October 10th 1980.
Well… I haven't been this confused in a long time.
Obviously, this party wasn't going to go exactly perfect. Because "perfect" doesn't exist I've come to realize. But it's late now, and I should be sleeping, but I can't. I can't stop thinking of him and his black tar heart and shit brown eyes.
And, his beyond gorgeous smile…
All right. Maybe I'm too confused to be writing right now.
Oh well, I'll just write. Sometimes that helps.
This is clearly about Daniel Desario. We met this year. Like legit met. And he's been so strange toward me ever since.
He's not like Nick. He's not always trying to touch me. Yet, his eyes are always trying to piece my soul. I'm sure they could. If I'd let them.
I promise I'll get a fully thought out sentence on this paper soon, hopefully.
Anyways. I want to talk about that bitch now.
She's Kim and a total fucking slut. She's just jealous that another girl has broken into Daniel's brat pack BUT he invited me! It's not fair. It was his choice to talk to me, to befriend me, it's not like SHE OWNS HIM.
When I saw his lanky body sprawled on top of her's on MY bed, I guess I couldn't believe my eyes at first. I knew it couldn't have been anyone else, but I didn't want to believe it. Then I saw his shit brown eyes sparkling in the blue dark…
And I knew every kind gesture he had made before then was just him bullshitting me – to get me to have that party.
…
No. No, that's not true. He kissed me… well on the forehead. But it was… it was just as caring as any other kiss would have been.
What does he think of me? What am I to Daniel?
It's almost as if I'm his little sister. He found me when I was alone, and sort of forced his friends to put up with me. He gave me the golden ticket into a world of Lead Zeppelin and pot smoke under the bleachers at noontime sun.
He leers at me, like he knows I've fantasied about him some time far, far past midnight.
He rests his head on my shoulder, like he's done it a million times. Like he's seen me naked. Like he's devoured my essence and left me with nothing but a promise that he'll call me later.
And… and now he's pressed his lips to my forehead just after ripping out my heart and feeding it to that ravenous, sex-hungry, she-wolf of his.
Nick tried to take my bra off.
Daniel would never have tried to do that.
Well, for one he doesn't like me like that. And two, he'd never be so fast and forward about it.
If Kim would drop dead, and I was the only girl he saw, I'm sure he'd come onto me. It would be just as smooth as could be, too.
We'd be somewhere alone, like in his car. He'd glance to me and stare – just as he did at the assembly.
Only this time, he'd be closer. It would be almost as if he wouldn't be able to resist the whisper of my body calling to his.
And I wouldn't stop him because he'd see how much I'd want him in my eyes.
His large hands, so skilled in the art of holding a women's body, would touch me. He'd touch me everywhere.
All I'd want to touch is his hair.
It's not like I'm completely un-attracted to Nick, It's just that Daniel is a different breed. He's like a fox trying to hide amongst sheep. Ugh… just like a fox. He is a fox. Is that cliché? Oh well. This is a diary after all.
From now on, I'm not going to try and impress Daniel. Also, I'll have to face the fact that him and me will never be a thing. Maybe I don't actually want us to be a thing. Then we would never be friends.
…
I haven't been this confused in a long time.
