The Volturi Are Coming To Get You
'Awkward.' Izzy Marie Swan began in a weird tense voice, staring at Edward.
'Awkward what?' asked Edward '107-Year-Old-But-Looks-Seventeen Cullen, staring back.
'Edward, all we've done since we got back together was…play chess.' Bella whined, focusing a stare on him.
'I thought you liked chess,' he asked Bella, staring at her.
'Yes, but…I like…you…more.' Bella replied in what was a bad attempt to sound in any way sexy, Stare Status: Still Going.
'Bella, what the hell are you talking about?' he replied in his weird tense voice, staring like there's no tomorrow.
'Us…having…sex. What's wrong R-Patz – sorry, Edward?' Bella asked in that annoying, whingey voice, giving an even weirder stare.
'You want to be a vampire.' Edward sussed out (finally, can I go home now? Sorry this writing stuff's hard), doing, you guessed it, staring.
'Well, yeah, you've had, like, two books to figure out I want to…be a vampire.' Bella told him (good for her, I mean she didn't exactly pick the two ripest bananas of the bunch), staring (yawn…)
Alice stormed into the room. 'The Volturi,' she squeaked, staring at the couple (anything new?), 'they're coming for us.'
'Don't you have…bomb shelters for this kind of…thing?' asked Bella (valid point though), STILL STARING (!).
'No, these may be our last few days together… Ugh, I have to live with K-Stew forever?! I'd rather have my head ripped off…' Edward muttered, staring at Bella.
'Then I want… to be… a vampire…' Bella breathed like a psycho, staring at him.
'No, you can't,' Edward grunted, screeching like a girl, staring at Bella.
'Fine, I'll just get some other red-eyed freak to bite into my skin, it's pretty easy... Oh, Edward, you'll realize it's for…the best.' Bella groaned, staring like a control freak.
'Is it me or am I waiting for the shirtless wolf guy to come on, tell you he's better, then have three-way stares…' Edward commented, still staring a Bella for like 20 minutes (we lost count).
'I think, he's like, eating raw meat and slapping the other weird shirtless dudes, so, you know the movie's gayer.' Bella replied (I'm running out of words here…)
'OK, but do you know what would make the movie even more gay? Me turning down sex,' he replied, still staring so hard we can pretty much conclude he's a creepy paedophile.
