and amazement at the same time. Victoria never thought he wanted kids but he did, he just didn't know how to deal with them. But this girl in front of him, she was really his. Lassiter narrowed his eyes, not sure what to do. Had he really just become a single father?
Amelia seemed confused as if she didn't know how to react. Hoping something useful would come out, she opened her mouth to speak, "So you're . . . uh . . . supposed to be my Daddy?"
Carlton actually cringed at that. He felt like a deadbeat father who just walked out on his kids, even though he didn't even know she had existed.
"Umm . . . Amelia, right . . . look . . . I'm sorry I couldn't be there for you before . . . I just . . ."
"No!" Amelia exclaimed, cutting in. Carlton was taken by surprise. "I mean . . . uh . . . it's not your fault," she whispered with soft eyes, "Mommy told me that you didn't know about me . . . and she didn't want to tell you because she thought that you wouldn't want to take on the responsibility."
Carlton wasn't able to form a reaction to what he'd just heard, so he didn't exactly have anything to say yet. She continued, "Well, she said you were a really great person and would be the best daddy ever, but you were so busy going through police training and a year later she found out you were dating someone, and was hoping if you broke it off she could get back with you. Finally she found out you got married and then she kind of stopped keeping tabs on you. Mommy told me she saw you in between your marriage when you were having problems. But you both thought you couldn't stay with each other, because it wasn't possible. She said that you loved each other very much and that's why I was made. I really kind of always secretly daydreamed about meeting you. She always showed me pictures and told stories about you."
For the second time today Carlton was in awe. "For such a little girl, where did you learn to speak so adult-like?"
"My Mommy, she was a really good one. The best ever! She taught me all kinds of things of how to be an adult but never had the chance to show me how to be a kid. She was always worried about so many things, and wanted me to have the best."
"Well . . . look, I'm not really . . . I don't know . . ." taking a deep breath he resumed, "I'm not exactly certain on how to be a dad . . ."
Amelia seemed to sort out that bit of information. "It's OK, I don't really know how to have a daddy, anyway . . . Well, I mean, I never had one before so I don't know what it's like."
Biting his lip, Carlton still didn't know where to go from here. Looking back at the table top, he glanced at the drawings once more. Now was a good time as any to start some sort of conversation. "So, are these your drawings? I heard you like to draw."
"Yep they are! Drawing is so much fun, me and Mommy used to do it a lot!" Amelia exclaimed excitedly. Pulling one in particular from the pile she showed it to Carlton. "See, this one here. It's me and that's you." The picture included a house in the back and two stick figures in the front with smiles on their faces. "I drew it for you, because I wanted to make you something when I first got to meet you. I really want you to like me." The first thought that came to Carlton's mind were those stupid signs in the main office he really wished they would take down. He was sure they put them up there to scare the crap out of the people who didn't know how to be parents, because it was definitely working. Shuddering again at the thought, he tried to keep his attention on the little girl before him, thinking back to what she last said.
Carlton sighed and rubbed at his forehead. "Amelia . . ." The name still felt so odd saying, ". . . Thank you for the picture, I really do like it . . . and I'm not going to hate you," he chuckled trying to find the correct wording. "Look Amelia, like I said this is all still new to me . . . and . . . well I'm not going to dislike you just because I've never met you before. I'm just as excited and scared as you are to be meeting each other."
There was a couple seconds of silence and then out of nowhere small arms swarmed Lassiter. Sweet Justice! She's hugging me! I don't even know what to do when O'Hara tries to go all soft on me! Oh, crap! What do I do?! Stunned, he didn't know how to react. His breath caught in his throat and he swallowed hard. Trying to come up with a solution he picked the alternative, deciding on attempting to hug her back. He awkwardly wrapped his arm around her, but tried to put some distance between them. With that he reached around and clumsily patted her on the shoulder. She still had a tight hold on him, and when he thought his world would come to an end, it was over.
Amelia pulled apart and gleamed with that lovable smile. Even though Carlton had a tough time with children and at times hated them, he all but melted at the shine in her eyes; his tough demeanor going slightly soft. Warmth spread across his chest and radiated throughout. He told himself the feeling was miniscule, as if he almost couldn't even tell it was there, but it was there, nonetheless.
* * *
After his encounter with Amelia that night, Carlton couldn't get any sleep. He was anxious about picking her up tomorrow. Gertrude had said she'd call him when all the paperwork was filed and he could head on over. He would definitely have to come up with a good excuse for work tomorrow. Since his plans were changed for the day, he definitely wasn't going to take Amelia to work with him right away. But he would have to return the next day along with the girl, because missing one day was one too many. So instead, he'd have to come up with a convincing enough story. Since Carlton never took days off people would start getting suspicious.
As scary, confusing, and exciting as this was he was beginning to see how O'Hara could always be so jolly half the time. She had a great family, many brothers and sisters to talk with, and was never lonely. There was always someone there for her and she had a great personality which got her many friends. Frowning to himself he wondered if this would really work out. That if what Gertrude said was actually true, about having a family with this little girl would bring all those great things, and that it wouldn't be a mistake.
Unlike O'Hara, he didn't have many friends or spend holidays with family members. He didn't even celebrate his own birthday. Thinking back to his own childhood, he was always seeking his father's approval and he didn't want that for Amelia. If he could, he would try to be in her life more often than his father was for him. He wondered how everything would turn out; actually wishing for a moment that Spencer was really psychic and could tell him what their future as a family held. Of course he always doubted Spencer and his abilities, but he knew there was something else behind his so called mystical powers. Sighing, he closed his eyes to get some sleep, but sleep never came. Just the idea of having a seven year old child staying with him was nerve-wracking, so instead he thought back to Amy and how all of this could have happened. He wished she would've told him about it, possibly making things easier for everyone. But this was life and things weren't always easy. Why couldn't she just stay with me? Why did it have to be like this? Drifting off someplace else, Carlton's thoughts wandered to that final day.
* * *
Everything is perfect, the sky, the weather, and the atmosphere. They sit there a little looking up at the horizon as a formation of birds fly over the sunset. He thinks now is the time as he reaches into his pocket, pulling out a red velvet box, laced with gold trimming. Sitting up, he faces Amy, taking in a deep breath and saying the everlasting words that'll be eternally imprinted into her brain. He opens the box and speaks, "Will you marry me?"
Amy gasps. She knew this was coming. She is filled with so many emotions as her hands cover her gaping mouth. Her eyes light up at a glowing Carlton who's beaming with joy and eagerness. She swallows, trying to fight back what she already knows. She closes her eyes for a minute then stares into Carlton's baby blues. She bites her lip, murmuring in a tone so low he almost doesn't catch it. "I can't be with you anymore." His smile drops like an anvil as Carlton's heart stops.
Title idea came from this song: .com/watch?v=Za9Y2HFhV74 Makes me all Giddy whenever I hear it.
Thanks alll who read! Reviews are very much appreciated! Thanks :D
