She is certain she has never felt this claustrophobic before. She has been in crowded rooms for meetings, briefings, riots, Castle's book parties and launches but never anything like this. She never imagined this is what it would look like when she agreed. She is not exactly upset that she agreed – especially now watching Castle work the room. Every few minutes he will turn around and find her immediately with his eyes, drawn to her no matter where she is. And he smiles. That beaming thing that lights up his entire face and makes the corners of his eyes crinkle. God she loves that smile. Loves the man attached to it as well…but everyone here knows that without a doubt now. But still, the closeness of the ballroom with all these bodies is starting to get to her.

She shakes off yet another set of well-wishers congratulating her on the engagement and sneaks silently out on the balcony, takes in a deep breath of cool night air. She shivers when the wind and chill hit her bare skin (not smart to wear a sleeveless dress this short in October in New York City, Kate) and she instinctively wraps her arms around her stomach in an attempt to capture the little warmth still radiating from her body.

She moves to the edge of the balcony putting some distance between herself and the party goers. She can hear Martha animatedly telling a story to the crowd of people she noticed surrounding the actress before Kate slipped onto the balcony. From the voice that wafts out after Martha's she can guess Castle is now heckling his mother trying to get her to stop embellishing the story. She grins. She cannot even help it anymore. It is an involuntary reaction with this family – a Rogers/Castle thing through and through – and she shakes her head at the idea that she is now a part of that. She will be for the rest of her life. She sighs lightly and lets her gaze fall down to the ring on her finger.

Her heart stutters when the memory hits her: Castle down on one knee in front of her, his eyes fierce and determined holding the ring between his fingers. No frills, no fancy words, no extravagance…just him and the truth of the way he loves her - dramatic, improbable, terrified, romantic, sappy…wonderfully perfect man.

Her eyes flick slightly to her right when she feels the space around her shift. She keeps her posture relaxed but she is on the ready to strike should the need arise. The sound of the voice cutting through the air is almost melodic to her ears.

"Quite the shindig." The man moves to her side and she allows her gaze to meet his. The face is a bit weathered but still incredibly handsome. His eyes are dark and clouded, but ringed with a hopefulness she cannot help but find appealing. "You actually agreed to all this?"

"Castle can be pretty persuasive…" Kate says appraising her companion in the small shaft of light that illuminates his face from the French doors behind her. "And of course Gina insisted…great publicity and all."

"Once again I say…."

She laughs. "Yeah well, I keep him from writing enough I figured it was the least I could do for Black Pawn…and for Gina for always having to nag him for weeks after he misses deadlines."

The man's gaze shifts to the ballroom and the figures of Richard Castle and Martha Rogers entertaining a crowd. He huffs out a laugh and turns back to Kate.

"They are some pair aren't they?"

"You have no idea…" She swallows when she hears the way the words must sound punctuated by the cold winter air. She purses her lips and looks toward him in time to see the man's eyes fall to his hands now resting on the stone railing of the balcony. She takes a deep breath, considering, shifts her eyes toward the garden beyond the balcony and then plows ahead. "It hurts him more than he ever lets on." In her peripheral vision she sees his head turn towards her just slightly. She continues. "He always jokes that he had plenty of father figures around growing up and he's gotten pretty close to my dad over the past few months but…"

"It isn't the same."

"No."

"Just like, no matter how much you do love her, Martha will never be your mother…" Kate feels the prick behind her eyes and breathes in. Of course he would know.

"Just like that." It is barely a whisper but it carries in the stillness that has settled around them since the wind died down. "We were working a case last May." She says, continuing before she looses the nerve she found in the last few moments of standing on this balcony with a man she has only ever heard stories about. "Man was killed by his own son. When we went to get the boy's confession, Castle looked him right in the eye and said how hard it must have been to have a father like the boy had – a man so absent, so driven, a crusader who put his mission above all else even the people who loved him. All I could think was…god he's talking about himself. He's ecstatic that you do what you do…I think it makes him feel that all of his wild theories are supported, validated in some way. All that doesn't change the truth though…"

"I was never there."

"You were never there."

"I wanted to be."

"Truthfully?" He fixes a steely gaze on her and she turns toward him fully for the first time and confronts his steel with some of her own. "If that's really true then why weren't you?"

"I had a job to do."

"He's your son." Her tone is cold and she knows it; even tries to feel badly about it, and she does. Just not enough to let him off the hook completely. He does not respond, just sighs and returns his gaze to the garden.

"I guess I'm just more of a coward than you." He turns his head barely towards her, just enough to notice the eyebrow she raises at him, questioning in her eyes so he continues. "Not many people would give up the chance to be on a federal task force to stay with a city police department," Kate narrows her eyes at him and he smiles – big and bright – and even in the darkness she can see that his eyes crinkle at the corners: just like Castle's. "Though that wasn't all for him was it?"

"Not completely, no." She says then turns to mirror his posture: hands against the stone, leaning slightly forward. "But I'd be lying if I said he wasn't a consideration." From the corner of her eye she sees the grin take over his face…hm, apparently not just a Rogers/Castle thing. Kate cannot help but think maybe Castle gets more from his father than any of them ever knew. The wind continues to chill the air around them, breaking up the silence with jabs of dancing leaves and whipped water from the fountain in the garden below them. "Why did you come?"

The man sighs but his shoulders square off as he turns to her once again, a glint flickers in his eyes. "I wanted to meet my future daughter-in-law." Kate smiles toward the garden. "And to thank you," she turns her head to meet his eyes. "For protecting him, for…being there for him. For loving him."

"Always." She says without hesitation. "You're just going to leave aren't you?" She says when he shifts his gaze to the back portion of the balcony from where she can assume he entered. Without a word, he begins to move back into the shadows. "You know I'm going to tell him you were here." He stops, but keeps his eyes averted. "I won't lie to him…and then it's only going to hurt him more – knowing you were here but you didn't even want to see him."

"It'll only cause more trouble."

"You don't know that."

"Yes, I do."

"Well in case you haven't noticed, Castle tends to handle trouble pretty well…it's heartache he has a hard time with." The man's gaze rests back on her. He moves to open his mouth when the voice from inside the ballroom pierces into the night around them.

"Beckett? Hey, Kate you out here?"

Without breaking eye contact with the man she says: "Over here, Castle," and she soon feels the familiar presence of her partner beside her. His warm hand finds it's resting place on the small of her back as he moves into her. "Hey, I've been looking for you…I know you're going to hate this, but Gina wants us…" His voice trails off when he notices that she is not looking at him but at the figure lurking in the shadows. Castle's eyes travel toward the man and his eyes go wide as his mouth opens just slightly in shock.

"What are you doing here?" The men stare at each in silence.

"I'm going to head inside and warm up before we have to take these photos that Gina is requesting." Castle finally tears his gaze from the man and it rests on Kate. She smiles at him, "Please, Castle, you think I didn't know what I was getting into when I agreed to do this. I figured photo ops were part of it." She leans in and places a light kiss on his mouth. "I'll leave you two alone." Her hand trails lightly down his arm as she moves back toward the warm light of the ballroom, the laughter and music filling the room beyond. She can feel Castle's eyes on her the whole time.

Minutes pass in conversation with Martha and Alexis, her father sitting stoically at her side at the rectangular table set up at one end of the long ballroom. He smiles periodically at something Alexis says or exchanges a look with Kate when Martha begins, once again, regaling the smattering of people who have congregated around their table. She cannot stop her eye from flicking toward the balcony.

"You trying to figure out the quickest form of escape?" Jim's whisper tickles the side of her face like it always did when she was a child and he would tell her special secrets meant only for the two of them. The corners of her lips turn up as she turns to him and shakes her head slightly.

"Not even remotely, actually." She glances back to the door as Castle strides back into the warm glow of the ballroom, "I'm right where I want to be."

She reaches over and takes her father's hand, squeezes it quickly and then releases it as she stands and moves toward her fiancé. His face is guarded as she crosses the room quickly hoping to reach him before Gina or Paula notices that he is back in the room. When his eyes find hers he smiles, quick and easy, then reaches for her and wraps her in his arms when they meet at the edge of the crowd.

"Everything ok?" Kate says when he loosens his hold on her allowing just enough space for her to lean back and meet his eye.

"Yeah…it's ok."

"Rick." He meets her eyes fully – bright blue and hazel – in the bright lights permeating the room casting an almost golden glow over the surroundings.

"I'm fine. I promise" He tightens his arms around her quickly and then pulls back to grab hold of her hand, sealing both of hers in his. "Let's dance."