Nat: Oh, dear lord what will become of us? Go read it!!


Orochimaru's diary


-ahem- Dear diary,

Hello.

I am the legendary sssssnake sssssannin, Orochimaru. (Background theme: Dun dun dun!) Tsstsstss.

I am very depressed; everyone around me sucks!

Look at Sasuke. He's so emo and… Emo- He never even looked my way, nor treated me differently.

The last thing I expect that thankless brat Sasuke to say to me is 'Yo wazzup Orochimaru ma nigga!?'

I mean I'm giving him power, a place to stay in… I'm even calling him Sasuke-KUN! And what?!

Nothing, not even a 'Hn' of pleasure.

Kabuto, that damned dude… Always treating me like a 6 year old.

'Oh, Orochi darling! I'm going to the super market to buy some stuff for this dump! You know like ketchup, mustard and that entire stuff people eat these days! Don't lick your tongue too much or you'll spoil your dinner, bye!'

That was what he said to me right before leaving me. I mean, god! And he's not even back! Could you believe it?

Stupid gay son of a bitch! Oh, wait… He's the bitch because he's the mom.

Get it? Ha ha…?! Never mind-

And here I am, in my beautiful purple room; my elbow on the bed and my soft cheek in my fair palm with my fingers playing with my hair that's prettier than repunzel's!

No one ever plays with me; Sasuke is either staring at himself at the mirror saying something like 'Oh, my god! Look at ma sexeh bodeh, 'tis so sexeh!' or toddling left and right in the corner saying 'I'm prettier than Itachi. I'm prettier than Itachi.' Over and over again- ooooooooooooooor, saying something like 'Stay emo. Stay emo.' Boring!

Kabuto is stupid. I hate him…

Why can't anyone treat me nicely?

Like instead of screaming and running from terror (a.k.a ME,) why can't they say something like 'Hi Orochimaru what are you up to?' or 'Sup Oro-man?'

Hrmph!

Isn't this the saddest thing you've ever seen, or in this case heard?

I mean it's sadder than a Jiraiya doing the teary-eyed puppy-dog pout to Tsunade begging her to see her beautiful boobs!

I think I'm going to cry…

Interesting- who would've thought silence was this entertaining…?

I should break it…

(A/N: Think the phantom of the opera)

Those who have seen my face, draw back in jealousy… I am the one they envy, the one they…… Something that rhymes with jealousy…?

My spirit and my voice are already combined! The legendary snake sannin is everywhere- inside your freaki'n mindssssssss!

-sigh- Right now, I'm looking at myself in the mirror…

Oh my god! I'm gorgeous!

-gasp-

My fair hair is so soft and long… I should brade it.

Owari……?


Nat: ... Yeah, again, nyuu, what will become of us? Now get out!