Most of the year they kept apart, to themselves, and out of each others' plans for world domination. They had a chemistry similar to that of TNT and dynamite; keeping them together in the same place for too long never ended well. But when they did meet, it was with a fiery passion rivaled only by the most intense of explosions.
"Ursula," Maleficent sneered delicately, looking down her slender nose at the sea-witch, "you're looking fat since I last saw you." Honestly, she was appalled. Had Ursula always looked that way? Maleficent must have been drunker than she had thought….
"You'd better think twice before taking that tone with me," Ursula rasped, jabbing a fat finger much too far into Maleficent's personal space. "It's your fault I look this way! My girlish figure, destroyed because of you!" She struck a damsel-in-distress pose, but on her it screamed "over-the-hill harlot."
"Stop that," Maleficent immediately ordered. "You look like an old whore."
"And that's what I feel like, too," Ursula screeched, having not entirely paid attention to Maleficent's insult. "Knocked up by a witch who doesn't even bother to call, she's too busy plotting evil schemes or what have you."
Maleficent narrowed her eyes, just barely containing the small gasp of surprise the situation warranted. "What are you saying, Ursula? Are you pregnant?"
"No!" Urusla grumbled, affronted. She crossed her arms and a few sets of tentacles, as well, and glared.
Maleficent was growing tired of this game. "This game wearies me," she sighed, "If I didn't get you pregnant, then what, pray tell, has got you so nettled?"
"Oh, you did! I already had the little brat! Let me show you him." With that, she turned and left.
Maleficent remembered to breathe. Then she remembered to follow.
"It's a vile little thing," she said to the baby's face.
"Looks like it's got your ugly eye shadow built in," Ursula offered.
Maleficent snorted. "Likely to have your tentacles."
"It'll probably have your pasty looks."
"It will definitely have your beastly voice."
Ursula smiled. "What a horrible little love child."
Maleficent grimaced. "We should probably get rid of it."
No one in Konoha noticed the green sink hole open up in the sky, and the tiny bundle that drifted out from it. Some time later, Sarutobi found it on accident while strolling home from the academy.
