Out of no where I've caught this LokixJane bug and it's driving me mad because reasons. I've not been able to sleep due to this story taking over my thought process and it's not a good thing at the moment because I have an academic project I need to finish really, really badly. All I know it I have Lokane hot in my blood and fuck, it's driving me insane.
Beware: I've never written dark, possessive silver-tongued characters. Of all horrible things, Loki may come across as sane or even nice. Yeah. That would be weird and a bit out of character for him. I will, try to stay true to his Loki-ness but it may come out that I don't do dark, or possessive, or everything else Lokane fans love about Loki/the imagined relationship he and Jane should-would-could have.
Hawkz
What Might Have Been: Chapter I
Frigga did not often travel. In fact, her traveling was an anomaly and travel to Midgard made her actions nigh suspicious. Odin and her sons thought they knew her so well but there are always secrets people keep even from loved ones. No one's heart is ever truly laid bare and Frigga did not think it a bad thing. People need places and thoughts known only to themselves, a little piece sheltered from any outside influence. Those small pieces act like rocks to which one anchors himself in times of uncertainty. Frigga was not uncertain but she did need some measure of peace.
A few fingers rubbed her brow in a pensive way, her small frown betraying the nature of her thoughts.
Odin. Thor.
Loki.
She worried for her family, her youngest son in particular. He was, difficult to deal with many a times and his silver tongue did not always make him allies. That his aptitude was in the magical arts, her arts, made him fodder for jokes and ridicule. People may not laugh at her, the Queen, for these skills—then again who would dare laugh in the face of the Queen?—but Loki was prince in a realm that prided the martial arts for its men. Even his intellect did not win him many favors much to his mother's sadness.
She was not blind. Frigga saw the rift forming within her boys, even a small resentment building between Loki and his father Odin. Loki did have Fenrir, a small wolf her created and showed her with such joy and pride. The wolf offered him some solace—animals had a way of reaching hearts that Aesir and other realm inhabitants lacked—but her son needed something more. He wanted something more.
Midgard had changed. Thor often came here, exploring, seeing, talking with the inhabitants of a realm he grew to cherish. He told of the changes he'd seen in years and Frigga disguised herself so as not to arouse skepticism in the populace. She was somewhere in an area called the United States—very odd name—and where it was summer. The air was filled with a dry heat but a breeze made it pleasant. The inhabitants here walked up and down these pathways in front of her. Like Asgard, they had places to sit and drink and meet acquaintances. She herself was sipping a curious beverage called sweet tea. Frigga understood how Thor could fall in love with such a realm. Loki did not seem to cherish things like his brother. Her smile faded into something more melancholic.
"Why are you sad?" Frigga turned to her inquirer. It was a little girl. She gave her a false smile, the kind you offer to strangers.
"I am not sad, little one."
A childish pout worked her lips. "Liar." Frigga had to laugh. That was usually a title they reserved for her son. The girl smiled back.
"Do not let a stranger's woes afflict you, child."
Clearly the word afflict was more complex than the child's thoughts could decipher so she ignored it. She moved her book—the cover support large letters spelling SCIENCE—to the other hand and fished in her pocket.
"Here you go."
It was a rock. A rock. Diplomatically, Frigga offered her thanks. Picking it up, half fell away, held by an artisan's small hinge to reveal the insides streaked with color and beauty. Frigga stared.
"I gotcha! You just thought it was rock too, didn't you? Everyone thinks it's just an ordinary rock, but," the child's voice dropped into a conspiratorial whisper, "if people just looked inside, they'd see how pretty something is." More like stunning. The colors swirled in a mixture of green, black, and gold; a bolt of divination struck her.
"Child, what's your name?"
"I'm Jane. Nice to meet you." Yes, Friga thought as she shook the smaller hand, It is very nice to meet you too.
Odin was furious with his wife.
"A child? You took a child from Midgard! You know better than that Frigga." The chambers shook with his rage and Frigga was glad one of the servants had taken Jane to get her something to eat and then bed given the late hour. They had been arguing ever since. She met her husband's fury with some of her own.
"Do not take that tone with me. Of course I know. She has no one. Her parents died when she was but a babe and in—" what did they call it on Midgard? "—in the care of another, not family, not even friends of the family. She had nowhere else to go. And I did not take her without Midgardian permission." How she got that permission, well, Loki took after her more than he knew. Odin was not satisfied with that answer and paced before, his face still curdled in anger. "How quick you forget, dear, the day you took Loki into our house."
He dismissed her with a wave. "That was different. She is mortal. She will live not even a century, and she is weak besides. She could easily meet her end before that. What you have done is nothing that could benefit the child."
"Maybe I did it for myself. Have you ever thought of that?" Odin's anger fled from his face as he calculated his wife's words. He did not know what to make of them. He did not get the chance.
Of all the doors she tried, Jane finally found the woman she was looking for. Ignoring the man in the room, not to mention the tension between the two, Jane dashed for the skirts.
"There's a monster under my bed!"
Frigga hushed her, sweeping her up in a comforting hug. She offered soothing words and back rubs. Odin leaned back into a chair with a frown eating up his face. His wife sent him a look, daring him to speak out, and he grunted looking aside.
Women.
Frigga hid her smile by hugging Jane again. Victory. She left their rooms to carry her newly adopted daughter back to her rooms.
"Hush little one. There are no monsters here."
Jane's small brown curls shook negatively. "Yes there are! I saw it! It had huge teeth and green eyes! It was under my bed and it, it barked at me!"
"You mean Fenrir?"
"It tried to eat me!"
Frigga sighed. They had a stop to make before Jane's room then. Down a different hallway lined by sconces glowing a muted yellow was a colossal wooden door covered in runes. Frigga knocked. A boyish voice answered. The room was lighted and Loki sat in his plush bed reading.
"First, you should have been asleep hours ago and two, Fenrir is terrorizing your new sibling." Frigga liked that she could still bring emotions to her sons face—it was getting more difficult, especially for outsiders—and he currently supported a look of raised eyebrows.
"New sibling?" The words were an unwelcomed intrusion on his tongue and Loki did not like how they tasted. He had Thor. Irritating, brash, bold, aggressive, occasionally lovable Thor—he definitely did not want another sibling. Frigga smiled and offered him a view of the small female she carried.
"Say hello to Jane. She's yours from now on." Yours. Mine? Loki considered the words for a bit, not sure if he heard correctly.
"Mine?"
"That's right." He walked, his footsteps slow, over to where his mother held the child. It had glassy eyes as if fighting tears. Brown eyes. They looked at his green ones and held his gaze. Loki assessed the creature before him and then drew back, hissing and disgusted at what his mother held.
"A mortal," he cursed. The child flinched and drew further in on herself. The scowl on Loki's lips threatened to form into a snarl.
"Loki," his mother warned.
"She's not one of us, mother. Not of our kind. Why should we accept her?" Loki had never seen his mother get so angry so fast. He flinched and cowered from her scorn.
"Never say such things, Loki! She is family. She will be loved and given due respect as your own. I expect you and Thor to love and care for her as you do one another. Now come and apologize to your little sister."
Loki looked like he just swallowed an exceedingly slimy insect but came over as his mother bid. Nervous brown eyes looked down from his mother's shoulder.
"Are you here to get rid of the monster under my bed?"
Loki cocked an eyebrow. Following his mother and sister—he still scowled at the thought—told him why the child asked. He whistled and Fenrir crawled out from underneath her bed and shook himself free of dust. His tongue greeted Loki's hand and the wolf smiled when the boy scratched his ears.
Jane's face melted into one of exuberance. "It's a puppy!" Frigga set her down on the bed so she and her son could talk. He was a man, if just in Asgardian standards. As such, Frigga felt free to scold him as the child he was—and would always be in her eyes as any mother could attest.
"I mean this Loki. She is now family. I expect you to love and care for her as your own."
"You cannot be serious Mother. What did Father say? Surely he did not accept a mortal into his realm, let alone his house."
"I have seen to Odin," was all she said on the matter. Loki knew better than to argue when she wielded that tone. "But, Mother, a mortal?"
"Spend time with her Loki. You'll be pleasantly surprised." A giggle distracted both of them. Fenrir, who snapped and growled at all but Loki, was getting his tummy rubbed by Jane. By the look of his dangling tongue, he was thoroughly enjoying it. For a second time that night, Loki felt something akin to shock.
A possessive curl made the young Asgardian lean over his new sibling, his lean frame looking big and tall, intimidating, in comparison to Jane's small build. "That's mine."
She did not stop rubbing Fenrir's belly. "Where'd you find him?"
"I made him." Sort of. Jane stopped and looked up at him with wide eyes and a slack mouth.
"That's incredible." Her compliment startled him and Loki lost his aggressive demeanor momentarily. "What else can you do?" Loki looked down at the young mortal before waving his hand and one of his magic tricks popped into life. Neither child saw their adoptive mother leave, a smile working her face.
Jane clapped as energetically for the fifth trick as she did for the first. She currently was twisting his hand one way or another trying to figure out how he did it. She bent fingers, tapped his knuckles, even held it against her ear straining to listen. Loki wore an amused smile when she did the latter and then jumped when a tickle of magic touched her.
"You're so cool!"
"Cool?"
"Y'know. Amazing. I bet you're the coolest person here." Loki's smile gained a bitter gleam and he suddenly did not find this child as amusing as he once did. He did not tell her about Thor, she would discover him soon enough come breakfast. Jane didn't see his smile turn false and bitter, the awe-filled gleam remaining in her eyes. She hugged the small wolf to her chest and scooted a little closer to Loki yet still on the bed.
"My name's Jane. What's yours?"
He answered her although his tone was disinterested. He was going to go bed.
"Loki?"
"What?"
"Loki." Jane smiled toothily. "I like it. Loki. It's a nice name."
The man stood before her stiffly, his eyes narrowing by a mere degree and then softening. His name and his magical arts—both bestowed upon him by his mother—were two of the few things he truly treasured and kept close to his heart. Not that anyone knew that. The child, Jane, kept calling his name, not for attention, but apparently she liked the way it rolled off his tongue.
All at once she yawned and Fenrir mimed her with his own tongue rolling out. Brown eyes blinked and each time they stayed shut just a little longer. Unbidden, one of Loki's hands eased her to lay down and pulled the covers up. She would be tired, the move, the new surroundings. Often child adapt better than adults think they would and a part of him wondered why she hadn't bawled and cried like children so regularly do. Loki supposed he should be grateful; he disliked tears and liked children even less. Had Frigga not asked him, Loki would not spare this mortal another glance if even a first one.
Her breathing was deep and steady.
Loki frowned. "Fenrir, you're not staying here." The wolf pup grumbled and snuggled deeper. Loki left carrying a sulking canine by the scruff of his neck. He did not realize how often this scene would repeat itself.
Breakfast saw Frigga entering the hall holding Jane's small hand in her own. All of a sudden Jane was very shy and hiding behind her adoptive mother's skirts. Odin and Thor stopped talking at one another to peer at the newcomer, Thor for the first time.
"Mother? Is this a new servant you are training?"
"Thor, that's no way to talk to your new sister."
Loki smiled when his elder brother choked on his cider. If this occurred more often, the mortal may prove useful for something. Thor walked around the table squinting his eyes at the tiny mortal. His mother beat him to the punch. "Yes, she's a mortal; yes, she's from Midgard; no, we're not retuning her, Odin." Her husband grumbled something into his cups. "I expect all of you," she pinned Loki with a stare and if not for his poker face he would have started, "to initiate her into Asgardian customs and take care when playing with her. She's young. She has much to learn."
Jane was still hiding behind Frigga's skirts yet she took a cautious peek at Thor. Even when kneeling he towered over her. Her jaw went slack and Loki found her reactions amused him. At last her tongue worked.
"You're huuuuuuge!" Thor boomed out a laugh and Jane staggered at the force of it. Everything about him was large and loud.
He held out a hand. "Hungry?" She reached out to take it but focusing on the figure past her had Jane grinning.
"Loki!" She ditched the hand and ran straight to the gold and black clad figure. To everyone's surprise, especially his own, Jane hugged him. For a second, Loki's surprise was as evident as the rest of them until he schooled his features. He looked up at his mother, Jane still attached to his waist.
"Is it a Midgardian thing to be so touchy?" He did like the part of her ditching Thor for him.
"Where's Fenrir? Do you have him?"
Thor snorted. "That bitter-toothed canine? Tormenting some poor soul no doubt." Fenrir did not like Thor. At all. The feeling became mutual over time.
"Boys, not at the table. Now, Jane," said child was sitting next to Loki, having crawled into one of the empty chairs. Her chin just reached the table. "This is Thor, your eldest brother. Loki, you met last night is the second eldest, you now being the youngest. You may not remember him but this is Odin, your father." Jane met his gaze and swallowed audibly. The All-Father certainly had an imperial presence. Frigga pinched her husband and he lessened some of the tension in his face.
"Welcome, Jane of Midgard, to Asgard and my house, now your home. We will be sure to take care of you." Jane leaned back far as the chair would allow. And she thought Thor had a loud presence.
Frigga smiled. "I'm glad that's settled. Now, once you three are finished with breakfast, you can take Jane on a tour around Asgard." There were protests at once. Thor had plans to spar with the Warriors Three and Sif and then the tavern afterwards; Loki wanted to make himself scarce in the library. Frigga smiled and the room's temperature dropped ten degrees. Loki and Thor shut up and mumbled acquiescences. Jane picked at her food more than ate it—it was food that they served, sort of, but certainly not breakfast food. Where were the pancakes? Nevertheless, she drank enough cider to give herself the hiccups.
Loki's forefinger tapped to a fast rhythm, a sign of his growing irritation until his magic quickly melded his face into a gruesome creature and he scared the living daylights out of Jane. She gave a cry and fell out of her chair, cured of the hiccups and a beating heart.
"That was mean, Loki!"
His smile was rascally. "You're welcome."
They started with the town. What could have been tolerable, a new younger sibling was like getting a servant or minion, quickly turned into a chore. Thor was good-humored about it but Loki found the fact remained: He didn't quite care for children.
For the most part, Jane had to tilt her head back to see anything. Everything was tall and buildings her had a tendency to spike out of the ground. Mountains surrounded Asgard but the air felt comfortably warm, not too dry, and something in the air tickled her senses. At some point in time Thor put her on his shoulders and was knocking off all the names of places she pointed to.
"And that one? The one with the red anvil sign?"
"A smithy's shop. Armor is forged there."
"Is that were you got your hammer?"
Loki smiled. Thor coughed. "Ah, no. That was, er, at another place and time."
"How'd you get it?"
"Yes, brother, how did you get it?"
"Look here," Thor exclaimed. "A sweet shop. You must be hungry."
Behind him, Loki smirked. Oh, he had some memories to tell their new sibling especially with his brother in earshot.
Sweet shops—it was something honey-based and very sticky and very, very messy—tailor shops, the views from rooftops, meeting merchants, seeing and smelling or better yet tasting food from vendors, bookstores (that was one of Jane's favorites), the artisan street, bakers' street, the town center where performers came and showcased their skills, musical shops, places of holy sanctuary and places of scholastic study left Jane with the continued eloquence of "Wow". The best they served for last if only because she refused to go anywhere else the rest of the day.
An orrery.
It was magnificent. Midgardian skies at night were dark blue if not black; Asgardian skies looked kissed by a blood orange and then faded into a bruised purple yet you could still see the stars. Jane took out one of the books, expecting information of the skies she saw above but she couldn't read it. She couldn't read any of them. Picking up as many as possible, which meant three total and they weighed perhaps equal to her, Jane dumped them onto Loki's lap.
He was not happy about that.
"Can you read this? What does it say? Can you read it to me?" Her questions tumbled out fast, not waiting for a reply before beginning another.
Loki sipped his mead. "I'm illiterate. Ask Thor." God of Lies indeed. Jane turned her head to the other Asgardian. He was asleep, four empty cups cluttered on the table. She looked longingly at the text.
"Can you get me paper?" Loki flicked his wrist. "And something to write?" Another flick.
She went to work.
Few people visited the orrery so it was quiet. An old clerk coughed and wheezed his way by every now and then to shelve or catalogue one thing or another but the princes of Asgard and their charge were left alone.
The mortal did nothing but write, run out of paper, ask Loki for more and then go back to work. Tears of frustration stung her eyes sometimes and Loki found himself softly telling her what one rune meant. She smiled up at him with such joy when he did that. Asgard's first sun had set and the second hugged the horizon, bleeding along its edges like a broken yolk. Loki yawned and stretched. It was time to go home. He shook Thor awake. Time to go back to the castle. He turned to find Jane.
Gone.
"Jane?" He hadn't used her name yet and his tongue found it awkward. No response. He called it again. Nothing. He scowled at Thor, roughly cuffing him awake. "The child's gone."
"What?" Thor rubbed the sleep from his eyes.
"Gone! She was just here, scribbling away." Thor looked down at the floor. Indeed, there were papers scattered everywhere and books too, but no Midgardian mortal.
"Mother's going to skin us alive." They shared a look and quickly began checking under tables and in between shelves. How could they lose a Midgardian child? Not like they were particularly smart or fleet of foot.
They did find her, each heaving a sigh of relief—Mother wasn't going to skin them alive after all—and it was Loki who had to pick her up and teased the book out of her hold. Thor excused himself under the pretense of cleaning up their mess left at the table.
Loki frowned. She had a death grip on this book and he had to be careful not to bruise her. Mortals are such fragile creatures. Jane blinked up at him.
"Loki?" He said nothing back but was able to extract the book from her now that she was semi-conscious. "What's this mean?" Her words were slurred with sleep.
"Yfir." She squinted her eyes at the runes. "It means 'above'." She pointed to another. "Sky. Means cloud."
"And this one?"
"Hani, it means—" He stopped, Jane slumped against his chest but blinking awake slowly. Loki quick read the runes. "What is this kind of book doing in the orrery?" Jane's brown eyes were still focused on his person. He clicked his jaw shut. "It means nothing. Come on, we must get back to the castle." Jane was suddenly very awake when she found Thor and thought he was throwing away all her papers and Loki took the time to hiss some not very nice words to the clerk about the books he kept hidden in the shelves. The poor old man was wide-eyed and about to suffer a fear-induced heart attack but nodded nonetheless. Non-star or -sky related material would now be kept at his desk and nowhere else. (On the upside, he was wondering where his volume of "A Steamy Night in the Stars" went to.)
Jane tried to assume independence and walk and hold all her papers, (alas the brothers forced her to leave the books behind albeit this was tempered by Loki hinting that they had more impressive books at the castle library) but she had tripped and scattered her papers enough times to force Loki to buy her a sack at the nearest shop. Her small legs still couldn't keep pace so Thor smiled and raised her on his shoulders again.
That night had her dreaming of stars, riding on shoulders and Loki teaching her runes. Fenrir yipped beside her in sleep.
In his own room Loki looked out at the night sky jeweled with stars with a curled lip. Today had better not become a regular occurrence.
She was like a parasite. Loki would walk down one of the halls and Jane would be on his heels followed by Fenrir like a trail of chicks following the mother hen. Loki did not like that simile. He wanted not to be analogous to one, a mother hen and two, he didn't like responsibility for the mortal. He didn't want to have to care for those two. Well, he cared for Fenrir. The wolf was his and Jane was, well, actually his, too, but he didn't want her!
Loki paused in the hallway causing Jane, nose deep in one of the libraries books (it had been some time since her first arrival and her reading was ponderously slow but manageable), to walk right into him and Fenrir right into her. A small domino effect. Loki glowered at the young mortal.
"Go away, Jane." He called her child once, mortal, too. Mother had been furious and Loki had enough intellect to learn from his mistakes. It was Thor who had the insanity blip in his genetic code (you know, the one where he does the same thing over and over again hoping for a different result).
"Where are we going?"
"I am going to see Thor, the Warriors Three and Sif. You are returning to your room."
"Why are we seeing Thor and his friends?" By Odin's throne, this child had selective hearing.
"I am going to enjoy the company of adults. You are going, if not your room, than the library. It's in that direction." No it wasn't but she got lost often enough in the castle that it wouldn't matter.
"I want to go with you." She continued to walk after him, forced to trot a little quicker due to his longer gait. Loki pinched his nose. He had the patience to deal with Thor and his martial-mayhem buddies and not the will for a Midgardian youth. He was slipping.
"Fenrir," he snapped, "take her to the gardens, the dungeons, I don't care where but not in my general direction." Fenrir obeyed and Jane's cries of his name and his unfair tactics echo the hallways. She called him a stupid bilgesnipe.
His agitation doesn't show but Fandral has a knowing smirk on his lips. "Did your fan keep you late as usual?"
Loki's features are schooled into his mask; it's much easier to fool these five than a five-year-old. "Jealous, Fandral?"
"Over the affections of a Midgardian tyke?" he scoffed.
Loki raised placating hands. "Don't fret, Fandral. I'm sure one day some tavern wench will fall for your good looks instead of your brain. Give it time, just not too much time."
Volstagg chuckled into his cups. Fandral kicked at him.
As soon as Thor walked in the door he had their attention and Loki faded to the background, silent as a shadow. He was there yet he wasn't. It ends as it usually does, with a constant loop of sparring matches and by the end Loki suffered a blow to the shoulder blades from Volstagg. Worse things have happened and Loki limps back to his room under the disguise of one of his illusions standing tall, straight, regal. Beyond his doors his room is awash in papers. Colored papers. They dot his sidewalls and litter his desk and furniture and by the crunch under foot litter his floor too. He'd recognize those sky-star sketches anywhere.
"Jane!"
He snaps his fingers, summoning Fenrir to his side and after ten minutes of fruitless snuffling about, Loki figures his younger sibling bribed the canine. Fenrir shrugs his haunches in an I-don't-know-what-you-mean gesture. Loki dismisses the beast and lets his thoughts settle, pushing aside his vexation. Ah, he knows where she is.
And there she is, still sketching and coloring papers. His 'ahem' makes her jump but where Loki expected a guilty, hand-in-the-cookie-jar expression she just flashes a sunny grin and runs over to him, stopping just shy of touching. That, was not what he expected.
"I found a new con-con," she took a breath and spoke the word slowly, "constellation! Here! I drew it for you! I was going to add it to your collection. I found it after you taught me more runes. You're super smart Loki! How do I get as smart as you? Did you read every book in this library? Do you know everything?" She was equal parts flatterer and admirer. Loki wondered when her awe would fade and she'd be enamored with Thor. Just like everyone else. Still, his ego worked a smirk and the soreness was forgotten, for the moment.
"I know things because I've traveled." He eased into one of the chairs, the library had many and Jane glances up from her book.
"You've been to the Rainbow Bridge?" They haven't let her down there though she met Heimdall once. He smiled at her.
"Down the Rianbow Bridge and beyond." Now he had her attention.
They both miss dinner, Loki still spinning tales and lies and semi-truths to his young audience and he's a little miffed when she catches more than a few of his falsehoods. Whatever happened to youth and gullibility?
"You married a troll?"
Loki nodded sagely. "Her name was Broody and it was either that or be made into stew. I should have chosen the latter. Less pain." Ah, there it was.
