Slipping Away
Can this be real? Perhaps it is little more than a worthless dream from which I will awaken at any moment; something to laugh about throughout the day as any other nonsense one dreams of. I want to believe that it is nothing more than that, but how can I? I feel myself slipping away so quickly, and though my mind is racing in an attempt to find some way to overcome this situation, I can come up with nothing. Speech is becoming garbled and meaningless to me, and movements so slow. My body cannot compensate for my perceptions. I'm falling faster now, and there is nothing to grasp to slow my descent.
How could I have allowed this to happen?! I tried every trick and implemented all of my skills, and still I failed. How could that shinigami have defeated me so easily, as if I were nothing?! Despite all my efforts, he was hardly fazed by anything. It was like child's play for him. To be taken out that easily... am I really so pathetic? Am I really so easy to crush? It can't be true! It simply can't be! I am an immaculate being! I do not know death, and I am superior to all who oppose me!
Aizen-sama... if only he would come to my aid, or send someone else. I could easily promise him that this failure would never occur again. I'm not one who doesn't learn from his mistakes. I could spend time evaluating the situation, assess where I went wrong, and take steps to avoid this happening again in the future. Aizen-sama could always count on me, and I would do everything in my power to assure him that my promises would not go unfulfilled. I am a reliable servant.
...and yet here I stand, suffering in this cold oblivion. How long will I remain here, falling deeper and deeper into blinding darkness? It feels like sinking into the deepest of quicksand, but I'm still able to think as I slip away into an unknown fate. How long have I suffered already in this miserable state? I cannot say, but I feel as if an eternity has passed. Countless lifetimes may have gone by or only mere hours. My sense of time has eroded, and I'm unable to tell a second from a minute from a year. Hope is such a useless thing when the world is crumbling at your feet.
Please, just finish me quickly. End this helplessness and suffering. I don't want to remain with only my failure and my misery as company forever. If I cannot survive, I want to feel those cold hands encircle my throat, choking the breath from me as my vision blurs and my heart slows. Perhaps my last sight will be of my own blood pulsing from my chest with each fading beat, or perhaps it will be something else entirely. Does one's life really flash before their eyes as they die? I have so few memories of my existence beyond the world of hollows... maybe when I arrive in oblivion, I will be able to tell them what my life was like with certainty.
When will this blade finally pierce my aching heart? Will it ever, or will I remain here for eternity, forever sinking into this pit of darkness and suffering as I watch the pieces of the world, shattered like glass, falling all around me?
