I've been wanting to write this for a while . . . humor/slightly-crackfic, Severus/Nagini if you're looking for it. Enjoy!

Name: Martin

O.W.L. average: P

Skills: Kung Fu master and can memorize kids' songs in seconds.

Albus Dumbledore suppressed a sigh as he reached for another resume. There really was no one out there who was fit for the job; that, or Severus tossed in all these awful resumes to make his look good by comparison. What's more, he was now being monitored so closely by the Ministry there was no chance he could get away with someone like this Martin.

There was a sharp knock at the door. Dumbledore, knowing full well who it was, murmured, "Come in."

Sure enough, it was Severus Snape. Without preamble, he stepped forward and, producing a letter sealed by the Ministry of Magic from his robes, placed said letter on the desk. "Read it."

Dumbledore, who had raised his eyes to Severus and was trying to up the force of his twinkling, looked down at the envelope. Cracking open the seal, he pulled out the letter, scanned it, and swore. "MERLIN'S BALLSACK!" Ah, it was nice to be alone with someone he really trusted, Dumbledore thought. He didn't swear like that in front of most.

Severus snatched up the letter. "What is it?"

"Just read," Dumbledore waved a hand. Damned Ministry. The nerve of them, suggesting so many of their own - including Lucius Malfoy - for the job of Defense teacher. And if he, Dumbledore, didn't find someone suitable for the job by - no, the date couldn't be tomorrow, could it? Then they would supply someone for him.

"Well," Severus said wryly, "I don't recommend Lucius unless you plan for it to become a hair care class. Headmaster, don't you think . . .?"

"I have uses for you yet, Severus," Dumbledore said gravely. "And besides, how are our young wizards expected to survive if they can't brew a simple Pepperup potion?"

"That's a first year -"

"I said no," Dumbledore said. He turned back to the resumes. "Eenie, meenie, miney, moe . . ." Severus groaned.

"And the winner is . . ." Dumbledore paused, tried to decipher the handwriting. He couldn't. Severus snatched it away.

"Nagini Riddle."

"Nagini Riddle!" Dumbledore echoed triumphantly. Severus read the rest of the resume, suddenly looking panicky.

"No, headmaster, you can't just hire Nagini!"

Yes, yes it does get stupider. I know it seems like it can't, but it will. Probably. I haven't actually written chapter two yet.

Review!