Nightmare
Summary: The second part of Dreamworld. It is the sequel to Dreamland and picks up after Tony left Gibbs at the airport.
You need to read Dreamland first otherwise you won't understand most of this story.
A/N: Sorry it took so long but I've got a new job and, more importantly, this story is torturing me. I really tried to make it a nice fluffy established-relationship-thing but it had it's own will and made me write other things and due to the fights I had with this story I got stuck several times. Sorry...
So please don't flame me. :(
Thanks to all of you who encouraged me to write this sequel.
Thanks to mianmaru for betaing.
Comments and kudos are very welcome. I'm curious what you think.
Sadly and as always I do not own anything regarding NCIS. But the idea/story and the original characters are mine.
Sadly as well, I do not earn any money and so on and so on.
Gone again
Gibbs pulled into his driveway. The silence was deafening. He rested his head on the steering wheel trying desperately to not be angry at Tony. He knew it wasn't his fault, it was his duty but the worry and fear about his love let him be invidious.
Tony had just hopped on a plan to throw himself into the next mission, the next fight, the next chance for death.
Damn! He wasn't good at being a Marine's wife. He was used to being the one in danger and not the one left behind.
Now he knew how Shannon must have felt. As a young Marine, he had been eager to fight, to serve, not thinking about the possibility to never return home again. He left her behind to protect the country, not considering how she felt and what she was going through. Now he understood the rare moments where she was angry and disappointed.
Gibbs looked up to the ceiling of the car. "I'm sorry, Shan. If I would have known, I would have done things differently."
He got out of the Challenger and went straight to the basement. He didn't want to see his empty house. He didn't want to acknowledge the silence Tony had left behind.
Walking down the stairs, he breathed deeply in an attempt to calm down. Tony wouldn't be in danger for at least a week. He would be in Camp Pendleton in California until the op started. He didn't know where Tony was heading then and wasn't sure if he wanted to know.
He went to his work bench as his gaze fell on a stack of neatly piled letters bound together with a string. On top of it was a single paper, folded and with his name on it.
He sat down taking the note slowly in hand.
'Dear love,
I know the days went by way too fast and we didn't have much time to enjoy each other. But the glimpses of how life could be with you were so promising and, hopefully, we will have a lot more of that in the future. Hopefully, you will wait...
I wrote a couple of letters for you, just in case I'm not able to write or call. I want you to open one whenever you need it or feel lonely.
God, love, I miss you already just at the thought of leaving you. I wish I could stay. But I'll come back home. I promise.
I love you.
Tony
P.S.: Ask McGee to explain to you how Skype works. You will need a laptop for this. Better ask him to buy one for you.'
Gibbs smiled. Such a romantic fool. He stroked his hand over the stack of letters. It must have been at least 30 or something. He felt butterflies in his stomach and chuckled about himself. He was way too old for butterflies. But apparently he wasn't too old to fall head over heels for a goofy, over-romantic Marine with a tendency to get himself in trouble. Gibbs shook his head. He loved every inch of him.
He thought about opening one letter to see what Tony had written. But given the fact that he didn't know when Tony would be coming back, Gibbs settled for sanding the sidewall of the dresser he was building, instead.
His thoughts wandered to the last three weeks, as his hands did the work on autopilot.
Tony had shown up in the middle of the night after they hadn't seen each other for two years. Looking defeated and dead tired, but damn sexy in his uniform. Gibbs had slept peacefully for the first time in years.
And then time ran through his hands. One case after the other had kept him at the Yard and most of the days he came home to find Tony sleeping on the couch, tv still on and it looking like he had tried to stay awake.
Often, he sat down and watched Tony for a while, drowning in the relaxed features of his sleeping lover. It felt good to come home to an inhabited house. To see the lights, to know someone was waiting for him. He hadn't known he had missed that until then.
Mostly Gibbs had kissed Tony awake at some point and was greeted with a sleepy, "Hey, love. How was work?" that made his heart skip a beat. It felt like they had been together for years and his love grew deeper and deeper just because of the little things. Things like a hand brushing over the small of his back as Tony passed by or the already prepared thermo mug on the counter after he got down from the shower, ready to head out to work. The way Tony didn't complain about him working late, just making clear he missed him.
He was definitely doomed.
Gibbs' hands still worked on there own accord.
Some nights, Tony screamed in his sleep, yelling orders and crying out for boys he had lost. He had held him then, waking him softly. "It's a nightmare, hon. You're home."
And Tony clutched at him for a dear life, crying until the tears subsided.
Tony didn't speak about the war and the fights, about the nightmares and tears. In the light of the day he was fine and happy, the goofy old Tony he knew from years ago but at night, in his sleep where he couldn't control it, it made the way to the surface.
Gibbs didn't ask. He wanted to help him, to erase the things Tony had seen but he knew it was not his turn and if Tony wanted to talk he would. At the end of the three weeks, the bad dreams were mostly gone and the war-shaped expression on his face had softened.
And now he was back on the plane. Back in the war.
Gibbs threw his sanding block into a corner of the basement. Fuck!
After a few deep breaths, he decided to occupy his mind with work. Hopefully the Yard would provide some distraction.
*/*
"WHAT?! He was here and you didn't tell me?" Abby yelled and was about to grab a box of disposable gloves from next to her computer to throw it towards McGee.
"I'm sorry but you were at the conference and… ow… Abby!" Tim whined as the box hit him on the arm. She grabbed the next thing she could reach, throwing it as well. She was enraged. After four years, Tony finally made his way back to DC again and Tim didn't even text her. She would have jumped the next plane to see him.
"Abby!" Tim had pulled his arms and one of his legs up to protect himself. "Abby, I'm sorry. I was just so stunned and then we had cases coming endlessly... And I forgot… ow… please... Abs… I just saw him once." She ran out of things to toss and crossed her arms in front of her chest, glaring at the other in best Gibbs-fashion.
"You met him?" Her voice was threateningly low.
"Uhm, yes." Tim flinched uncomfortable, standing near the door of her lab.
"Tell me!" She demanded and sat down on her chair.
"I wanted to talk to Gibbs and out of the blue he was standing in his living room. We sat down to talk and then I left." McGee told her hastily. "See? Nothing special happened."
"Nothing special?! Tony appeared after four years in Gibbs living room and you say nothing special?!" Abby answered, furious. "What did he say? Why did he leave? What happened? Don't tell me you didn't ask, Tim?" Her gaze turned to the pictures on the shelf next to Major mass spec.
"He didn't really explain it. Just said that he had been in trouble and couldn't stay."
"And you didn't press on? You see, this is the reason you should have called me." She narrowed her eyes at the man again.
"I'm sorry, Abs!"
"You better go now!" She pointed towards the door. She was so angry, she needed her lab for herself now. Tim was slowly walking out the door, slightly slumped.
She hurried towards Bert and squeezed him hard, hearing the calming fart.
As Tony had left years ago, she was smashed and worried and confused. One day he was joking and laughing with her and the next day he was gone. Her eyes watered as the memories forced their way to the surface.
~ Abby walked into the bullpen, fear had invaded her whole system. The short bark of Gibbs to "COME UP" wasn't a good sign. She had met Ducky and Palmer in front of the elevator but they hadn't had a clue either.
Tim looked uneasy and Cait just pissed. Both agents were hiding behind their screens, while the bossman was hitting his screen with mighty force, muttering under his breath. Abby was surprised to find Tony's desk empty.
"Where is Tony?" She asked Cait and was rewarded with a fearful wide-eyed gaze and shake of her head.
"So, Jethro, we are here. What is so important?" Ducky asked before she could ask further.
"DiNozzo quit." It was dead silent. The heads of Cait and Tim shot up in shock. Abby's mouth was hanging open in disbelief and Ducky's brows went up to his hair. Palmer gasped low. "I'm not going to discuss this and I don't want to hear anything. Now go back to work!" Gibbs tone was hard and angry.
"But Gibbs," Abby whined, "What happened? Did he tell you why?"
"I said I don't want to talk about it or him. Never again." Anger was dripping of his voice.
"But-"
"Quit it!" Anger had turned to aggression and she felt tears welling up in her eyes. "Work, NOW!" She turned on her heels, hurrying back to the safety of her lab.
Abby tried to call Tony but always went straight to voicemail. After work, she made her way to his apartment only to find it empty. Not only was Tony absent but he had also sold all his stuff and the apartment itself. He really had vanished completely without a note or text.~
The 16th of February 2002 was a black day in all their lives.
She kind of lost Gibbs as well. Her beloved bossman had changed as suddenly as her friend had vanished. He was angry. So angry, she had never seen him like this.
A shiver ran down her spine and she clutched Bert even closer as she thought back.
He became silent, even for Gibbs, and all his words were colored in anger or frustration. He closed up completely. Never again showed any sign of caring, kindness or affection. He didn't bring her Caf-Pow anymore or kissed her cheek. The crooked smile had vanished and he was shouting and yelling at the team, driving them harder than ever.
She started to wonder, if something had happened between the two men.
The moment Tim called him boss was the worst, though.
~ The team worked on a actually quite simple case and she had just spilled all her results as Gibbs demanded to get the suspects address.
"On it, boss!" Tim said as he used her computer to pull up the required information.
In a split second the boss had grabbed his collar and pressed him against the nearby shelf. Abby gasped in surprise.
Invading McGee's space, he growled threatening, "I never want to hear boss ever again here. Tell the others!" The word 'boss' was spoken with such disgust that she had to gulp down a whimper. Gibbs was shaking, blind with anger, she could tell, and with a push he let go of Tim and left her lab. ~
But other than this there was no sign Tony had ever existed.
Over the years, Gibbs behavior eased slightly but their 'boss' never showed up again. At least, until the case where he had met Tony again.
As he came back there where more than a few glimpses of the old Gibbs. There were Caf-Pows and kisses again and he even smiled sometimes. The caring Gibbs was kind of back but sometimes she could sense sadness and sorrow radiating from him without any obvious reason.
Her own anger started slowly to fade as Danny gathered the team in her lab after his return from Dreamland.
~ "It was totally strange. First Gibbs was really pissed and then overnight he was strangely calm and settled, he even smiled. I have never seen him smiling. Kind of creepy." Danny told them excitedly.
"Yeah, we noticed probie but we need to know why." Tim stated annoyed. Abby looked expectantly at the youngest member of the team.
"I don't know. The only difference I noticed was the thermo mug he always had in hand." Dan said thoughtfully.
"Did Tony bribe him with coffee?" Cait asked.
"I can't imagine that that would work. Considering how angry Gibbs was." Danny answered.
"Actually I don't want to know and I don't care. Tony left us and I'm still mad at him." Abby still felt betrayed by her former friend and was not going to give in.
"He said he was sorry." The probie tried to sooth her.
"Oh sure…" Abby muttered.
"I shall tell you he misses you badly. Always had. Always will and he is sorry!" She felt her resistance slightly fading. "He hopes one day he can explain it to you and you will understand."
"If he stays alive." Cait added bitterly.
"Stop that!" Abby snapped, not wanting to think about the possibility that Tony could die.
"Gibbs knows the reason and he said to DiNozzo he understands and you would too if you knew." Dan added.
"Oh, damn there is no way to get it out of Gibbs." McGee frowned.
"Damn right, McGee!" Gibbs' voice barked behind them. "Done gossiping? Then back to work!" He sat down a Caf-Pow on Abby's desk and the others vanished.
"You really know, Gibbs?" She asked.
"Yes." His eyes fixed on her.
"You're not gonna tell me, right?"
"Nope!" He smiled slightly.
"Would I really understand it?" She inquired, knowing he won't tell what happened.
"I'm sure you of all people would understand but you would still be mad because he didn't talk to you." His gaze got soft and Abby wondered about the possible reasons.
"I'm hurting, Gibbs. I feel betrayed by him and at the same time I'm so scared something could happen to him. I miss him terribly." She confessed, looking down to her shoes. Gibbs took her in his arms.
"I know." He placed a kiss on her head. "Try to forgive him." ~
Abby had forgiven him, almost. She looked at the different pictures on her shelf. The biggest one was Tony's official army photo. He looked good in the blue uniform and with the white hat. She smiled as she remembered how it had gotten there.
~ She felt exhausted. The day had been long and full of work. Her mind was spinning and she longed for some distraction. This was the time she missed Tony the most. He always had sensed it when she felt like this and showed up to tell her the newest gossip or just a silly story of his own.
She sighed and wished, she could talk to him now. Suddenly a thought crossed her mind and she started typing on her keyboard. Soon, she had found Tony's photo in his file. Abby enlarged it to fill her whole screen. With another deep breath, she leaned back in her chair and looked at him.
"I miss you, you know? I hope you are fine and alive somewhere out there. Nothing has changed here. Still the old madness."
She started to do this every now and then. Every time she felt bad or down, she pulled his image up on her screen and talked to him.
One day she was just about to close the picture as Gibbs walked in.
"Was that Tony on the screen?" He growled.
"Uhm...no." She felt shame raising within her.
"Abs!" Gibbs tone was warning.
"Okay fine. It was." She crossed her arms and tried to cover the shame with an angry expression.
"Can you print it?" She was stunned as Gibbs eyed her.
"Sure… but-"
"Do it. Twice." He ordered putting down her favorite drink.
"But-"
"Just do it, Abby." He growled, as he was already on the way out of the lab.
The next day one of the printed pictures was standing on her shelf next to Major mass spec in a nice brown frame. She took it down and stored it away in one of her drawers. Not wanting to see him all the time. She was still kind of angry and hurt and even if she talked to him sometimes, she didn't want to be reminded of him all the time.
Gibbs walked in about ten minutes later and headed straight towards the drawer with the image. He pulled it out and placed it where it had been before. Wordlessly he gazed at her, dropped a kiss on her cheek and left again. Abby was confused and frustrated.
There was no chance to get rid of the picture. Every time she took it down, Gibbs walked in sooner or later and placed it back up.
"You need him." He whispered one day and Abby knew he was right.
She gave in. As the time passed, she started to place more and more photos on the shelf. Images of the old and new team, of her friends in private situations or somewhere in the Yard. She couldn't even resist to search for Tony on the base or with his unit and was more than pleased to find some photos of him on the 'stars and stripes'-page.
She always printed them twice and dropped one copy on Gibbs desk. She didn't know what he was doing with them but thought it couldn't hurt. ~
Her smile widened at the thought what happened to Gibbs' copies. She loved the sight of the mantel. It made a good start for an actual home.
Abby jumped as she was pulled out of her thoughts by Gibbs asking, "You okay?".
He was standing in the door, head tilted slightly to the side. She shook her head to get rid of the memories.
"Tony was here?" She asked sadly.
"He was." Gibbs nodded and Abby could feel the sadness radiating from him once more.
"I missed him just because of this stupid conference!" She felt tears welling up.
"He'll come back." Gibbs stated, eyeing her closely.
"How can you be so sure?"
"He promised." Gibbs hand grabbed his Marine pendant and a small smile tugged on his lips.
