Today, I let down a friend.
He was hurting, and no matter what I said to make him feel better, it didn't help. At least, I don't think it did. So this is something small to let him know I still care.
A lot of people out there will say I'm doing this to gain attention. That's okay. They are entitled to their opinion. And what they say just might be true. But the attention I'm trying to get isn't for me. It's for him.
I've tried to explain to him how much of an impact on my life he's had. It never seems to come out right when I Tweet him about it. So I sat down tonight, and really thought about what I wanted to say to him. And here are my thoughts. You don't have to read them. You definitely don't have to like them. But my mind is my own. And I need to say it. Leaving it unsaid would only make things worse, I think.
He is kind. Generous. Giving and forgiving. He can smile when no one else around him can. He always looks for the silver lining in everything. He believes in people. He believes in God. He believes that everyone in this world is destined for greatness, and he somehow manages to make us believe it too.
There are many things I don't believe in. There are many more things I don't know what I believe in. But having a difference of opinion makes us all unique, and wonderful, in our own ways. And he has taught me that.
There have been many times, in the past year and a half, when I've failed at life. Scratch that. There have been many times in the last twenty years I've failed at life. But the past year and a half has been where the most pain has come into play. And without his Tweets, I probably wouldn't be here today.
I've thought about it. Finding my way out of this world abruptly, making a permanent exit from everything. And yet, every single time the world becomes too much, the compulsion gets to be too overbearing, I go to Twitter and read his Tweets.
Because he inspires me. He's constantly Tweeting about how everyone is destined for greatness, and he believes in us. But the thing is, I don't think he realises how much we believe in him. He has been able to work, and grow, and develop, and he's constantly striving for a better place. But he is always thinking about others, always bringing whoever happens to be with him on the joyful ride along with him.
He lifts us up emotionally, spiritually and mentally. He praises us for even the smallest things, because he knows those small things are important to us.
He loves unconditionally, and without restriction. He cares deeply for everyone he meets, and no one is too unimportant to escape his notice. He always has a kind word, a gentle thought, or an inspirational quote to make someone's day better.
He is, in short, nothing more or less than the very kind of person I have always wanted to be. He is whom I think of when I hear the word inspiration. He makes me want to do better in my own life. He makes me wish to be a better person. He makes me want to believe in myself, when for so long I have felt like no one at all.
He is a guiding light in my life. There are others, of course. People who love me for who I am, and want nothing but the best for me. But he is the one person that I would wish to model my personality after, could it ever be so.
He is incredible. He is amazing. And I hope someday I get the chance to tell him that in person. Because I'm not sure he knows. And for someone to be that incredible, that amazing, he surely deserves to know it.
