Of three things I was absolutely certain:

1-Legolas was a vampire.

2-There was a part of him—and I didn't know how strong that part of his personality might be—that wanted my blood.

3-I was unconditionally and irrevocably and entirely just fucking with you.

A Legomance—? With Meyerpires—?

…bitch, please. What follows are the entirely irreverent, shamelessly swear-filled, absolutely awkward adventures of Ida Anderson*. Insane song-fic. Discretion is advised. Read at your own risk:

Alas for the songs!

No peace shall I have

Under beech or elm.*


*Elessar's General Warning: May contain pears and a shit ton of Sindarin. Ida Anderson cannot be held responsible for mental damages inflicted by reading this fic or by repeating any of the songs therein. Ida Anderson does not own any copyrighted characters presented in this fic, and indeed if you or your organization does, then please for the love of fuck just take them back.

[Also, today in shameless self-promotion, you can read more about her "Girl-Falls-Into-Middle-earth: The Musical"–style misfortunes in Evenstar, Evenstill, Close Encounters of the First Kind, and The Last of Us.]

*Or, as Legolas sings it:

Nê! an i-lêr!

ú-'arathon hîdh

nu ferin egor leif.