A few years ago, I didn't know what love meant. I thought it was just kisses and hugs and telling that you love each other. This year, I found out what people meant when they said, "love hurts." I was such a troublesome and naive little girl. I found everything simple and uncomplicated. One incident changed my life… I met the guy that I fell in love with. In truth, I thought he was just a little crush like all the other guys. But him, he made a deep impression in me.
I always thought that all my crushes were deep and at one point I thought I was "in love". In truth, it was just a normal crush that I got over. But, the guy I met, he meant more to me than the world. It's quite ironic though; I met him through friends and decided to be friends with him. He seemed really nice, we became pretty close, and soon… I realized I had fallen for him. I pushed the thought away, but then, every time he was near me I felt my heart racing. It was something I never experienced.
His name, I will not reveal. I always thought of him as just a friend, even though I had these feelings. I denied it, in time, my friends discovered it. I thought it was a bit obvious too. When they discovered it, I admitted it to myself that I liked him. Soon, the crush didn't go away. The feelings just added up. I realized his faults, but I didn't find it too bad.
He gained my trust, and I opened up to him. I poured out most of my heart and soul to him. I went to him for comfort when I was down. I then realized, I didn't just "like" him anymore, I liked him a lot. I tried to pull myself out before it was too late. But in truth, it was too late. It was too late to deny it, too late to hide it. When I told myself to give up, that there was someone better than him out there, I couldn't go through with it. It brought me pain.
It brought me sorrow to think he would be away from me. As time went on… the closeness left as fast as it came. All of us, our friends including ourselves changed. For better or worse I do not know. But after that, we lost all of the closeness. I was doomed in my own sorrow. I cried when I thought about him. I knew his heart belonged to another. Yet, even now I still cannot give up the hope that I had. Forever, he will always be in my heart. Forever, I will think of him. Forever, I will love him.
Forever and always… Syaoran Li
