Welcome one and all to my glorious first story! I'm Sirius guys, this is my very first fanfic on this account. So, if you have any comments, suggestions, flames, etc etc, please leave them in a review or PM.

Before I forget, thank you to the ever talented AshNox for being my muse and to the amazing Muggleborn Demigod for guiding me through all of this; this fanfic is hearby dedicated to you two!

FYI: Italics- Nico/Greta, Regular Text- Leo/Peaches

Disclaimer: Since I'm not a midfle-aged Texan with a glair for the dramatic, I do not own the PJO/HOO bookverse

A Forced Introduction

Hello my dearest peasants!

Because of his lapse in better judgement, Chiron has decided to start a weekly newsletter.

And we're running the advice column!

Since we're here, we better introduce ourselves.

You go first, I'm feeling shy...

As improbable as that is, fine. I have been forced to claim the alias of Greta.

NOOOO, you have to say it with more sass!

My name is Greta and I have more swag than your knockoff handbag. Happy now?

Very. Okay, I am Peaches, Queen of Mean, Mama to Prada, a sista to a mista, the-

Alright, alright, we get it. By the way, out of all the names you could've chosen, you picked Peaches. Why?

Peaches are the food of the gods, plus it makes me seem more attractive!

What drugs are you on?

Ya know, the usual.

As tempted as I am to respond to that, I have to cut this conversation short. Please send all questions and queries to Cabin 11, via Connor and Travis Stoll.

Massive thanks to autocorrect for being such a bloody good bloke.

That has to be the worst British accent I have ever seen.

Not like you can do any better!

Wanna bet, little Miss Fruitcake?

Oh you're on Gretel.