A/N: So, this is a Niff fanfiction I wrote and I really wanted to finish it fast. So I got annoyed by it by the end. I'm not a good writer and my English will probably fail at some points. I'm sorry about spelling and/or grammar mistakes. Sorry. ~ Now, have fun reading it! :)
It was a Thursday morning when Jeff came up to Nick with a smile. "Hey dude," Nick smiled. Seeing Jeff this happy made Nick also smile. He had known that handsome guy since the first grade in elementary school, since the first day. Nick has been a little boy and lonely. They had just moved to Ohio and he didn't know anyone. He sat alone on the bench right next to the door when Jeff came and asked him to play with him. Yeah, back then Jeff had dark hair and even then he had looked so cute. Somehow, between 5th and 6th grade, when all the boys had their first crushes, Nick didn't. All the boys were used to talk about how pretty the girls were, how good they smelled and what beautiful hair they had. Nick however never felt this way about girls. Instead he started to notice things about Jeff. How Jeff looked in his uniform and how his – then already dyed – hair fell in his face and made it appear misty.
Finally, in 7th grade, Nick realized his feelings for Jeff. First he had tried to deny it but the more he denied the more he felt. So someday he just gave it up and decided to come up to Jeff. Jeff didn't hate Nick for being gay. He really didn't. He didn't even change the way he talked to Nick. Later that year Jeff also came out to Nick and that only made Nick even sadder. Because what he wanted was that near and it wasn't totally impossible yet he still knew that he would never have Jeff.
That day, however, Jeff looked really happy. He smiled wide and didn't let anyone bring him down. Nick already started to wonder what made him this happy as Jeff finally told him. "I have a surprise for you," he'd told Nick. "Let's go to the Lima Bean after lunch."
They had a free period right after lunch. Nick smiled at Jeff wondering what he'd show him. "Okay, let's do that."
The whole day long Nick has been wondering what this surprise might be. But whenever he asked Jeff would just grin and say that Nick would see later.
When they actually drove to the Lima Bean, Nick was really excited. They went inside and ordered their usual coffee order. Then they sat down and Jeff started to grin even wider. As Nick raised his eyebrow Jeff got serious again.
"So, where is that special surprise?" Nick asked.
Jeff shrugged and gazed at his watch. "It'll be here every minute." And again he grinned.
Nick took a sip of his coffee and sighed. This special something made Jeff so happy…
After some more minutes Jeff smiled and waved at someone. Nick turned around to see a brunet boy standing behind his back. He smiled wide at Jeff.
"Nick," Jeff said with a smile. "Let me introduce you to someone special. So, this is Aaron, my hew boyfriend."
The word boyfriend hit Nick right in the stomach. But also in his heart. He thought that probably he went as pale as someone can get. "I'm- wow… I'm glad for you two," he brought out and forced a small smile as he shook Aarons hand.
"Is everything okay, Nick?" Jeff looked at Nick worried.
"Uhm, yeah. I just… I guess it's because the air here. It's kinda thick, you know. I should… I should get some air. I'll be back. Just uhm, start drinking coffee without me…"
Quick Nick stood up and ran across the room, fighting with the tears that started to burn more and more in his eyes. He opened the door and ran out, sitting down on a bench near the café and tried to catch his breath again. He knew that it wouldn't be good for him to cry. Everytime he did his eyes went red and puffy for a while and he knew that he had only a few minutes until Jeff would start to worry. But the news of Jeff's boyfriend… No, it didn't surprise Nick. He knew that some day Jeff would get a boyfriend and that he would be handsome and he would make Jeff happy. And he knew that sooner or later he would have to deal with it. He just hoped that it wouldn't be that soon. And now he just sat there and fought with the urge to cry. He wanted Jeff to be with nobody else but him. He wanted Jeff to be happy with him. But Jeff was always just his friend. And nobody else. And the truth was that Nick could never make him as happy as this guy did.
Just when Nick had calmed himself down just a little bit, he already heard Jeff's voice calling his name. "Nick, are you okay?" Jeff asked.
Nick wanted to shake his head and tell Jeff that he was so stupid for not seeing it but he didn't want to fight with Jeff. So he just nodded and took a deep breath. "Yes I just needed air, that's all."
"Oh, so you can come inside with me again?" Jeff asked.
No I can't. I can't because of Aaron, your oh so lovely new boyfriend, Nick wanted to scream. But that wouldn't be okay. He forced another smile and nodded again. He wasn't sure how long he could actually hold on and not cry. Because he had a strange feeling that he had to puke his guts out whenever he would see Jeff and his boyfriend. His problem wasn't as much Jeff as that Aaron guy. Yes, he might have been a nice guy and he did look good. But Nick disliked that guy for destroying his whole life.
"So come on then," Jeff said and grabbed Nick's hand, what Nick found somewhat weird. He wasn't sure if guys with boyfriends held hands with their best friends. But he wasn't to judge.
Jeff took Nick inside with him. But whenever Jeff didn't look he immediately stopped the smiling. Altogether he had forced himself to look as happy as possible and smiled almost all the time. But inside of him everything was burning. He pushed himself through that, though. And eventually he so glad that they had to leave. He looked away as Jeff and Aaron gave each other a last goodbye kiss and then he and Jeff went back to Dalton.
Even then Nick had to force a smile just so Jeff wouldn't notice anything. Because for Jeff he was still the best friend that had to be supportive as hell. "I'm so glad that I met Aaron," Jeff smiled. "You wanna know the story?"
No! "Uhm… sure."
"Well, I was helping out at my parents' restaurant yesterday. Then he came in, alone. He ordered a pizza and stuff. I gave it to him and we talked. Turns out he's a really nice guy. But he goes to the McKinnley. But he's so nice. And he told me he's also gay. We talked more and more and finally he kissed me. At the restaurant. Gosh, he's so sweet." Jeff started to grin again and Nick had to fight with his tears again.
"That's cute," he said and looked out of the window. He just wanted to turn away from Jeff so that he didn't see his tears. "I'm really, really glad." Nick tried to put as much enthusiasm in it as possible and tried to make his voice as soft as possible.
"Me too," Jeff said again. "Me too."
When they finally arrived at Dalton they were supposed to go to their lessons. And that's what they both did. Usually they had all classes together. Just not this one because Nick took AP math and Jeff the normal math. "See you later, dude," Jeff said to Nick and they both went to their classes.
But Nick couldn't really concentrate on the lesson. So when the teacher asked him if everything was alright he asked for permission to leave. Of course the teacher had agreed and added that Nick really looked bad. So pale and tired. Nick didn't really pay attention to that either. So he just went home. Or rather he took his car and went home. Probably it wasn't the best idea to drive your car when you're sick but Nick wasn't really sick. And with what the teacher said he could deal later. Not that he did care much at that moment.
When Nick had arrived at home, he unlocked the door and his sister greeted him. "Nicky, why did you come here?"
Nick rolled his eyes. He loved his sister but she didn't have to know that. "This is my home, Clair. I am allowed to come home whenever I want."
"Yeah but… Don't you have math or something?"
"I don't feel well. I asked for permission to go. And here I am. I'm in my room if you need me," he said and went upstairs. He opened the door to his room, entered and made sure to lock it properly so that nobody could come in. Probably his sister was worried now and it probably wasn't the best idea to just leave like this either. But he didn't care. All he cared for was that now he could finally cry. He could let go of all the tears that he had kept inside for so long. He let go and soon he even started to sob. It became more and more and he just let it happen. He couldn't control it anymore. All the sadness and anger.
It felt like hours and probably it were really hours that it took him to calm himself down. He heard somebody knock on the door and call him. And then he noticed it was his mum. "Nick, sweetheart. Please, open the door."
"No," he said.
He hadn't really snapped and his mum seemed to understand him. Or at least it seemed like this because she didn't snap or go away. And her voice was just as calm and soft as before. "Nicky, please. Clair said you don't feel well. Please sweetie, I can give you medicine and you'll get better."
"No, thanks mum," Nick answered. "I just need some rest. Please." He didn't even feel really sick. He felt depressed.
"Oh fine, but whenever you need me…"
"Sure mum, I'll call you," he said again. As he heard her go away he closed his eyes and tried to sleep. But pretty soon he had to open his eyes again. It was getting dark and there was no light on in his room. But the silence just made him feel worse and worse. He didn't want it all silent. He felt even more alone.
Groaning he stood up and went over to his jacket to pull out his iPhone. There was music on it, maybe that would help. Hopefully he plugged in his headphones. He put his iPod on shuffle and went back to his bed, falling down on it and closing his eyes again.
The sound of music helped a little bit and he tried to sleep for some more hours. In his dream he could see a beautiful place, a field and lots of trees. The moon was up and he heard birds. But what was the best about the dream, he could see Jeff. He could see how Jeff held him in his arm and placed some sweet kisses on his cheek, promising him to love him forever. Nick buried his cheek in Jeff's jacket and snuggled a little while with Jeff.
Jeff smiled and told Nick how cute he was, brushing over his hair. He said he'd always loved Nick's hair. It was so soft and dark. Jeff kissed Nick's head and pulled him even closer.
But suddenly everything vanished, slowly. Everything just began to fade away more and more. The last one to vanish was Jeff. He didn't say anything and he didn't do anything. He just faded like everything else and Nick was alone again.
With that thought Nick woke up. He felt even worse. His eyes hurt and he could hear the song 'Someone Like You' come on. Moving his hand slowly he put it out and lay it on the bed. He didn't want to eat but probably now was the best time to get food. Maybe some ice cream. It was dark already and the clock showed 2 am. Neither his dad nor his mum would be awake at that time. And Clair was probably asleep too. So Nick stood up and sneaked out of his room. He tiptoed downstairs and right into the kitchen.
"Hopefully Clair didn't eat it all," he said rolling the eyes and opening the fridge. And really, she hadn't eaten the ice cream. There was still a big bucket of ice cream left.
Nick took it with him upstairs and locked his room again.
That was how he spent three days. In the mornings he refused to come out of his room and in the evenings he just came out to get ice cream. The buckets were still in his room. On the third day he forgot to lock the door and on the morning of the fourth day, Clair came in.
"Nicky, you know it doesn't look like you're really sick," she said. "It more looks like you're heartbroken."
"Go away," Nick hissed and curled up, tears coming up again.
"Why don't you talk to him?" Clair didn't care much about what he said.
"Because," Nick whispered and felt the tears roll down his cheeks.
"Why?"
"Because I don't wanna see him ever again. Him and his stupid dyed hair and his dumb smirk that looks so beautiful and those eyes…" He couldn't control the sobs anymore and just cried again. He felt numb, just as if he'd cried for two thousand years already.
"You know you should talk to him," Clair said and left his room.
On the next day, someone knocked on his door. It was Clair, she wanted to come in again. But Nick didn't open. "I told you to go away, Clair," he shouted. Clair sighed and went away. She tried for the next three days, and everytime she did, Nick told her to fuck off and go away.
On the sixth day he forgot to lock his door again, but he didn't realize. He had lost the count of the days already and just felt like he hadn't been at school for weeks. When someone knocked on his door on the seventh day, he shouted, "Fuck off already. I'm not opening up for you, god damnit." It knocked again and again. "For God's sake just leave. Me. Alone!" His voice sounded broken and numb. He curled up in a ball on his bed again and buried his face in the pillows. Of course it was a shock for him, when finally the door opened. He could hear it open. Then close again. Someone stepped inside and sat down next to him. Nick didn't want to even look up. "I told you to go away, please! You know I'm not going to talk to him. Just leave," he whispered and let the tears run again.
A hand lay down on his head and began to run through his hair. The hand didn't feel like Clair's but Nick didn't even care. Maybe his mother had come in.
The hand was warm and soft and it caressed his hair and ran through it. And it comforted Nick.
"Just let me die alone, okay?" Nick whispered broken between two sobs.
The hand didn't stop running through Nick's hair. Also a familiar voice said, "No way, man."
Nick's eyes went wide. Quickly he stopped sobbing and stopped even breathing. It wasn't his mum, or his sister. Not even his dad. Even though it was a male. A male Nick did know. It was no one else but Jeff.
"Come on, breathe, Nicky. Please."
"Jeff?" Nick whispered.
Jeff patted Nick's head and said, "Yes, it's me Nicky. Please, look at me. I have to talk to you."
"No, leave me alone to die," Nick repeated.
"Nicky, please. You lived in that room for one week without going wider than down the stairs. And what the fuck did you eat? Ice cream? You're going to get a food poisoning."
"I don't care," Nick snapped, "Just go away."
Jeff sighed. "Nicky, please. Sit up, talk to me. I came to talk."
Nick sat up but faced the wall instead of Jeff. Looking at Jeff wouldn't be good for him, he decided. "Why did you come? Did Clair call you?" His voice sounded cold, not like he wanted it to sound actually.
"No. I came too late. And I'm sorry, Nicky, I'm sorry. I want to apologize. Please. Look at me, please?"
Nick turned around and saw Jeff in his Dalton uniform. He had a little scratch on his face but he smiled soft and Nick wanted to cry again. "Why did you come at all?" Nick asked. Now he sounded desperate and broken.
Instead of answering Jeff hugged Nick. Nick could feel Jeff's warmth and he noticed how good Jeff smelled. But Nick pulled away immediately. "Why did you come?" he asked again.
"Because I need to talk to you…"
"Where's Aaron?"
Jeff sighed. "That's what I need to talk to you about. Do you see the scratch?"
Nick nodded. "Did he do that?"
"He- yes. We broke up and he scratched me."
Nick shook his head. "Why did you break up?"
"Because I realized something… I realized that I didn't need him. He didn't make me happy."
"So… you broke up?"
Jeff nodded and pulled Nick into another hug. This time, Nick didn't struggle. "I missed you, Nicky," Jeff whispered.
"I missed you too," Nick said and fought with the tears again.
Suddenly Jeff pulled away again. "Nicky, I think I've done something bad," he admitted.
"What's it?" Nick wondered.
"I- I fell in love. With… somebody I shouldn't fall in love with. And I tried to forget that, I really did. But it didn't work. So I pretended to love somebody else. And that made this somebody I really love feel really, really bad. And I feel so stupid…"
Nick sighed because he wanted to cry again. So Jeff had another somebody. "Why don't you tell him?"
"Because he doesn't love me. And I would screw everything up, you know. It's not supposed to be."
This time Nick pulled Jeff into a hug.
"And just everything about this somebody makes me go crazy. I wish he knew. I wish he knew how much I love him. I wish he knew how handsome he is and how much he actually means to me. But it's still not supposed to be," Jeff whispered.
Nick was happy that Jeff had buried his face in his shoulder because now he let his tears slip again. They ran down his cheeks again. Like the other days too. Jeff really loved that boy. And Nick still loved Jeff as much as he did before.
Jeff pulled away after a while and as he saw Nick's tears he immediately them away. "Don't cry Nicky, please. I don't want you to cry, Nicky."
There was a moment of silence when both boys looked at each other. It seemed much like neither of them even breathed. Then, when Nick wanted to start crying again, Jeff leaned in and the next thing Nick could feel was a pair of lips on his own. They moved against his and Nick could feel loads of fireworks on his skin. Jeff moved his soft lips against Nicks and Nick did exactly the same. It felt so good and so right.
"Did you feel that too, Nicky?" Jeff asked as they finally broke apart, breathing heavy.
"B- But why?" Nick asked shocked.
"Because I did feel it," Jeff replied looking in Nick's eyes.
"I don't mean the fireworks. But I felt them too. I mean why you kissed me."
"Because I love you, dude."
Nick shook his head smiling. "Jeff, it was a perfectly romantic moment. And you used dude? Seriously?"
Jeff shrugged. "At least I'm not the one who's looking like he didn't know what a comb is."
"At least I'm not the one who-" Nick couldn't finish this sentence because the pair of lips lay right on his mouth again.
