Emily can still remember the first time she saw Sam Uley. Leah was completely enamored with him, every sentence revolved about his jokes or laugh or just how cute he was. Emily was barely listening to her anymore; her voice was shrill with puppy love.
Emily sees Sam, a tall and gorgeous drink of water and her lips form a perfect 'o'. Then, he opens his mouth and she can't stand the sound of his voice. Everything he says is cliché and trite and so trivial. She wants to smash his face in with her fists; she doesn't understand what Leah sees in him.
Fast forward to a year later and she's visiting again. Leah, while still in love with Sam, has cooled it down a little. Emily is happy that they can have a conversation outside of her boyfriend.
They get to Leah's house and Sam's waiting inside. Something happens upon this meeting, there's this small spark that lights up the entire room. Sam's eyes are focused completely on Emily and she feels flushed and embarrassed suddenly. She wants to break their stare but can't stop looking at him. She's noticing so much and taking every piece of him in. She wonders if this is what it's like in the movies when they talk about 'love at first sight'.
Emily can't get her mind off Sam; she's hanging on his words when he's near and picturing them on First Beach taking walks when he's not around. She can't concentrate on anything, it's like he's a disease that is riddling her brain.
Sam and Emily have a few minutes alone when Leah is inside getting things together for a beach trip. Emily looks into Sam's eyes and she can see them together in a chapel, raising their children, growing old, laughing, living their lives together.
"Emily.. did you hear me?" Sam says, causing Emily to check back into reality. His hands are holding hers and he's leaning his head down to peer into her confused face.
Her head shakes and she laughs, "No.. sorry. I was off somewhere else."
Sam laughs too, "It's ok. I was just telling you how beautiful you are."
Emily's laugh is a musical composition of nerves and butterflies, her hands going to her face to cover her reddening cheeks. On the front steps of Leah Clearwater's house they share their first kiss, and from then on all they see is each other.
…
Sam and Emily are exchanging calls and she's visiting more than she ever has. Leah is suspicious, but Emily is sure she's ignoring what's in front of her. Emily barely talks to anyone in the Clearwater family; she can't seem to say one sentence without Sam's name in it somewhere. She's stoic but smiling from ear to ear every minute.
Emily gets a call from Sam one night, and he's crying. She's never heard him cry, didn't know he was the type that would, if there is a type. She can barely make out his words, but knows that he's finally told Leah. The heartache, the strain, she wants to drive there now and hold him against her chest.
"The worst was that she didn't even fight it, she just sat there like she knew everything I was telling her. And I couldn't even tell her the real…" Sam stopped, and sighed heavily.
Emily was confused, "The real what? What are you talking about?"
"It's nothing, Em… just forget I said it."
Emily did, she didn't bring it back up. She wasn't one for confrontations, but the words were playing over and over in her head for days.
…
It was cold and Sam's arms were around Emily's small frame. She'd commented already on his lack of a coat, but he waved her concerns away.
And on the beach near La Push, in his arms, and struggling to stay warm, Sam finally told Emily the one thing he'd been so afraid to reveal. He wasn't sure of her reaction, and really expected her to run from him screaming.
But her eyes found his, her hand on his face, and kisses on his pursed lips. "I love you, Sam. I'm not going anywhere."
Her eyelashes were covered in the mist from the ocean and Sam couldn't even look at her. He could feel the choking feeling you get when everything is too much to take in, and rested his head against hers. He knew, he knew that she was everything to him now.
…
"You can't just ignore her, Sam! She's still my family and she's a mess!" Emily never yelled, especially not at Sam. The tears on her face were hot; they were littering her shirt, staining the fabric.
Sam's face was twisted, his bands balled into fists and his body was shaking violently. He had his back turned to Emily, her voice was echoing in his head like waves crashing. "You don't understand, ok. I hurt too." Every syllable he spoke was said as if a period ended each.
"Look at me, Sam! Just look at me!" Emily shoved Sam towards her and suddenly she heard a loud snap and it felt like knives were digging into her flesh and through her body. She collapsed and Sam's name was on her lips as her lids closed.
…
She woke up in a hospital room, Sam holding her hand and lighting up when she came to. She winced away from him, not afraid buy wary. His eyes fell and she heard him saying sorrys and love yous but nothing mattered.
She spent a week laying in that bed, not talking to acknowledging anyone. Even Sam's voice couldn't break her from the cationic state she'd begun to cling to.
When Emily finally left, Sam was at her side, begging for forgiveness with his loyalty. Leah never visited her, she noticed that. She probably felt like Emily'd got what was coming to her, but it broke Emily's heart to think of Leah like that.
Emily spent a lot of time laying in bed when she arrived home. Sam would snuggle behind her, holding her, telling her how much he loved her. She didn't feel worthy of his love or anyone's.
The funny part about it all was that Emily never blamed Sam for what happened to her, it was her own pushing and she felt like half a person now. She wasn't afraid of Sam, only of what she could move him to do. It was the first time she realized she was afraid of their love.
…
It was raining outside and Emily was spending another quiet day in bed. Sam was curled in front of her, pushing the hair from her face and kissing where her scars were healing. She still could barely look him in the eye.
She always winced when his hands rested on her hips. Any touch felt like a sin against her mess of an exterior. She slowly started to accept that she wasn't beautiful, and she never would be. She'd left the house once since the accident and the stares were too much.
"I love you, I love you. You're so beautiful, Em. I wish you'd see it," Sam whispered into her neck.
The mention of the word 'beautiful' always stung like a curse. It was something she didn't see in herself. She was a monster now, twisted like an ugly tree root.
Emily gently pulled away from Sam's arms, "I wish you wouldn't call me that."
"Call you what?" Sam's face was full of confusion; his hands resting on her hips and sliding up her sides.
"Beautiful. Stop calling me something I'm not. Stop lying to me." Every word on her tongue was like acid, stinging both her and Sam.
Sam's mouth fell open, and his only response was her name, said low and with the heartbreak of what he'd made her.
His arms reached back for her, and she rolled into him. "Em... please. You're beautiful to me. Every inch of you."
Sam's fingers traced her jaw, then he kissed the corner of her mouth. "I love this." His lips moved to her neck, "and this…" and then to her collarbone, "and this too."
Emily smiled slightly, putting her hands in his hair. Sam laid his head upon her chest, near her heart.
"I love you, Em... so much. When I look at you, I see the woman I'm in love with. I'm in love with every fiber of your being. In my eyes you are the most beautiful thing I have ever seen. I can't fathom anything more precious to me then your face, your smile, the glint in your eyes as you say my name."
Her arms wrapped around his head, pulling him closer to her heart, wondering if he could hear it's pieces being pulled back together.
