Loved and Lost

(In the world of "Parting Shot," "Muscle Memory," and "Second Wind")

Author's Note:: Recently I re-watched Age of Ultron, and at the end it kind of hit me how Natasha and Bruce's relationship dynamic had certain parallels to Clint and Molly's. I know I promised lots of one shots and chapters, and they are in the works, but I thought I'd give this little (and I do mean little) gift. Also, this is definitely angsty (but maybe a liiittle bit sweet?), so be forewarned.

Immediately following "Age of Ultron"

He found her standing on the bridge in front of a dark screen. Her shoulders were drawn down and her head bowed. Around her, agents scrambled to gather placements for the Sokovian citizens currently down in the hanger where the life boats had unloaded them.

It was unsettling to see her so still—so separate from the rest of the SHIELD unit. She didn't even move as he came up beside her, and taking her cue, he remained silent.

"They let you out."

"They're overrun, and I only needed a couple of stitches," he shrugged, not finishing the story. He had unhooked himself from the monitoring system after they had bandaged him up and demanded they release him and focus more on Pietro who had gotten hit worse. An influx of critical patients had come in, and he saw it as his opportunity to slip out. He had been worried about Wanda originally, but on his way to find the Sokovian girl, he'd overheard two agents talking about the Hulk. So, he was here. Standing in this too familiar spot on the Bridge in this too familiar silence.

"He's not coming back," Natasha stated hollowly.

"I heard." Clint put a hand on her back, gently rubbing it as the pair stared out the Helicarrier's windows.

"He put the Quinjet in stealth mode and flew off." Clint didn't respond. There was nothing to say. "I told him that being an Avenger was just a dream I had for a short while…" she paused, looking down at the floor. "I guess he was the dream." Clint remained quiet, but moved his hand from her back, wrapping it around her shoulders as he pulled her close to him. Natasha leaned her head against his shoulder a long breath leaving her as he began to rub up and down her shoulder. Silence crept between them, filling the gaps and spaces between the two agents. They let it take over. They let it have its moment. They stood with it because silence was an old friend.

"I know we didn't know each other that well….not like you and me," Natasha sighed, gently shaking her head against his shoulder. "I guess that's what made him such a nice dream."

Clint understood. Completely. Falling in love with a person you barely knew and who barely knew you—it was the ideal romance in their line of work. It was a reprieve from their history and from everything people knew them as. It was part of the reason he missed her so much, selfish as it was. He missed the way she made him feel like less and more at the same time. He missed the person he was when he was with her. He missed all of the things that could have been, but wouldn't be. He missed everything about her so much that it hurt. Still. And it hurt to stand here and watch Natasha go through the same feelings knowing that he was just as useless now as she was three years ago.

Natasha looked up at him. "Is this how you felt when you lost Molly?" She had always been able to read him. Even in her current state, he was still an open book to her.

He looked back down at her. "Are you angry at the world?"

"Yes," she breathed, leaning back against his shoulder. There was almost a sad sort of laugh in the sound, but it was so brief and so low, he couldn't be sure it was there at all.

"Do you feel like you can explode at any minute?"

She nodded.

"Do you want to quit and run away from everything even though it solves nothing?"

She nodded again.

It was his turn to sigh now. "Yeah, that's it." He hugged her tighter to him, feeling helpless and a little guilty. Because the tiniest part of him wished it was Molly he had his arm around

"Agent Romanoff?" Natasha straightened and her face went completely blank as she turned to face the agent. She raised a cold eyebrow in question.

"Director Fury wants to see you."

She gave a clipped nod before following the agent further into the ship, leaving Clint alone with his thoughts, reliving the feeling of watching Molly being carried off of the ship and out of his life.