Disclaimer: I don't own glee

Santana POV

When I was little, I used to fantasize about the way my life would be in High school. I thought that I would end up being the typical American cheerleader, the popular one at the top of the pyramid. In fact if I would let my imagination run wild, I could see myself at the top of the social ladder with a handsome boyfriend by my side. Preferably the quarterback of the football team, because that's the way a high school fairytale is supposed to be.

Now that I'm actually in my junior year at McKinley High, I can honestly say that some parts of my prediction turned out to be true. I might have been wrong about some things, but that doesn't matter because for the first time in my life I feel truly happy. Maybe it wasn't the enchanting dream that I had pictured myself in, but this is what works for me. It wasn't easy to get here, and become the person I am today. But the most important thing is that I did get here, and not the sacrifices that I needed to make in the past to do so.

Of course my life isn't completely perfect, but perfection is not something I strive for. As long as I'm happy, I don't care about how my life turned out to be. Because I have finally found true love, I have found someone who makes me feel complete. All because I have finally stopped tearing myself down, and I have accepted myself for who I really am. It's what I needed to do, if I wanted to let love in. It's what I needed to do if I wanted to understand and experience what being loved and loving someone means.

It took me so damn long to come to terms with this, but in the end it was all worth it. Now that I have finally found love, I wouldn't trade it for the world. I found love in a place where I would never have considered looking when I was young. So instead of having the nice prince charming I have always dreamt about, and which most girls talk about when they are young, I have found myself a breathtaking princess. Somehow, somewhere, I fell in love with my best friend and there's nothing I could do to change that.

Believe me, it has been no bed of roses coming to terms with this. However if I would get a chance to start all over, I wouldn't change a thing. Because now, I can finally call Brittany my girlfriend. I still don't call her that in public, but even doing that when we're alone is enough for me. At least it is for now, because I know that at some point I will be forced to come out. I can't hide our relationship forever, but now is not the right time since high school is a place where there are too many narrow-minded people if you ask me. Besides, I'm not ready to give up my popularity and ruin my reputation by telling the whole school that I'm a lesbian.

Maybe you think it's foolish that I think that my reputation is one of the most important things in my life right now. But you don't understand how cruel teenagers can be in high school, and I should know since I'm one of them. It's no secret that I like to lash out with vicious words on a daily basis. But sometimes you have to eat or be eaten; it's just the way it is.

People know that they can't mess with me, since I'm not scared of getting my hands a little bit dirty. There's nothing I can do about that, I'm a Latina and I have got a big temper which I sometimes can't control. Trust me, I don't like getting into fights, but sometimes it's what you have to do when you want to protect the ones you love. When they make fun of Brittany, or one of my friends, I need to make sure that they never do it again. So yes, violence might not be the answer, but at least it helps me protect the people I care about. Sometimes it's just a verbal smack down, but that doesn't mean that it hurts those losers any less. Every day is a battle and I'm not planning on losing it.

Anyway, I know that the only thing that's in the way of making my life completely perfect is me. I'm just too damn scared to let everybody see the real me, the real Santana Lopez. I still haven't told anybody that I'm gay yet, except Brittany, Puck and Quinn. Actually I didn't tell Q, but she walked in on me and Brittany, while Britt and I were completely naked, so there was really no point in denying it. Wherefore we decided to tell her everything, how it all started and stuff like that. Even though I didn't expect it, Quinn totally supported Brittany and me. Moreover Puck was actually the first person whom I confessed that I'm gay, and he was one of the only ones who saw me cry about it. He was also the one who helped me accept myself for who I am.

First I hated myself for being a lesbian, because let's face it: life is a lot harder when you are gay. Some people are just too small-minded to see that being gay isn't some kind of disgusting disease. That they are just normal people like everybody else; they just have got a different sexuality. It doesn't change your personality; otherwise everybody would already have known that I'm a lesbian. Which I'm fairly sure that they don't since every guy at McKinley High still flirts with me on a daily basis.

I'm actually mostly scared about telling my parents and my family, even though a part of me thinks that it will be okay. But what if it isn't okay? What if they think that I'm disgusting and that being gay is wrong? What if they hate me and kick me out? I mean, where would I live? Or worse, what if they forbid me to see Brittany and try to make me straight again? So yes, the thing that I fear the most is getting rejected by my parents. I just wouldn't be able to handle that kind of rejection. Being abandoned by the two people who brought me into this world, it's something that would mentally break me. So, I try to postpone telling them as much as I can, even though I'll have to do it someday.

Sometimes it's funny, everybody thinks that I have it all, the popularity, the boys, the looks … And to top it all off, I'm the head cheerleader of our school and the main dancer in my after-school dance class, so most girls envy me. They think that I'm so damn lucky; some might even think I'm living the perfect life. Even though they have got no idea what kind of problems I have got to deal with, and the kind of hate I have felt towards myself. While in the end, all I could do was start accepting myself, because you can't change who you are. No matter how much you would like to be someone else, you can't. So, people at school don't know anything about me, and they shouldn't talk about me like they do. They are always talking trash about me, just because they're jealous of my spot on the pyramid, my body, my so-called 'boyfriend'… It makes me feel like they look up to me or the person they think I am. Therefore, I'm afraid that that will change once everybody finds out that their head cheerleader is gay. I can't lose my spot on the pyramid and become the school's outcast.

As a matter of fact, I truly want to be out. You know, for Brittany, but it still is a really big step for me. She has been trying for months to convince me that nobody will care if I'm gay, bisexual or straight. Just because everybody accepts her for being bisexual, doesn't mean that they will accept me for being gay. She thinks that it won't affect my reputation, but she doesn't realize the kind of heartless society we live in. Right now, I'm the head cheerleader, and everybody respects me. I can't give that up, and fall down to the bottom of the social ladder, which would definitely happen if I would come out.

Brittany never tried to hide the fact that she also likes girls, and surprisingly nobody has ever bullied her for it. Honestly, I think that they don't bully her because she is way too innocent, cute and kind to get bullied. Other than me, I'm just a bitch; it's who I am and what I need to be if I want to maintain my badass reputation. I have said some rather ruthless things to people who didn't deserve it, and I did some horrible things which I partly regret. So if everybody would know that I'm gay, then I'm almost sure that they will use it against me and use it like some kind of sick revenge for the things that I did to them. Or worse, against Brittany since she's my girlfriend. Maybe they would hurt or bully her, to hurt me and I cannot let that happen. I love her too much to let anything bad happen to her.

I already told her that I want to keep our relationship a secret until high school is over. At first, I thought that she was down with that, but these last few weeks she has been giving me this weird vibe. It's like she is always trying to give me some signs that I need to come out as soon as possible. Now I am starting to think that this is becoming a problem in our relationship, like she is slipping away because of it. I don't know what to do, because I really don't want to lose her, I can't let go of her. But I'm also not ready to come out yet, she should understand that.

"Hey San, what are you thinking about? You have been sitting here, in my room for about half an hour, staring at your book without turning the page. So what's on your mind?"

"You"

"That's just cheesy San," she giggles.

"I'm only corny when I'm with you, Britt-Britt," I reply with a wink. Before I can even point at my lips, Brittany already has pushed her lips on mine. And just like every time I kiss her, I feel like I'm home again.

Brittany POV

So here I am in my bedroom, lying next to a beautiful and fully naked Santana who has her arms wrapped securely around my waist. You have got no idea, how much I love the cuddling after our 'sexy times'. It's like the best feeling in the world, just the two of us and nobody else. I wish we could stay this way forever, but unfortunately, we also need to face the rest of the world at some point.

When I look to my right, I don't see the mean cheerleader that everybody thinks she is. But I see the girl behind the mask that she hides behind every single day. She's so beautiful, inside and out, and I would give the world to make her realize that. I just want her to love herself like I love her; it's all I could ever wish for. Because when she will truly accept and love who she is, then she can start admitting to everybody that she's gay. Besides, those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind.

I can feel her starting to stir in my arms. So I gently press my lips against her cheek, which makes her eyes flutter open. Now that she has woken up, I whisper in her ear, "How did you sleep, babe?"

"I slept a baby, you really tired me out Britt-Britt," she murmurs.

I wink, "Well I learned from the best."

San gently cups my face and leans in to kiss me on the lips, but right before the kiss she says, "True that."

I kiss her back with the same amount of passion while grabbing the back of her neck to pull her closer. When we both pull back, I decide to try and bring up the subject of coming out since she's in a good mood right now. So I say, "San, have you told your parents yet?"

"Told them what, Britt-Britt?"

I bite my lip before I respond; because I know that this could turn into a big discussion very fast if I don't put it the right way. So, I sigh softly, "About us, do they know that we are a together?"

"No," she utters.

"Is no all you are going to say?" I ask. Come on, she could at least have said something like 'not yet', because she will have to tell them soon. I understand that she doesn't want to tell everybody in Lima or the whole world, but she needs to admit to her parents that we are in love.

"What do you want me to say Brittany?! You know that I'm not ready. At least not yet," Santana says while raising her voice a little. Yelling is something she has been doing a lot lately and I'm kind of sick and tired of it. Why can't she have a normal discussion about this with me? We have to come out of the flannel closet at some point, right? I mean, I'm her girlfriend, she's supposed to talk to me about this. I want to be out soon, and I just want to know if she wants the same, because I can't wait forever.

I snap, "When are you going to be ready, Santana?! Because I don't know how long I want to stay your dirty little secret. Do you even realize how hard it is for me to watch you making out with random guys when you're at a party, just so you can keep your reputation and hide your secret and hide us?! I know that Puck is like a brother to you, and that you don't feel anything for him in that way. But that doesn't make it any easier for me to see him kiss you in public, just because you want to make sure that nobody would suspect that we're together. And it's so damn hard because it's me, I'm the one who should be kissing you whenever and wherever I want, not just when we're all alone."

I look her straight in the eye, and even though I expect her to be mad because I have just confronted her with the truth, she looks rather hurt than angry.

San pleads, "What are you saying, Brittany? Are you breaking up with me? Please don't because you know I love you. I love you more than you'll ever know."

I reassure her, "Of course not, I love you too damn much to let you go. But just know that I can't continue this very much longer. You shouldn't hide who you are Santana, and I don't want to continue being your little secret. I want people to know that we're in love; I want them to know that you're mine. I can't keep on sharing you, just because you're afraid of the reactions and consequences if you would come out. So I'm not breaking up with you Santana, but I need you to come out soon because sometimes love just isn't enough. And I don't want to hide anymore, we have been hiding for over a year and I can't take it anymore. So, you need to start thinking about telling everybody, or at least everybody we love and care about. Because I don't know how much longer I can be with you, if you continue to hide yourself. And the hiding makes me feel like I'm not good enough for you and that you are ashamed of being with me."

I have finally finished my little monologue in which I have poured all of my feelings that I have been bottling up for a long time, and tears are streaming down my face. I'm crying a tiny waterfall and I can't do anything to fight my tears. Hiding our love is hurting me a little bit more each day, and I'm pretty sure that it's going to leave a scar on my heart.

Santana states, "I'm not ashamed of you, don't you ever think that. Okay?" In the meanwhile she is using her thumb to wipe away my tears.

I place my hand on top of hers and I reply, "Okay, and you know that I love you too. But seriously, you need to start thinking about telling your parents and our friends."

Santana starts to gather all of her clothes, and with a small goodbye she leaves my house. As I expected it turned yet into another big discussion very rapidly. I know that she's scared, even more than she would ever admit, but she will feel so much better if she let the people who she loves learn to know who she truly is. It's a big step, but I have been patient for over a year and I have got a feeling that somebody just needs to give her a small push in the right direction. So, if I genuinely love Santana, it should be me who helps her to come out. All I know is that after a year of hiding our relationship, I finally want to be out and proud with my girlfriend. I can't wait forever, because that would literally destroy me from the inside out. I never thought it could hurt so much to love someone.

A/N: Hi guys, so I know that this isn't the first time that I posted this story. But this time I promise you that I'll finish it. Moreover I've rewritten and added some chapters. Hope you like it. Review please.

Also the reason that I reposted this story is because I've figured out that writing is an escape for me. In the past I had no idea that I depended on writing this much. I tried to stop and focus on school, unfortunately that didn't really work out. So far school has been kicking my ass, which is why I've started writing again. I need it to keep me sane. In case you're wondering, I'm in my first year of college and my major is economics.