A/N:Just for anyone wondering, I have not dumped 'Chained Hearts,' this story will be running at the same time as it. When I'm not working on 'Chained Hearts' I'll be working on this. I just had to get this idea down on paper.
Thank you to my beta for this story, 'bchampagne', thanks for the help, support and advice! :D
Never Ending Routine Called Love
Chapter One
You Can't Do This To Him
Something inside me tells me I was lying. Something tells me I'm afraid. Scared of the possibilities of loving someone, the outcomes that might come out of it; marriage, exploitation by Snow, kids. I do think I was lying, but I didn't mean to. I wasn't sure what I felt. What was going to happen to me, with the nightlock troubles, or my family. Everything made me worry so much that it just happened, I lied. Now I fear I've lost him.
I shouldn't have told Peeta it was all an act. The pain I seem to have caused him with just telling him that, seems to have hurt him so deeply that I fear it would cause even more pain if I told him I was lying to him. I've tried keeping away, being careful, watching where I'm going so I won't run into him and feel guilty. It's killing me. I miss him. I need him. I want him. I can't have him. It's not fair. I don't deserve him, and that's what keeps me away. Peeta deserves someone worthy of his love. Maybe he'll end up falling for his best friend Delly Cartwright. The thought makes my blood boil but I immediately realize it won't happen. We're the star crossed lovers of district 12, we have to stay together. Probably ending in marriage and children.
"You could do worse," Haymitch always tells me. I know this. There's thousands of possibilities for relationships and I got who has to be the sweetest, kindest, most loving boy in district 12. Maybe even in all of Panem.
What keeps me occupied when I'm trying to stop thinking about Peeta is worrying about Snow. He's going to punish me in some way. I don't know what way, but I'm worried. Will it affect Prim? I couldn't bear it if it did. My sweet little Prim punished just because I couldn't kill my 'lover.' What about Gale? My 'cousin'.Will he be hurt in the aftermath of what I've done? His family? What about Hazelle, Rory, Vick and sweet little Posy? I don't want to be resposible for anything happening to them. I won't have any control over it though.
I'm just home from the hob when I realize something's up. My mother stopped me immediately at the door, persumably to take my shoes off.
"Don't worry, I'm taking them off here," I tell her as I kick them onto the mat by the door. She lets out a strange, breathy laugh and looks at me with a somewhat fake smile on her face. "It's just snow. Did you have a nice walk?" She questions.
"Walk?" I frown. She knows I've been in the woods. Just then I notice a man standing behind her in the doorway. I know immediately by his suit and facial features that he's from the Capitol. Something's wrong. "More like skating. It's really getting slippery out there."
"Someone's here to see you," she says. She looks sickly pale, like the way she did when she was in her depression after my father died.
"I thought they weren't coming until noon," I pretend not to notice her obvious anxiety. Cinna and my prep team will be coming to help me get ready for my first 'reunion' with Peeta since the games. I've obviously seen him since then but they're staging it up so the whole Capitol can watch our 'love'. "Did Cinna come early to help me get ready?"
"No Katniss, it's-" she begins.
"This way please, Miss Everdeen," the man instructs, gesturing down the hallway.
I give my mother a reassuring look. "Probably more instructions for the tour." The victory tour, where I must look into the eyes of the families who's children are dead, some being killed by my own arrow, and behave like I've just won a beauty pagent.
It's strange, being ushered around your own home, but then again, the Victor's Village houses don't feel that much like home anyway. The Capitol man leads me to the door of the study. "Go right in," he tells me.
As soon as I enter the room my nose is bombarded by the smell of roses and blood. A small, white haired man who seems vaguely familiar is there reading a book. He holds up a finger. "Give me a moment," he says. He then turns to face me and my heart skips a beat.
I'm staring into the snakelike eyes of President Snow.
"I think we'd make this situation a lot simpler if we agree not to lie to each other," he says. "What do you think?"
"Yes, I think that would save time," I reply, suprising myself at how steady my voice is.
"My advisors were concerned you would be difficult, but you're not planning on being difficult are you?" he asks me.
"No," I answer.
"That's what I told them. I said any girl who goes to such lengths to preserve her life isn't going to be interested in throwing it away with both hands. Then there's her family to think of. Her mother, her sister, and all those. . . cousins." I know by the way he says cousins that he knows Gale and I don't share a family tree.
"Let's sit," Snow says, gesturing to the seats. I nod and take a seat on one of the straight backed chairs in front of the big mahogany desk whereas he takes one at the back, where Prim does her homework and mother does her budgets. "I have a problem Miss Everdeen. A problem that began the moment you pulled out those poisonous berries. If the head gamemaker, Seneca Crane, had had any brains he would have blown you to dust. But he had an unfortunate sensitive streak. So here you are. Do you know where he is now?"
I nod. It's obvious Seneca Crane has been executed.
"After that there was nothing left to do but let you play out your little scenario, little love crazed schoolgirl. The capitol was very convinced. The districts though were a bit more difficult. If you could defeat the Hunger Games then what can prevent them from doing the impossible too? Say, start an uprising?" Snow asks.
My heart jumps at the word uprising. "There have been uprisings?" I ask.
"Not yet. But there will be if the course of things don't change," Snow says.
"I didn't mean to start any uprisings," I tell him.
"I believe you," he says. "It doesn't matter. Your stylist was very prophetic in his wardrobe choice. Katniss Everdeen, the girl who was on fire. You have created a spark that, if left unattended, shall create an inferno that could destroy all of Panem."
"Why don't you just kill me?" I finally blurt out.
"Publicly? That would only add to the flames."
"Arrange an accident then."
"No one would buy it. You wouldn't, if you were watching," Snow explains.
"Why not punish my family?" I ask.
"Becase, Miss Everdeen, that is too easy. Your sister is too likeable already anyway, killing her would be just like killing you. Chucking on more gasoline. Same with your mother. I'm not so sure about the cousins though. . ."
"Don't hurt them, please," I beg.
"Don't worry Katniss, that is not what I'm planning at all," Snow grins.
"Wh-what then?" I stutter.
"How's Peeta?" he suddenly asks.
"What?" I frown. What's Peeta got to do with this? "He's. . .fine."
"The love of your life," Snow muses, tapping his chin. "Ever heard of Finnick Odair?"
"Yeah, who doesn't know Finnick Odair?" I reply. A previous victor, from district four. Once again, I don't know what he's got to do with this.
"Very handsome, don't you think?" Snow questions.
"I. . .never noticed," I lie. Finnick is attractive, but I wouldn't swoon at his feet like many others do.
"Oh yes, that's right, because you're already in love," Snow grins. "With the baker's boy." I look into his snakelike eyes, trying to figure out what he's planning. His grin widens and he rests his elbows on the desk, putting his chin ontop of his clasped hands. "When a victor is considered desirable by the people of the Capitol then I think it a shame to waste those looks on just mentoring little kids every year. So Capitol citizens bid for a night with them, to do as they wish for that night."
I freeze rock solid. "You . . . sell them?"
"Makes a wonderful amount of money I must say," Snow says.
"Finnick is the most popular."
So every new woman he has on his arm every week isn't just him jumping from girl to girl, it's a new cilent every week. That's. . . just wrong.
"Finnick is the most popular," he says again. "But with two new fresh faces on the scene there's been a constant demand that has risen to at least 1,000 people now." He doesn't mean me surely? He sees my expression and smiles. "Don't worry Miss Everdeen, it's not you," he tells me.
But who does he mean then? Surely not. . .no. . .he wouldn't. . .
" though as gathered up a lot of attention through the games and after them," Snow explains. "One of the biggest fanbases in history."
I grit my teeth and scowl at him. "Peeta wouldn't stoop as low as that," I tell him as if it's obvious.
"Oh no, sweet, generous Peeta Mellark wouldn't stoop as low as something as awful as selling his body, unless the woman he loved was put under threat." Snow's eyes are practically gleaming now.
Oh no. This can't be happening. He must be joking surely.
"Does. . .he know about this?" I ask him.
"Oh yes, he's fully aware of the situation and is as willing as any, if it's going to ensure your safety," Snow grins.
"Can't you make me do it instead?" I plead.
"Oh but then it wouldn't hurt you Miss Everdeen. I want you to suffer but I think making you watch someone you love being hurt is much more painful than it happening to you. Don't you think?"
Oh my god. No, this isn't happening. I'm going to wake up any minute now. President Snow catches me pinching myself discreetly and he grins. "I'm sorry Katniss, you're not dreaming, this is real. Very real."
"You can't do this to him," I hiss at him.
"Oh but Miss. Everdeen, I can."
I have to go see Peeta. Now.
A/N:I'd love to know what you think of this. It's going to show what happens when Katniss watches someone she loves get hurt for what she done with the nightlock berries. I hope you like it!
Please review! I hold every single one in a special place in my heart! :)
