Arthur Muyo!
By Galaxy1001D
Tenchi Muyo and all related characters are © AIC/Pioneer.
Additional dialog by Hitoshi Okuda. © Hitoshi Okuda © AIC/Pioneer
Chapter One: No need for Arthur
The place was Earth, Okayama, Japan. The sun rose in west on this fine spring morning. It was another ordinary, yet extraordinary day at the Masaki household.
In the kitchen, a cute little girl with blue hair arranged in two three-foot pigtails was making breakfast. The young girl's name was Sasami Masaki Jurai, the second princess of the interstellar royal family of Jurai. Thanks to her housekeeping skills, all of the readers want to marry her. Too bad she's only eight years old. Her pink eyes danced merrily as she prepared the morning meal for her adopted family.
"You who!" called Sasami brightly. "Breakfast is ready!" As if from hiding, the inhabitants of the Masaki house appeared and made their way to the breakfast table, well two of them, anyway. Ayeka and Washu made their way to the table and thanked the blue haired girl for their meal.
Sasami's older sister Ayeka was the first princess of her home planet, Jurai. Even though she was born with blue hair, she had it genetically changed to royal purple to impress a boy. "Hey! What's with this narration? Don't tell everybody!" the elder princess squealed.
The redhead's name was Washu Hakubi. She may look twelve years old, but she's over 20,000! Washu is the greatest genius in the universe capable of great inventions and scientific feats—at least until one of her housemates messes things up.
"Where are the others?" asked Sasami. "They'll miss breakfast."
"Well, Mihoshi got a call in the middle of the night," responded her big sister, "and Ryoko is probably sleeping off all that sake she drank last night," she added wryly, "but I don't know where Tenchi…"
Her voice trailed off as a third member of the household appeared. It was Arthur Storey, Tenchi Masaki's American friend. When Tenchi left Earth to fulfill his destiny as the Emperor of Jurai, Arthur agreed to live at the Masaki household to take care of the family shrine. It was a difficult period of adjustment for the others, but after a few months all of the female extraterrestrials had developed crushes on the manly Yankee hunk.
"Umm," Sasami stammered. "Who is he again?"
"I've got a nasty suspicion," groaned the redheaded Washu.
"Excuse me?" asked the first princess of Jurai. "I have a crush on this man? I don't even know him!"
Large teardrops of sweat appeared on the heads of the women at the dinner table. Their unrequited love for Arthur always upset their composure.
"That isn't why the beads of sweat are there," growled Washu, who rose from the table. Knowing that she had to share Arthur with the rest of the family had made her lose her appetite. "That isn't why I lost my appetite either," the greatest genius in the universe said over her shoulder as she left the kitchen to retreat to her lab.
"Sooo Arguro," stammered Ayeka, who was trying to be polite. "Welcome to Japan."
The handsome American laughed good-naturedly. "Why princess Ayeka, you know that I've been here for months."
"Oh…yes," she flustered. "I mean, how are you enjoying your stay in Japan so far?"
"It is a beautiful country," he replied. "Especially the countryside. I'm glad that I decided to live here."
"Yessss…that's…nice," stuttered Ayeka lamely. She glanced over at her sister who was just staring in shock at the American. Sasami didn't look as if she could help carry the conversation. "Well, eat up…Arturogawa…"
"Arthur," he corrected.
"Yezzzz," she agreed hesitantly. "Arturosaki…"
"Arthur,"
"Riiiight…Artioshi…"
"Arthur,"
"Yesssss…Ar…erm…uh…Lord Storee," stammered the princess who gave up trying to pronounce his impossible American name. Why couldn't he have a normal name like Watanabe or Hitoshi?
"Please, Princess," he smiled. "I'm no lord, I'm just an ordinary guy. There's no need to be so formal. We're all family."
"Oh yes…" she faltered. "Yes…yes we are," she spluttered. "Speaking of family, how are your folks?"
"They're fine," he smiled. "They write me every month."
"Could he be more vague?" thought the first princess of Jurai. It was going to be a long breakfast.
Upstairs, the dozing Ryoko snored obnoxiously. Ryoko is not a normal woman, as her greenish-white hair, fangs and large ears indicate. A space pirate created by Washu, she fled to Earth 700 years ago only to be sealed inside the Masaki family shrine. There, the much feared demon of the spaceways became fixated on a boy named Tenchi, at least until Arthur Storey entered the picture!
Sometime around noon, Ryoko woke up, got dressed, and floated down the stairs to the kitchen. Even though she had her amazing powers of regeneration to negate the effects of alcohol, getting up at noon seemed so early. She could still taste the toothpaste, well if she could taste, that is. As she entered the kitchen she noticed Sasami preparing lunch. "Hey Sasami, what's to eat?" the ex-pirate said dully.
Sasami didn't seem to hear her. As a matter of fact she seemed to be trembling and muttering under her breath. Even though the girl's back was facing her, Ryoko could see that the youngest member of the Masaki family was upset. "Sasami, what's wrong?" she asked. "Is everything okay?"
Sasami turned around and handed Ryoko a plate with sandwiches on it. The look on her face was a mask of despair. "Sure," she muttered. "Everything is just fine," Tears began to well up in her eyes and she ran out of the kitchen crying.
"Ooookay," said Ryoko after a long pause. "I'd hate to see her when everything isn't fine." She glanced down at the plate of sandwiches in her hands. Normally Sasami prepared traditional Japanese or Juraian dishes. This was new. Maybe Ayeka was planning to eat in front of the television?
Her thoughts strayed to the boy of her dreams. Perhaps he'd appreciate lunch. As a matter of fact if she brought the sandwiches to him, they could have lunch together, just the two of them! Ayeka would be too busy comforting Sasami to interfere. This was an opportunity that she couldn't pass up!
The cyan haired woman opened the refrigerator and pulled out two cans of soda and teleported outside of the house. Flying with the sandwiches and sodas in tow, she spied a figure working in the fields. "Aha!" She teleported behind him and gently set the food down on the ground.
She floated over to a position directly behind him, for she didn't want to make a sound. Quick as a wink she covered his eyes with her hands and playfully challenged, "Guess who?"
"Ryoko!" answered Arthur Storey.
"Eeyah!" cried Ryoko jumping away. "Who are you? How do you know my name? Where's Tenchi?" she demanded.
"Tenchi left Earth to become the Emperor of Jurai…" began the boy.
"What?" interrupted the ex-pirate. "When did this happen?"
"It happened months ago," sighed Art. "You remember don't you?"
"No I don't!" insisted Ryoko crossing her arms. "Months ago? We all went out for sushi with him yesterday!" Although the pirate pretended not to remember the handsome yank, she was getting sexually aroused. "No I'm not! Who's narrating this anyway?" Jutting her chest out as far as she could Ryoko looked around the carrot field as if she expected an immanent attack. "Hey! Why am I sticking my chest out? What's going on? Who put you up to this?"
"Are you all right, Ryoko?" asked the manly paragon of masculinity. "You're acting strange, even for you…"
"Knock it off!" roared Ryoko shaking her fist. "Or the only sandwich that you're going to get will be a knuckle sandwich!"
"Hey! Ease off!" said Arthur in the calmest voice he could muster. "What's wrong?"
"Where's Tenchi?"
"On Jurai."
"Where's Tenchi?!"
"On Jurai!"
"WHERE'S TENCHI?!"
"On Jurai! He left months ago!"
Arthur ducked and weaved to avoid the woman's blows. He bravely screamed as she shot energy blasts out of her hands at him and he courageously ran away.
Ryoko returned to the house in a foul mood. Arthur had fled from her attempts to seduce him. "I wasn't trying to seduce him! I was trying to kill him! And then I'm going after whoever is narrating this!" she cried out indignantly. "Washu!" she called as she stormed over to the door the mad scientist's laboratory. "We got a crisis!" As she reached for the doorknob a steel portcullis slammed down and blocked the door. "Hey!" Ryoko jumped back in surprise as metal clamshell doors came out of the wall and enclosed Washu's door with a loud heavy booming sound. "What the?" Ryoko sputtered as a force field shimmered into view before the metal barrier, sealing the door off further. "Hey! Open up!" exclaimed the cyan haired woman as she pounded her fist on the energy barrier.
A hologram of Washu appeared beside her, glowing so brightly that her hair was hot pink. "I'm not in at the moment," it said nervously. "I'm at a scientific conference in…um…the Andromeda Galaxy. Yeah, the Andromeda Galaxy, that's it. Please leave a message and I'll contact you as soon as I can."
"Washu!" growled Ryoko. "What's going on? Open this door this minute! You haven't gone to any dumb conference!"
"Yes I have," the hologram insisted.
"No you haven't!" said Ryoko indignantly.
"There's no point arguing," scolded the Washu hologram. "This message is prerecorded. I can't actually hear you."
"If you can't hear me how can you respond to my comments?" challenged the space pirate.
"Oops!" the hologram appeared momentarily flustered. "Uhh, this hologram is controlled by an artificial intelligence. Yeah, that's it. Pretty easy to program for the greatest genius in the universe," the Washu-gram said smugly.
"Yeah, right!" snorted Ryoko. "What are you hiding from?"
"I'm not hiding," insisted the irritated hologram. "I'm at a scientific conference."
"You better hope they're discussing new techniques on lying 'cause this is getting pretty pathetic," sneered Ryoko. "Where is Tenchi, anyway? There's some guy out in the field that says he left to become Emperor or something. Where is he really?"
"You got me," shrugged the hologram dryly. "Rumor has it he's on Jurai."
"That's impossible!" the pirate grumbled. "There's no way he could get there, unless you zapped him there!"
"Don't look at me," the image of Washu shook her head and crossed her arms. "I had nothing to do with this!"
"Oh come on!" Ryoko shook her head. "If we aren't being attacked by villains, your inventions are always the root of anything weird that happens around here!" She stopped and then grinned and rubbed her hands together gleefully. "Unless that guy out in the fields is bad guy trying to trick us! All we gotta do is beat the truth out of him! Heh-heh-heh!"
"Nice try," countered the short hologram. "but nothing is going to work until Act Three, or Act Two at the earliest. I don't see a quick fix."
"What? How long to we gotta entertain this jerk?"
"Don't worry," the three-dimensional image shrugged. "Stories this dumb are usually fairly short."
"We could go out the movies and let Ayeka deal with it until Act Two," offered Ryoko. "Hey! Wait a minute! That's why you locked yourself in your lab isn't it? You're trying to get out of this story!"
"I figure I can stall until this tale reaches its inevitable conclusion," the hologram grinned. "Until then, it's up to major characters like you and Ayeka to deal with him."
"Hey! Come out of there! Washu!" But Ryoko was simply shouting at empty space. The hologram had vanished.
Ryoko decided to look for Ayeka, her chief rival for Arthur's affections. If Ayeka was alone with Arthur… "Knock it off! Quit misinterpreting my actions! I don't know who this Tenchi-substitute is!" She could never let the princess take the advantage in the struggle for Arthur's heart. "Quit it! Quit it! Quit it!" Ryoko shouted as she dashed around the house.
Ayeka's aristocratic voice stopped the former pirate in her tracks. "Ahh, Ryoko, have you met our new guest?" Both princesses were exiting their room. Sasami was hugging Ryo-oh-ki the cabbit for support and following her sister around as the first princess was carrying a laundry basket full of dirty clothes.
Ryo-oh-ki was also created by Washu. Her real form is an interstellar spacecraft, though she usually opts for more feline/rabbit-like shape. Eventually she also became capable of humanoid metamorphosis into both a furry five-year-old child or a fluffy twenty-year-old babe! She loves carrots! She loves Arthur too. "Meow!" Ryo-oh-ki shook her head vigorously in denial.
"Yeah, he says that Tenchi left Earth to become Emperor of Jurai," Ryoko responded. "When did this happen?"
"Apparently months ago."
"Didn't Tenchi take us out for sushi yesterday?" asked the pirate.
"Yes," said Sasami with a small voice.
"It was very nice of him," Ayeka nodded.
"So what's this garbage about him leaving the planet 'months ago'?"
"I don't know," sighed Ayeka as she entered Ryoko's room to gather up the dirty clothes on the floor. "It sounds like some kind of time-space-reality error. I'm waiting for Washu to come out of her lab and explain what's going on."
"Fat chance of that," snorted Ryoko. "The greatest genius in the universe has locked herself in her lab and won't come out until the Tenchi-imposter is gone."
"She'll have to come out sooner or later," smiled Ayeka. "Mihoshi will be coming home any minute and will need someone to help her repair her ship."
"That's right!" Ryoko snapped her fingers. "That spacey scatterbrain always crashes her spaceship! She'll need Washu's help to repair it! And all the high-tech security in the universe won't keep Mihoshi out of the lab! We're saved!"
"Yay!" cheered Sasami.
At that moment, a familiar roaring sound could be heard. It sounded like a Second World War stuka dive-bomber the size of a three-story building making a kamikaze run. The three girls looked up at the ceiling and smiled simultaneously. "Mihoshi!" they exclaimed as one and ran to the windows to see where the Galaxy Police Officer was going to make her crash landing now.
They ran out onto the balcony on the roof where they could get a good view of Mihoshi Kuramitsu's latest emergency landing. "C'mon Mihoshi!" Ryoko shook her fists in anticipation. "Crash! Crash!" Normally the pirate lost her tempter with the ditzy disaster area when she crashed her spaceship, but today was an exception. "Wreck your ship real good so Washu will have to come out and fix it!"
"Damage the celestial guidance system!" chanted Ayeka. "That's real technical and hard to repair!"
"Don't hurt yourself Mihoshi," Sasami uttered softly. "Just break your ship okay?"
"Meow," said Ryo-oh-ki nervously.
Suddenly Mihoshi's Galactic Patrol Cruiser roared into view. The lake seemed to explode under the force of the impact, causing water to fly into the air in all directions with the force of a fire hose. The women on the roof were knocked off their feet and fell onto their backs, but they didn't tumble off the house.
As the dripping princesses picked themselves up, Ryoko shook herself like a dog. They rose their feet to see Mihoshi's spaceship sticking tail up in the water as small tidal waves assaulted the shore. The huge engines created a loud throbbing sound that reverberated through the forest until the goofy Galaxy Police officer cut the power.
A hatch on the ship opened just above the waterline and a bronze skinned blonde woman in a flight-attendant style Galaxy Police uniform appeared crying like an infant. Through her tears she was able to bawl out "Oh my gosh! I am sooo saw…reeee!"
Mihoshi Kuramitsu was a high-ranking detective in the Galaxy Police. Assigned to protect all of known space, she's known as "the master of accidents"—both for her clumsiness and because trouble always seems to find her!
Ryoko teleported to the space cop's side. "Mihoshi!" she smiled like the cat who ate the canary. "Welcome home. Let me give you a hand." She extended her hand to the blubbering blonde.
"Ryoko!" Mihoshi started. "Y-you aren't going to yell at me, are you?"
"What? Why no…" the ex-pirate said seductively. "Why would I do that?" She reached out and took Mihoshi's hand and flew into the air with her. "Let's get you back into the house. You were away for so long, we were worried about you."
"W-why, why thank you Ryoko," gasped a relieved Mihoshi. "I-I'll do better next time, I promise!"
Inside her laboratory Washu irritably shut off the alarm that informed her that Mihoshi had returned. "Here it comes…" she sighed as she went back to her research. Her suspicions were correct. They had to be. Now what could they do about it?
Next: Useless Arthur