Chapter 1

I couldn't breathe.

I felt feather light and as heavy as stone at the same time. And there was so much noise, so much screaming. Cries similar to mine. Voices begging for help. But they seemed so far away, like they were calling from behind glass. I think one of them was saying my name. I wonder who it was, who was crying for me.

I was so cold, except for my side, my side was burning, and the hand I had there was warm. Something was flowing between my fingers, it felt nice, I knew that it shouldn't but I couldn't remember why.

It was supposed to be bright around me, I remember it being a blue sky before the noises started, but it was so dark now. It was getting darker.

And colder.

The noises seemed further away now.

I hope that meant the screaming stopped.

I think I heard my name.

Why was someone crying my name?


Death, contrary to popular belief, was not a painful experience, dying was painful but death was not. No, death itself was, in fact, quite relaxing. It was warm and soft, quiet without being silent. If I had to describe death to someone I would say that it was like being in the embrace of a loved one after emotional turmoil, there was a sense of security and comfort in it.

I remember dying. I remember the pain of it. It had been a strange day to begin with, I had been out with a friend, just enjoying the sunshine, when we saw them, the protestors, angry about some company being ousted for discriminating against gay people or others who identified as LGBT+. Vivian and I decided to hang around, herself a proud bisexual woman and myself being more sexually queer than anything else. We listened a speaker after speaker came forward to talk about their experience, and what should be done about it. I could see others around the group though, people who didn't really fit in, shouting horrible things, horrible cruel things at us all.

And then, then there was the pain. I remember hearing screaming, but I couldn't say if it was actually me screaming, and I can recall the surge of warmth coming from my stomach, could feel my blood leave my body. My death was rather slow in some regards. It was drawn out by people trying to save me, trying to keep me alive. As I neared the end I felt colder, the sun no longer warmed my skin, no longer blinded me as my eyes dimmed. There were no great passing words as my lungs heaved at my last breaths. I didn't close my eyes to signify my passing, but I couldn't say what the last thing I saw was.

There were no 'could have, should have, would have's as my mind raced with thoughts of pain. No time to think of what I regretted in life, no time to worry about the people I was leaving behind. But in death, there was of time, there was nothing but time to think of things that would follow me beyond the grave.

If I had a chance I'd say that my biggest regret was that I never lived properly. There would be no great tales of grand deeds at my funeral, no epic stories that I would be remembered for. I had my friends, my family, my job, but I wasn't special, not in a way that makes people remember you years to come. I had a list a mile long of things I wish I had done before my passing and traumatizing my friend with my death wasn't one of them. I wanted to make a positive change in the world, even if that world was one person.

If I had a personal regret though, I'd say that it was that I never fell in love, with a person, a place, a moment in time, anything. I lived with the expectation that I'd live long enough that it would happen one day. My friends had all told me of their great loves, my parents could write me epic poems about theirs, but I had none, and I wanted it so badly. And in the warm place that I was in while I waited for whatever came next, I thought about all that I could have loved and all that I missed. I could only hope that what came next would give me a chance to love something.


The day I was born was a strange one for me to say the least about the experience. Looking back, I should have realized I wasn't dead anymore. I should have figured that the warmth I was experiencing after my death was actually from being in a womb, but to my favour, I didn't remember the first experience, so I couldn't be blamed for not knowing the second-time around. Thankfully infant amnesia was still a thing, even for reborn new-born. It made sense to me when I had to ability to understand it. Being reborn doesn't change basic biology and physical development, a baby brain just wasn't ready to remember birth.

Thankfully. Because no one should remember being born.

Being born is a traumatic experience that is best forgotten by everyone involved, and not remembering my previous life meant adapting to this new one was easier to start with. Japanese is a bitch to learn if English is still your first language.

Not remembering my parents from Before made it easier to bond with my new ones. I'm glad I got to know my new parents before my memories returned, Tou-san wasn't Dad. Okaa-san wasn't Mum. They weren't the same but I seemed to have a similar relationship with Tou-san as I did my Dad, in every life I was destined to be a daddy's girl it seemed. He made me laugh, and he made me feel safe once Okaa-san started going away more and more. He sang me songs, badly, and read me stories to help me sleep.

I was closer to him than Okaa-san. My Tou-san was a nice guy, very family orientated, and doted on me from the moment I was born. It was him that held me the most for the early part of my life. I was his little girl. Okaa-san was around, but not much, it seemed as if she had me and then went back to whatever it was she was doing before being pregnant.

Tou-san took me out of the house whenever he could, I got to meet a lot of people on our little adventures. The most notable was a man with grey hair and a young face. He seemed to get along with Tou-san very well, they always had a chat when they saw each other. The man would play with me if he wasn't talking to Tou-san, he'd wiggle his finger in front of my face and coo when I grabbed it. He seemed a nice man, and I could only hope to get to know him later on in my life, but that didn't concern me much whilst I was still a baby.

I also found out I had an uncle. Ichiro-Oji was an experience and a half. A bit manic, but a family man overall. I found, from overhearing conversations that adults don't think a baby could understand, that Ichirou-Oji was meant to be the head of the household but wasn't allowed to be one because of his job choice. Something to do with why he was never really around for long, and the strange thing he wore on his head. I don't know how much I believed that though as I had seen Okaa-san wear the same thing and clearly her job choice hadn't prevented Tou-san from being the head of the family.

Ichiro-Oji was generally my secondary care-taker if Tou-san was busy. I wasn't entirely sure how that worked seeing as Ichi-Oji was nearly as busy as Okaa-san it seemed, but he always made an effort to be around to look after me if needed. I liked spending time with Ichi-Oji, he tended to be both more relaxed and more nervous handling me than Tou-san, not being afraid to throw me in the air and catching me, but almost driven to a panic attack if I so much as sneezed. I remembered the one-time Ichi-Oji forgot to burp me after giving me my milk, when I threw up on him Ichi-Oji ran to my Tou-san in a blind panic, interrupting what I could only assume to have been an important meeting of some kind.

Ichi-Oji also had this fun habit of stopping mid-sentence if it seemed like he was going to swear. He could me mid rant about murder, assassinations, and all other manners of nasty things but the moment Ichi-Oji was about to swear he would look at me and then suddenly just jump ahead in the conversation, causing others to laugh when they realised why he didn't continue as he wanted.


I couldn't remember much of my first life before turning one. I couldn't remember much of anything at that age, but apparently, I was a smart baby anyway. A normal baby developed stated that children will babble semi-coherent words from about 13 months or so, but coherent words are generally beyond them until about 18 months to two years. I didn't get this memo.

I feel like I should have questioned why no one questioned an 8-month-old baby mimicking sounds to a decent degree and a just-barley-a-year old baby making kind of coherent sentences. Okaa-san didn't seem surprised by my development, and Tou-san would tell everyone who would listen about his 'Genius Daughter'. Full, properly grammared, sentences were the norm for me by age two. The advantage of being able to speak clearly was that I was able to have better communication with Tou-san, and story-time got even better as it suddenly became an interactive activity.

When I did get my memories back it was a scary moment, and I came to realise that I wasn't getting all my memories all at once. They seemed to arrive backwards, with the most recent memory before my death arriving first. At just over two years old I got to experience death again.

I was alone. Okaa-san was away as usual, but Tou-san was in his office, doing whatever he did in there. I had been asleep, enjoying my nap, but I dreamed. I dreamt of who I had been Before, of how I died. I woke up with a start and cried. Tou-san came rushing in and held me once he heard me crying. Hushing me in that way that people hush babies, but being held by him, just being close to another person at that moment, feeling their warmth numbed the pain, if only for a moment, it reminded me that I wasn't dead, that I was going to be okay. I refused to let Tou-san go after that, and for a minute he reminded me of my Dad, so I held him tighter and cried anew.

I'll admit it took me awhile to recognise where I was. I had always figured I was in historical Japan, there really hadn't been anything to suggest otherwise for a while. I knew that Okaa-san had a job that meant she was away a lot, and I knew that women working away from the home was strange in a general historical sense and that Ichi-Oji had a strange headband that I had seen a few others wear, but my eye-sight wasn't good enough to see them clearly for a long time.

I was nearly two when the two thoughts finally clicked. Ichirou-Oji had just come home after being away for a long time, and he was covered in blood, I screamed at the sight of him, convinced that he was dying. It made me remember my own death in great detail, as where before it had just been an abstract feeling, it was now a horrifying memory brought to the forefront of my mind. Bringing with it a painful sensation that stretched along my side.

It was also the first time I saw a hitae-ate in any real detail. I recognized the symbol carved into the metal or rather seeing the symbol induced more memories, but this time revolving around my teen years and my interest in anime. When I calmed down and Ichirou-Oji was sent to the hospital, as he should have done instead of coming home in that state knowing that there was a young child in the house, I showed interest in the hitae-ate and the symbol on it. Tou-san took great delight in telling me about where we were, about Konoha, and about shinobi.

I was in the Narutoverse.

Shit.

Shit. Shit Shit Shit. Motherfucking, cock sucking bullshit!

I was some civilian born child in a military dictatorship. Maybe my Okaa-san was a kunoichi, but I was definitely being raised a civilian, by a civilian.

I wanted to be able to help the people of Konoha, I wanted to be strong enough to stop what was set to happen from happening but I was a teacher Before though. I didn't know how to fight, it wasn't something I wanted to do. Even Iruka, sweet, kind Iruka had to get into fights. Nope. Not me. Not really something I could see myself doing.

Then I thought about it more. I was excited about this, about possible meeting Naruto. Meeting the Rookie 9, seeing some of the amazing things I had vague memories of happening. A venture out into the village with Tou-san dashed those budding hopes though, as I looked up at the Hokage Mountain for the first time and noticed that there were only three faces carved into the side of the cliff-face.

Shit. Again.

I had no idea when I was. For all I knew the Third Hokage was just brought in and I'd have years to go before I ever saw even the tiniest hint of the canon I recognised. There was no one glaringly obvious to me to help me figure it out, and apparently, there wasn't a formal calendar system in place, only a vague year based on which person was Hokage.

I miss the Gregorian calendar system. Whatever happened to Common Era and Before Common Era?


The first inkling of a timeframe I got was on my first playdate.

"Hi Sakumo, I hope you don't mind looking after Sayuri for a bit. Akihiko and I have been going mad trying to get things organized. Hanae is still away and Ichiro left this morning." Tou-san handed me over to who I could only assume to be Sakumo Hatake, his grey hair held back in a ponytail and a white apron covering his clothes. He wasn't the focus of my attention though, as a gazed down at a child who could only be his son. "Sayuri-chan, this is Sakumo Hatake, he is an old friend of mine." Tou-san introduced.

"It's nice to meet you Sayuri-chan." There was a pause as Sakumo shifted me in his arms, trying to get my attention. "Sayuri-chan? Are you alright?" He sounded concerned.

"Cute…" I mumbled. The boy twitched as he finally dared to look at me.

"What?"

I leapt out of Sakumo's arms and lunged for Kakashi. Squealing as I huggled him to me. I was probably giggling like a mad woman at his futile attempts to move me. The hugging wasn't an unusual reaction for me when presented with cute or pretty things, but Kakashi was just too cute at this age, all squishy-faced and small, even though he was taller than me currently and was forced to bend due for me to hug him properly without hurting either one of us. I could hear Tou-san and Sakumo laugh at us, I didn't care, Kakashi deserved all the hugs in the world. I was just starting an early payment. Kakashi voice was muffled as I squished him into me. I enjoyed hugging someone closer to my physical size for once, it made me feel less small for a change.

"Seems like Sayu-chan is happy to make a new friend. Not sure Kakashi-kun is as receptive." Tou-san laughed as he patted Sakumo on the back. "You know where I'll be if there are any major issues, but I expect Sayu-chan will be on her best behaviour. Right Sayu-chan?"

"Yes, Tou-san," I replied, keeping Kakashi-kun trapped against me.

"Good luck Sakumo," Tou-san said, waving as he left the house.

"Ne, Sayuri-chan? Are you going to let go of Kashi-chan any time soon?" I think Sakumo was concerned about the interesting colours Kakashi was tuning. Turns out red clashed horribly with his hair. "Come on Sayuri-chan, let him go so you could be properly introduced." I giggled at Sakumo's attempt to appeal to the imaginary manners I probably should have been taught by now.

"Okay, Hatake-san." I cheered, releasing Kakashi. He fell to the ground and all but ran away from me the moment my arms relaxed slightly, hiding behind his father with a glare on his face. "Hatake-san, you need to teach Kakashi-kun not to run away from girls. He'll never get a girlfriend like that. Okaa-san said that's why Ichirou-Oji doesn't have a wife, he keeps running away." I said sagely, nodding to myself as I looked up at Sakumo.

"Call me Sakumo, Sayuri-chan." He said between restraining himself from laughing. His shoulders shaking from the exertion. "And you're right. Will you help Kashi-chan?" Sakumo-san was now hiding his face behind his hand.

"Un. I'll find Kakashi-kun the best girlfriend!"

"What if I don't want a girlfriend?" Kakashi pouted from his safe spot behind Sakumo's leg.

"Then I'll find you the best boyfriend!" Sakumo-san finally let loose. His laughter was full and rich, echoing around the room as tears crept out of the corner of his eyes. He hunched over holding his stomach, only moving back up to take a gulp of air between peals of laughter.


Kakashi glared at the small girl that was brought into the sanctuary of his home by a friend of his father. She was probably an average size for her age, but Kakashi didn't have much experience with children his age, let alone younger than him. The fact that within minutes of entering his home the small girl had suffocated him, insulted him and decided that he was some kind of challenge for the future made Kakashi decide that girls were a strange different species and he was better off never having to deal with them personally if he could avoid it.

However, she had also made his father laugh in a way he hadn't heard before and seemed to be perfectly comfortable with the fact that Kakashi didn't want to be too close to her at the current time.

He looked at the girl again. There was nothing special about the girl from what he could tell. She was average height for her age, with brown hair that was tied up in two pigtails and a straight cut fringe across her forehead. Kakashi could say that her eyes might have been considered interesting, they were dark, pitch-black, no discernible colour in a way that was usually associated with the Uchiha clan, but that would have been her only claim to fame. Excluding her personality. Kakashi decided, from this first meeting that if he could go his whole life without meeting anyone else as exuberant as Sayuri Akiyama he could die happy.

Somewhere in Konoha a young Maito Gai sneezed.

Kakashi also decided that he probably wouldn't have a better friend. She may have invaded his personal space within minutes of entering his home, but she backed off when asked and hadn't attempted to get close to him again since. Over the course of their future meetings, he would notice that Sayuri was exceptionally good at reading his mood and responding appropriately.

Yes, Kakashi thought She's not a bad person to have as a friend at all.


Sakumo Hatake was generally a man that was content with his lot in life. While saddened by the loss of his dear wife, Kakashi's mother, he was happy enough with his intelligent but generally stoic son. So, seeing said son have such an emotive reaction to the small girl that was currently in his care brought no small amount of joy to him. Within minutes the little girl had declared herself Kakashi's personal matchmaker and probably caused him to have an aversion to touching; or at least being hugged. Within an hour she had his son wrapped around her little finger, having him following her instructions in a game she was forcing him to play.

"I already told you. It goes in a cycle. Jack, Queen, King, Ace, two, three and so on and so forth. And you're supposed to get rid of your cards, why do you keep slapping the bigger pile? Are you going easy on me because I'm a girl?" Sayuri explained, again, glaring at Kakashi. Sakumo had to hand it to Jirou and Hanae, their daughter could articulate very well for her age. Though she was also definitely her mother's daughter, bossy.

Sakumo laughed to himself as he watched his son get yelled at by the little girl, again. Seeing Sayuri sitting seiza while glaring at Kakashi was absolutely something she must have learned from watching her mother, Sakumo felt a slight shiver go down his spine remembering the times Hanae had glared at him in the past.

"Ne, Sayuri-chan. When are you going to start to look for a partner for Kashi-chan?" Sakumo interrupted, stopping Sayuri from explaining the rules of the game again, enjoying the look of contained horror on his son's face, the dramatic paling and widening eyes.

"Ummm. Hmm. Not until he's older. Children shouldn't worry about things like that."

"Aren't you younger than me Brat?"

"I'm not a brat you Baka!" Poor little Sayuri glared at Kakashi. Her face turned upwards in an expression that was 100% her mother. "Anyway, age has nothing to do with maturity. Tou-san says I'm an old soul. Okaa-san says that I got female maturity from her side of the family, and she says that when I'm older I'm going to be head of the Akiyama Clan, so I'd get to be on the civilian council. I'm also going to be a member of the Merchant Guild, Ichi-Oji said so." The look she gave Kakashi was most definitely the preening, proud look her father owned.

"Then I fear for the future of Konoha." Kakashi intoned dryly. Sakumo sighed, he'd have to teach the boy about the dangers of responding to clearly passionate and proud people. If Sayuri didn't teach him first.

"What did you say Bakashi?" She screeched. Sakumo was now certain that Sayuri was going to be the one to teach Kakashi the danger of passionate people one way or another. Sakumo watched the argument escalate across the room. Sayuri seemed to burn with the energy that only a two-year-old could possess.

The playdate ended when Sayuri finally ran out of energy. It wasn't a gradual process, in fact, she had been mid-sentence when she face planted the table she and Kakashi were seated at. Sakumo snorted when Kakashi jumped out of his skin, calling for Sakumo to make sure that the girl hadn't suddenly died, it was only an hour later when Jirou came to collect his daughter.

"So… How was she Sakumo?" Jirou asked as he scooped up the toddler, resting her head against his shoulder.

"She… She was quite something Jirou. I won't mind having her again if you need someone to look after her. I think she'll be good for Kashi-chan."

"Oh?"

"Yeah. She's decided that she's going to find him a girlfriend or boyfriend in the future. She also seems to be training him in a way not dissimilar to how I train the pups." Training him for something that only Sayuri seemed to know. 'Rewarding' him with hugs for seemingly random acts and swatting at him for others. Though Sakumo was unsure how successful the hug tactic was, as Kakashi seemed uncomfortable with the contact either way.

"If you could. Next week I've got back-to-back meetings and Hanae will be away on a mission, and Ichi-nii isn't meant to be back by then."

"Maa, no worries Jirou, I'm still down as on medical leave for at least another month."

And with that Kakashi became cursed with regular visits from Sayuri Amiyaka.