Disclaimer: I don't own Jack or Doctor Who, that would be the BBC. If I did, there would be a lot more episodes about Jack's misadventures as a Time Agent.


He smelled like blood- worst still, he tasted like blood.

Of course, that would be the consequence of taking a very literal blood bath. Not the 'grrr argh, kill, rampage, this is Sparta' kind. The type where there is a Jacuzzi full of blood and he was expected to completely bathe in it. Of course he had a very good reason. The reason being that he was stranded on the planet of bisexual bikini-clad vampire nymphomaniacs.

Which made this one of his many lucky days.

And when the head bisexual bikini-clad vampire nymphomaniac tells you to take a literal blood bath, you don't say no.

Especially when you're Captain Jack Harkness.

Especially when you're Captain Jack Harkness and you're stranded without clothes.

Especially when you're Captain Jack Harkness, you're stranded without clothes, and you're aware of the fact that you're the first man the bisexual bikini-clad vampire nymphomaniacs had seen in well over a century and they were preparing to ravage you in an orgy.

Jack grinned. Life was good.

Now all he needed was a stiff drink and a post orgy escape route, just in case the girls wanted a little more than a taste.